phemmyfour:
RESPECT is everything even in friendship. If you don't RESPECT your partner, your relationship will be weaken and full of cracks. Other good qualities of her you mentioned won't be enough to keep you guys going

N3wman:
Like someone pointed out above, OP you are the problem. People like this dont change and since you have been tolerating her excesses all these years, she feels its OK.
You just described a lady i'm serving with at my PPA, she fits all the descriptions you just gave. Very rude, can send someone old enough to birth her errands, she said she does not mind sending her MIL on errands that she will ask nicely. I always tell her that i pity the man that will marry her and her reply is that her fiancee understands her and it is understanding that matter. When she is on call with the guy i go just dey pity am, because of the way she talks to him.

OP, what i will tell you is always let her know when she wrong and does something yov dont like, dont hesitate to tell her, make she vex and i will advice you to start now because their excuse is "that is who i am" when what they are is bad.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid the gal is not the problem, OP. You are!

Please go visit a professional mental health counselor for help in understanding the reason for your lack of resolve. Don't ruin someone else's life because you are not sure of yours.

Saintinoo:

Which state are you serving bro.

Saintinoo:


Bro that number three also trouble me, what ked to our current fight, she talked to me un a disrespectful way, i told her to mind the way she talks to me, that aside being her boyfriend, i am not her mate, this girl picked offense and startedaccusing me of being ddominating and forming god.

Which also led her say that she regrets saying yes to me, she been saying this for long.

Saintinoo:


Talking about respect, i dont want to sound all good, but this lady will yell at me, belittle me, make it look asif she is doing me a favour. Imagine the lady you want to marry saying that she wish she can turn the hands of time.

Richy4:


My brother, couple in a relationship fights every now and then. But the ability to make up is what counts..

As a bro, I have to tell you that when you are in a relationship, please throw the I'm not your mate talk to through the window... It doesn't work for anyone... Mutual respect is what matters the most between couples...

You shouldn't stop telling her on the need to apologize when you have checked and reasoned beyond reasonable doubt that she is at fault... If you don't see any improvements within 7months, and u can't stand it, bro end it... Both of you deserves to be happy...

Saintinoo:


Bro, i do not normally talk about age, but i had to considering that this lady doesnt talk to her 18 years old kid sister the way she yells at me. She completely disregard me, especially when she is angry, anytime she becomes angry, i receive the eorworst word and insult of my life, belitting, telling me that she regrets dating me, she wish she could turn the hands of time.

This lady trys to control me, i dare not see her post online without saying a nice word, else she will tell me terrible things.

If we are to do something, it has to favour her, not minding wht they other person feel.

Saintinoo:


Bro, i do not normally talk about age, but i had to considering that this lady doesnt talk to her 18 years old kid sister the way she yells at me. She completely disregard me, especially when she is angry, anytime she becomes angry, i receive the eorworst word and insult of my life, belitting, telling me that she regrets dating me, she wish she could turn the hands of time.

This lady trys to control me, i dare not see her post online without saying a nice word, else she will tell me terrible things.

If we are to do something, it has to favour her, not minding wht they other person feel.

Saintinoo:


Talking about respect, i dont want to sound all good, but this lady will yell at me, belittle me, make it look asif she is doing me a favour. Imagine the lady you want to marry saying that she wish she can turn the hands of time.

Saintinoo:


Man, i know that no body is perfect, but a girl who belittles you, tell you that she regrets datingyou during a fight, a girl that will manumanipulate you when she is wrong.

A girl that disrespect you and is angry when yoi as a man wants to take authority.

Justkatty:
You can't get it all
Know this and know peace.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid the gal is not the problem, OP. You are!

Please go visit a professional mental health counselor for help in understanding the reason for your lack of resolve. Don't ruin someone else's life because you are not sure of yours.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

Saintinoo:


Boss, now let me describe this lady for you.
You dare not tell her she is wrong or have problem, she accuses you of always complaining and how she has tried. She tell you that you are the one with the problem.

Tell her that she likes belitting you and yoi dont like it, when next you have issues with her, she will accuse you of belitting her.

Richy4:


I tell u, that number 3 is the worst character any man or woman can possess...

Saintinoo:


Talking about respect, i dont want to sound all good, but this lady will yell at me, belittle me, make it look asif she is doing me a favour. Imagine the lady you want to marry saying that she wish she can turn the hands of time.

Saintinoo:


Man, i know that no body is perfect, but a girl who belittles you, tell you that she regrets datingyou during a fight, a girl that will manumanipulate you when she is wrong.

A girl that disrespect you and is angry when yoi as a man wants to take authority.

phemmyfour:
RESPECT is everything even in friendship. If you don't RESPECT your partner, your relationship will be weaken and full of cracks. Other good qualities of her you mentioned won't be enough to keep you guys going

Truvelisback:
U gave her the room for all this because were hiding ur feelings abt her behaviour. U should have scolded her.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

TooMuchJuice:
https://www.nairaland.com/7315731/dating-female-narcissist

It seems you call every female you date a narcissist. The above thread is about someone else you dated whom you also labeled a narcissist. Either you're misusing the word or you're the problem.

voidUpdate:


I didn't fully understand her, till I saw this.

This right here is a red flag (a counselor would have spotted this too).
In every relationship, with everyone, there's a scale balance of power and respect.
In successful marriages, the tilt of power is to the man (biblical example, Sarah called Abraham "Lord" ), and respect is tilted to the woman.

Her bad character no 1, shows she's trying to shift that balance. Women are naturally hypergamous. It starts early in a relationship, they exhibit certain behaviors to watch your response. If you "always and constantly" give into their own ideas and demands, there the power balance begins to shifts towards her. In the end, she will "belittle" you, then move on the next man who she can't do that with.

How to stop this?
1. Break up and date a woman who doesn't make it her sole aim to make all the decisions and manipulate the man to feel he's the cause of her failed decisions.
2. Understand the philosophy of power and respect in every relationship. The fact is many average Nigerian women's goal is to settle down and form a family with a man, eventually (you are actually doing her a favour). If she could turn back time? Stories, time is ticking and in her thirties, no man will seek for her again.

Understand that you are the one doing her a favor.
Try not to react in a way she will want you to (shouting angrily).
Try not to constantly give into every single insignificant demand of hers.

If all these don't work in 2-4months time. Then bro, your peace of mind is what's most important.
Cause in the end, she will "belittle" you and move onto another man.

nnamdiosu:
[sup][/sup]

Regardless of all the good things you wrote about her, no 1 alone and no 2 has cancelled, countered, neutralized them all.

Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect. However there is a certain bad someone has, that can outweight all the good the person has.

If she was the kind of person that can take to corrections, even with the bad sides, there would have been hope.

BUT THE MOST TOXIC PERSON TO BE WITH IS THE PERSON THAT WON'T ACCEPT CORRECTIONS BUT RATHER BLAME OTHERS.

Marriage is not always sweet. Is stressful especially when children comes in or finances are not as it used to be. That's when the very patience of one is tested.
Imagine you two in the above situation, can you beat and cope?

Your answer is the answer to the question you are asking on this thread.

Saintinoo:


Same girl bro, same girl.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

Saintinoo:


Talking about no 1 and 2.
on control, she was complaining why i saw her pic on social media and didn't react, i told her that i didn't have data, so any comment i will give will sound odd. She picked offense, and asked me to comment right away. I saw that as commanding, and the way she said it. we had serious problem because of that.

on using wrong words when she is angry, haha i dont want to go there, '' You make me regret saying yes to you, i wish i can turn the hands of time, you brought yourself and adjed me out, other demeaning words she use, and yet she accuses me of using demeaning words.

Just that i dont like posting private chats on public forum, i would have shown you all these.