Maggi85:
I am a norwegian woman. I met my nigerian boyfriend 4 years ago. After being together for 2 years we decided to have a child. We didnt live together at that time. After giving birth to my girl he moved in with me. He finished his masters the same year. Then covid 19 came, and he losts his job as a restaurantworker. He had to get money from the state (NAV), and he managed to have money for food for himself. After a little while he decided to start delivering job. Then he had around 10 000 kr a month. Also worked the whole summer. He continued with this and then started norwegian classes. I got used to being the only one with income, and he only paid 3000 kr a month. That was going to help with half of kindergarden.

Time went by, and now since may he has worked every day. Delivery job and also some small engineering jobs. Every day he is away. Stille he only paid med 3000 a month. Last month I asked kindly if he could increase it to 5000 kr a month since i pay all the bills. He got angry and said he didnt had the money from work yet. Next month i tried again. He got angry again. But it didnt work on me this time. Because I knew that from may to july he has worked even 12 hours shifts as engineer. After almost kicking him out he finally paid me 5000 kr. At least he has 25 000 kr each month in income. 5000 of 25000 kr is very small. I use 35000 every month on our expances. Paying for the apartment and so on.

His answear was. "If im going to pay more, than I have to sign contract so that i also own the apartment". I told him that if he only has the opportunity to pay 5000 a month, it shows me that he cant afford to own anything here.

After living 2 years for free because of him not getting a job, corona and so on this is the way he thank me. In fact he should at least pay 10 000 a month. Electricity, kindergarden ,houserent (we have houserent when owning a house in norway), food and clothes for the child, household articles. Instead he only starts arguing about small money that i ask for.

My question is. Is this nigerian guy trying to use me?. Does he have these kinds of jobs on purpose so that i would be comfused about his income (running his own company, getting jobs here and there.. no consistancy). He also refuse to let me se his account. I asked him where the money is going. He didnt want to answear. Just that he bought some shoes. (They were cheap).

What is clear to me is that he doesnt want to use money on us, unless i beg or ask hundred times. After two days he finally gave them. So he had the money all the time, just didnt want to share it with me and my daughter.

His family in Nigeria have never been giving my daughter any gifts or money. My parents have done everything. And me.

He bought birthday gift for her, but not much more than that.

He goes to work everyday. Doesnt want to use more than 5000 out of 25000 of his money on us. Also never have time for us because of all the work. Yesterday he talked about that he want another child with me, and that money is never a problem. And that I should knew when i got pregnant with first baby that he was in that situation with no money.

I said to him: but i expcted you to get an engineering job, not waiting for years to get one. And also now you have a job. After that he was just starting yelling at me, that he wanted to talk to the udi, that he miss his mum and dad and sisters and brothers in nigeria. That he didnt believe it would be like this.

Its like he expect me to have more than one kid with him with no economically security, or security that he will help me out. I have been much alone with my girl. Every day he works, also in vacations when im off (Im working full time as a teacher) work, and in the weekends he spend both saturday and sundays in church. My daughter is welcome in the church, but not me. He doesnt want med there. And I dont know why. He is saying its because im not a christian. But before he wanted med there.

There is something going on behind my back. Thats for sure. He wants med to give him another child, but he doesnt want to contribute more even if he can. He never do familythings with us, im not welcome in his church.

2 weeks ago he said; maybe we should get married this year. I said to him but with what money?

I dont get him. Is he just testing me? Is marrying me a way to secure himself so he can stay in norway? is getting another child also the reason for getting more years in Norway? He can save a lot of money when he lives like he does now. Not paying much. If he lived alone in Norway renting an apartment, he would have to pay around 10 000 a month , and the child costedy around 4000. So 14 000 a month. Now he pays 3-5000 a month..

And also maybe he will not get to stay in norway according to rules.

What would you do? Show him the door?

Thank you for listening to my story

Mindlog:


Love fire! See boldness with which you are confidently lying!

Maggi85:


Okey so what you think is that he is sending money back home? And that he sees me spending money on clothes/eating outside/ and so on he doesnt think he has a reason to contribute. And use it instead on familiy in Nigeria (i doubt that since they have money). Or he save money for a future .. with another woman.

Nonam:


Why not?
The guy has been in Norway before they start dating.

Nonam:
Maggi85

If you take the blind advice this people you will regret it. He was alive before he met you. So Your leaving him will not affect his life.

He will move on and find someone more better.

Maggi85:


Okey so what you think is that he is sending money back home? And that he sees me spending money on clothes/eating outside/ and so on he doesnt think he has a reason to contribute. And use it instead on familiy in Nigeria (i doubt that since they have money). Or he save money for a future .. with another woman.

Ulunne777:
He's a wicked man and pls don't think thats how all Nigerian men are.
First,no more babies.
Secondly,visit that church with your daughter even without his consent to at least unsettle him.The church ppl must gossip and you will get some information from them.

They abound in romance section of this forum known as Red pill men.

Nonam:
Maggi85

If you take the blind advice this people you will regret it. He was alive before he met you. So Your leaving him will not affect his life.

He will move on and find someone more better.

Raalsalghul:



Of course some of the bad things been said about us is true, but I would expect some form of moderation when our people are talking about it as these foreigners even begin to see us that are talking in the same light.

A black American lady I went out with recently mentioned to me that she heard that Nigerian men are scammers, I quickly explained to her all about yahoo yahoo and how it works while also noting the fact that it is not all Nigerian that are into it.

I also kind of applied emotional intelligence, gave some distance and let her do the most of the initiating at least when they are talking about Nigerian yahoo men tomorrow, she can mention an exception that she has met before.

And this is how I operate: acting as an example rather than outright badmouthing of our people.

These foreigners have their own issues too, you know.

They too are not perfect but somehow we're in a competition to paint ourselves black and bad.

Maggi85:


Its good to hear different views. Thank you everyone for all the advices you give me. It helps a lot. I think you are the only one hear that has the view that he is not using me. All the others are hundred prosent sure he is using me. I am an intelligent woman, and i know whats going on. He earns money, but they go somewhere else than to us. Its not possible for me to find out unless i hire an investigator. Reason i dont leave him yet, is that im scared my daughter will loose him. Even though i didnt say it here, he is a playful and fun dad when he has a bit time for her. Its not often he has time, but its maybe in evenings he has time for her or when he is off work once in a while. Im afraid that he will be gone if i show him the door. And make familiy with someone else, never being with us again. I feel in a way that i have more control of the situation when he lives with us. But the talk about having another baby with him is not good, since he knows he doesnt contribute much in any ways. He talks about african classmates (Norwegian study class) that are always pregnant, and that Norwegian birth rate are so low, that his goal was never to only have one child.

I dont get him. First the talk about having more children. Then the talk that i should have known that he would not have a job when i got pregnant with the first baby. He was about to finish engineering masters at that time. Both of us said that he would of course get a good job, and he said he got good results. Now he refuse that he said anything about that. Of course when you start dating a guy that has much education in a field that has many Jobs in norway im optimistic about our future together. Then corona came. And then.. he got job this may. Only a job here and there, but its good money. Night shifts with extra payment and so on.

Since i like to buy clothes on sale, im often coming home with cheap clothes for me and my girl. He is always commenting «your mum is rich» to our daughter. Its like he says it on purpose so i will feel guilty asking him for money. He said last time i asked for the monthly payment : its only now i have money, but i havent earned much the last two years. So he is always finding excuses so i will not bothering him about asking. But this last time i got really angry. I said to him «where are the money going? You been working fulltime since may». He just tried to talk himself out of it, talking about the past bla bla. I was crying and shouting to him. After one day i got the money i asked for. So he had the money, just Wanted to make a big thing out of it first. But it shouldnt be like that. Im not suppose to fight to get money. He should give it freely and willingly. So my conclusion is also by now: he is using me. And i have to find a way to deal with the situation. Give him ultimatium, or just end it. In a way he doesnt deserve us.

Yes im 40 this year. He is 34. In norway its not like in Nigeria. A woman of 40 are still hot on the market here. People live as single in all ages, and few get married. Im not yet married, so i have good chance to find another man. Its not like «he is hot, but im not since im 40». It has a lot to say how well you take care of yourself. My man is young, but getting fatter. He doesnt exercise or taking good care of himself. I look at least 6 years younger than my age, and noone thinks i look like im 40 this year. Only problem is if you want more kids its good to get it before turning 43. So its good to make a decision soon. I still dont know what to do. I feel like i need proof that he is using me. What if he doesnt like you say, and i regret it later in life. The moment i show him out is the moment i will not see him much again. He is s very proud yoruba man. He will never come back if i break up with him. I guess i will see the truth if i push more. Tell him that either you give me 10 000 kr each month or you are out. If he works like now he has at least 30 000 each month. So 1/3 of income should be possible to give to his family in norway.

Another thing. I think there is something going on in his family in Nigeria too. His dad is a pastor. He congratulated me one time that my parents gave me away to his sone (engagement or marriage). I can see now that he has another account on Facebook that his parents are following, while his sisters and brothers has the normal account. He has hidden friendslist on Facebook. But i can se friends we have in common. Also they didnt make a big celebration for him on Facebook (showing pictures and saying nice things like all nigerians do) but they did for his brother, sister and everyone else. They didnt even congratulate him. Only his sister and brother did. I once hear him fight a lot with his mum. It was about money. But in yoruba. Understood parts of it. I felt like he was angry because they didnt send him money.

He visited Nigeria september last year. When he was there i never got snaps from the family, meals together with his family. It was very few pictures he shared. The church posted a lot, but nothing about that the pastor son came back to Nigeria after 4 years in norway. I feel like that is something the dad should been celebrating, that i would see hugs and so on. I dont know, there is something going on with his family but he doesnt say it.

His dad is a pastor of a big church! So many people. They always were beautiful clothes, always so much glam in the church. Dont you think this family have much money?
Why then have they not been giving my daughter anything since she was born? He came home from Nigeria with nothing to us. Only many clothes (he got it sewed there) for himself.

He talks about that we should go to Nigeria and that they wants to see her. In some way i dont believe it. I dont think he will do it in reality. Its just empty words. Maybe i should do it. Beg him to take us there. If he refuses he has to give me a good reason. Its plenty of reasons for me to not go with a 2 year old though, not the safest part of this planet. But maybe going to Nigeria would make it easy to make a decision about the future with or without him.

Nonam:
Maggi85

Your Nigeria man is not using you. The people here above are giving you bad advice.

Nigerians have this mentality that, when a black man is dating a white woman, he is using her for papers. Your Nigeria lover is not using you. He feels you are financially OK that is why he support you less. He loves you and wants to marry you because he sees no other woman in his life. He is not giving you that support because he still have to lay something back home. Every man needs to have a strong foundation.

Sit your man down and talk to him. Tell him your worries and how you feels. Communication is good.

Maggi85:
I am a norwegian woman. I met my nigerian boyfriend 4 years ago. After being together for 2 years we decided to have a child. We didnt live together at that time. After giving birth to my girl he moved in with me. He finished his masters the same year. Then covid 19 came, and he losts his job as a restaurantworker. He had to get money from the state (NAV), and he managed to have money for food for himself. After a little while he decided to start delivering job. Then he had around 10 000 kr a month. Also worked the whole summer. He continued with this and then started norwegian classes. I got used to being the only one with income, and he only paid 3000 kr a month. That was going to help with half of kindergarden.

Time went by, and now since may he has worked every day. Delivery job and also some small engineering jobs. Every day he is away. Stille he only paid med 3000 a month. Last month I asked kindly if he could increase it to 5000 kr a month since i pay all the bills. He got angry and said he didnt had the money from work yet. Next month i tried again. He got angry again. But it didnt work on me this time. Because I knew that from may to july he has worked even 12 hours shifts as engineer. After almost kicking him out he finally paid me 5000 kr. At least he has 25 000 kr each month in income. 5000 of 25000 kr is very small. I use 35000 every month on our expances. Paying for the apartment and so on.

His answear was. "If im going to pay more, than I have to sign contract so that i also own the apartment". I told him that if he only has the opportunity to pay 5000 a month, it shows me that he cant afford to own anything here.

After living 2 years for free because of him not getting a job, corona and so on this is the way he thank me. In fact he should at least pay 10 000 a month. Electricity, kindergarden ,houserent (we have houserent when owning a house in norway), food and clothes for the child, household articles. Instead he only starts arguing about small money that i ask for.

My question is. Is this nigerian guy trying to use me?. Does he have these kinds of jobs on purpose so that i would be comfused about his income (running his own company, getting jobs here and there.. no consistancy). He also refuse to let me se his account. I asked him where the money is going. He didnt want to answear. Just that he bought some shoes. (They were cheap).

What is clear to me is that he doesnt want to use money on us, unless i beg or ask hundred times. After two days he finally gave them. So he had the money all the time, just didnt want to share it with me and my daughter.

His family in Nigeria have never been giving my daughter any gifts or money. My parents have done everything. And me.

He bought birthday gift for her, but not much more than that.

He goes to work everyday. Doesnt want to use more than 5000 out of 25000 of his money on us. Also never have time for us because of all the work. Yesterday he talked about that he want another child with me, and that money is never a problem. And that I should knew when i got pregnant with first baby that he was in that situation with no money.

I said to him: but i expcted you to get an engineering job, not waiting for years to get one. And also now you have a job. After that he was just starting yelling at me, that he wanted to talk to the udi, that he miss his mum and dad and sisters and brothers in nigeria. That he didnt believe it would be like this.

Its like he expect me to have more than one kid with him with no economically security, or security that he will help me out. I have been much alone with my girl. Every day he works, also in vacations when im off (Im working full time as a teacher) work, and in the weekends he spend both saturday and sundays in church. My daughter is welcome in the church, but not me. He doesnt want med there. And I dont know why. He is saying its because im not a christian. But before he wanted med there.

There is something going on behind my back. Thats for sure. He wants med to give him another child, but he doesnt want to contribute more even if he can. He never do familythings with us, im not welcome in his church.

2 weeks ago he said; maybe we should get married this year. I said to him but with what money?

I dont get him. Is he just testing me? Is marrying me a way to secure himself so he can stay in norway? is getting another child also the reason for getting more years in Norway? He can save a lot of money when he lives like he does now. Not paying much. If he lived alone in Norway renting an apartment, he would have to pay around 10 000 a month , and the child costedy around 4000. So 14 000 a month. Now he pays 3-5000 a month..

And also maybe he will not get to stay in norway according to rules.

What would you do? Show him the door?

Thank you for listening to my story

RightToReject:
If you do not take time, these overzealous elements will worsen the situation for you. Most of them have commented from sententious and sadistic position while a few others commented from the position of ignorance, even though they have no bad intention like the former group.