Caleycash:
Hahahaha 😆 😂 🤣, still rife in the west, we've seen corruption everywhere in the world

Dude my statements have nothing to do with corruption. It has everything to do with how much primitive people think and behave despite having education.
You think education enlightens people, not in Nigeria

UyaiIncomparabl:


Will these women get married to themselves?

No, but at least they should play there own part by living a modest life that will attract eligible suitors, also have something doing like a trade or skill acquisition, not necessarily schooling.

OChimex:


You don’t understand. My guys here work and their wives stays at home and make most of the financial decisions.
She stays at home, run your home and your kids, she gives you a lot too. And service you in the other room.
That she doesn’t contribute financially doesn’t mean, she doesn’t contribute.
Running a home is more complicated than making money, at least here. If you doubt, work full time and employ people to run your home and your kids you go understand d the cost.
Listen dude, that a woman doesn’t contribute money doesn’t me she doesn’t contribute as much as you do or even more,

I get that.
It makes sense over there in the States where making money is not as tasking as running house chores like you pointed out.
But with my orientation and mentality, I’d rather have a wife committed to making money than the one staying full time at home
because her contribution wouldn’t count as much to me.

Caleycash:
You sound so much like a feminist... the so called feminised west how has it been for them!?, lots of Divorced home, separations, lots of damaged women with mental illness deemed as "weird", children from broken home behaving very badly and filled with criminal tendencies, I reiterate there's no perfect system, most men even in that your so called west will still prefer Nigerian/African way of being with women, women can't handle so much power, they always tend to abuse it. exception of few, so you mean those divorcing and separating everyday in tye west is a good thing for the society!?, finally it's a man's world 💯, all inventions, wars and great feats were all achieved by men! That's the reality and it's not changing even in 10,000 years to come, it's a man's world

Dude nobody is talking about a perfect society.
But I can bet you anyways, that whatever bad is in the West is much much worst in Nigeria, just that they sweep it under the carpet. Most married women are in misery called marriage, and die in deep pain. Most men in Nigeria sleeps around like dogs, because their marriage is dead, but they just dey pretend to be in marriage.
I tell you one thing, ask around, no matter how bad a society and human behaviors are in the West, it is far more worst in Nigeria

Your name is John in this post, https://www.nairaland.com/7668587/wife-hates-daughter-first-wife

Funsho in this post, https://www.nairaland.com/7691434/married-woman-needs-advice


And Dora in this post, https://www.nairaland.com/7712564/35-year-old-lady-needs-advice

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

OChimex:


Dude my statements have nothing to do with corruption. It has everything to do with how much primitive people think and behave despite having education.
You think education enlightens people, not in Nigeria

Nope your statement implies "corruption" not cave like lifestyle!... probably you're contradicting yourself, all I know is that it's a man's world 💯, if women wants equality and to be treated special, they should be able to indulge in the hectic burdens men bear, you're saying Nigeria, I just dey laugh you... do your research even the white men are getting fed up of the feminist shit!, because they've realised its a scam, checkout everywhere on social media, its very glaring... women clocking 30s without suitors, it's a spin back, it's a give and take world, having even the notions that a man and a woman are equal is madness 🤣 😂

OChimex:


Dude nobody is talking about a perfect society.
But I can bet you anyways, that whatever bad is in the West is much much worst in Nigeria, just that they sweep it under the carpet. Most married women are in misery called marriage, and die in deep pain. Most men in Nigeria sleeps around like dogs, because their marriage is dead, but they just dey pretend to be in marriage.
I tell you one thing, ask around, no matter how bad a society and human behaviors are in the West, it is far more worst in Nigeria

The west have the highest divorce cases and separations... which do you choose?, women being calm and sticking to there role as women or women showing masculine energy resulting to divorces and separations, the later is a more dysfunctional society filled with psychos, there's nothing to gain in vain wokeness than pains, depression and loneliness, old age will make lots of them miserable!

Caleycash:
Nope your statement implies "corruption" not cave like lifestyle!... probably you're contradicting yourself, all I know is that it's a man's world 💯, if women wants equality and to be treated special, they should be able to indulge in the hectic burdens men bear, you're saying Nigeria, I just dey laugh you... do your research even the white men are getting fed up of the feminist shit!, because they've realised its a scam, checkout everywhere on social media, its very glaring... women clocking 30s without suitors, it's a spin back, it's a give and take world, having even the notions that a man and a woman are equal is madness 🤣 😂

Dude I just listed a caveman-like mentality and behaviors of Nigerians even when they have acquired degrees upon degrees.
I don’t need to do a research, nobody is talking about feminism, I am talking about respect and regard for women.
Feminism is no issue here, because people try to treat women with respects and regards.
Besides, feminism is as a result of mistreatment of women over time.

If you are not comfortable with his not taking decisions as a man, hold your pair of slippers in your hands Biko!

Caleycash:
The west have the highest divorce cases and separations... which do you choose?, women being calm and sticking to there role as women or women showing masculine energy resulting to divorces and separations, the later is a more dysfunctional society filled with psychos, there's nothing to gain in vain wokeness than pains, depression and loneliness, old age will make lots of them miserable!

Like I said, common sense is not common in Nigeria. There are more dead marriages in Nigeria than in the Western world. People stay in misery of a marriage.
So common sense now, which one is the best, stay in miserable marriage and die miserably or divorce or separate and be happy?
Answer this as a woman.
And I say again, over and over again, no matter how bad it is the western world, there are more worst thing happening in Nigeria.
Dude, let me tell you this, there are more guns in America than humans,
My colleagues have not less than 3 guns each, some kids of 20s. Houses are made of wood. Cars are parked outside.
Then try give more Nigerians guns, make the house there of woods and park expensive cars outside.
Let’s check something.
You will understand who is more mad and damaged.
No society is perfect, but Nigeria is worst

OChimex:


Dude I just listed a caveman-like mentality and behaviors of Nigerians even when they have acquired degrees upon degrees.
I don’t need to do a research, nobody is talking about feminism, I am talking about respect and regard for women.
Feminism is no issue here, because people try to treat women with respects and regards.
Besides, feminism is as a result of mistreatment of women over time.

Women has always been respected in Nigeria, I don't know were you got your own notions women are not respected and treated well in Nigeria, women in Nigeria get freebies, you take a woman out, you pay the whole bills, compared to there western counterparts they're zero, most women in Nigerian have little to no contributions in the financial need of the family, yet Nigerian men bear all these burdens and cater for the family as a man, once a man wants to be heard as the man of the house or takes a second wife everywhere catches fire, Nigerian women have set principles and standards for men, if met they should take whatever comes out of it... it's a give and take world bro!

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Hope you know that emotions do run high whenever weddings are getting very close. Whatever you are seeing is not really true colour in the real sense but how people tend to act under pressure. I sincerely wish you wouldn't make a regrettable mistake because of this.

Make money make you no hear rubbish for this life.

[quote author=Fineman2 post=123528172]My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise
It better to be single than to be in a toxic marriage. The red flag you're seeing now is enough for you to back out, pls don't allow your mother or your age to determine how you married. Marriage is a long journey. Pls take your time and avoid what you cannot cope with in marriage, better stay single than to marry and want to be single again, you'll not like the experience.

komzy589:
See your life. Sign detector.

Why do you think red flags are ? No be signs dem be?

Girls lodge , hostel, house available in Lekki Phase 1, off Admiralty Way.

Weekly ans monthly payment available.

Message 08126818002 for details and other real estate needs including luxury shortlets.

*Serviced 1 bedroom apartment for rent 📍 Lekki Phase 1*

Price: 3m ( slightly negotiable)
Service charge: 1m
Diesel Deposit: 150,000
Caution fee: 200,000
Legal: 5%

Call or chat 08126818002

Features
Swimming pool, kitchen cabinets, gas top

Can be used for low-budget short-let.

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

You're not confused, you're too proud, arrogant and pompous, madam stay single and don't marry. Since you cannot be submissive, I'll urge you to look for a man you can control. Probably you might find him when you're already 49.

OChimex:


Like I said, common sense is not common in Nigeria. There are more dead marriages in Nigeria than in the Western world. People stay in misery of a marriage.
So common sense now, which one is the best, stay in miserable marriage and die miserably or divorce or separate and be happy?
Answer this as a woman.
And I say again, over and over again, no matter how bad it is the western world, there are more worst thing happening in Nigeria.
Dude, let me tell you this, there are more guns in America than humans,
My colleagues have not less than 3 guns each, some kids of 20s. Houses are made of wood. Cars are parked outside.
Then try give more Nigerians guns, make the house there of woods and park expensive cars outside.
Let’s check something.
You will understand who is more mad and damaged.
No society is perfect, but Nigeria is worst

Then raise a foundation to save all the women in miserable marriages, I bet na you go still give up, 😆 🤣 😂, Jesus Christ the saviour,... you're bringing up problems without solutions, it's plain waste of time, BTW how many women are complaining in such marriage!?, if it doesn't favour them, they should leave. Nigeria is bad economy country, men bear the brunt more, reason why men die earlier here, women live to 90s and 100s, baba make men enjoy the authority fully they deserve it 💯

Caleycash:
Women has always been respected in Nigeria, I don't know were you got your own notions women are not respected and treated well in Nigeria, women in Nigeria get freebies more compared to there western counterparts, most women in Nigerian have little to no contributions in the financial need of the family, yet Nigerian men bear all these burdens and Cater for the family as a man, once a man wants to be heard as the man of the house or takes a second wife everyone catches fire,Nigerian women have set principles and standards for men, if met they should take whatever comes out of it... it's a give and take world bro!

Dude. the reason I come argue here no be say I wan show I know better, but I have lived in both worlds and I can tell you categorically the difference.
Nigerian men are stingy, egoistical, bossy. Believe it or not.
Most households in America, wives drives the most and better expensive vehicles in the family, na their husband buy am most times.
I am yet to see that in Nigeria.
Their wardrobes too, na wives own pass.
Most of my clients here, the guys work, make the money for the family,, the wives are stay at home; when it comes to decisions and payments, they will tell you “let me speak with my wife”
Dude I have never seen it happen in Nigeria.
I tell you my experiences because my job requires me visiting at least 5 homes everyday.
Guy, here your boss walks into you and will be the first to say “good morning to you his employee”
You call an old man sir, he uses the term right away with you because he doesn’t see himself as a boss.

OChimex:


Western men and women can bear more. There are so many stay at home moms here in America, bro, as well as stay at home dads too. And some split bills, it’s just what works and the situation. They apply common sense
Guy whites are more reasonable and common sense individuals and that’s why their countries work.
There are bad eggs although in women, but there are much more good ones that have been destroyed.
Africa can only grow if they change their stupid mindset and always apply common sense.

The only growth Africa needs is to change from consumers to producers not this respecting woman shit, respect is earned!

According To You Now, you Dont want To Marry Who Is Being Control By His Parent or What Are You Even Saying?

he has shown how controlling he can be.
obviously you're not ready for marriage.
Just dey play 🙄🙄🙄

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

OChimex:


Dude. the reason I come argue here no be say I wan show I know better, but I have lived in both worlds and I can tell you categorically the difference.
Nigerian men are stingy, egoistical, bossy. Believe it or not.
Most households in America, wives drives the most and better expensive vehicles in the family, na their husband buy am most times.
I am yet to see that in Nigeria.
Their wardrobes too, na wives own pass.
Most of my clients here, the guys work, make the money for the family,, the wives are stay at home; when it comes to decisions and payments, they will tell you “let me speak with my wife”
Dude I have never seen it happen in Nigeria.
I tell you my experiences because my job requires me visiting at least 5 homes everyday.
Guy, here your boss walks into you and will be the first to say “good morning to you his employee”
You call an old man sir, he uses the term right away with you because he doesn’t see himself as a boss.

Oh you think I haven't right?... Well I'm not even in Nigeria right now, I have been to 3 main European countries and based in North America now, bros life na give and take and that's the best way to enjoy life, anything other than this is one side losing and the other gaining, I can't indulge in such nonsense!

Caleycash:
Then raise a foundation to save all the women in miserable marriages, I bet na you go still give up, 😆 🤣 😂, Jesus Christ the saviour,... you're bringing up problems without solutions, it's plain waste of time, BTW how many women are complaining in such marriage!?, if it doesn't favour them, they should leave. Nigeria is bad economy country, men bear the brunt more, reason why men die earlier here, women live to 90s and 100s, baba make men enjoy the authority fully they deserve it 💯

Guy, I lived in the eastern part of Nigeria then, I was into spare parts business and my office in one of the biggest spare parts market in the east. Guy, I can categorically tell you most marriages are miserable and dead.
Again, working hard and paying bills doesn’t make one die young. Nigerians don’t work as hard as Americans. Ask person wey dey America, yet people live longer here. 80 year old men and women still working so hard because bills plenty.
Anyways, when it comes to living longer, no be women dey kill Nigerian men na lifestyle. Quote me anywhere.
People don’t eat well, don’t take fruits, vegetable, don’t exercise, don’t go for checkup. Don’t take vitamins and supplements, don’t take antioxidants to prevent free radicals, don’t even take vacations to enjoy. And drink stupid beers and spirits like fools. Sex like dogs, and always angry and barks like wolves all the time.

Dude the list plenty.
See my picture. See some of the things I. Drink to keep young and healthy

OChimex:


Guy, I lived in the eastern part of Nigeria then, I was into spare parts business and my office in one of the biggest spare parts market in the east. Guy, I can categorically tell you most marriages are miserable and dead.
Again, working hard and paying bills doesn’t make one die young. Nigerians don’t work as hard as Americans. Ask person wey dey America, yet people live longer here. 80 year old men and women still working so hard because bills plenty.
Anyways, when it comes to living longer, no be women dey kill Nigerian men na lifestyle. Quote me anywhere.
People don’t eat well, don’t take fruits, vegetable, don’t exercise, don’t go for checkup. Don’t take vitamins and supplements, don’t take antioxidants to prevent free radicals, don’t even take vacations to enjoy. And drink stupid beers and spirits like fools. Sex like dogs, and always angry and barks like wolves all the time.

Dude the list plenty.

Hahahaha, you're right on this one, my point is nothing can be done bro, we are too messed up to be fixed, don't make it a woman respecting thing, respect is not productivity, Nigeria wahala too much abeg!

Fineman2:
My name is Dora.

I am 35 years old and everybody keeps reminding me that age is no longer on my side.

My fiance and I have been dating for more than one year and we are getting married soon.

My fiance is 40 years old and he has never been married.

The relationship was really good when we started but now that our wedding is in a few weeks time, he has shown how controlling he can be.

From the choice of the wedding dress, to the bridesmaids selection, to the colour of the day, he wants to be in charge.

He also wants his mum to buy the cloth for our engagement as well as buy our wedding ring.

He does whatever his family says without seeking my opinion and it almost seems as if I am not the one getting married.

I told my parents about how this makes me feel and they just asked me to endure because I am getting older but I really fear for what is going to happen after the wedding.

Are these not red flags I should run from?

I am confused, please advise me.

Marriage is a training platform. It teaches you new skills and knowledge which are impractical for you to acquire as a single person. If you tackle the obstacles and challenges that come at you with perseverance you are rewarded as a result, you become a better person. If you run away from these obstacles now, they are not gone. You have only delayed and pushed your re-encounter with them forward. The next man you date, these obstacles will appear again, dressed in a different garment. Are you going to run from that also? So, the earlier you begin to tackle these barriers the better for you.

Now, there is no man that will be complete for you. This is impossible. Every man has flaws, it just depends on your own level of tolerance. Which flaw is tolerable and which is not. Sometimes certain flaws are temporary and can be removed.

Communication with your man can help bring understanding and his compassion for you.

When I say communication, this is used in general terms. You can communicate via speech, you can communicate via glances, you can communicate via sex, you can communicate via interests. Each provides a conduit to glue yourself to the other person. When you are glued they equally unglue themselves from other persons they were glued to before you. Find ways to keep the glue tight, otherwise other glues will attach.

Dora,
what do you do for a living?

Caleycash:
Oh you think I haven't right?... Well I'm not even in Nigeria right now, I have been to 3 main European countries and based in North America now, bros life na give and take and that's the best way to enjoy life, anything other than this is one side losing and the other gaining, I can't indulge in such nonsense!

Quote me anywhere dude, most times, if you treat women so well, they give you so much and contribute I. Your life so much, it might not be financially, it those things can save you a lot more money. Although a few bad eggs here and there.

At 35 ... you see the path to marriage lined with red flags ... UT you don't know if to go ahead. He is 40 ... and his senior citizen 20th century mom is making 21st cent decisions for him. Really.... I believe you two would make a fine couple.... you deserve each h other.

Caleycash:
The only growth Africa needs is to change from consumers to producers not this respecting woman shit, respect is earned!

If you had lived in developed nations for like a year, I doubt you will argue the difference between mentality here and Nigeria.
Tell yourself the truth. People can still function without laws in developed countries. Not the same with Nigeria
Nigeria still has a lot, not just producing, but their mindset is awful. Very awful.
I drive 2 hours on roads to work daily, I drove like 13 years in Nigeria, I can tell the different mentalities of drivers etc

adetunrayo:
Did you seek the face of God before getting this far? It is never to late to ask God before you tie the knot.

Let God direct your choice not your age. Marriage without seeking God's direction before proceeding is baba ijebu.

God is the foundation of marriage. Seek His face before it's too late.

Seeking the face of God does not mean that the husband or the wife will not misbehave...., She needs to talk to him about how displeased she is with d whole thing and if there is anything they should both reach a conclusion as per Couple they are.