Saintinoo:


On one hand she is the best, bro if you dont know her well, you can vow to dump you babe for her, but on the other hand she does crazy things. we fight almost everyday, when you do something she doesnt like, then she doesnt mind to start frowning and changing mood till it result to a fight.

Saintinoo:


Bro, i do not normally talk about age, but i had to considering that this lady doesnt talk to her 18 years old kid sister the way she yells at me. She completely disregard me, especially when she is angry, anytime she becomes angry, i receive the eorworst word and insult of my life, belitting, telling me that she regrets dating me, she wish she could turn the hands of time.

This lady trys to control me, i dare not see her post online without saying a nice word, else she will tell me terrible things.

If we are to do something, it has to favour her, not minding wht they other person feel.

nnamdiosu:
[sup][/sup]

Regardless of all the good things you wrote about her, no 1 alone and no 2 has cancelled, countered, neutralized them all.

Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect. However there is a certain bad someone has, that can outweight all the good the person has.

If she was the kind of person that can take to corrections, even with the bad sides, there would have been hope.

BUT THE MOST TOXIC PERSON TO BE WITH IS THE PERSON THAT WON'T ACCEPT CORRECTIONS BUT RATHER BLAME OTHERS.

Marriage is not always sweet. Is stressful especially when children comes in or finances are not as it used to be. That's when the very patience of one is tested.
Imagine you two in the above situation, can you beat and cope?

Your answer is the answer to the question you are asking on this thread.

henrimoto:
pls, must you marry this lady ? You talk as if you owe this lady a compulsory marriage, despite the unhappiness she is giving you.

She is a virgin

Saintinoo:


Boss, now let me describe this lady for you.
You dare not tell her she is wrong or have problem, she accuses you of always complaining and how she has tried. She tell you that you are the one with the problem.

Tell her that she likes belitting you and yoi dont like it, when next you have issues with her, she will accuse you of belitting her.

Saintinoo:
Bro, everybody has a good and bad side, i am not perfect either. And u know that i am not the problem here, what do you make of a girl that belittles you and call you names when an issue comes up.

Kobojunkie:
This has absolutely nothing to do with being perfect or not but the fact that in not really knowing yourself and what you want, you have pretty much wasted this woman's time in a relationship, probably even leading her to believe you are the right person for her.

You are the problem here because this behavior of hers has been there from the start, it seems, yet you led her own making her believe you were OK with it. If you don't like a girl that belittles you and calls you names when an issue comes up, why did you date her all this while, going as far as to promise her marriage?

Octopusssy:
I doubt you have ever being in any serious relationship. You sha like talking nonsense

Kobojunkie:
See delusion abeg!

Octopusssy:

It's not delusion. Stop commenting on things you lack sufficient experience in

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

henrimoto:
pls, must you marry this lady ? You talk as if you owe this lady a compulsory marriage, despite the unhappiness she is giving you.

pelumiii:

She can go to any lenght to make sure that her man and family is ok and yet you labeled her a narcissist.. Even though this red flags you mentioned are serious issues, have you tried to discuss these things with her and how have you tried to help her?

I don't know much about your relationship with her but from the little you wrote, I can say you are really amplifying her faults and diminishing her strengths.

She is your woman, so you know her more than we do, but I believe these faults she has are things she can work on if she is willing to...

Most times the way we look at the problem is the problem, imagine someone you already labeled a narcissist, obviously you will constantly be on the look out for her flaws and atimes you might end up blowing things out of proportion.

There is one rule I used in my past relationship, I don't correct or point out my partner's fault when the atmosphere is already tensed or when she is still very agitated, I realized she is more receptive when the matter has died down and she is calm, she tend to listen more and see her faults then, but if I pointed her faults out when she is already agitated, she tend to justify her bad behavior and this will create more chaos because I will now definitely get angry...

But you are the one that know where the shoe pinches, all i said is from my own little understanding of your post, but don't be quick to loose a good woman because because of flaws she can work on if she is willing...

Stargurl20:
Don't tell me you're just seeing all these after 3years.

Octopusssy:

I doubt you have ever being in any serious relationship. You sha like talking nonsense

Saintinoo:


No, i have been trying to make things work and finding a way to understand her all through those years. But i know better now.

Saintinoo:


No, i have been trying to make things work and finding a way to understand her all through those years. But i know better now.

Stargurl20:



If you're being honest with all these you accused her of, I wouldn't advice you to marry such woman. Not just a woman, humans shouldn't have high inflated idea of their won importance. We shouldn't be full of ourselves.

However, I think u should have discard her earlier the moment you tried changing all these, and u are not seeing any signs of her willing to. Maybe her virginity got into her head, not knowing they are countless virgins ( forget what they say here.
Anyway, the ball is in your court

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

Saintinoo:


Bro that number three also trouble me, what ked to our current fight, she talked to me un a disrespectful way, i told her to mind the way she talks to me, that aside being her boyfriend, i am not her mate, this girl picked offense and startedaccusing me of being ddominating and forming god.

Which also led her say that she regrets saying yes to me, she been saying this for long.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

Saintinoo:


Bro, i do not normally talk about age, but i had to considering that this lady doesnt talk to her 18 years old kid sister the way she yells at me. She completely disregard me, especially when she is angry, anytime she becomes angry, i receive the eorworst word and insult of my life, belitting, telling me that she regrets dating me, she wish she could turn the hands of time.

This lady trys to control me, i dare not see her post online without saying a nice word, else she will tell me terrible things.

If we are to do something, it has to favour her, not minding wht they other person feel.

Saintinoo:
Good evening nairaland family.
I have never been in such a situation where i am afraid to make mistake like this.

I have been with this girl for more than three years, of courses i promised her marriage, but i have been seeing so many red flags which after doing my findings, takes me to her being a narcissit.

My problem with her:

1. She wants to control and dominate
2. She loses control of her words when angry; she talks to anybody in any manner she likes when she is angry
3. When she is wrong, instead of apologising, she rather manipulate you to take the blame (gaslighting)
4. She appears disrespectful at times, you dare not tell her that she is disrespectful, she will bring up manipulation.

Her good side:

1. She is a type of woman you can call good woman, considering the moral decay of our society
2. She is a virgin, even though am not bothered about that
3. She can go any lenght to make sure her man and family is ok
4. She cares about me so well, prays for and check on me very well.
5. She is contented with the little i give, even if i know she nags about it sometimes.
6. She is always ready to help when things goes bad.

This good sides if hers is the reason i have still not kicked her out, but the red flags are so clear and i would not want to over look that.

Pls advice, because i think these behaviour of hers won't go, and if i marry her, i have to live with with.

missidy:
All you just described is my 41yrs old cousin. Bad character everywhere, her fiance ran away to Ghana so that she won't find him. Till today, she isn't married. Anytime we watched a movie together and she sees a lady talking anyhow to her husband, she will shake her head and say "she go soon learn, me sef I don learn my lesson ." Talk to her, if she refuses to change then make your decision.