₦airaland Forum

Thirtyrockers:
This man obviously is madly in love with his wife....the wife is only cranked up cos of lack of affection and sex she isn't presently getting...love her right and she would be a perfect wife.

ontarioache:
Hello all,

A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/7357845/complex-marital-issue-thoughts-please/15#117128240

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Imelda for drawing my attention to this.

Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I did not see any need to respond, but some commentators really got me laughing hard so let me indulge you all.

To kick start, I am in touch with my 2 kids on almost a daily basis, and the event she described is not the first time. Hanging up on me is a routine since we married, it has happened un-countable times. Also the guys that said I am childish are right, when they finish reading they will truly know that, no man will behave the way I have, except a child. Lastly, I am fully responsible for the upkeep of my family, every penny and not much age difference between us. I have never hung up on her for one day. She has even blocked me on phone over some arguments while we live in same house. (LOL)

For the readers, what happened is this :

You called me that you were going to made some budget and you will be spending … amount of money on that plans- you know the plan. I told you it was okay and we kept on talking about It. ( I did not raise any issue immediately to avoid conflict) so after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and furthermore, you said you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this, anytime I want to have a discussion with you. You even say this even while we were together, and I will just be amazed). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.

I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical of the amount you intend to spend , because you do know we have other more pressing plans that we needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.

In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)

I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage.

Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs ?, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you choose to apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. In precise terms, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarize and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone.(lol, when I was young, our mothers threathen us with our father) Yes, you are right, I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.

Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.Remember at home, your mother and your sister once said that, I show too much care for the kids and that is the weakness that you are using against me. This is from your own family. Imelda was also there !

I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up even while we were at home together, you say the same thing.

Recently before this sad event you even said if I do not call before 9.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 9.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it.You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 11 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up.

Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.

Obviously, in the preceding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.

How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.

I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment. You think everyone is wrong apart from you.

Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. IMELDA YOUR SISTER IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL THESE. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that you have done.

I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!

I would be a liar if I say it has not been daunting and I do not miss you. However, I have since come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served ! This is my new reality!

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!

MuslimIgbo:
Good.
Ladies of this generation should know that men are becoming wiser, and that's why only very few are willing to settle down in a marriage. This is because it's mostly women marriage benefits.
Ladies of this generation have very little or nothing to offer.
MOST HAVE ALREADY EVEN LOST THEIR VALUES DUE TO THE FACT THAT, THEY ARE WHORÈS.
(IF YOU'RE A GIRL AND YOUR BODYCOUNT IS MORE THAN 2, YOU'RE A WHORÈ)

They bring almost nothing to the table besides
Shared sex
Headache
and drama.
THEY ARE TERRIBLE MANIPULATORS AND WILL ALWAYS DISH WHAT THEY WON'T LIKE TO BE SERVED TO THEM.

To make matters worse, most of them are very worthless and valueless. There's nothing left in them to value or cherish due to the fact that most already lost counts of bodycount.
They mostly all have DOUBLE DIGITS BODYCOUNT.

The greatest gift a woman can give to her husband is Virginity, but unfortunately, most of these WHORÈS, SLÚTS AND HOOKUP GIRLS of this generation have given it out for FREE, for Indomie, pizza, ice-cream, Netflix n chill, few thousands of naira, etc.

How do you expect your husband to value and cherish something you've given out freely and cheaply to worthless guys
AFTER MARRIAGE, MOST OF THEM WILL STILL CONTINUE TO CHEAT AND COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR EX-FUCKÉRS.

I'll marry you, shelter you, provide for you and protect you, yet you'll still be giving me drama and headache?
Na ogun go kill any daughter of Eve that will try nonsense with me

It's definitely the effect of having multiple bodycount before marriage that makes most of them misbehave in marriage.
They have split minds
They are not focused
They are distracted
Their "eyes" is no longer in one place and they consciously and unconsciously start making comparison between their husband and a guy or sugar daddy (married men) - HÓRNY PEOPLE - who would do stupid things and take their rubbish JUST TO GET UNDER THEIR OLOSHO PANTS.

BRATISLAVA:
You should've specified the context of this couple, not the woman alone. Or just "women".

blaise26abj:
I stated my perspective based on my preference in a similar personal experience. It is not a competition between men and women . It’s a personal choice. Same way I don’t blame a woman that wants to marry a rich dude or a man that wants a woman with big yansh . It’s a matter of personal choice .

I turned her down because she was not the kind of woman I wanted . She tried to reestablish communication but I was already committed to someone else .
She is also married now to someone who obviously wants her .

oladipuposadeeq:
oooooh k I get you now but you know I went thru the woman's epistle also when it made frontpage then so I use both epistles as my basis for conclusion. Yeah I ought to have based it on the couple not just the woman.

alphabbey1:
He's no longer asserting. He has made peace with the woman by freeing her to search for another man that will tolerate her. He has moved on, am certain that will be his last statement on the issue. The woman too should move on, no need for her to bring the issue to Nairaland in first place....
All things being equal, you can now rest before you sound feminist....

Everywhere's good....

cooooooks:
Marriage to idiots is overrated.

Beverlyjean:
This is the reason why men are becoming redpilled . I dont think any woman will do this to a redoilled man . Only a simp gets this treatment, but I always tell women that one day that simp that u prefer will change it one day for you cos all men are the same ...some react quickly, others react late ... most women Re the ones making good men become something else. I hv always been against the feminism ideology...it will ruin us

blaise26abj:
I agree that 7 years away from home is not yams . But the rest of your statement is not fair . Based on his narrative he is still in active communication with her and her family . Besides he said he had the same attitude from her when they were together physically . Maybe baba use style run away from her wahala , we may never know . There may be reasons they have not shared that keeps them in two different countries .

general111:
The woman you married is a bitter woman...
You obviously love her more than she loves you...
God will help your marriage

BRATISLAVA:
More claims of innocence from a man miles away from his wife. She needs to come back and expose him some more. And then he can play his innocent trope again.

All we have here is simply him claiming he's so maltreated and he's doing so much, meanwhile he's all but abandoned her with toddlers half way across the globe from himself.

He needs to get on his knees and pray for his marriage. The strange woman that's making him resent his wife isn't good for him. He needs to invite the Lord to restore his marriage, because marriage is all about forgiveness, not the revenge he's showing us.

BRATISLAVA:
Wouldn't be surprising if he's been cheating. That's how men usually claim they're letting the woman go, but really it's just another woman that has their attention.

Feminist is the most abused word on this forum.

toobusy:
Is marriage this bad?

ontarioache:
Hello all,

A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/7357845/complex-marital-issue-thoughts-please/15#117128240

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Imelda for drawing my attention to this.

Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I did not see any need to respond, but some commentators really got me laughing hard so let me indulge you all.

Maximum respect for you bro,for showcasing much maturity on these matter, Na man you be... the level of disrespect from her to you is unimaginable , thank God you where able to provide for the family,that would have been worst because CNN, BBC and AL JAZEERA would have heard of it. Anyways this is a family matter , your decisions is for you to take alone.but know this one person is much in love than the other and that's where the big problem is. If you are been treated like this in the past 8 years just know you will continue to be treated that way for live.
To kick start, I am in touch with my 2 kids on almost a daily basis, and the event she described is not the first time. Hanging up on me is a routine since we married, it has happened un-countable times. Also the guys that said I am childish are right, when they finish reading they will truly know that, no man will behave the way I have, except a child. Lastly, I am fully responsible for the upkeep of my family, every penny and not much age difference between us. I have never hung up on her for one day. She has even blocked me on phone over some arguments while we live in same house. (LOL)

For the readers, what happened is this :

You called me that you were going to made some budget and you will be spending … amount of money on that plans- you know the plan. I told you it was okay and we kept on talking about It. ( I did not raise any issue immediately to avoid conflict) so after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and furthermore, you said you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this, anytime I want to have a discussion with you. You even say this even while we were together, and I will just be amazed). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.

I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical of the amount you intend to spend , because you do know we have other more pressing plans that we needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.

In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)

I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage.

Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs ?, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you choose to apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. In precise terms, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarize and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone.(lol, when I was young, our mothers threathen us with our father) Yes, you are right, I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.

Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.Remember at home, your mother and your sister once said that, I show too much care for the kids and that is the weakness that you are using against me. This is from your own family. Imelda was also there !

I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up even while we were at home together, you say the same thing.

Recently before this sad event you even said if I do not call before 9.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 9.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it.You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 11 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up.

Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.

Obviously, in the preceding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.

How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.

I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment. You think everyone is wrong apart from you.

Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. IMELDA YOUR SISTER IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL THESE. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that you have done.

I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!

I would be a liar if I say it has not been daunting and I do not miss you. However, I have since come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served ! This is my new reality!

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!

BRATISLAVA:
Thanks for adding the last line. We need more balanced views.

SHINJA:
Na we tell u mk u no get husband marry...

Firstcitizen:
Dem no dey talk put for husband and wife matter.

blaise26abj:
Wonderful.
I blame you the husband if you saw these signs before getting married and went ahead regardless .

When I was single , a lady I wanted to date gave me these ridiculous terms of calling within a particular time frame . Still dey vex say I dey call am within the time. The way I tear for am ehn and cut her off totally no be here . She later called me after a couple of months to apologize but man don already dey date the lady who became my wife .

You should have cut off from her when you had the opportunity . But now that you are married , you both have to seek counseling. She seems to have narcissistic traits . May God heal your home .

naijainstinct:
Hey, do you know your foolishness is unrivaled? Cheers!

Tinubuwins2023e:
One of them here. Na them

UyaiIncomparabl:
Abeg, fúck off. That one na you and your wife's business. Like I care.