Excuzeme:



Wonderful!

Is he still alive to enjoy from what he planted or like most good fathers, they died too soon!

FutureIsFemale:
My father is my mother. She is a super human.
Happy Father's Day to All Mothers Playing The Role Of Fathers.

Prechgold1180:
Shoutout to all Mumsi who acted as popsi

My mum gave me life
All my life it’s been her
She singlehandedly took care of 5 children

Sorry it’s Father’s Day
But I can’t stop talking about momsi

Momsi did not go to sch but made sure I nva lacked academically

Mumsi went thru pains just to make sure things went well for me
Thanks for all the sacrifices

Expect more cars and gifts from me

Mumsi your son is now a made man

PrinceMajestic:
we were not really troublesome, at that time we've had enough of him. Someone who always steals and gets caught but pardoned only for him to steal the visitors phone just under 24hours of their coming? It was very annoying and embarrassing we just couldn't let that slide again. It was my dad who quenched the whole problem, we have the Spirits of Kings who ruled in our favour through my Dad for that idiot to stay alive because people said the guy was already dying off so my dad took quick action that night alongside his very trusted chief, but I can't really disclose in details how the Idiot was saved from dying and yes nothing really would have happened except that we would have been flown out immediately if he died and there were people on ground who would stand for us to win the case if it happened that he died but thank God Dad didn't allow it reach that extent.

kenedyx:


Let me help you with the bolded since you can't open your eyes and see.
Your father has been there for you all your life and all you can do is come here and say trash about him.

You want him to die for you before you rate him? Shame on you.

Prechgold1180:
Shoutout to all Mumsi who acted as popsi

My mum gave me life
All my life it’s been her
She singlehandedly took care of 5 children

Sorry it’s Father’s Day
But I can’t stop talking about momsi

Momsi did not go to sch but made sure I nva lacked academically

Mumsi went thru pains just to make sure things went well for me
Thanks for all the sacrifices

Expect more cars and gifts from me

Mumsi your son is now a made man

Onelove508:


I'm 31 bro.
I know when someone cares and make sacrifices.

He is relatively rice, own a few houses but me and my four siblings stayed in one room face-me-i-slap-you for two decades.

His priority are his concubines, old man can commit adultery in my presence- no shame no dignity.

I literarily grew up without a father figure; no protection, no provision, no guidance nothing nothing..

Abeg no allow tell stories way go spoil my mode dis night

kenedyx:


So sorry about your experience bro.
Remember the way you choose to look at things matter a lot. In my opinion you have a great dad. He may not be a great husband, but he's definitely a great dad.

It's confusing when you say he's relatively nice and then say he owns a couple of houses but still left you in the trenches with your siblings.

It begs a lot of questions, like, were your parents separated and what about your mum did she have a good relationship with your dad? Anyway, I hope you heal and become a better father to your own kids.

leobergy:

My dad is the worst thing that happened to me and my family,sometimes I just feel pity for him.
Dear men,pls if you don't love yourself,pls dont bring in kids into this world to torture them,I promise to be the best dad to my unborn kids,i will make sure that my kids dont experience what i have experienced in the hands of a man that i call dad.

kenedyx:


So sorry about your experience bro.
Remember the way you choose to look at things matter a lot. In my opinion you have a great dad. He may not be a great husband, but he's definitely a great dad.

It's confusing when you say he's relatively nice and then say he owns a couple of houses but still left you in the trenches with your siblings.

It begs a lot of questions, like, were your parents separated and what about your mum did she have a good relationship with your dad? Anyway, I hope you heal and become a better father to your own kids.

Excuzeme:



You just nailed it back there!
Most Children dont look at and recognise the effect of a cantankerous Mother, on a Father's relationship with their children.
We have a neighbor we grew up with, in our former place. When we were young, we all knew their dad was the best dad anyone could wish for, he will take us along, when he is taking his own children to the amusement Park or for swimming. infact, he was so nice you will think whether it was him who father us too.

But one day, he and his wife had a serious fight and since that day, there House suddenly changed.
First, the mother stopped us from coming to their House and also stopped them from coming to our house but the Man will still come and knock on our door and still carry us out.
Eventually, the loud argument s got louder and Police got involved. We later heard that they went to Court and separated but the Children were given to their Mother.

We moved out of that area, about five years later, l met one of them and he was speaking very bad and negative about his Dad.
I was shocked because this was the man that even loved me more than my own Dad who travels a lot.
So, l asked him where his Dad lives now and he said "I dont even know where he lives and Mum does not allow him to come to our house again".
I was so shocked that he saw it on my face and asked why l felt like defending him?
i just shook my head because l was short on words..... if only l did not know this Man for over five years, l would have believed his own Son.
When l went home from School, l told my own Parents what l heard and my Dad just looked at my Mum and smiled, without saying a word.
I later asked him about it again and he said, "When two Elephants fight, it is the Grass that suffers".

It is now that l am a father too, that l came to appreciate those Words and know that Marriage break-up is what mostly makes some Fathers appear uncaring, the Mother will do everything to brainwash the children against their Dad and make him appear uncaring, even actively prevent him from caring, so she can be justified.

Almost everyone who talks shyte about their Dad, came from a broken Home and lived with their mother! Why is that?
Does that not show that the Mother has a lot to do with it

Onelove508:


*Relatively RICH.

Amen o!
I'll be a great Dad.

kenedyx:


If I will give you a word of advice. Get close to your dad, now that he's still around. Doesn't stop you from being close to your mum as well.

Nobody is a 100 percent, not even your mum. So learn what you can from your dad and know the ones to discard.

Excuzeme:



You just nailed it back there!
Most Children dont look at and recognise the effect of a cantankerous Mother, on a Father's relationship with their children.
We have a neighbor we grew up with, in our former place. When we were young, we all knew their dad was the best dad anyone could wish for, he will take us along, when he is taking his own children to the amusement Park or for swimming. infact, he was so nice you will think whether it was him who father us too.

But one day, he and his wife had a serious fight and since that day, there House suddenly changed.
First, the mother stopped us from coming to their House and also stopped them from coming to our house but the Man will still come and knock on our door and still carry us out.
Eventually, the loud argument s got louder and Police got involved. We later heard that they went to Court and separated but the Children were given to their Mother.

We moved out of that area, about five years later, l met one of them and he was speaking very bad and negative about his Dad.
I was shocked because this was the man that even loved me more than my own Dad who travels a lot.
So, l asked him where his Dad lives now and he said "I dont even know where he lives and Mum does not allow him to come to our house again".
I was so shocked that he saw it on my face and asked why l felt like defending him?
i just shook my head because l was short on words..... if only l did not know this Man for over five years, l would have believed his own Son.
When l went home from School, l told my own Parents what l heard and my Dad just looked at my Mum and smiled, without saying a word.
I later asked him about it again and he said, "When two Elephants fight, it is the Grass that suffers".

It is now that l am a father too, that l came to appreciate those Words and know that Marriage break-up is what mostly makes some Fathers appear uncaring, the Mother will do everything to brainwash the children against their Dad and make him appear uncaring, even actively prevent him from caring, so she can be justified.

Almost everyone who talks shyte about their Dad, came from a broken Home and lived with their mother! Why is that?
Does that not show that the Mother has a lot to do with it

Onelove508:



But it isn't that easy o. Old man is always repulsive for no reason. Trying to get close to him is like trying to woo a girl who doesn't like. He forms too much.

Mother is giving same advice you just gave. Two of my siblings are already trying to get close to him but it's hard for me, I'm like him to an extent.

I'll try. Thanks bro.

kenedyx:


You're welcome brother. Btw, here are few things you could do;

Show him a real desire to have him as your mentor. He's relatively rich like you said, so you have nothing to lose.

I understand he's toxic from what you've written up there. From experience such people are actually very soft inside. So flatter him like you would a girl, boost his ego and let him take the lead, he's your father after all. But keep focus on your goal!

Believe me it's cold out there. No one is willing to help. So hold on to your family while you still have them.
I wish you the best.

Onelove508:


U just stay from afar and pass judgement abi!

U think we children don't have brains to know who is who at our age abi?

They aren't separated but aren't happily married either. They are 1hour 30mins drive from each other. But old man won't visit for years except he has a contact or business that beings him to uur town. HE HAS NEVER ON PURPOSE COME TO VISIT HIS FAMILY. That's our mother's doing abi.

Onelove508:

He is a landlord with at least four house but we and mama stay in a one room ghetto apartment. That's our mother's doing abi?

Onelove508:

We struggled to feed and cloth but old man is/was a very ok man flexing with his concubines just 1hour 30mins drive away. That's Mama's fault abi.
Mother didn't brainwash or do anything, (we grew up to see, hear and understand everything ourselves) on the contrary she always advice is to forgive and get close to him.

I am the only one among my friends during childhood that my friends don't know the father. I grew up fatherless. I doubt if he knows the name of the primary secondary school I attended. He doesn't even know the course I studied in uni. It's Mama's fault abi

I envy you cos u can't understand and u can't understand becos you have a father indeed and not just a sperm donor.

Excuzeme:
What gladdens my heart the most, is that you said "I will pay him a Visit in the coming Months", it means there is room to rebuild the relationship.

But l dont want to sound as if l am judging you, though l have to be candid at the same time.

My earlier Post was a sort of "general observation" of such situations, not necessarily yours.

I will try to limit myself to just what you wrote below and draw inferences from it.
If you have time, read it and take what is useful to you from it.




- If they willfully "live apart", they are "separated" but maybe what you mean is that they are not divorced?
- Living 1:30mins drive apart is averagely a distance of between 60Km - 90Km (Ibadan to Lagos Toll gate is just One Hour Drive!), so they actually live far apart but that is not an excuse to not visit one's children.

You did not mention anything about the relationship between your Parents, is he welcomed inside, where your Mum lives or if he visits his children, ( like some Women do), he is abused or given a hard time?
I have seen Women tear the Dress worn by their estranged Husband, when he came to see the children, l have seen Women arrange Police for their estranged husband, on trumped-up charges, when he came to visit his children, l have seen Men docked (jailed for assault), simply because the Wife instigated a scuffle (slapped the Man and he returned the Slap) because it happened at her own Home!
A wise Man will avoid such "explosive contact" with an estranged spouse and the fact that you say he lives with another Woman (probably re-married or in a relationship with another woman and probably has another family over there), is a pointer that your Mum wont be on friendly basis with him.
I worked in a place where l am privileged to be exposed to the inner workings of "Estranged Husband and Wife" scenario and nothing surprises me anymore.




As your Dad, it will be nice that he puts you up, in one of those Houses but l suspect that the breakup with your Mum was very bitter and remains very toxic and bitter.
l suspect a lot of bad things happened, which you might still be too young to understand, when it happened but the only thing you hang unto, is what your Mum told you.
There are two sides to a story. You are better served, if you keep an open mind and respectfully "ask questions" from your Dad, l am sure he will open up to you.

Dont forget these two were formerly "lovers", before they became Husband and Wife and then gave birth to you!
Something(s) must have happened that soured the love between them so much, that they dont want to see each other again.
If he was as bad as you paint him (obviously, Women are adept at gradually "forming the mindset" of their children, without them being aware), your Mum wont have fallen in-love with him or decided to marry him! It takes two, to tango.
I heard it said that "Your Husband is what you make out of him, after marriage".

I put it to you that your Dad is grieving inside, seeing you struggle in your Mum's place but he has to make a choice between bringing you in (and therefor, your Mum and the consequences that may follow) ..... and letting you stay where you are!

Ask yourself: Will your Mum have allowed you to go and live with him or in any of his Houses, without her in tow? I bet she wont.
So, your "struggles" has to do with your Mum's decision, Women use the children as "a Tool" to achieve their Objectives, when their relationship goes bad with their husband.
If your Mum takes you to your Dad's door and says: "These are your Children, House them inside where you live".
Will your Dad throw you out on the Street and lock the door? I bet not.
His his anger is not towards you, it is towards your Mum, for reasons best known to both of them but your Mum (like most Women in her situation will do) has created a situation of "You either do my bidding or you wont be able to help or relate with your children and they will therefore fall-out with you"! (I am just trying to paint a likely scenario here, not that l heard her saying so. )



You see, l can understand you PERFECTLY, l feel your pain, deeper than you can imagine or understand and l know that one day in the Future, you will remember this Post!
I am a Father (My own father has died a long time ago) of Adult Children and l speak from" deep Experience", not the kind you will acquire at ages under thirty or if not married for awhile. But l blend and work with the younger generation a lot.

- Children are most impressionable by the person that raised them, especially the Mother that carried their pregnancy and breast-fed them.
- Your Mum and Dad have fallen out and their relationship is toxic.
- Your Dad has another Woman and like it is said, "Heaven has No Fury like a Woman Scorned"!
Forget that story that she is encouraging you to be nice to him, it is a ploy women use: Saying one thing outwardly but inwardly, surreptitiously doing the opposite.
The hatred most women develop for their ex-husband (estranged and separated spouse who has another wife or Concubine as you call her! , is out of this world.

- The fact that you refer to the Woman currently living with your Dad (And l guess they have children as well), as "a Concubine", shows how much influence your Mum has 'brainwashed' you!
The Law recognizes that Woman as his "Partner", with rights of a wife, though not legally married, because they live together as "Husband and Wife".
The law also recognize that when Spouses have been "willfully living apart" for so long, they are De Facto Separated.
The word "Concubine" does not come out of the mouth of Children except injected into their psyche, by their Mother! That is how she wants you to see the other Woman.

- I am almost certain you have seen/watched your Parents have "Physical fight" before (I dont know you but experience tells me so).
Your Dad has decided to completely avoid your Mum (not you, his children), so as to avoid the fights and embarrassment he gets from her (that is normal when couples separate bitterly).
I have seen some who even wished and worked towards the early death of the other half. We hear stories of spouse who kill the other spouse, so it is nothing new and as a result of that, since your Mum is "holding firmly to you the children", your Dad is not in a position to see you as he would have loved to.

- Women in her position conclude and see 'ensuring that the Man cannot have a relationship with his Children', as a Punishment for the Man.
Slowly but surreptitiously, they make the children feel that their father does not want them and does not care about them, while preventing him from seeing them, with their actions.
They would tell the children some of the things you posted above but what the children wont know (at least not until they get married and start "knowing the cunning of an estranged wife), is that she is actually executing "a plan".

- Some Women wont even allow the Father to provide "directly" for the Children, except through them (something the father will also not agree to, if he has a choice)
They wont allow the Man to bring gifts to his children, they will ensure he knows nothing about their educational development, some even hide the schools the children attend and then they turn around to say "he does not want to provide for the children"!!

Some will even instigate the Children to be abusing their Father! The way you write about your father makes me wonder if you have not fallen into that category! Have you insulted him before? To his face, in writing or behind him but he became aware? Reflect for a minute.

But you are becoming a Man now and you have to "Think and Act" like a Man. It does not stop you from loving your Mum, as much as you wish

Like the Poster above said, you will need to try and disabuse your mind and form a relationship with your Dad.
How easy that will be, is a function of how far you have been drawn by your Mother, into antagonizing your father in the past.

But whatever be the case, your Father is your Father and l am sure he will understand that you were misled (if you had misbehaved to him on the basis of the brainwashing from your Mum) and would be ready to forgive you.
Saying "it will be hard" to relate with your Dad, (forgive me), may also infer that you have a sort of "pride/arrogance" at heart or you feel he does not deserve it!?
Whichever is the case, l think you need to change that mindset, your Father deserves his respect, if you want things to work out between the two of you.

It is not about the Money you will get from him (you may need or dont need that NOW but who knows, you can become a Billionaire tomorrow) or what he will get from you, it is about being at Peace with yourself and availing of the "mentorship of a Father", just as you did, of a Mother.

When you eventually meet him, please be humble "as a Son will be, to a Father", dont carry "what l have been told or seen attitude" to meet him, it will end in disaster if you do.

Dont be rude or aggressive towards his 'wife' (in your effort to defend your Mum or what your Mum has instilled into you over the years), she did not offend you and is not your enemy!
- Just be nice and neutral towards her, so you can see who, she truly is.
- Dont call her "a Concubine" in the presence of your father or to her face, that will be very disrespectful and your Dad wont allow it. You can refer to her, using their child's name, if you cant call her his wife (your Mum wont like that )

- Be honest, blunt and direct on how you feel and why you feel so, when you discuss with your father.
Let him explain himself, as to why he has not been coming to visit you or play his fatherly duties to you.
It is important you allow him time to talk, as he would have a lot on his mind.
You may not get all the answers in this first visit but you will, as time goes on, if you are straightforward with him.

- Finally, dont go there to meet him, as "an avenging Angel of your Mum" (which is what most women will want).
You are going there to mend fences with your own Dad and build the relationship that was missing.
Be HONEST and PLAIN about it, if he senses "danger or that you are acting on behalf of your Mum", it would closeup on further meetings.

If you do it right, you might even be the one to smoothen the relationship between him and your Mum, as long as you dont try to displace his current wife or talk her down.
You can be sure, like any Man, he will defend his current relationship, which gives him peace and Security, to the last.

Remember, just as he has not been there for you as a Father, You also has not been there for him as a Son (or when last did you wash his Clothes, shine his shoes, wash his Car or greet him Good Morning, Dad"?), through No fault of yours or your siblings so, it is important to meet him with a "clean mind", as much as possible.
"When Two Elephants Fight, it is the Gras that Suffer".

Please, forgive me if l have said things that annoy you, things you feel are not true, things you feel cannot be true, things that negate all you have been told or all you had perceived, while growing up, things that seems against your Mum's position, l am only saying things from "general experience" and l have to be as honest and blunt, as possible.

I wish you well, going forward and l wish you will experience what some of the people who are attesting to "the love of a father", have/are experiencing.
The Love of his Child, never leaves a Father's Heart, he may just be unable to show it.
Cheer Up.

Onelove508:



Mhen! Thanks bro. No one has gone this far to advise me on this issue, you just wrote a textbook for someone u don't even know.. I appreciate your time and effort

I queue behind redpillers, thus I understand how women could be manipulative and toxic. I have even seen a lot too. But that's for most cases. Our family case I think is an exception.

I didn't know you would express such concern, I would have added a few more details:

I have never seen them arguing, fighting or quereling. No physical abuse, except emotional- we were all (Papa, Mama n children) at home (in the village) one day, one of Papa's concubines came in. Me and my younger brother could see him through the door hole, papa was on top the woman. HIS LEGIT WIFE WAS AT HOME. I was ten then. Naturally I should hate him for such disrespect without mama telling me anything. This is one in hundreds examples o.

I said 'cuncubineS' Old man has children from at least seven women (Although my mother is the only legit wife). I relate with some of them (step siblings) and even send them '2/3k every now and then. The complain is the same- "PAPA DON'T CARE/PROVIDES FOR ME AND MY MOTHER" these women will later leave him and proceed to marry another man,(some) leaving also their children for him to care for. It will shock u to know that some of these my step siblings didn't finish secondary school, except those once that left with their mother- meaning it's their mothers efforts. (but we have a father that isn't just educated but learned, exposed and we'll traveled) IS IT THE FAULT OF THEIR MOTHERS TOO..

When u leave a child for him to care for that child will definitely be uneducated. He naturally doesn't know how to care for, provide for, guide/protect his own children. Oldman can be supporting ur opponents instead of u in public even if u are right. It seems he hates u for no reason

All 7,8 women can't be saying same thing and be all wrong.

Normally, After separation, the most influential, financial bouyant parent is most likely to take custody of the children. But this isn't so for us o papa is more than 10x rich than mama. Mama is just one simple, primary school certificate holder who doesn't even know the road to a court.

From my first post on this thread, till now I have deliberately not mention any of the numerous sacrifices we saw our mother do so it doesn't look like I'm brainwash.

My case is the exception bro.

The only reason l (we) still consider getting close to him against the odds is that people say it's spiritual- that he himself doesn't know what he's doing. He is the most educated (as a young man then was) the most successful among his father's children and cousins- trust village people. As a young man he was a play boy. Perhaps, one of those girls he served breakfast replayed him with this. Or he is just naturally been wicked.

I'm 31 i know what's up.

Thanks for ur time Bro.

Excuzeme:


I really appreciate your getting back!
Yes, we are complete strangers to each other and it will shock you that my first Son is of marriage-age, as l type this.
I really feel for those who go through what you are going (went) through and will try, if there is anyway l can, to make the situation better for them.
Now, you have brought to light, a lot of things that l was hitherto, unaware.
I never knew you were that advanced in age.
I assumed your Dad just had another Wife/Concubine, apart from your Mum, l never knew he was "serial" in his skirt Vs. Pant activities.
Etc

And to think that he was learned and refused to send his children to School, is quite shocking?

But l want to align wit those who suggested his problem might be spiritual because it is way-way beyond the ordinary, the things you speak about!
He is just "lost" in what he is doing and l hope and pray he will meet a Savior, one of this days.
- If we assume that he knows not what he is doing, dont you think that he needs HELP?
- Do you not think that abandoning him will even send him deeper into "captivity"?
- Its like he just doesn't care or knows what he is doing or know it is bad, that kind of person deserves our sympathy and help (like a little child crawling towards fire or a mad person trying to catch a nap on a rail line), rather than condemnation?
- Who else can be in a position to help him (physically and spiritually), than his own blood? Outsiders will just be catching cruise and making fun of him (There is a Proverb that says : the Mad Man is interesting and amusing to watch in the market square but undesirable to have as one's child!)
- It appears that he doe snot hate his Children but his mind has been removed from his family! He may not even be "aware" of his Children, not to mention their needs!

But it bothers me, What do those Women see (Women Numbers 2 to 7/ in him, that they keep coming to him and having children for him?
Does he spend a lot on them, which is the only thing that attracts Women, no matter the situation of the Man?

You once said: "I am just like him". I want to ask: " As in How"?

At this stage, l can only advice that you do what is right in the sight of God.
There are blessings (and curses) attached to (not) taking care of one's Parent, whether they deserve it or not.
Try to always do what is RIGHT.
if you meet him, try to sound him out about his situation. You can respectfully just ask him if he thinks it is okay, that your Step-siblings (not even yourself) are not been looked after, sent to School as at when due, then hear his reaction.

That may give you a clue into his state of mind and how he views such situation and whether he is actually in a right frame of mind to be held responsible for his actions, concerning his Children.

My apologies, l assumed a few things earlier, because l did not know some of the things l now know.
I wish you the best, l know that people in your situation have a very string reason to want to be the best, and be there for their family, when they finally start raising a family.
But l must (put you on alert) warn you: Marriage nowadays is like a Lottery! Even when you throw your best Dice, you can never be sure what will turn up! You can trust what YOU will do but you never can predict what the other person will do.
How Women present themselves in Courtship, is not always the same, when they get married and have one or two children.

I tell my Sons, Love your Spouse (and take the best care of your kids) but dont expect anything in return (not even Loyalty!), so you wont be disappointed, it is the way of the modern Woman.
Do not predicate your Happiness, in your Spouse otherwise you will have a shock one day.
Pray and have a one-on-one relationship with your Creator, that is the only relationship you can count on.

My Warm regards to your Mum, may she live long to enjoy the effort she has put into you guys.
As much as it is possible, be at Peace with your Dad, there is a blessing attached to that, too.
Cheers and God bless.

Onelove508:


I'm only like him in keeping malice.

He gets them(women) with sweet-talk and his status, he'll only spend on them initially but as soon as u give birth everything begins to diminish...

THANKS A LOT SIR I DO APPRECIATE UR TIME AND WISE WORDS. I'll make moves for peace, two of my siblings are already doing so, will join them.