Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? - Islam for Muslims (5) - Nairaland
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| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 5:15pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
ifyalways: I understand your point. No woman wants it/ most women dont. But this is something Islam accepts and if only it is well practiced, there should be minimal problems to the wives and kids But majority of our people go into it without the knowledge of its practice nor with what it takes. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 5:15pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
deols: says who? that luxury is no longer in your hands. you cannot guarantee happiness if you live with another woman married to your husband. if you are peaceful and she's troublesome, how the hell are you going to be happy? she's not going to leave the house for you cos she's married to your husband. a muslim's aim is to attain paradise and live a happy and fulfilled life on earth.
i am sure the statistics don't agree with you. muslims don't keep away as much as they can. it's the norm for them.
you still don't get it! the moment another woman married to your husband lives with you, there will always be a conflict of interest. the luxury of happiness is no longer in your hands no matter how perfect you might want to be. if you crave peace and your cohabitant craves conflict, you won't be happy. the most perfect driver can still run into auto-accident. even if he drives perfectly, a drunken driver can run into him. IbroSaunks: that's ok, son! |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 5:22pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
Okija_juju (m) she was forced into marriage and still she would have married u if u were a Muslim?? y lie to make a point. rub ur mouth with ur palm. . |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by IbroSaunks(m): 5:28pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
@coogar i no be son ohh, the thing is, the belief system of a Muslim is a tad different from other religions, maybe someday when i don't have a final year project ill enlighten ya! |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by nagoma(m): 5:32pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
Why do Nigerians pretend that only Muslims are polygamous in nigeria when even pastors and priests of various churches have more than one " legal" wives and "legal" children?. Polygamy is the rule in nigeria and monogamy the exception among muslims, christians, animists and in all cultures in Nigeria. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 5:35pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
IbroSaunks:  |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 5:36pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
there are many options. What if they live in different houses?? i am sure the statistics don't agree with you. muslims don't keep away as much as they can. you are educated bro. What statistics are u talking about. there are about 1.5 billion Muslims in d world. Stop judging by Nigerian Muslims. Thats like Using Nigeria as the yardstick for development in the world. Generally, Nigerians have the tendency to either over do or under do things. .hope u get my point. Arab Muslims do not practice it as much as Nigerians do. It is something rooted in our culture. How do u think Yorubas see a man who has many women, culturally. you still don't get it! Again, they may not live together. and conflict dont only come from such quarters. You can have an in-law giving u wahala or a neighbour and there are always ways to avoid them. U'll need to be wise and again its a test. Letsee how tolerant u can be. The more u take her attitude and have patience with her, the more your reward. Think about the ultimate goal, man. It is not easy but possible. the most perfect driver can still run into auto-accident. even if he drives perfectly, a drunken driver can run into him. I Agree |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by BigMeat2: 5:37pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
It is amazing that some of our ladies who are enlightened will allow their husbands to marry more that one wife, what is the thinking behind all this. I know from personal experience that being raised in polygamous families ( whatever the religion been practised) there is absolutely no love in these families. Because everyone's existence is about survival of the fitess. How a man can honestly say he loves all his wives equally is not possible (whatever the number). It is hard work satisfying one woman not to talk of many wives. Also the woman that accepts her husband marrying other wives is not possible, as women naturally are jealous in nature (no matter the religion). For all those in favour of polygamy, they are not telling the truth. My question is how do children from polygamy homes enjoy their family setting, because I know some of us did not. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by maclatunji: 5:38pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
coogar: Nobody is saying Polygamy is easy or perfect but we are saying it is better than the false lives that many Christian women live. Their husbands have 2nd or even 3rd wives in reality and they are burying their heads in the sand like Ostriches thinking:"As long as I don't see them or know the other Children, I and my children will be okay." The man passes and on the day of burial the reality dawns on them with the other concubines/wives turning up at the funeral with kids that look like copies of their late husband, claiming all their "entitlements." Isn't that just silly? |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by Nobody: 5:39pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
Sweetnecta: Does that not make B.S of the supposedly 4 wives only thing? Even Mo himself had over 13 widows at the time of his death. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 5:41pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
nagoma: I beg tell dem again o. Many of these nairaland christians are hypocrites. Muslims will always stand on to defend what Islam says But for fear of being called old school, they leave out what the bible says. The bible is good when it conforms with their lifestyles but becomes of the stone age when it doesnt. coogar: I find that hilarious too and I hate to call any1 d.umb! Lol |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by IbroSaunks(m): 5:43pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
@coogar, so ur too big or knowledgable to be enlightened by me? i shake my head in Hebrew!! |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by IbroSaunks(m): 5:46pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
goodbye!!! over and out!! (now laying on my bed listening to coldplays Amsterdam) |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 5:47pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
IbroSaunks: if that's what you could deduce from that gif then i might have overestimated your intelligence! maclatunji: so who says muslim men with 4 wives still don't keep a long string of girlfriends on the outside? all those alhajis? haha - i laugh in hijab. it is after they must have impregnated the mistresses that they bring them home. before then - it's a marital affair. deols: what if they don't? the religion permits it. of course, the new wife wants to be seen as a 2nd wife not as a mistress being kept away from the man's friends n relatives.
a competent man! if he is capable of managing his home of 10 wives then he's born to lead.
conflicts from in-laws and neighbours are easily manageable - they don't have to stay with you under the same roof. with another woman married to your husband, it's virtually impossible. this second woman shares everything in the house with you. she's even there in the bedroom with the husband while the first wife is suffering in silence in her room! i doff my hat for all the muslim women going through this. . . . . . |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 5:49pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
maclatunji: and they put the children born out of wedlock in psychological turmoil. Imagine that BOla Ige's out of wed-lock son looks more like him than those born of his wife. And he was a devoted christian o. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by dayokanu(m): 5:53pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
ifyalways: Yes ooooo |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by IbroSaunks(m): 5:55pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
@coogar, i thought 'i shake my head in Hebrew' was enough to show it was a joke but its cool, wuda inserted a smiley but that was gettin stale but i get, seriously. i don't even want to bring religion into this. i hate bringing religion and that wasn't my initial standpoint. the fact remains that we need to open our minds sometimes, look at things from different perspectives, the mind is like a parachute, works well only when its open, |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 5:56pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
Islam is criticized for allowing polygamy, for popular culture in the West views polygamy as relatively backward and impoverished. For many Christians, it is a license to promiscuity, and feminists consider it a violation of women’s rights and demeaning to women. A crucial point that needs to be understood is that for Muslims, standards of morality are not set by prevalent Western thought, but by divine revelation. A few simple facts should be borne in mind before any talk of polygamy in Islam. Islam Did Not Initiate Polygamy Islam did not introduce polygamy. Among all Eastern nations of antiquity, polygamy was a recognized institution. Among the Hindus, polygamy prevailed from the earliest times. There was, as among the ancient Babylonians, Assyrians, and Persians, no restriction as to the number of wives a man might have. Although Greece and Rome were not polygamous societies, concubinage was a norm. Islam regulated polygamy by limiting the number of wives and bringing responsibility to its practice. In fact, according to David Murray, an anthropologist, historically polygamy is more common than monogamy. Polygamy Practiced by God’s Prophets The great Hebrew patriarchs equally revered by Judaism, Christianity, and Islam - Abraham, Moses, Jacob, David, and Solomon, to name a few – were polygamous. According to the Bible: Abraham had three wives (Genesis 16:1, 16:3, 25:1) Moses had two wives (Exodus 2:21, 18:1-6; Numbers 12:1) Jacob had four wives (Genesis 29:23, 29:28, 30:4, 30:9) David had at least 18 wives (1 Samuel 18:27, 25:39-44; 2 Samuel 3:3, 3:4-5, 5:13, 12:7-8, 12:24, 16:21-23) Solomon had 700 wives (1 Kings 11:3).[3] The example of Jesus, who otherwise overlooked polygamy, is irrelevant as he did not marry during his earthly ministry. Marriage in Islam Marriage is a legal arrangement in Islam, not a sacrament in the Christian sense, and is secured with a contract. Islamic marriage lays rights and corresponding responsibilities on each spouse. Children born in wedlock are given legitimacy and share in inheritance from their parents. The primary purpose of marriage in Islam is regulating sexuality within marriage as well as creating an atmosphere for the continuity and extension of the family. This is in sharp contrast to growing trends on marriage in the West. In recent decades, there are more alternatives to marriage than ever before. Cohabitation - living together outside of marriage - has greatly increased among young, never-married adults, as well as the divorced. More American women are having children outside of marriage, ignoring the traditionally sanctioned sequence of marriage followed by childbearing. Polygamy in the Quran The Muslim scripture, the Quran, is the only known world scripture to explicitly limit polygamy and place strict restrictions upon its practice: “… marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one.” (Quran 4:3) The Quran limited the maximum number of wives to four. In the early days of Islam, those who had more than four wives at the time of embracing Islam were required to divorce the extra wives. Islam further reformed the institution of polygamy by requiring equal treatment to all wives. The Muslim is not permitted to differentiate between his wives in regards to sustenance and expenditures, time, and other obligations of husbands. Islam does not allow a man to marry another woman if he will not be fair in his treatment. Prophet Muhammad forbade discrimination between the wives or between their children. Also, marriage and polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual consent. No one can force a woman to marry a married man. Islam simply permits polygamy; it neither forces nor requires it. Besides, a woman may stipulate that her husband must not marry any other woman as a second wife in her prenuptial contract. The point that is often misunderstood in the West is that women in other cultures - especially African and Islamic - do not necessarily look at polygamy as a sign of women’s degradation. Consequently, to equate polygamy with degrading women is an ethnocentric judgment of other societies. Even though we see the clear permissibility of polygamy in Islam, its actual practice is quite rare in many Muslim societies. Some researchers estimate no more than 2% of the married males practice polygamy. Most Muslim men feel they cannot afford the expense of maintaining more than one family. Even those who are financially capable of looking after additional families are often reluctant due to the psychological burdens of handling more than one wife. One can safely say that the number of polygamous marriages in the Muslim world is much less than the number of extramarital affairs in the West. In other words, contrary to prevalent notion, men in the Muslim world today are more strictly monogamous than men in the Western world. http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/325/ |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 6:02pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
deols: so are you married? if no - are you willing to be a 2nd wife? even as a 1st wife, will you welcome a 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife? IbroSaunks: you won't find another member on this forum as open-minded as coogar! |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 6:03pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
IbroSaunks (m) www.quranicstudies.com/louay-fatoohi/jihad/the-meaning-of-jihad.html |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by Nobody: 6:08pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
Let us look at God's standards. Genesis 2:23,24 [/b]says that “a man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.” God did NOT say that man was to be joined to his “wives.” He said that man was to be joined to his “wife.” That is one and only one! [b]Paul compares the husband and wife to Christ and the church: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, ” (Ephesian 5:23). In Ephesians 1:22,23 we are told that the church is the body of Christ. There is only one body (Ephesians 4:4) so there is only one church. A man can have as many wives as Christ has churches. Christ has only one church so a man can have only one wife. Nowhere does the Bible speak of a man (one) being over wives (many) and that being right with God. Matthew 19:3-9 speaks about divorce. Jesus Christ shows that God never wanted man (or woman) to divorce. The same is true with polygamy. God does NOT want a man to have more than one wife. Jesus said that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Jesus spoke of one man and one woman marrying. He said that marriage is made up of one man and one woman. The two make one flesh. When a man has more than one wife he is sinning. God hates sin. In 1 Timothy 3:2 we are told that an elder MUST be the husband of ONE WIFE. Why not two or more? If it is a good practice, then why should not a church leader be a polygamist? The reason is that God does NOT want that kind of a marriage. Those who practice polygamy are sinning in God’s eyes. They cannot be church leaders nor church members. Let us notice some problems with polygamy in the Bible. First, it causes strife and jealousy. We see it in the lives of those who practice it today. Joseph was sold into Egyptian slavery by his brothers because of jealousy from a polygamist marriage. Second, no man can be a proper husband by being a polygamist. Third, he can’t be a proper father as God intended. If a man has many children how can he be a father who brings them up “in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4)? Fourth, polygamy causes a man to go away from God rather than closer to God. We should do nothing that causes us to go away from God. Fifth, it makes man master over woman. God never intended that in marriage. Man is to be the head of the wife and family. God said that a man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5). Christ died for the church. A man must be willing to die for his wife. Is a polygamist going do that? I doubt it. His main concern is himself. He wants to be the “big” man. He thinks that by having many wives he is that “big” man. What must a polygamist do if he wants to become a Christian? First, he must realize that he is a lost sinner. He then must BELIEVE in Jesus Christ as the Son of God (Mark 16:16). Following his belief in Christ, he must REPENT (Acts 2:38). That means he must get rid of all sin in his life. In his marriage, he must get rid of all his “wives” but the first one. After repenting, he must CONFESS his faith in Christ as the Son of God (Romans 10:10). He is now ready for BAPTISM. This baptism is a burial in water (Romans 6:3,4). It is for the forgiveness of sins (Acts 2:38). This is what everyone has to do to become a Christian. Have you done these things? If not, you are not a Christian. If we can help you to become a Christian, please write and let us know. http://www.scripturessay.com/article.php?cat=&id=832 |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 6:11pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
frosbel: frosbel, you have been ordained a pastor or what?   |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by IbroSaunks(m): 6:17pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
deols:jazak, @coogar, u said 'must everyone marry'? what about someone that wants to? what does she do if she doesn't get to be someones first?what if marriage brings her happiness? the truth is, no lady wants to b seconded. i heard this in a lecture (really didn't want to bring religion into this again but, ): two Muslim women, one was new and the other had been practicing a while, the latter told the first that if she didn't find a husband (she was single) before the end of the year, she was willing to share hers. the first is touched, she eventually found. now one can't say the latter wanted a second. but some people r mature enough to push their personal feelings aside for greater good. ok here's an advantage. what happens when a monogamous mans wife is really ill and can't help as normal, and say the guy is very busy, the second wife fills in if he had one, else na to go buy tomato and wash him wife cloth! |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by Nobody: 6:18pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
coogar: I have no intention of becoming a Pastor |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 6:19pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
first, I need u to understand wat being a Muslim means. Islam means total submission to the will of God. I am human and I can be emotional but when it comes to the words of God, the worst I can do is say, Ok, I agree but I wish nd will work hard to perfect my ways. so are you married? -No -No -Tolerating them would be a last resort. I'll try my feminine manipulative powers to keep him to myself and if those fail I'll accept and will live separately from the other women. But u need to know also that You are allowed in Islam to discuss certain things with the man u'r going to marry before undergoing it and pre nuptials are allowed. You can include what you wouldnt take in such a pre nuptial. Many people are ignorant of it though. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by MAURI: 6:19pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
Hmmm interesting and thought provoking topic. Aside the emotional consequencies of such arrangements, I am actually missing an aspect that is practical and health hazzards related. How are these marriages arranged to curb/prevent the issue of spreading veneral diseases? Anyone insight? hmmmm |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 6:24pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
coogar Kibroth Hattaavah Posts: 3831 Online Online Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? « #78 on: Today at 15:45:41 » i read some statistics that are making me question dat too must everyone marry? Every one who wants to have s3x, have children(if not adopting) should be married. matter of factly, its d reason many pple are gettn married if they are Godly.
some do really and that is very bad. |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by deols(f): 6:27pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
MAURI: we all know some of those diseases are transmitted in other ways too. But, remove the spread by sexual intercourse and see if we wont be avn a reduced prevalence. If men would stick to their married partners rather than going around  |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by Nobody: 6:28pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
^^^^ are you a first or second wife and if not at the moment, is that your future aspiration ? |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 6:30pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
frosbel: that was a brilliant write-up well done, sir! deols: live separately from the other women? will your husband accept that? what about your children? you will leave them with the husband or you are taking them with you? i am sure you now see how complicated it is. . . .
talking as if you don't know men. a man will say a - b - c before marriage and say x - y - z after marriage. as long as those pre-nuptials are not legally binding, "word of mouth" is not enough to put one's future in jeopardy! IbroSaunks: if she wants to and she cannot find - she should then opt to be a second wife? guy, we cannot get everything we want. everyone must learn to accept that simple law of nature. this moment, i would love a sex session with rihanna but i have learnt to accept it's impossible.
what greater good can possible come from 2 friends sharing the same man? the woman that wanted to share hers is either naive or has not really thought about what it entails to share a man with another woman under the same roof.
hire a maid! |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by MAURI: 6:34pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
we all know some of those diseases are transmitted in other ways too. But, remove the spread by intimate intercourse and see if we wont be avn a reduced prevalence. The question was raised in the context of the topic being discussed. And the insight you wanna share relating to the question asked is? (bearing in mind the context in which the question has been asked) |
| Re: Muslim Women & Polygamy: Would You Tolerate A 2nd Wife? by coogar: 6:40pm On Oct 31, 2011 |
deols: there are more men than women - it's a huge fact.
and if at 36(as a woman), i cannot find the husband i want - should i then kill myself or start running after yours?
so so bad! |
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