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Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Complex Marital Issue : Your Thoughts On This Please. / Advise Needed On Marital Issue / Please Advise Me On This Marital Issue (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Chaos14: 4:37pm On Oct 07, 2022
Siofra sheistoopretty and Candidlady will avoid this thread dumb hypocrite females with useless brains

16 Likes 1 Share

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by NoToPile: 4:37pm On Oct 07, 2022
mariahAngel:
[i] Breeze don blow!
E remain make Gâbless fiance come tell us im own side of their story. [/i] cheesy

Na still the same tori na, oga gave an expanded version, besides Nairalanders don tell the wife say she's wrong.

As for the bolded Nairalanders and aproko na one and 2 grin grin
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Komolafe89: 4:38pm On Oct 07, 2022
Kai she really took you for granted all this while, what made me happy reading this most is the statement you made challenging her to state out any of these allegations that is not true Kai you really suffer

May the lord be with you and repay your kindness with rest of mind

19 Likes 1 Share

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Nobody: 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
I know you re tolerating this because of the children, one day it will end. There is really no future in that marriage, fact.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by NoToPile: 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
tiswell:
Don't be like OP's ex wife who would always tell op to summarize. grin

na the matter we still dey settle grin

grin grin grin

You guys will not kill persin with laff oo.

17 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by kernniejay(m): 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
She is simply a devil incarnate, I can't stand one week marriage with this witch.

14 Likes 1 Share

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by membranus: 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
jubrilELsudan:
ODE

Him Tu Gud.
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Shadysen: 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
the shit is too long to read
i gave up on the way.
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by ezugegere(m): 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
ontarioache:
Hello all,

A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/7357845/complex-marital-issue-thoughts-please/15#117128240

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Imelda for drawing my attention to this.


Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


You brought all these on yourself. You decided to be a woman when you were supposed to be a man... Thank God you're finally back to your senses. I do not advocate divorce. However, before you reconcile with that wicked soul, make sure she puts her apologies down on a paper. She has to promise to be a good wife henceforth..... I detest wicked women

14 Likes

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Iseoluwani: 4:39pm On Oct 07, 2022
Many people judged the man wrongly

Now can you now see the REALITY..

dear wife, I plead with you, don't follow the advice of divorce, submit to your husband. EPH 6:1-3. PLS FOR THE SAKE OF OF YOUR LOVE, not even children. Be humble, pride and ego is about destroying your home. Pls bend rules, u seems to be a perfectionist and as a councillor perfectionist are the hardest to deal with, bit if you have the life of God Zoe, you will bend your rules to build your home


Husband my husband, thank you for speaking out, at least people wouldn't judge you wrongly, OK then, pls forgive her as Christ would forgive us 70*7. Pls I beg you, she is already fed up when she tasted a part of the bitter pill. You know it from her write up, just forgive her, if you have the finances to come home, pls do and settle it. Tell her how much you miss her and settle it. You have tried but try harder. I feel you are a melancholy, and as a thinker when you feel the urge to speak, she doesn't give u attention and it hurts. Both of you are coming better and stronger

Imelda, thank you for showing this to your sister husband believing you have the mind of helping them solve the quarrel.


Nairaland ears, no be all pst you go just comment like mumu, rationalise the equation before talking nonsense

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by 24countries: 4:40pm On Oct 07, 2022
You married a toxic woman and a chronic cheat, she neither loves you, nor respects you. Your wife is in love with someone else, and to her, you're being a pest and annoying. And she won't stop stepping on your head if you keep giving her the chance to. Have some dignity and self respect and Walk tf away and love your children... Bye.

21 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by mich2012: 4:40pm On Oct 07, 2022
Kewtt:
She's toxic

Extremely toxic.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Nobody: 4:40pm On Oct 07, 2022
Book is too bulky.

Narration should be a movie.

1 Like

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Boss13: 4:40pm On Oct 07, 2022
NoToPile:


Na still the same tori na, oga gave an expanded version, besides Nairalanders don tell the wife say she's wrong.

As for the bolded Nairalanders and aproko na one and 2 grin grin

I read the comments. However, does she acknowledge she is wrong? I doubt that else she would have amended things with the husband. She brought her marital issues to the general public and the verdict of wrongful behaviour have been assigned to her.

Maybe she has a new boyfriend and is tired of her husband.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by PHIPEX(m): 4:40pm On Oct 07, 2022
Some women can be so manipulative. I believe you @OP, lt can be frustrating dealing with a difficult and ego centric woman who believes she doesn't need the husband to survive.

8 Likes

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Iamthoney(m): 4:40pm On Oct 07, 2022
Some women sha...I never bought or believed her story cos I know she was only selling half truth and nearly almost full lies to both the gullible and the credulous ones. That woman has no love in her so she can’t give what she don’t have. The man might not be perfect and might have wrong her in some ways in their union but he sure didn’t deserve all the bad and harsh treatment she served and peppered him with. This rebuttal from the man is purely a classic case of don’t judge a case after listening to one side of a tale. I hope things gets better between them but I doubt that is happening anytime soon if the man forgives her and decide to remain her husband cos things won’t be the same anymore between them.


Everyday I keep seeing reasons why I will simply opt for a contract marriage to avoid unnecessary drama that a full time marriage offers

14 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by mich2012: 4:41pm On Oct 07, 2022
24countries:
You married a toxic woman and a chronic cheat, she neither loves you, nor respects you. And she won't stop stepping on your head if you keep giving her the chance to. Walk tf away and love your children... Bye.

Valid

1 Like

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Charly68: 4:41pm On Oct 07, 2022
Your woman was too rude and crude and it's because somebody is giving her hot romance in your absence. When the man is around, she refuse to pick your calls or chat with you.. Love is lost and despite what she is into, she is not balanced emotionally.. Let her go if she cares so you can have your sanity. Men should be in charge of their homes not women. When a woman starts disctating her terms in communication and all sorts, there's no more marriage. Release her and let her go and find the man that will entertain her stupidity. She does not know you labour hard in Canada to send money home in winter and hot summer.. Give yourself sanity and never rush into any relationship because ladies of today are morally bankrupt and very uncultured

26 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by SILVERLINES: 4:41pm On Oct 07, 2022
ontarioache:
Hello all,

A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/7357845/complex-marital-issue-thoughts-please/15#117128240

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Imelda for drawing my attention to this.

Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I did not see any need to respond, but some commentators really got me laughing hard so let me indulge you all.

To kick start, I am in touch with my 2 kids on almost a daily basis, and the event she described is not the first time. Hanging up on me is a routine since we married, it has happened un-countable times. Also the guys that said I am childish are right, when they finish reading they will truly know that, no man will behave the way I have, except a child. Lastly, I am fully responsible for the upkeep of my family, every penny and not much age difference between us. I have never hung up on her for one day. She has even blocked me on phone over some arguments while we live in same house. (LOL)

For the readers, what happened is this :

You called me that you were going to made some budget and you will be spending … amount of money on that plans- you know the plan. I told you it was okay and we kept on talking about It. ( I did not raise any issue immediately to avoid conflict) so after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and furthermore, you said you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this, anytime I want to have a discussion with you. You even say this even while we were together, and I will just be amazed). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.

I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical of the amount you intend to spend , because you do know we have other more pressing plans that we needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.

In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)

I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage.

Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs ?, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you choose to apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. In precise terms, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarize and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone.(lol, when I was young, our mothers threathen us with our father) Yes, you are right, I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.

Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.Remember at home, your mother and your sister once said that, I show too much care for the kids and that is the weakness that you are using against me. This is from your own family. Imelda was also there !

I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up even while we were at home together, you say the same thing.

Recently before this sad event you even said if I do not call before 9.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 9.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it.You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 11 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up.

Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.

Obviously, in the preceding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.

How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.

I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment. You think everyone is wrong apart from you.

Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. IMELDA YOUR SISTER IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL THESE. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that you have done.

I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!

I would be a liar if I say it has not been daunting and I do not miss you. However, I have since come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served ! This is my new reality!

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!

man head straight to the magistrate court and file for a divorce. I feel for you for going through all these throughout the years.

2 Likes

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by shurch(m): 4:42pm On Oct 07, 2022
Man as gone through alot I can tell... How I wish I could ask the writer some questions directly .

1 Like

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Beverlyjean(f): 4:42pm On Oct 07, 2022
This is the reason why men are becoming redpilled . I dont think any woman will do this to a redpilled man . Only a simp gets this treatment, but I always tell women that one day that simp that u prefer will change it one day for you cos all men are the same ...some react quickly, others react late ... most women are the ones making good men become something else. I hv always been against the feminism ideology...it will ruin us

39 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by kernniejay(m): 4:42pm On Oct 07, 2022
Be right back.
Modified. I'm back. From your tone towards the conclusion of your message, it seems you still love her and I fully understand because the love between husband and wife can be so strong. Even couples that are divorced sometimes miss eachother and still have a spot for the other partner. I'm sure she must have read yoir rebuttal and I expect that by now, she must have seen her follies and feel sorry for her misdeeds towards you.
It is clear she also loves you, reason she posted her earlier narration which portrays her regret and sorrowful countenance but she is full of pride and arrogance and bad mannerism. I want to believe she is already coming to her senses and ready to apologize and become a better wife. I salute your determination to stand your ground and refuse to yield. Your silence is louder than any ranting you could have made with her. She will respect you now for maintaining your ground and proving that enough is enough and that you are more than able to live without her.
If she calls or comes back apologizing, be sure she's really changed and not just seeking a temporary reconciliation before you make further commitment. I pray may your home be filled with peace, love and joy, amen.

3 Likes

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by mich2012: 4:42pm On Oct 07, 2022
Iamthoney:
Some women sha...I never bought or believed her story cos I know she was only selling half truth and nearly almost full lies to both the gullible and the credulous ones. That woman has no love in her so she can’t give what she don’t have. The man might not be perfect and might have wrong her in some ways in their union but he sure didn’t deserve all the bad and harsh treatment she served and peppered him with. This rebuttal from the man is purely a classic case of don’t judge a case after listening to one side of a tale. I hope things gets better between them but I doubt that is happening anytime soon if the man forgives her and decide to remain her husband cos things won’t be the same anymore between them.


Everyday I keep seeing reasons why I will simply opt for a contract marriage to avoid unnecessary drama that a full time marriage offers

Lol @ last paragraph
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by FaithBrain1994(m): 4:43pm On Oct 07, 2022
Family issue, i no go ever put my mouth
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Regex: 4:43pm On Oct 07, 2022
ontarioache:
Hello all,

A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/7357845/complex-marital-issue-thoughts-please/15#117128240

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Imelda for drawing my attention to this.

Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I did not see any need to respond, but some commentators really got me laughing hard so let me indulge you all.

To kick start, I am in touch with my 2 kids on almost a daily basis, and the event she described is not the first time. Hanging up on me is a routine since we married, it has happened un-countable times. Also the guys that said I am childish are right, when they finish reading they will truly know that, no man will behave the way I have, except a child. Lastly, I am fully responsible for the upkeep of my family, every penny and not much age difference between us. I have never hung up on her for one day. She has even blocked me on phone over some arguments while we live in same house. (LOL)

For the readers, what happened is this :

You called me that you were going to made some budget and you will be spending … amount of money on that plans- you know the plan. I told you it was okay and we kept on talking about It. ( I did not raise any issue immediately to avoid conflict) so after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and furthermore, you said you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this, anytime I want to have a discussion with you. You even say this even while we were together, and I will just be amazed). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.

I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical of the amount you intend to spend , because you do know we have other more pressing plans that we needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.

In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)

I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage.

Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs ?, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you choose to apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. In precise terms, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarize and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone.(lol, when I was young, our mothers threathen us with our father) Yes, you are right, I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.

Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.Remember at home, your mother and your sister once said that, I show too much care for the kids and that is the weakness that you are using against me. This is from your own family. Imelda was also there !

I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up even while we were at home together, you say the same thing.

Recently before this sad event you even said if I do not call before 9.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 9.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it.You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 11 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up.

Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.

Obviously, in the preceding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.

How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.

I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment. You think everyone is wrong apart from you.

Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. IMELDA YOUR SISTER IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL THESE. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that you have done.

I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!

I would be a liar if I say it has not been daunting and I do not miss you. However, I have since come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served ! This is my new reality!

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


Aptly done. However she will come back to ask for forgiveness which she doesn't mean. She wants to have the last laugh or talk or blow...

The best way to relate to her is indifference. Be indifferent with her.

6 Likes

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by LalastiklaIa(m): 4:43pm On Oct 07, 2022
aieromon:
First account opened 29th of September 2022 and thread hits front page.

Second account opens rebuttal thread 24 hours later hoping to hit front page.

Idle minds sad

Oloté it finally did
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by folake4u(f): 4:43pm On Oct 07, 2022
pocohantas:
Naso. Una done start.

From Joro to Joro.

This cracked me up so bad. grin grin grin

1 Like

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by qtguru(m): 4:44pm On Oct 07, 2022
ontarioache:
Hello all,

A mutual friend has drawn my attention to this thread

https://www.nairaland.com/7357845/complex-marital-issue-thoughts-please/15#117128240

MY RESPONSE.
First let me thank our mutual friend Imelda for drawing my attention to this.

Well, I am here to set the record straight.
I did not see any need to respond, but some commentators really got me laughing hard so let me indulge you all.

To kick start, I am in touch with my 2 kids on almost a daily basis, and the event she described is not the first time. Hanging up on me is a routine since we married, it has happened un-countable times. Also the guys that said I am childish are right, when they finish reading they will truly know that, no man will behave the way I have, except a child. Lastly, I am fully responsible for the upkeep of my family, every penny and not much age difference between us. I have never hung up on her for one day. She has even blocked me on phone over some arguments while we live in same house. (LOL)

For the readers, what happened is this :

You called me that you were going to made some budget and you will be spending … amount of money on that plans- you know the plan. I told you it was okay and we kept on talking about It. ( I did not raise any issue immediately to avoid conflict) so after some days, I told you that next time, it will be appropriate that we ought to discuss such plans together and that it was not the best for you to decide all by yourself and only informed me of what you have chosen to do for a decision that affects the both of us. You flared up immediately that I do not have the right to tell you that, and THAT YOU ARE ALONE WITH THE CHILDREN (like you always say) and furthermore, you said you have many things that you are doing at the same time. I then replied you that I also have many things going through my mind. ( I replied you this way because you always say this, anytime I want to have a discussion with you. You even say this even while we were together, and I will just be amazed). You flared up and insulted me then hung up.

I called you immediately many times. I called you again at night, I sent you several messages, although I did not apologize directly but the messages I sent reflected that I was sorry. In one of the messages, I explained that I was critical of the amount you intend to spend , because you do know we have other more pressing plans that we needed funds for, and that what your budgeted was a bit too high. But you refused to let go like you have always done for these 8 years. Every week for 6 weeks I sent you messages that you never replied to.

In this period, you also changed apartment without even deeming it fit to tell me. (Yes I know before this misunderstanding, it was already the plan that you will be changing apartment. But the anger still did not allow you tell me as at when you finally moved to the new apartment, till now, it has been more than 3 months that you moved, you still did not inform me although the children told me about it, you know they did, but I expected that at least you should tell me about it by yourself.)

I did not just stop picking your calls because I wanted to stop, I did it for my self respect and sanity. It is the first time I am refusing to pick your call, or even not to talk to you after 8 years of marriage.

Have I ever held any grudge against you for more than 24hrs ?, have you ever had to apologise more than once on anything without me accepting your apology immediately, that is even if you choose to apologise at all. ? !. Rather you are the one that reminds me at every giving opportunity that I know you can decide not to talk to me again and stay on you own, and that I am the one that will suffer. In precise terms, you always do this, while I was at home. You can stay on for weeks and months without talking to me for the slightest misunderstanding, I am always the one that will try and make peace, and each time you either humiliate me by refusing to make peace till whenever you are satisfied. It has been like this for these 8 years. Even if I want to hold a discussion with you at home, it is either you are busy on the phone, and If I try to ask you to focus you just tell me I should summarize and that you listen with your ears, and not your phone or your hands. However, sometimes ( like 20 per cent of cases) you do listen to me.

Even when the children are being difficult, you threaten them by telling them to go ask their father the kind of person you are, and that you do not tolerate nonsense from anyone.(lol, when I was young, our mothers threathen us with our father) Yes, you are right, I wonder why you are so proud of these difficult attributes of yours.

Recall that before that very day that you hung up on me,( in fact also since the beginning of the union), you have been insulting me on each time I call, If we are discussing and I ask you a question about what you have said, you always say that I don’t pay attention. You accuse me of not caring about how you managed the children alone by yourself. I understand it is hard to raise 2 kids under the age of 6 all by yourself, however like I have always told you, lets thank God, it could have been worse- not having children is hard, having children is also hard.Remember at home, your mother and your sister once said that, I show too much care for the kids and that is the weakness that you are using against me. This is from your own family. Imelda was also there !

I can barely talk to you on phone, each time I call you, you tell me you are busy with the kids, and most times you just ask me to summarise and then you hang up even while we were at home together, you say the same thing.

Recently before this sad event you even said if I do not call before 9.45pm, I can no longer reach you, few times when I have to call like few minutes to your deadline, no matter how important our discussion is, once it s 9.45 pm, the phone disconnects and that will be it.You can not even bend that rule for me. You barely return my calls, if you see my missed calls, sometimes it may take you days and most times you do not return them at all, if I ask, you are quick to say, you are alone managing the children and that your are already too stressed up to be bothered about missed calls.

Much earlier than this incident that you hung up on me, you asked me never to wish you any kind of good wishes like happy birthdays, Christmas, mother’s day and all those. Because you said I do not care that it is all lip service. I thought it was just frustration, but for the last 1 year, you have consistently refused to respond to my Christmas, New Year and even your birthday wishes.You ignored all my wishes!
5 months before that faithful day that you escalated your disdain for me to a whole new level, you talked to me on the phone with reckless abandon, even on my birthday, you managed to call me around 11 pm and your birthday wish to me was this “ I WISH YOU WHAT YOU WISH YOURSELF”, I told you it was not a fair wish, and the next thing, it led to outburst again and that was that, and you hung up.

Remember, you forgot my birthday for the past 3 consecutive years.

Obviously, in the preceding 5 months, you have been looking for what I will do so that you can cut me off, the opportunity came and you took it like a Viking.

How often can a married woman stay without getting in contact with her husband for this long over a matter as simple as that, and she is not bothered at all.

I needed to let go for once. I am tired of fighting for the advancement of this union. It has been 8 years of this gruesome treatment. You think everyone is wrong apart from you.

Please if there is any FALSEHOOD in what I have written, I will be glad that you tell your audience. IMELDA YOUR SISTER IS READING THIS AND SHE CAN TESTIFY TO ALL THESE. Moreover, this is just one small aspect of all that has happened these past 8 years. I just decided to skip a thousand others.I only choose to focus on this alone. You know there are a thousand things that are worse than this that you have done.

I am glad that the vast majority of your audience could not be manipulated by your story.

Maybe I would have just stayed back home in Nairobi 7 years ago, may it could not have been this bad. This is my Canada reality!

I would be a liar if I say it has not been daunting and I do not miss you. However, I have since come to the realization that no matter what , no man should dine in the table where love, respect and dignity are not served ! This is my new reality!

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


Na so Awon bloggers oshi

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Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by daddio(m): 4:44pm On Oct 07, 2022
ontarioache:
Hello all,

...

Dear Wife, Enjoy your own reality that you created for yourself and stay blessed...!


You've tolerating her sh*ts for long and that's why she think she can treat you anyhow.
This one of what happens when you take a wife or husband from home where love and respect for one another is dead.


I'm sorry, though I'm a gentle type, but I can't take all these.

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Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by NoToPile: 4:44pm On Oct 07, 2022
Boss13:


I read the comments. However, does she acknowledge she is wrong? I doubt that else she would have amended things with the husband. She brought her marital issues to the general public and the verdict of wrongful behaviour have been assigned to her.

Maybe she has a new boyfriend and is tired of her husband.

I actually think the distance is not helping their marriage. Inter country marriages have their own peculiarities and they have to keep communication more than those who see their spouses on a per second billing

Well she didn't comment further I think but she should have taken the advise.

This one can still be resolved if they both want to. I doubt it's boyfriend matter though.

1 Like

Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by Cas1741: 4:45pm On Oct 07, 2022
I just have few questions for you: when was the last time both of you stayed together because it appears that there is actually no real bondage between you two. How did you even have kids in the mist of this toxicity? Is there any legal (immigration issues) why you live separately? Your wife may be cantankerous, but long distant relationships are difficult to sustain even with no kids to manage. Why the amiability with Imelda her sister who seems to tacitly be egging you on to dissolve your union? Something is not adding up here. Just thinking aloud.
Re: Rebuttal- Complex Marital Issue Https://www.nairaland.co by franchasofficia: 4:45pm On Oct 07, 2022
Don't your wife have a mother or an aged Aunt that can come over and assist her if she is working?


What I understand from the husband's version is that he married a bitter, unforgiven woman and there are millions of such single ladies praying for a husband and hoping to tie another woman's son with bitterness lol

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