What do you expect

The good man knows that if he lets you take any decision about the marriage that you will use your entitled mentality and wreck him financially, he may even go bankrupt..
Very wise man if you ask me.

It's just for the wedding arrangements.

Women are known to be frivolous in Wedding spendings. He's only helping you...

He won't be too controlling in the marriage.

Believe what I say.

Don't listen to some of the miserable bästârds on this forum that'll want you to miss this good opportunity.

May you find fulfilment in your marriage.

pansophist:
Like cement, an over 40 years old man is already hardened in his ways, and even the spirit of God cannot change him. But you can compromise.

So since he decides for things to go his way, then he should bear the cost only. It's just a twist to the old saying that "he who plays the Piper dictates the tune".

You want things to go your way abi? Oya pay for it alone. E no hard.

No perfect man outside, and if this is the only flaw he has, then manage him like that, you're not perfect either. But if he beats, sleeps around and can't provide for you, then I'll personally come and drag you out of that marriage.

Keep talking to him that he should consider your opinion, but also know where to draw the line between been submissive, and being imposing. Things doesn't have to go your ways always.

[b]No offence to you, but my experience with over 30 year old women is that submission is hard for them. They've grown past the age of easy integration into a man's program[b].

Make sure this is not your problem. You've probably being with other men and have develop a taste of everything, and how you want your things done. A young woman will not care since she is inexperienced and helplessly in love.

Unlike relationship between matured couples that are mostly transactional, and engineered to the last bolt. These are some challenges associated with marrying older. Easy integration into your lives becomes hard.

The bolded is so hard for both sexes as it is difficult for a man at that age to also learn to compromise and amend his ways towards what gives his partner happiness. At that age, both sexes are set in their ways.

There are worse things than being single sis... Don't make a mistake. Ask yourself why that 40yr old man is single n never married. Don't carry a load that will have you singing "had I known " few days into your marriage o.

Talk to your spouse...
Whatever the choice communication is key...
He might not know he's doing what he's doing...
They might be besides you say it just started...

Honestly, I don't know

Do what you see is best

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

This same attitude of nonsubmissiveness kept you single till 35,but still you have not learnt anything yet. Continue

First off, I hope say una Genotype match eachother??

If you are not ready to be submissive, do not marry.
Wife has to be submissive to the husband 100%
Husband has to be submissive to the wife 150%

GboyegaD:


The bolded is so hard for both sexes as it is difficult for a man at that age to also learn to compromise and amend his ways towards what gives his partner happiness. At that age, both sexes are set in their ways.

Exactly, hence I sugggested compromising. Thats all they can do.

adetunrayo:
Did you seek the face of God before getting this far? It is never to late to ask God before you tie the knot.

Let God direct your choice not your age. Marriage without seeking God's direction before proceeding is baba ijebu.

God is the foundation of marriage. Seek His face before it's too late.

Please Auntie help her with that

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

In your mid twenties, there was a young man, who was loving, always let you have your say in matters that affected you both, but I guess you saw him as a weakling and immature, now you have the controlling man at 35, what can I say.

Dump him if he is controlling.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Did he cheat on you? Ans --- No
Do you really want to get married? Ans --- decide
Is there any man born perfect? Ans --- No

In the end, it seems he is taking some work off your hand. You should try to see if he would also CONTROL some works in the kitchen. Wahala.

GboyegaD:
My only advice is that if he doesn't see you as his priority and vice versa, don't get married to him. It is better you are single than getting it wrong at this age.

I find it amusing that he has no mind of his at his age. You could think you will be submissive which you should be however to who? If his family starts running your home, are you still willing to be submissive?

Lastly, marriage requires determination, hardwork, and sacrifice therefore, it is better to count the cost and be willing to do all to pay before getting into it.

Jesus!!! Gboyega!!
This is what you advise her to do?

Toscarel:
Marry him, you divorce later atleast you would have kids and no one would say you didnt marry.

God bless you because not having kids too might kill her emotionally during old age ..

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Dear sis, don't run away. He knows your age has gone far and that's why he's doing all that nonsense to scare you away. My dear play along, after the marriage ceremony deal with him by standing your ground on anything you want to do or wear as his wife. After the wedding, don't allow him detect for you but for now play along.

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

I feel like crying for some young people who saw fire and went ahead and put their hands in it all in the name of they're getting old and age is not on their side.

Is it your parents that will live with your husband when both of you are married? Is it them or you?

There are red flags and there are red flags but this your own too much!!! It is excess.

Even if it is a day to your marriage, you can still change your mind and say you're not tying the knot again when you have cogent reasons.

Use your head. Many 40 plus women are testifying on NSPPD about miracle marriages.

Trust God. Do the right thing. Join NSPPD or any Bible believing church of yours and keep praying to God. The right man will come. Even if he doesnt come quickly, it doesnt mean God has failed you. There is more to life than feeling you're a failure because all your friends have married and you're still single. Life no be competition my sister. Singlehood is better than collecting steady slaps, being beaten and bullied, not allowed to voice your opinion in your own matrimonial home.

A man who listens to his mother and siblings and disregards the opinion of the woman he wants to marry, will NEVER EVER listen to her in marriage.

I think I've said enough.

luminouz:


Jesus!!! Gboyega!!
This is what you advise her to do?

Se ko si ooo. You wan turn monitoring spirit for my mata? Advice her your own na abi no be man you sef be?

OChimex:


Forget, some men especially in Africa are so prideful and controlling. And it’s annoying how they treat women. They treat their wives as slaves.
These are dumb African men who can’t move their society or country forward. And have refused to build a modern society like the rest of the world, yet they have stupid egos.
Believe me honestly, when you treat women/wives/ mothers/sister respectfully, and love them so much, the submission and respect will come naturally and the loyalty and love will be massive. (When a woman loves, she loves for real) and you will be surprise how much success you will have in your home and life and business.

Try to ask yourself this question.
If she was the one footing the bills or sharing the bills with the man, do you think the man will make such decision?

To me, this is not an issue of submission. That’s why I encourage women to make their own money before getting into marriage.
It will attract respect from the man.

GboyegaD:


Se ko si ooo. You wan turn monitoring spirit for my mata? Advice her your own na abi no be man you sef be?

[color=#006600][/color]

NAC1666:

Bear in mind that all men are cheat. Don't enter the marriage and start complaining that he cheated. Pretend you didn't see anything. That's how our mothers managed our fathers. Your marriage will last long and fruitful

Keep deceiving yourself. Most of our mothers complained about cheating, but when the man refused to change the restrategised and waited for pay back in our fathers old Age. Never keep quiet when he is cheating, make sure he knows you know,so that when the day reckoning comes he won't deny it.

HoneySwag:

Dear sis, don't run away. He knows your age has gone far and that's why he's doing all that nonsense to scare you away. My dear play along, after the marriage ceremony deal with him by standing your ground on anything you want to do or wear as his wife. After the wedding, don't allow him detect for you but for now play along.

So you would rather encourage a union of deceit? He's shown who he is and if she chooses to go along, then she should be able to be submissive and his folks. This you are advising is not in anyway beneficial to her as the world doesn't end if one is single past 35.

Caleycash:
Any woman not married at that age most likely has a problem, you can't tell me otherwise!, coupled you have no contribution towards your marriage, what were you doing all your twenties without adding any value to your life?

And the man? Oh, only the woman has faults? The man being single at 40 most likely has a problem – just like what he’s presently displaying.

First, how much u contribute to the wedding.?
When e reach money una keep quiet, to make decisions una go suddenly get voice
.... At ur age u still get pride

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Your role is just to be submissive, before you agree to marry him you no tell us oh.
Now the man is leading ur complaining, be grateful nne.
Has he ever beaten you?
If No calm down and be grateful to God that He has taken away your reproach.

Marry him oooo

Then in marriage, anybody wey do anyhow, make una give una selves wotowoto 😅😅

As long as you sha don wed before, Nigerians no get problem. Where dem get problem be say , if dem never do small thing for your head.

Nobody dey see the 40yrs old pikin , wey still dey do like mumu .

Age is not by maturity, if guys don dey near 37yrs to 40 yrs without marriage, na so some of them their sense of reasoning dey drop , while the women their sense dey increase.

[quote author=Fineman2 post=123528172]My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

It appears you are not ready to face it, even at 35 years.

Ladies and gentlemen, this story is FAKE. Read this story created by OP earlier on.

https://www.nairaland.com/7691434/married-woman-needs-advice

.

Women don suffer.

Nothing humbles a woman in this life like age, in other words, mother nature.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

I'm even more controlling than your fiancee, yet my wife loves me even more than her mom. Deal with the situation with wisdom. Nobody is perfect.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Be loyal, get married, have atleast a child then show him the other side of urs too. Since he is stupid.