Maggi85:
I am a norwegian woman. I met my nigerian boyfriend 4 years ago. After being together for 2 years we decided to have a child. We didnt live together at that time. After giving birth to my girl he moved in with me. He finished his masters the same year. Then covid 19 came, and he losts his job as a restaurantworker. He had to get money from the state (NAV), and he managed to have money for food for himself. After a little while he decided to start delivering job. Then he had around 10 000 kr a month. Also worked the whole summer. He continued with this and then started norwegian classes. I got used to being the only one with income, and he only paid 3000 kr a month. That was going to help with half of kindergarden.

Time went by, and now since may he has worked every day. Delivery job and also some small engineering jobs. Every day he is away. Stille he only paid med 3000 a month. Last month I asked kindly if he could increase it to 5000 kr a month since i pay all the bills. He got angry and said he didnt had the money from work yet. Next month i tried again. He got angry again. But it didnt work on me this time. Because I knew that from may to july he has worked even 12 hours shifts as engineer. After almost kicking him out he finally paid me 5000 kr. At least he has 25 000 kr each month in income. 5000 of 25000 kr is very small. I use 35000 every month on our expances. Paying for the apartment and so on.

His answear was. "If im going to pay more, than I have to sign contract so that i also own the apartment". I told him that if he only has the opportunity to pay 5000 a month, it shows me that he cant afford to own anything here.

After living 2 years for free because of him not getting a job, corona and so on this is the way he thank me. In fact he should at least pay 10 000 a month. Electricity, kindergarden ,houserent (we have houserent when owning a house in norway), food and clothes for the child, household articles. Instead he only starts arguing about small money that i ask for.

My question is. Is this nigerian guy trying to use me?. Does he have these kinds of jobs on purpose so that i would be comfused about his income (running his own company, getting jobs here and there.. no consistancy). He also refuse to let me se his account. I asked him where the money is going. He didnt want to answear. Just that he bought some shoes. (They were cheap).

What is clear to me is that he doesnt want to use money on us, unless i beg or ask hundred times. After two days he finally gave them. So he had the money all the time, just didnt want to share it with me and my daughter.

His family in Nigeria have never been giving my daughter any gifts or money. My parents have done everything. And me.

He bought birthday gift for her, but not much more than that.

He goes to work everyday. Doesnt want to use more than 5000 out of 25000 of his money on us. Also never have time for us because of all the work. Yesterday he talked about that he want another child with me, and that money is never a problem. And that I should knew when i got pregnant with first baby that he was in that situation with no money.

I said to him: but i expcted you to get an engineering job, not waiting for years to get one. And also now you have a job. After that he was just starting yelling at me, that he wanted to talk to the udi, that he miss his mum and dad and sisters and brothers in nigeria. That he didnt believe it would be like this.

Its like he expect me to have more than one kid with him with no economically security, or security that he will help me out. I have been much alone with my girl. Every day he works, also in vacations when im off (Im working full time as a teacher) work, and in the weekends he spend both saturday and sundays in church. My daughter is welcome in the church, but not me. He doesnt want med there. And I dont know why. He is saying its because im not a christian. But before he wanted med there.

There is something going on behind my back. Thats for sure. He wants med to give him another child, but he doesnt want to contribute more even if he can. He never do familythings with us, im not welcome in his church.

2 weeks ago he said; maybe we should get married this year. I said to him but with what money?

I dont get him. Is he just testing me? Is marrying me a way to secure himself so he can stay in norway? is getting another child also the reason for getting more years in Norway? He can save a lot of money when he lives like he does now. Not paying much. If he lived alone in Norway renting an apartment, he would have to pay around 10 000 a month , and the child costedy around 4000. So 14 000 a month. Now he pays 3-5000 a month..

And also maybe he will not get to stay in norway according to rules.

What would you do? Show him the door?

Thank you for listening to my story

Hi Maggie, KICK HIM OUT If he doesn't contribute equally. Also, don't sign anything with him. He's using you.

Klass99:


Seven blessings to you MMotimo, too much sense packed in one post. I was sure I had seen her story before, sometime last year. @ The second bolded I am beginning to think that's what she's hoping for.

I claim my blessings and same to you. Thank you

Nonam:


Your man need to save a lot of money to have a sure footing in his own life. You don't need proof from others that your man is using you. Those people giving advice here are bitter old hag of women. When a Nigeria man tells you he wants more children from you, it is a sign he has chosen you among all women to be the mother of his children. He sees no other woman in his life other than you.

Im agree that this can be the truth. But at the same time im not sure. Another child will secure him more, because then im «stuck» with him for 2-3 more years since its impossible to sit alone with two small children and fulltime job. After those years he will probably have a good job so he can seek lifetime residency in norway. Also i think he deep down knows that what he is doing is not okey, he knows that to not use money on his family here is wrong. So maybe he is afraid i will leave him for another guy. A way to stop that is to make me pregnant again. It just doesnt make sence that he wants more children when he 1.doesnt want to do things together with us/the child, and doesnt bring us all to church only the child (not me). 2. doesnt want to use money on us unless i beg and make a big fight about it (he should do it willingly not by force).



Your man knows that you really love him and he sees no other woman other than you. He wants to marry you. You have to handle your man with patient and care. If you follow evil advice here and push him away, you will regret it all your life. I am a 31 years old guy and I know what I am talking about.

I know a Japanese single mother here on this forum who has been married to a Nigerian man for 17 years. Don't take the advice of this wicked people here and if you push your man away, he will surely walk away from you and not look back.

About his family, they have a lot of financial crisis your man will not want to share with you. He desire to take you to Nigeria to see his family, but Nigeria is not safe for even its citizen. Another thing I will tell you is that, he doesn't give you enough money because he feels you are financially good without him. I understand you need his emotional and financial support from him which is very good. You are not asking much from him. Yes he works a lot and sent money home. Don't push your man away, you will regret.

He has given you his word to support you more when you have another child for him. Talk to your baby daddy and tell him how you feel and what you want from him.

Unfortunately he didnt give me his word that he wlll support me more after another child. He said «you should have known that i didnt have money as a foreigner (but with masters..) when you got pregnant with our first child».

I replied him. «Well i expeced, and also you, that a good job would come your way after a master in engineer». «And now that you have a job its still difficult for you to contribute». He didnt reply me well after that. Just many excuses. My main worry and reason why im afraid he is using me is 1. not wanting to contribute much financially without me forcing a lot. 2. not joining me and our daughter on things like family dinners, playground, friends meetings, cabin with family, vacation, walking outside with our daughter, playing with her. 3. too much focus on sex. He wants sex two times a day when we a 2 year old, its like its only sex he wants from me. 4. he doesnt want me to join him in church, but he takes our daughter there. He says that the reason is that he thinks my agenda to go there is not God but to check on him or see if he meet others. In a way he is also right. Im not agreed to much that his church follow. We are not married, still he has a leader position in the church. That makes me Wonder a bit. Because i have read that in this church you have to be married to do so. Two weeks ago he asked if maybe we should get married this year. Well im still comfused about this guy, and we barely see each other since he works so much, and my daughter doesnt care much about him these days since he is never home.

He works all the time, dont give us much time or money, dont take me to church but want another baby with me and also talk about marriage, never join me on visits to my family, never do familythings together with me and our daughter, use his whole weekend on job snd church but doesnt welcome me there.

So whats in this for me. Been patient for 2,5 years now since she was born. Im a patient woman so maybe i will wait even more, because i feel like if I break up with him i will never get together with him again. People will say; what is there to loose. But in fact i am afraid to loose him because we are a family of three, and i put family very high. I will never give up my family without a long fight.

Thanks four your good advices

Maggi85:
I am a norwegian woman. I met my nigerian boyfriend 4 years ago. After being together for 2 years we decided to have a child. We didnt live together at that time. After giving birth to my girl he moved in with me. He finished his masters the same year. Then covid 19 came, and he losts his job as a restaurantworker. He had to get money from the state (NAV), and he managed to have money for food for himself. After a little while he decided to start delivering job. Then he had around 10 000 kr a month. Also worked the whole summer. He continued with this and then started norwegian classes. I got used to being the only one with income, and he only paid 3000 kr a month. That was going to help with half of kindergarden.

Time went by, and now since may he has worked every day. Delivery job and also some small engineering jobs. Every day he is away. Stille he only paid med 3000 a month. Last month I asked kindly if he could increase it to 5000 kr a month since i pay all the bills. He got angry and said he didnt had the money from work yet. Next month i tried again. He got angry again. But it didnt work on me this time. Because I knew that from may to july he has worked even 12 hours shifts as engineer. After almost kicking him out he finally paid me 5000 kr. At least he has 25 000 kr each month in income. 5000 of 25000 kr is very small. I use 35000 every month on our expances. Paying for the apartment and so on.

His answear was. "If im going to pay more, than I have to sign contract so that i also own the apartment". I told him that if he only has the opportunity to pay 5000 a month, it shows me that he cant afford to own anything here.

After living 2 years for free because of him not getting a job, corona and so on this is the way he thank me. In fact he should at least pay 10 000 a month. Electricity, kindergarden ,houserent (we have houserent when owning a house in norway), food and clothes for the child, household articles. Instead he only starts arguing about small money that i ask for.

My question is. Is this nigerian guy trying to use me?. Does he have these kinds of jobs on purpose so that i would be comfused about his income (running his own company, getting jobs here and there.. no consistancy). He also refuse to let me se his account. I asked him where the money is going. He didnt want to answear. Just that he bought some shoes. (They were cheap).

What is clear to me is that he doesnt want to use money on us, unless i beg or ask hundred times. After two days he finally gave them. So he had the money all the time, just didnt want to share it with me and my daughter.

His family in Nigeria have never been giving my daughter any gifts or money. My parents have done everything. And me.

He bought birthday gift for her, but not much more than that.

He goes to work everyday. Doesnt want to use more than 5000 out of 25000 of his money on us. Also never have time for us because of all the work. Yesterday he talked about that he want another child with me, and that money is never a problem. And that I should knew when i got pregnant with first baby that he was in that situation with no money.

I said to him: but i expcted you to get an engineering job, not waiting for years to get one. And also now you have a job. After that he was just starting yelling at me, that he wanted to talk to the udi, that he miss his mum and dad and sisters and brothers in nigeria. That he didnt believe it would be like this.

Its like he expect me to have more than one kid with him with no economically security, or security that he will help me out. I have been much alone with my girl. Every day he works, also in vacations when im off (Im working full time as a teacher) work, and in the weekends he spend both saturday and sundays in church. My daughter is welcome in the church, but not me. He doesnt want med there. And I dont know why. He is saying its because im not a christian. But before he wanted med there.

There is something going on behind my back. Thats for sure. He wants med to give him another child, but he doesnt want to contribute more even if he can. He never do familythings with us, im not welcome in his church.

2 weeks ago he said; maybe we should get married this year. I said to him but with what money?

I dont get him. Is he just testing me? Is marrying me a way to secure himself so he can stay in norway? is getting another child also the reason for getting more years in Norway? He can save a lot of money when he lives like he does now. Not paying much. If he lived alone in Norway renting an apartment, he would have to pay around 10 000 a month , and the child costedy around 4000. So 14 000 a month. Now he pays 3-5000 a month..

And also maybe he will not get to stay in norway according to rules.

What would you do? Show him the door?

Thank you for listening to my story

Send his fucking ass out of your house. He wants to get a permanent residence using you and don't think of getting pregnant for him.

Maggi85:



Unfortunately he didnt give me his word that he wlll support me more after another child. He said «you should have known that i didnt have money as a foreigner (but with masters..) when you got pregnant with our first child».

I replied him. «Well i expeced, and also you, that a good job would come your way after a master in engineer». «And now that you have a job its still difficult for you to contribute». He didnt reply me well after that. Just many excuses. My main worry and reason why im afraid he is using me is 1. not wanting to contribute much financially without me forcing a lot. 2. not joining me and our daughter on things like family dinners, playground, friends meetings, cabin with family, vacation, walking outside with our daughter, playing with her. 3. too much focus on sex. He wants sex two times a day when we a 2 year old, its like its only sex he wants from me. 4. he doesnt want me to join him in church, but he takes our daughter there. He says that the reason is that he thinks my agenda to go there is not God but to check on him or see if he meet others. In a way he is also right. Im not agreed to much that his church follow. We are not married, still he has a leader position in the church. That makes me Wonder a bit. Because i have read that in this church you have to be married to do so. Two weeks ago he asked if maybe we should get married this year. Well im still comfused about this guy, and we barely see each other since he works so much, and my daughter doesnt care much about him these days since he is never home.

He works all the time, dont give us much time or money, dont take me to church but want another baby with me and also talk about marriage, never join me on visits to my family, never do familythings together with me and our daughter, use his whole weekend on job snd church but doesnt welcome me there.

So whats in this for me. Been patient for 2,5 years now since she was born. Im a patient woman so maybe i will wait even more, because i feel like if I break up with him i will never get together with him again. People will say; what is there to loose. But in fact i am afraid to loose him because we are a family of three, and i put family very high. I will never give up my family without a long fight.

Thanks four your good advices

Maggi
Do whatever you think that is best for you. I am sure you are a good woman/wife to be. May life treat you well.

Maggi85
Do not forget. If you think your baby daddy cannot devote or gives you what you want from a man, please feel free to let go of him.

Take Care.

There are two sides to every story, but if your allegations are true, then the guy deserves to be pushed out of your place. He's a deadbeat.

Maggi85:

Its good to hear different views. Thank you everyone for all the advices you give me. It helps a lot.

Your daughter's father is a leech with zero conscience. Nigerian males in general hate females. The hate is worsened if that female is over 26.5 years of age. I don't want to imagine what fate awaits you at 40.

You need to cut him off now before that your charade of a relationship gets even more complicated. It will not get any better, you can be sure of that. And by the time he's done with you, you'll be hissing and getting epileptic fits at the sight of sub-Saharan African males.

I'd stick to your Scandinavian men if I were you.

Christboy320:
The epistle is really much sorry I couldn't Finnish it

I saw what you did there

Maggi85:



Unfortunately he didnt give me his word that he wlll support me more after another child. He said «you should have known that i didnt have money as a foreigner (but with masters..) when you got pregnant with our first child».

I replied him. «Well i expeced, and also you, that a good job would come your way after a master in engineer». «And now that you have a job its still difficult for you to contribute». He didnt reply me well after that. Just many excuses. My main worry and reason why im afraid he is using me is 1. not wanting to contribute much financially without me forcing a lot. 2. not joining me and our daughter on things like family dinners, playground, friends meetings, cabin with family, vacation, walking outside with our daughter, playing with her. 3. too much focus on sex. He wants sex two times a day when we a 2 year old, its like its only sex he wants from me. 4. he doesnt want me to join him in church, but he takes our daughter there. He says that the reason is that he thinks my agenda to go there is not God but to check on him or see if he meet others. In a way he is also right. Im not agreed to much that his church follow. We are not married, still he has a leader position in the church. That makes me Wonder a bit. Because i have read that in this church you have to be married to do so. Two weeks ago he asked if maybe we should get married this year. Well im still comfused about this guy, and we barely see each other since he works so much, and my daughter doesnt care much about him these days since he is never home.

He works all the time, dont give us much time or money, dont take me to church but want another baby with me and also talk about marriage, never join me on visits to my family, never do familythings together with me and our daughter, use his whole weekend on job snd church but doesnt welcome me there.

So whats in this for me. Been patient for 2,5 years now since she was born. Im a patient woman so maybe i will wait even more, because i feel like if I break up with him i will never get together with him again. People will say; what is there to loose. But in fact i am afraid to loose him because we are a family of three, and i put family very high. I will never give up my family without a long fight.

Thanks four your good advices

Hey Maggie,

You have all the signs you need already. This is a charade. Anyways, feel free to update us with the eventual result of your action/inaction.

PS: all Nigerian men are not like this. We take our family more seriously than your guy has done so far.