Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

She talks to people anyhow she likes when angry. Hmmmm

Weird!
Well it's your decision since she still have nice parts

Like my pastor will say

"Marry and deliver"

Hello

Saintinoo:
This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

I am afraid the gal is not the problem, OP. You are!

Please go visit a professional mental health counselor for help in understanding the reason for your lack of resolve. Don't ruin someone else's life because you are not sure of yours.

No one is perfect, and there's no perfect marriage, we only try to tolerate each other in marriage, at this point op the choice is yours to make.

You can't get it all
Know this and know peace.

Have you tried suggesting therapy to her? Let her know in a good way what you think of her behavior and how you think working on it will help you guys achieve more. What is most important is how you pass the message across.

Scale ur peace of mind when u're with her, if its above average then take the risk
On the other hand if u think u can endure or manage her excesses rethink

They do not manage in marriage (he/she will change later),

If u do, the marriage will turn to endurance

If u know, u cannot take or let slide those Red flag Now

U better disembark now, that is early

A broken Relationship is better than a broken Marraige

Ur eyes go clear soon



U can't deal with this forever

I've got no advice for you, but I leave you to ruminate on these two points of mine:

1:
Anything that cost you your peace of mind, is too expensive.

2:
For you to post your issue here, means you're already second guessing your ...ship with this lady.


Sayonara!

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

From her good sides u mentioned, she is the Best for u. No human on this planet earth that is completely Perfect in character. Nobody wey no get him own for body.

I read your thread the first time. Then came back after hours and read it again.
Still the same thing comes to my mind. She needs marriage counseling to learn to get rid of that No. 3 You need marriage counseling to learn what you do not already know.

voidUpdate:
I read your thread the first time.
Then came back after hours and read it again.

Still the same thing comes to my mind.
She needs marriage counseling to learn to get rid of that No. 3
You need marriage counseling to learn what you do not already know.

I tell u, that number 3 is the worst character any man or woman can possess...

Even if she likes, let her be a prayer warrior... That will be like praying and checking up on you so that you will be alive to be tormented...

A genuine simple sorry can go a long way to heal a disturbed heart and when u got someone who can never accept that he/ she is wrong and Apologies, hmmm!!!

Anyone in a relationship whose spouse doesn't have such behaviour should count himself or herself lucky...

I still have to maintain that he shouldn't ignore that... If nothing is done at this early stage, I see him cooling off in a hotel room every two weeks in future just to avoid domestic violence..

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

well I will start by saying you won't get any woman who is 100%. That's why in school of you score 70% it's considered A1.

But know this though. Once she is married, those bad traits will be multiplied by 10. What you see now would be a child's play.

But you know her more than anyone here, if the pros outweigh the cons, fine. But don't you dare be carried away because she is a virgin, see things clearly.

Most importantly, how is her family? How does her mum treat her dad? It's sometimes better to marry a bad girl from a good home than to marry a good girl from a bad home.

Lastly, I would always advise any young man not yet married to travel out of Nigeria and get a good girl. Your chance of getting into a terrible marriage is too high in Nigeria.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

RESPECT is everything even in friendship. If you don't RESPECT your partner, your relationship will be weaken and full of cracks. Other good qualities of her you mentioned won't be enough to keep you guys going

One word: flee!

Like someone pointed out above, OP you are the problem. People like this dont change and since you have been tolerating her excesses all these years, she feels its OK.
You just described a lady i'm serving with at my PPA, she fits all the descriptions you just gave. Very rude, can send someone old enough to birth her errands, she said she does not mind sending her MIL on errands that she will ask nicely. I always tell her that i pity the man that will marry her and her reply is that her fiancee understands her and it is understanding that matter. When she is on call with the guy i go just dey pity am, because of the way she talks to him.

OP, what i will tell you is always let her know when she wrong and does something yov dont like, dont hesitate to tell her, make she vex and i will advice you to start now because their excuse is "that is who i am" when what they are is bad.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

It is obvious her good sides far outweigh her bad sides. Here are some things I want you to note:

1. No human will be 100% what you want in a person. If you think they are now, soon you'll see the faults.

2. Not to generalize, but I think her issues are typical with a lot of females. So if you abandon her because of them for another lady that you think doesn't have them, remember 1.

3. Her problems are mostly emotional. Don't overtolerate this. You just need a little wisdom to handle this properly.

4. You have to up your mind games too without sounding like you're quarrelling or fault-finding.

5. Never tolerate any form of disrespect, whether to you or others. Always try to teach her a more respectful and reasonable way to handle issues that get to her wrongly.

You have a good woman, work out the rest.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

Is she attractive to you sexually?

I mean, when you're at work, or away from home, do you fantasize about going back home quickly and having your woman in your arms? If YES, you can work on her negatives.

Imagine she's your daughter, how will you work on her? If you can find the answer to this, then your problem is solved.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid the gal is not the problem, OP. You are!

Please go visit a professional mental health counselor for help in understanding the reason for your lack of resolve. Don't ruin someone else's life because you are not sure of yours.

Bro, everybody has a good and bad side, i am not perfect either. And u know that i am not the problem here, what do you make of a girl that belittles you and call you names when an issue comes up.

GboyegaD:
Have you tried suggesting therapy to her? Let her know in a good way what you think of her behavior and how you think working on it will help you guys achieve more. What is most important is how you pass the message across.

Boss, now let me describe this lady for you.
You dare not tell her she is wrong or have problem, she accuses you of always complaining and how she has tried. She tell you that you are the one with the problem.

Tell her that she likes belitting you and yoi dont like it, when next you have issues with her, she will accuse you of belitting her.

cavreek:
Scale ur peace of mind when u're with her, if its above average then take the risk
On the other hand if u think u can endure or manage her excesses rethink

On one hand she is the best, bro if you dont know her well, you can vow to dump you babe for her, but on the other hand she does crazy things. we fight almost everyday, when you do something she doesnt like, then she doesnt mind to start frowning and changing mood till it result to a fight.

Richy4:

Hmmm!!!!
Buddy!!! Are u really really sure that u can endure that number 3 problem?

Comrade that number 3 is a ticking time bomb that will explode in a long run for any sane individual Both male or female ... And it usually has Osinachi effect if nothing is done...

When you 'count all her blessings and name them one by one in your heart', u might explode within 3yrs of marriage... and kill her in her sleep

Talk about that number 3 with her, if u can't take it buddy, tell her that both of you are not compatible...

Bro that number three also trouble me, what ked to our current fight, she talked to me un a disrespectful way, i told her to mind the way she talks to me, that aside being her boyfriend, i am not her mate, this girl picked offense and startedaccusing me of being ddominating and forming god.

Which also led her say that she regrets saying yes to me, she been saying this for long.

Why don't you just break up and move on?
It's clear you both are unhappy in this relationship.

It's your call, no one is 100%, everyone has his/her own.
by now, you should be balancing the domineering side by standing on some decisions though it's not always you stand your ground.
To me, she is cool, letting her know some of these issues in a calm way I believe she will improve.

#my woman have some similar characters

Follow your instinct especially when you begin to have doubts

Truvelisback:
From her good sides u mentioned, she is the Best for u. No human on this planet earth that is completely Perfect in character. Nobody wey no get him own for body.

Man, i know that no body is perfect, but a girl who belittles you, tell you that she regrets datingyou during a fight, a girl that will manumanipulate you when she is wrong.

A girl that disrespect you and is angry when yoi as a man wants to take authority.