Virtually every week, a Nigerian abroad comes out on social media to lament the scarcity of partners for meaningful romantic relationships. In recent times, we have had a more frequent outcry from women. Not just average women but beautiful and classy ones. What do you think is the problem? Are the men going extinct? Let's dive into this topic from a UK experience.

Have you ever felt lonely despite being in a very crowded space? It is a weird feeling. Everybody wants to help and at the same time, nobody wants to help. This is what dating in the United Kingdom seems like.

Here are some reasons why it might be challenging finding a partner abroad:

(1) Culture shock:

The United Kingdom is a multicultural society. You get to meet Indians, Africans, Chinese, Pakistanis, Europeans, and generally people from different works of life. Their belief systems, behaviours, and different approach to issues are different. People naturally avoid what they find strange and this could affect romantic relationships.

(2) Ethnic Division

In most cities in the UK, people don't mix especially outside work. The people have doctorate degrees in 'minding their businesses'. The Chinese roll with the Chinese, Indians to Indians and Nigerians roll with their own. People just feel more comfortable with their own.

(3) Too fast, too busy:

Life in the UK is just too busy and fast especially if you are a fresh immigrant. You might have to deal with the rigours of work and school as they run concurrently. These two engagements might make a whole year look like 6 months. Oftentimes, romantic relationships take a secondary position. Some people would pick shifts over romantic dates because that is what pays the bills.

(4) Historical concerns:

Before the tier 4 visas became popular, most Africans saw the locals as keys to their stay in the country. Relationships have always been a means to an end in the UK. A selfish end so to speak. The nefarious activities of internet fraudsters have always complicated interracial relationships. For this reason, most tier 4 visa holders or citizens are wary of new entrants.

A lady who holds a British passport or Tier 2 visa might doubt the love interest of a suitor holding a tourist or student visa. There is widespread distrust in the country and nobody wants to be used as a ladder to step up. Consequently, some potential good men slip under the radar.

(5) Stereotype:

Nigerians don't have the best reputation in the UK. This is related to the previous point made. This has led to hasty generalisation and unwarranted assumptions. On dating sites/apps, some people will not talk to you because you are a Nigerian. This might be due to an adverse experience or an ordeal told by a friend, or family member about their experience with a Nigerian.

(6) Ego:

The UK has so many successful women. Most of them become big-headed as career success and financial breakthroughs come. They tend to desire men in or above their social/economic class. But African men in their supposed class fear women like them because of issues around control. Men don't want to travel on a ship with two captains. Before you know it, one woman is still single at 40 despite her beauty and achievements.

(7) Small population of Nigerians:

Despite the Japa Syndrome, Nigerians are in the minority in the UK. Out of a population of over 67 million people, Nigerians account for just 0.5% which is 271,390 in England and Wales. Most Nigerians come to the UK married. These two factors limit the available options on who to date. Even if you want to consider someone outside your ethnic background, they might not be interested in you.

( Racism

Due to the sensitivity of this topic, I will not dwell too much on it. It has been criminalized, but it is still what it is. Coloured people are not really in demand except for people who just want to briefly explore. Call that jungle fever!

(9) Lack of intentional efforts:

In the UK, you have to consciously work towards getting married. Attend social gatherings, meet people, shoot your shots, join dating apps, join churches, approach people for relationship referrals, and never give up when you hear a 'no'. You might just be lucky the next time you try.

(10) Marriage isn't a big deal:

People in the UK are not so big on marriage compared to their counterparts in Africa. I have a colleague who has been engaged for years; nothing is happening and nobody is under pressure. In Nigeria, people will ask questions like "Are you Froddo in the 'Lord of the Rings'?"
Generally, people just live together as partners for years and have kids together without being married. An African might frown at this on cultural and religious grounds.

(10a) Accent:

Relationships start with active and good communication. In the UK, some accents are just too complicated to understand. This makes verbal communication stressful. Most people become easily uninterested in those that don't speak like them.

(10b) Indiscriminate sex:

Due to loneliness and cold weather, most people just want to have fun with no strings attached. They want to experience that crazy feeling of intimacy for the moment. Since society doesn't attach importance to 'body counts', people jump on as many beds as possible. This is paramount amongst single parents. Single mothers just want to drink alcohol on Friday nights and have sex without entanglements. They tend to enjoy their sexual freedom and conclude that serious relationships might take that away. If care isn't taken, a woman might wake up to realize that she has had more sexual partners than a full-time prostitute at the end of the year. Sex is easy, love is hard.

These are some of the reasons I have been able to come up with. I'm pretty sure they could be extended.

Conclusion

It is possible to find love in the UK, although it is tricky. The key is being very intentional about the love search. From my personal research and experience, I believe the most effective way is through referrals. When you meet nice people, tell them to introduce you to their like-minded single friends or family members. Make your intentions clear. This is equivalent to getting references for a job application. Additionally, expand your social circles, and join African churches with huge members. Some pastors take it upon themselves to matchmake people and it works. Dating apps might not be the most ideal place to seek a meaningful relationship, but we never say never.

Osahon George Osayimwen writes from England.

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Them tell you say na love I day find go there?

There is love in Africa. Quote or dm me to link up with nice decent Nigerian guys for marriage... please be responsible bf you contact me

Point 2,3,5,6 and 10 is spot on.

Op tell them the truth, everybody is not like some nigerian men who are even ready to sleep with a l4zard if the lizard has yansh and breast.
N4gerian men are the ones giving their girls entitle mentality.

Damnnn niggar

Isoright

Japa to find money. Why are you mixing business with pleasure

They think you want papers

Hehehe.

Lolz
I wonder why people look for love in others...why not start with Self-Love...others will fully reciprocate then go ahead and make your best choice from the lots that will be available from your self love actions.

Onefornaija18:
nawao



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Onefornaija18:


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Tonnierichy:

For your mind now, you don contribute to the topic. You no kukuma read am.

Fellow NL you need self love....no one is excluded.

maasoap:


Some people can type nonsense

Fellow NL you need self love....no one is excluded
Wittyness

:
Na lie. E easy to find fvck for there. Na u dey find the one wen leg complete

I’m 21 and have never found love. Let alone relationships or dates.

You have to feel good about yourself in order to get out there and meet people, and I’ve never felt good about myself, so I’ve just stayed at home.

I’ve no idea if anyone else could ever love me. And I’m not even sure if I’m capable of loving others. Without practice, it’s hard to tell.

I do know that I’ve never liked another person so much that I wanted to be with them all the time. They may exist somewhere, but people usually see me as unattractive and treat me like shit, so it’s hard to develop any significant feelings for them.

It seems even most unlovable people find someone eventually, even if they never leave their houses. Love and relationships apparently just “appear” out of the blue for almost everyone on Earth. And those who remain on their own are so few and far between that you’ll probably never meet one of them in your life. So they may as well not exist to you. Well, to me.

I don’t know. I haven’t had a friend in over 7 years, so it’s really hard to feel as if it’s even possible to be accepted by others. And the only time I feel a little bit better is when I pretend that love doesn’t exist, and other people only live for their jobs.

I leave Naija come UK to come find love?

Humans continue to delude themselves with this sacrificial vs exploitation idea of love.

Love is between a mother/father to their wards.

Any other thing is a scam.

Na Love Carry Me Go UK?

The Naija Sef, Love Dey?

There was this single naija girl that was a jjc at a hospital. She was so determined to get attention (abi na love) from our white counterparts that she would wear scandalous wears all the time and she had been sent home 5 times in 6 months. She ended up being tossed around while she was busy thinking she was double (abi triple) dating dem guys. It ended in premium tears and she ended up relocating to Australia. A musician (Sting) once said, 'Be yourself no matter what they say'...

True

Who needs love these days? Especially abroad. Are u there to make money by working? Even if u are schooling, u still have to work. You can't leave Nigeria abroad and fold ur arm doing nothing.
Na money be the Koko abeg. No money, no honey as it takes finance to sponsor Romance

Travelling abroad is for money and business not love finding

Hmmm

All the people above berating the need for love are just being senseless or better still, exhibiting their poverty mind-set.

The start and finish for the need of money is the provision of basic needs and a little extra.

There is more to life and being human than the mindless search for money.

What's tha business?

Love is hard why sex is cheap

You see everything you know about dating and wiping ladies in 9ja , na opposite for UK. In fact lifestyles na opposite. Non working system vs a working system., 9ja you go meet babe for Club. UK hardly you meet babe to carry go house. So in the UK everything you that is working or not working in 9ja reason the opposite of it and you will be fine.

Oga fuel is now N617, but you still want to discourage us. Thunder fire love. I must japa and I don't need love to marry. I go marry anybody and when we have kids we will love our kids and that will sustain the marriage. Se fini.