so l finish my Nysc service last year,,met the girl of my dream during the service year, we both live in Abuja although separately because she stays with her sister, we both have a business separately we are managing that gives us a minimum of 4-5k on daily basis,, l have told my mother about my girlfriend and try to make her understand how much l love this girl ,
on Sunday we went to chicken republic eat something of 5k which my girlfriend even contributed 2k to it, she posted the picture on Facebook and tag me, my younger brother saw it and show my mother ,, yesterday my mother called me and was talking to me like toddler,,
she claim that any young man who want to succeed should not put a woman first,that l should make money and attend to family problem first before focusing on a woman,,l ask her: is a man of 29yrs too small to have a girlfriend? l told her :" l barely finish Nysc service last year,, instead of sitting down doing nothing ,l have started a business and l am sending small small money to u and my siblings, if l ditch having any girlfriend at 29yrs and focus on family problems that means l wont get married, and l also inform her that am not living with my girlfriend as she is insunating that girl takes care of 90 percent of her problems,, those were the answers l gave when she cut off the call,, please nairalanders how can l handle my mother and still maintain my relationship.

What she said is for you not to make a kpekus your priority

Why na?

The picture made her rush in conclusion that she's a wasteful geh just ur spending hard earned money anyhow....... . u know say some mothers na old school....those restaurant parole is waste of money to them...

Na u go chnage her mindset about ur girl... let her know how hardworking she is and that she's not a parasite....

No mother wants her son to marry and extravagant wife....she's just looking out for you..

JOACHINpedro:
What she said is for you not to make a kpekus your priority

Bro if kpekus is my problem l wont focus on one girlfriend, she is a graduate and l am a graduate,, nobody is a liability to anybody,, if l ditch relationship at 29yrs and focus on family problems walahi l wont even progress myself,,this is just the major disadvantages of coming from a poor family.

victooman:
so l finish my Nysc service last year,,met the girl of my dream during the service year, we both live in Abuja although separately because she stays with her sister, we both have a business separately we are managing that gives us a minimum of 4-5k on daily basis,, l have told my mother about my girlfriend and try to make her understand how much l love this girl ,
on Sunday we went to chicken republic eat something of 5k which my girlfriend even contributed 2k to it, she posted the picture on Facebook and tag me, my younger brother saw it and show my mother ,, yesterday my mother called me and was talking to me like toddler,,
she claim that any young man who want to succeed should not put a woman first,that l should make money and attend to family problem first before focusing on a woman,,l ask her: is a man of 29yrs too small to have a girlfriend? l told her :" l barely finish Nysc service last year,, instead of sitting down doing nothing ,l have started a business and l am sending small small money to u and my siblings, if l ditch having any girlfriend at 29yrs and focus on family problems that means l wont get married, and l also inform her that am not living with my girlfriend as she is insunating that girl takes care of 90 percent of her problems,, those were the answers l gave when she cut off the call,, please nairalanders how can l handle my mother and still maintain my relationship.

Op, what's the financial status of your family? A humble one?

While I understand the need for men to sometimes put women aside and get their lives on track, the reason your mom is giving for it sounds selfish.

Sounds like you're the first born and she wants you to settle your junior siblings first.

bro l know my mother very well,, even at 35yrs she still dont think l am ready for marriage untill l as the first son make money rescue the whole family out of poverty,, the other day l told her l will like to marry in my early thirties and she was telling me l have to build a house first and raise structures,, i understand her love and expectations but honestly she need to understand that as the first son, l can only support them and not neglect my own life carrying the whole family problems,,

Thought as much.

Op, don't let them guilt trip you with that first born crap.

Do what you can for your family, at your convenience and pace cos peradventure heavens forbid you're no longer there they would still survive one way or the other.

Don't sacrifice your progress on the altar of "I want to settle my family".

May I also ask how old are your junior siblings? Early/Mid 20s? They should be able to handle stuffs by now without looking up to brother.

When people are told to cap the number of children they give birth to, they'll give all sorts of religious and sentimental excuses.

I also hope you learn from this Op and procreate responsibly so you won't put more pressure on your first born like your ma is doing to you now.

advanceDNA:
The picture made her rush in conclusion that she's a wasteful geh just ur spending hard earned money anyhow....... . u know say some mothers na old school....those restaurant parole is waste of money to them...

Na u go chnage her mindset about ur girl... let her know how hardworking she is and that she's not a parasite....

No mother wants her son to marry and extravagant wife....she's just looking out for you..

bro l know my mother very well,, even at 35yrs she still dont think l am ready for marriage untill l as the first son make money rescue the whole family out of poverty,, the other day l told her l will like to marry in my early thirties and she was telling me l have to build a house first and raise structures,, i understand her love and expectations but honestly she need to understand that as the first son, l can only support them and not neglect my own life carrying the whole family problems,,

She's right and she's also wrong. Having a family in Nigeria or dating is a very huge financial responsibility but then you aren't a young lad and you should be able to make decisions and live with the consequences of your decisions.

victooman:
bro l know my mother very well,, even at 35yrs she still dont think l am ready for marriage untill l as the first son make money rescue the whole family out of poverty,, the other day l told her l will like to marry in my early thirties and she was telling me l have to build a house first and raise structures,, i understand her love and expectations but honestly she need to understand that as the first son, l can only support them and not neglect my own life carrying the whole family problems,,

U be first son??.....the pressure is real oooo....
Just make sure u marry woman wey no go pursue your family.....cos ur mother will come back and say ..."shebi i said so before"

tensazangetsu20:
She's right and she's also wrong. Having a family in Nigeria or dating is a very huge financial responsibility but then you aren't a young lad and you should be able to make decisions and live with the consequences of your decisions.

The mom is being selfish with her reasons.

Op didn't ask her to give birth to battalions so why is she pressuring the young lad?

She should bear the consequences of her actions together with her husband.

Having someone to love is a great feeling.

Put yourself first in this case, so long she's not a leach.

At 29, I'm sure your mother was married with at least a kid.

Ebidosie onato darlin darlin, baby baby! Oga listen to your mum. Make money first forget about 29yrs. money matters, u can do anything @ anytime once the money is there

Hmm
Being a first born is a huge responsibility that comes with a great pressure.
Am sure ur mom thought the money you guys spend in restaurant can be use for something better. Don't let family put pressure on you, do ur best and leave the rest n don't ignore urself in the process. You're still a young guy that need to enjoy life and not been overwhelmed with pressure. Tho'i understand ur mom has alot of expectation from you, you need to let her understand life is not like that and everything is step by step.

victooman:
Bro if kpekus is my problem l wont focus on one girlfriend, she is a graduate and l am a graduate,, nobody is a liability to anybody,, if l ditch relationship at 29yrs and focus on family problems walahi l wont even progress myself,,this is just the major disadvantages of coming from a poor family.

Oga nobody is telling you to ditch a good girl.

is not that she doesn't want you to have a girlfriend ,is just she wants you to get your priorities right, being financially stable, however, you can keep the relationship on a low ,win win situation on both sides

advanceDNA:
The picture made her rush in conclusion that she's a wasteful geh just ur spending hard earned money anyhow....... . u know say some mothers na old school....those restaurant parole is waste of money to them...

Na u go chnage her mindset about ur girl... let her know how hardworking she is and that she's not a parasite....

No mother wants her son to marry and extravagant wife....she's just looking out for you..

Shey family problems dem dey solve am finish once.Is she your only parent? BRO ABEG DO YOUR BEST FOR YOUR SELF FIRST BUT DINT FORGET YOUR MOM.

victooman:
so l finish my Nysc service last year,,met the girl of my dream during the service year, we both live in Abuja although separately because she stays with her sister, we both have a business separately we are managing that gives us a minimum of 4-5k on daily basis,, l have told my mother about my girlfriend and try to make her understand how much l love this girl ,
on Sunday we went to chicken republic eat something of 5k which my girlfriend even contributed 2k to it, she posted the picture on Facebook and tag me, my younger brother saw it and show my mother ,, yesterday my mother called me and was talking to me like toddler,,
she claim that any young man who want to succeed should not put a woman first,that l should make money and attend to family problem first before focusing on a woman,,l ask her: is a man of 29yrs too small to have a girlfriend? l told her :" l barely finish Nysc service last year,, instead of sitting down doing nothing ,l have started a business and l am sending small small money to u and my siblings, if l ditch having any girlfriend at 29yrs and focus on family problems that means l wont get married, and l also inform her that am not living with my girlfriend as she is insunating that girl takes care of 90 percent of her problems,, those were the answers l gave when she cut off the call,, please nairalanders how can l handle my mother and still maintain my relationship.

Don't mind your Mummy jor
Some of us take life too serious and let go of people we should keep.
And tomorrow will come and the next till years roll by, we get to see them still being in our lives wasn't going to slow anything down...
We just overreacted to life...
If you love her, you see she's resourceful, then why won't you rather start building up a future with her?
We go faster most times as a team..

Take her out and ask her to date you, forgetting that she is your mother tell her to be your babe, and watch her react

I think I'm in same shoe here.my mom even confronted my gf to halt anything with me.reason..shes older than me

I wonder why some families do feel entitled to their kids' wealth or life.

This is among the reasons why I always say that people should stop breeding like rodents. At the end of the day, you put unnecessary pressure and demand on the kids, thereby making it difficult for them to focus on their own individual life.

Disgusting people!

victooman:
so l finish my Nysc service last year,,met the girl of my dream during the service year, we both live in Abuja although separately because she stays with her sister, we both have a business separately we are managing that gives us a minimum of 4-5k on daily basis,, l have told my mother about my girlfriend and try to make her understand how much l love this girl ,
on Sunday we went to chicken republic eat something of 5k which my girlfriend even contributed 2k to it, she posted the picture on Facebook and tag me, my younger brother saw it and show my mother ,, yesterday my mother called me and was talking to me like toddler,,
she claim that any young man who want to succeed should not put a woman first,that l should make money and attend to family problem first before focusing on a woman,,l ask her: is a man of 29yrs too small to have a girlfriend? l told her :" l barely finish Nysc service last year,, instead of sitting down doing nothing ,l have started a business and l am sending small small money to u and my siblings, if l ditch having any girlfriend at 29yrs and focus on family problems that means l wont get married, and l also inform her that am not living with my girlfriend as she is insunating that girl takes care of 90 percent of her problems,, those were the answers l gave when she cut off the call,, please nairalanders how can l handle my mother angd still maintain my relationship.

your mom especially your younger brother has a very high mentality of entitlement, like seriously you gave them the chance to do so self... nothing wey dat babe go do go make her good for your mama forget, she would be seen as a useless girl,a borehole just drilling you...I just pity the girl in question because most of this relationship end with a lot of pain and most at times this babe might be someone who can give everything just to make sure that you make it in life... they are women that believe in partnership... before you know now your mother will find a wife for you to marry,who doesn't even know about how you started...one your mother can manipulate,you better man up,even though you won't marry her make sure you put that brother of yours in his place,na those kind they kill brother for property, monitoring spirit,you better be careful and be prayerful,cos even a man's famous might be his setback.

Make money before you love o

advanceDNA:
The picture made her rush in conclusion that she's a wasteful geh just ur spending hard earned money anyhow....... . u know say some mothers na old school....those restaurant parole is waste of money to them...

Na u go chnage her mindset about ur girl... let her know how hardworking she is and that she's not a parasite....

No mother wants her son to marry and extravagant wife....she's just looking out for you..

No, she's not looking out for him. She's being selfish and highly entitled.

Your mom is seeing what love has blinded your eyes from seeing in the said girl. That's how love works. Once the love clear your eyes now,you will receive sense.. You will see what mama saw that you never saw,while in love.. And you will forever be grateful to mom.. Help me tell your mom,that I said God will bless her. She will live long in good health and happiness. Na better mama you get op..

victooman:
bro l know my mother very well,, even at 35yrs she still dont think l am ready for marriage untill l as the first son make money rescue the whole family out of poverty,, the other day l told her l will like to marry in my early thirties and she was telling me l have to build a house first and raise structures,, i understand her love and expectations but honestly she need to understand that as the first son, l can only support them and not neglect my own life carrying the whole family problems,,

I'm glad you're not living with her. Let her deal with her issues of entitlement. Don't bow to her pressure.

You have your life to live. As long as you are giving back home in your own capacity and also focused on your goals, stand your ground and ignore her!

Your mum is not scolding you because you're too young but because she knows her son is immature.

You finished service last year and your priority is a woman? The money you think you're making now is nothing when a family comes. Consolidate and build yourself up properly.

Women love marriage and grandkids but your mum knows her son is far from mature enough to marry. Be wise son, listen to mum.

As for rescuing the family from poverty, don't let that bother you. Family problems nor dey finish. Increase your income before thinking of a woman. Your family will be fine with or without you.

BigYash:
Your mom is seeing what love has blinded your eyes from seeing in the said girl. That's how love works. Once the love clear your eyes now,you will receive sense.. You will see what mama saw that you never saw,while in love.. And you will forever be grateful to mom.. Help me tell your mom,that I said God will bless her. She will live long in good health and happiness. Na better mama you get op..

The woman is selfish! Her son is not obligated to feed the family!

Raalsalghul:


Op, what's the financial status of your family? A humble one?

While I understand the need for men to sometimes put women aside and get their lives on track, the reason your mom is giving for it sounds selfish.

Sounds like you're the first born and she wants you to settle your junior siblings first.




Thought as much.

Op, don't let them guilt trip you with that first born crap.

Do what you can for your family, at your convenience and pace cos peradventure heavens forbid you're no longer there they would still survive one way or the other.

Don't sacrifice your progress on the altar of "I want to settle my family".

May I also ask how old are your junior siblings? Early/Mid 20s? They should be able to handle stuffs by now without looking up to brother.

When people are told to cap the number of children they give birth to, they'll give all sorts of religious and sentimental excuses.

I also hope you learn from this Op and procreate responsibly so you won't put more pressure on your first born like your ma is doing to you now.

thanks for this piece,see op a lot of first born are suffering today cos they did everything for their family and neglected themselves,and when those families are in the right state of mind to help...they make them go through hell!!! And some of them end up homeless, jobless even some do loose their children to illness self, imagine taking a loan of 15m to train your brother abroad using your house as collecteral saying he would get money to be sending you to pay back and he just dealt with you...even 2k to treat your child that your brother no go give you shishi...shit happens every where bro so op no judge mumsy but use your brain well.

zed7:
Your mum is not scolding you because you're too young but because she knows her son is immature.

You finished service last year and your priority is a woman? The money you think you're making now is nothing when a family comes. Consolidate and build yourself up properly.

Women love marriage and grandkids but your mum knows her son is far from mature enough to marry. Be wise son, listen to mum.

No, he's not immature. Your definition of immaturity is wrong and it shows you are shallow. There are more better ways to address an adult male, irrespective of the relationship (son/daughter/nieces etc) between you both.

Most of y'all were raised by parents that were/are bad at parenting!

Karleb:
Having someone to love is a great feeling.

Put yourself first in this case, so long she's not a leach.

At 29, I'm sure your mother was married with at least a kid.

One kid? Most probably 2/3 kids!

MufasaLion:


The woman is selfish! Her son is not obligated to feed the family!

She is not.. The son probably loves the girl more. Meanwhile the babe is supposed to love op more.. And if this is the case,it will ruin him... That is what I think mama is seeing.. My advice is for op to calm down,while he check and balance the whole situation.. No girl loves a man.. She is just playing the normal game,they all play.. Op thinks its love..

MufasaLion:


No, she's not looking out for him. She's being selfish and highly entitled.

Ok oooooo