Whiteheartbit:
Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

Whiteheartbit:
The first 2 year of our marriage was all good, she was sexually active and hot.
But the kissing part was still an issues.

I was not really available as I supposed to be in the second 2years due to the nature of my work, I was not meeting up at all sexually and emotionally.

Things got better I was transferred, I'm now in charge, which give me a lot of time to spend with the family.

As for the lesbian part I don't think so.

Whiteheartbit:
Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

Benee1000:


Sadly, A lot of men are on this table.

Please you can try to edit your post to include the link to that thread.

Thanks

czarr:
Yes there is a lot about women you don't know so listen attentively.

You mentioned you've never cheated on her and she knows it, you see that is part of the problem, a woman cannot give her best when she is assured of your commitment and faithfulness.

If a woman knows for certain you won't cheat on her or leave her she'll be bored.

UNCERTAINTY about your faithfulness is what pushes a woman to give her best in the bedroom and home. It's why men who are known by their wives to have the need,ability and capacity to cheat have the best behaved women.

Create an air of uncertainty, create competition anxiety in her, you don't have to cheat, she just has to feel like her place is being threatened.

Have your guy friend call you in the night hours save his number with a female name and don't pick, if she questions you about the call, say it's a married woman from your office that is disturbing you let that your guy send love messages to your phone.

buy presents like wrist watch or perfume and have it delivered to your address it should be tagged from your secret admirer....I know it sounds cheesy but building attraction and stimulating competition anxiety is a game, play it or remain depressed, don't over do it though.

Women want what other women want, if you wife sees that you are wanted by different women out there, she'll step up her game, but remember while doing all these don't ask for sex, and if she makes moves decline...and watch how the power would shift back to your hands.

Relationships are not about love but about power and leverage, she has the power over you because she knows you are a good guy, a stand up guy, so she uses sex as a weapon to get you to do her bidding and let things go her way because you are worried she would deprive you of sex.

Another thing is that you may not be her type, and she settled for you cos you are a safe option and her type would not commit to her.

that is why you should know your woman's type, the type of guys she gave her body to in her past....if you don't match the description of those guys, then understand that she is settling for you and you don't turn her on.

Whiteheartbit:
Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

ernie1234:
Bro that is exactly my wife you just described. We have been married for 10 years. I had serious issues with her and battled with issues of kissing which she doesn't like, pre-intimacy for where, she only likes direct.
We are both believers so I had to endure it overtime and as we speak now bro, I had to find a way to leave with it bro. I now enjoy her just the way it is and had to enjoy our sex life with 2 kids. My brother It's not easy oh but I had to discipline myself that I die with my wife no matter what.

I fear God so I don't want to engage in adultery or any kind of nonsense with other Jezebel ladies. My advise get used to it. Give her time she will adjust.

Whiteheartbit:
Hello naira landers.
I really need your advice on what to do about this.
Sex with my wife has become so so boring that after it i most often time regret leaving whatever I was supposed to do for it. I mean the feeling of it was not worth it at all
I've tried all I know, I've read books and bought some for her to help out for our sexual life, yet the improvement is short leaved.

We've been married for Six years with two kids. Yet from the day we got married I can count how many times I've kissed my wife during or not during sex.
I've called her attention to it, if I managed to kiss her I must have begged my way through.
Like a secondary school chap.
------ I enjoy kissing -------- which she knows, she'll promise making a change yet no Change.

Okay, I've come to understand with her that maybe kissing is not her thing as it is for some women. Fine I don't go to that area any more.

All of a sudden, she's not interested in fore play of any kind, which I love to engage in no matter how badly I want to get in because I want the satisfaction to be mutual, but She just want me straight in.
Many times I'm filled with wondering thoughts while making up with her.
Peradventure she agrees to a pre-intimacy after much bagging and persuasion, it's not more than 5mins with restrictions to some parts. GGGGGGGGGGod!
I'll just be like what is this.

I've called her on serveral occasions if something was wrong, if she was going through any emotional stress or something I could help out with or change, response always negative.

Yet no improvement.

I don't know who to talk to, because I'm a very private person and respects privacy.

I'm doing my best to make her and the kids happy, to the best of my ability as God is helping me.
I'm a very charming and romantic dude, the best I know about myself in that area, which she has also told me.
I've never cheated on her, not once and I don't intend to and she knows.

I had to come up here to seek for help because it's getting out of hand.

To the point that I seek her consent if we can make out for the night ( it's not the top priority in our lives though, but it's necessary) she sometimes come up with an excuse which I'll understand or she agrees but ends up disappointing ( i.e sleeps off or not in the mood) and I get pissed off, because I'm left ganging and she doesn't care. My God!
For about a month it's been dry sex and it's making me feel as if I'm violating her, forcing her against her will.
The very last time it was as if I was making out with a dead body, no sound, no moves, no connection. Mahn o Mahnnnn

I'm at the verge of taking the selibacy way, because that was my vow before I married her.
This sex thing is distracting me.

I need advice, is there something about women I don't known because I've read and researched about women.

Ekejoestar:
It could be as a result of FGM.

Though she may have been Genitally Mutilated and that could be a great factor to determine how she will enjoy sex but aside from it, it's either she has never enjoyed sex with you and you are not hitting her right, giver her head or buy intimacy gadgets like vibrator so as to spice things up in the bedroom

I hope you guys have a deep emotional connection and did you guys dated before marriage and was sex involved in the dating phase?

My GF sent me this message as a testament of how good I ram her.

opeyy:
I am sure you will use wisdom to decipher a proactive way forward from all the responses. It is easy to have opinions but as they say, 'walk a mile in my shoes before you judge me'

I can completely relate, and without knowing exactly what is going through your wife's head, it is more probable that she is not sexually attracted to you. You should therefore make yourself attractive to her so that you can both enjoy eachother. Start by paying attention to yourself and listen to her, is she telling you things you're doing that she does not like? not necessarily sexual, it can be as simple as snoring that puts someone off, do you have good hygiene - she may not want to hurt you by telling you this so look inwards too. Never forget that it always takes two.

Going out to cheat is never the answer if you love your wife because it can have the opposite effect and will never be worth it in the end. Also making her feel you're desired by other women will not work, in fact, she will probably feel relieved and be more distant. You need to discover the underlying reason why she does not find you attractive and work on this, this is the only way to improve your love life.

You have to connect with her emotionally in order to re-ignite the spark. Most importantly, discover her love language and build on this. I hope you both make it work xx

Chinny024:

No be Satan advice be this?...
Don't put asunder.
Make him....OP Manage your wife after all some women are managing their husband... 1+1=1

Benee1000:


A very good and important question.

I have a write up that explains why, which I made as a post on another thread.

Maybe I'll post it as a new thread to engage a wider audience.

czarr:
Yes there is a lot about women you don't know so listen attentively.

You mentioned you've never cheated on her and she knows it, you see that is part of the problem, a woman cannot give her best when she is assured of your commitment and faithfulness.

If a woman knows for certain you won't cheat on her or leave her she'll be bored.

UNCERTAINTY about your faithfulness is what pushes a woman to give her best in the bedroom and home. It's why men who are known by their wives to have the need,ability and capacity to cheat have the best behaved women.

Create an air of uncertainty, create competition anxiety in her, you don't have to cheat, she just has to feel like her place is being threatened.

Have your guy friend call you in the night hours save his number with a female name and don't pick, if she questions you about the call, say it's a married woman from your office that is disturbing you let that your guy send love messages to your phone.

buy presents like wrist watch or perfume and have it delivered to your address it should be tagged from your secret admirer....I know it sounds cheesy but building attraction and stimulating competition anxiety is a game, play it or remain depressed, don't over do it though.

Women want what other women want, if you wife sees that you are wanted by different women out there, she'll step up her game, but remember while doing all these don't ask for sex, and if she makes moves decline...and watch how the power would shift back to your hands.

Relationships are not about love but about power and leverage, she has the power over you because she knows you are a good guy, a stand up guy, so she uses sex as a weapon to get you to do her bidding and let things go her way because you are worried she would deprive you of sex.

Another thing is that you may not be her type, and she settled for you cos you are a safe option and her type would not commit to her.

that is why you should know your woman's type, the type of guys she gave her body to in her past....if you don't match the description of those guys, then understand that she is settling for you and you don't turn her on.

Kollins11:
The day I will beg a woman for sex.. My Ancestors will come out from their graves, surround me and flog me with a naked copper wire.

What are men turning into? Don't you know you're reducing your self worth by begging and persuading your wife for sex... Op, As it stands now, if you force your wife for sex, she would tag you a rapist. The World will condemn you without knowing what has being happening in your boring marriage.. Please stop Simping in marriage.

If your wife no wan give you good sex... Go out and get one beautiful lady with fresh, soft and tight kpekus who would fvck the living demon out of your destiny.. Infact she would moan so loud that Jesus will come knocking at your door saying "My son please take it easy with her.. Don't kill someone only daughter"

There are many girls out there who would give it to you exactly how you want it. Shey na missionary style, wheelbarrow style, doggystyle, aeroplane style, stand-lifting style, snake in the monkey shadow style,.. Just name it.

Don't beg that woman for sex again and if she's caught cheating on you.. Please don't hesitate to kick her out of your house

Kollins11:
You're talking rubbish... It's your advice that's satanic here. So you want @op to manage his wife? He should keep on begging his wife for his marital right? You're not serious.

Don't you know His wife is dragging his title as a Man of the House in the mud?? As it stands now, if @op force his wife for sex, she would tag @op a rapist.. I very such that's what @op is trying to avoid.

@czarr was making sense in his comment until he said @op should play the mind game.. Which kind yeye cheesy mind game? Ogaaaaa, I go play real game. Infact I will invite my sidechick over and fvck her aggressively in my wife presence.

You don't expect me to be begging her for sex everyday of my marriage. "O wrong na"

WatchYourSix:


This is exactly what Benee1000 was sayimg on his thread ....very sweet sermon all men should read

ravensckar:
I don't know you, but whoever you are, may the Almighty God bless you for speaking such unadulterated truth.

A woman who feels extremely secured in her relationship will become boring. Like who is she trying to please? My wife once tried this nonsense with me. After the birth of our first child, she just shut down network all in the name of hormonal changes & post-natal whatever. Me wey no get chill, I just smiled and told her I get it. By the time she started picking condoms in my back pockets, seeing me receive different female calls and perceiving different female scents on my body. She back tracked and became as loving & romantic as she used to be. And one bad thing about me is that; me I no dey pretend how e dey do me. She knows if I'm not getting it from her, I'm definitely getting it somewhere.

Las las, she came back to her senses and started giving it to me left right & centre. After the birth of our second child, I think sey that hormonal thing go happen again make I ready my machine gun but alas, na whyning. Exactly 21 days after the birth of the baby, we don resume our ta ta ta ta again. This time around, the thing come sweet pass when we just marry self. As I dey type so, na she go let me go work today. She nearly finished me for bed.


PS- Nigerian men should stop all these show of cowardice in the name of forming 'woke'. Wife wey you put for house dey deny you se.x and you're here lamenting like a 7 year old? Wetin self?

EmzyT:



Drop link na baba

nans24:


You have said it all Comrade Odinson.

I couldn't help but cringe when I read the part were he said but She just want me straight in
The poor woman finds him very irritating and i don't blame her at all. In fact I feel for her. After collecting dick in all manner of shapes and size she settled with this irritating romantic SIMPle dude.

When you tell these young men to stop being simps they will take sides with all these nairaland feminist and be forming white knight, Prince Charming.



Please dont divorce her and dont complain. Keep being prince charming, keep being a romantic dude.

Whiteheartbit:


Relationship and dating was good, I read and research alot, I prepared before venturing into marriage with her, we dated for 1yr 8months.

There were boundaries of no sex dating.
But we were emotionally attracted to each other and romantic.

We were not living together.
But we saw almost everyday after work and we spent good times together.

She came visiting the house maybe 4 - 5times throughout the dating period.

Whiteheartbit:


@opeyy thanks your contribution make sense, I'm also seeing things in a different perspective now - educating.

@opeyy I've asked her questions on things I'm not doing right and shown her my willingness to improve and make it right and be a better man for her and father to the home yet she says I'm doing things right.
But you comment just stroke a cord as I read through, if she manages to say anything she'll say 'i don't send her text messages the way I used to'.
As for hygiene I keep myself very neat, I also try to help her to be neat the way I want her to be.
My problem with her is she doesn't speak, and I creat room for that always because I want everyone to be free in the home.

Her love language is attention, but have been in a situation where you give the required attention as needed but the person doesn't respond as required rather as transfers the attention to the children.

Okay some days ago she said it's been awhile we saw a movie together, I obliged to do so with her she downloaded the movie of her choice we freshened up go set to be see the movie 10minutes into the movie she slept off. I just smiled and continued enjoying my movie, till today she has not said anything about it.

I'm so sensitive to her that any negative comments she points about my attitude towards her which I see may affect our relationship I quickly start working on it and adjust.

I bound myself to a rule that once I'm at home I'll not stay over the phone for more than 30mins so I could give everyone attention both in the day and night but guess what countless times we may be gisting and playing and laughing suddenly the next thing I notice is that she has slept off

I'll take your advice to work more on myself, hygiene and others.

Thebadpolitican:


No sex before marriage maybe she had a sexual problem she wasn't able to disclose to you and marriage was her best option to escape telling her partner

My girlfriend currently doesn't like kissing and I am a type of guy that love kissing so much anytime I reach out for it, na war[b] I always have to beg her before she would allow me to do it, and sometimes she would make me beg till I even get angry[/b], when she sees am angry then she keys into it , but most often time's I use tricks and play to get her to kiss me she is adopting gradually and [b]sometimes I win a trophy kiss from her, if I did something she likes [/b]she just hate kissing because she finds it disgusting, but then I don't just relent I put the kissing when we are sex chatting always reminding her how much I will kiss her lips...she wasn't into sex as I was I spoilt her on that too,
Sometimes na she dey request for am, she calls me ashawo man and I call her ashawo woman wen she request for it

So don't be a boring husband relationship is not easy and not perfect, try reintroducing her into your sex life ..make her free with you on sex ,spoil her with porns and sexual talks to get her in your sex circle, corrupt her like a pedophile is corrupting a child, buy her sexual oinament if her vjay is dry...make sex fun for her....

Even if she doesn't like you she should Bleep you because she is horney, not because she finds you attractive so make it fun for her expose her to sex...

angelfallz:
How come marriage sex gets boring, but bf and gf sex that last 4 years+ don't get boring?