One funny thing happened to me a couple of hours ago.

I went clubbing with a friend of mine, two single guys just planning to hang out for a while. We got to the club, and after a while, and a few drinks, met a guy who was obviously having a good time with some chicks. I eventually got talking with the guy (he's from Tanzania, by the way) and informed him that if he wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a dance with his girlfriend, to which he consented.

A while later, the girl brushes against me (on some pretext) while I was talking to the guy, and then starts to shout at me: "don't touch me! I said don't touch me!" (this is without me having laid a finger on her).

If not for the fact that I found the situation very comical, I would have been quite offended by her 'stupid' behaviour.

Why do girls behave like this?

(Seun, maybe this is a topic for the "Romance" section.. but you know best )

lolz you danced with a "baby", an immature young female "girl". Thats why you find me using the word lady rather than "girl". Ladies are matured. Girls are immature.

You said Girls, says it all.

If  I had danced, it would have been even better..

there was NO interaction with the girl in question... 

It's their nature.

To say "no" when they actually mean "yes."

To say "don't touch me" when they actually mean "hold me tight."

Comonjorr, you should have known what that exactly mean if you were a professor of women affairs.

But like you did, I would do the same cos I don't like embarrassment.

Whoaaa... If you watch "The real world: Austin", something like that happened except that it was in another way. Anyways the girl you danced with is crazy.

(pkrix, no means no, and there are severe penalties for men who disagree)

As for the lady in the original question, we need another lady to explain what she may have been thinking. Ladies have a different way of thinking!

Heh, she was just probably mentally unstable at that point in time.

Playing advocate here.

Walking up to a strange guy and asking permission to dance with his girlfriend, seems a little wierd to me.

Come to think of it, who should you ask permission - the guy or his girlfriend - and in what order? If you don't ask the guy's permission, then you just might have to get ready to, "throw them 'bows". Having said that, the girl is an adult as well and might have felt insulted that she was not being consulted in the matter. Maybe that was what precipitated her outburst and aggressive behavior.

All in all, I think it would have been better to do this with a couple with whom you are already friends, if not, look for single and unattached girls and let them have the say so.

@Just Moi...

Let's say, for example, that I was built like Arnold Schwazzennegger.. and that I had a death wish, then yes, I'd subscribe to your recommendation of walking up to the guy and chancing the shit out of him..

But alas, I am not.. and besides, we live in a civilized society.. if the guy had said "HELL NO! ! !" or something along those lines, then I'd have let them be.. as it was, guys have a certain way they interact with themselves, and there was no harm done in communicating my mindset with the guy.. [that's why guys find it easier to get along with themselves than babes do..].. And as it went, the guy was not adverse to my approach.. [hell, it would have been better than walking up to the girl and asking her, trying to disrespect his presence.. or dont u think so ]

As it went, there was no prior interaction with the girl.. no communication, no talking, no asking and being rebuffed.. nothing..

So, on what basis would she have to "act the fool..."...

And I'm sure guys in the Nairaland forum can bear me out.. Girls are very prone to this kind of behaviour... [I'm sure a survey of guys who have experienced similar incidents would be quite revealing.. Seun, are u willing to take up the gauntlet.. ]

The bottom line is, what right does a girl have to "act the fool"?? .. [to quote a favourite rapper of mine.. Ludacris.. ]

CimonJorr, I have a feeling you're not being honest with us; possibly there's something you're not telling us about this story.

Perhaps the girl did not like the way you approached her boyfriend to ask her to dance as if she's a slave or something. Perhaps she overheard and/or misunderstood something you told her boyfriend. Perhaps her friends have told her tales about you and she wasn't ready to dance with you.

CimonJorr:

@Just Moi...

Let's say, for example, that I was built like Arnold Schwazzennegger.. and that I had a death wish, then yes, I'd subscribe to your recommendation of walking up to the guy and chancing the **** out of him..

But alas, I am not.. and besides, we live in a civilized society.. if the guy had said "HELL NO! ! !" or something along those lines, then I'd have let them be.. as it was, guys have a certain way they interact with themselves, and there was no harm done in communicating my mindset with the guy.. [that's why guys find it easier to get along with themselves than babes do..].. And as it went, the guy was not adverse to my approach.. [hell, it would have been better than walking up to the girl and asking her, trying to disrespect his presence.. or don't you think so ]

As it went, there was no prior interaction with the girl.. no communication, no talking, no asking and being rebuffed.. nothing..

So, on what basis would she have to "act the fool..."...

And I'm sure guys in the Nairaland forum can bear me out.. Girls are very prone to this kind of behaviour... [I'm sure a survey of guys who have experienced similar incidents would be quite revealing.. Seun, are you willing to take up the gauntlet.. ]

The bottom line is, what right does a girl have to "act the fool"?? .. [to quote a favourite rapper of mine.. Ludacris.. ]

Duh!!!!
You are totally missing the point. Go back and re-read my post. I didn't advise going to fight the boyfriend, I actually suggested that it would be better you approached single and unattached girls, that way you would need to obtain only one person's consent. This is because, if you asked the guy first, the girl may think she is being relegated to the background, and if you don't ask the guy, he might feel insulted. Result: ask only single and unattached people. This should be simple enough to understand unless the problem is that you just want to hear what you want to hear and choose not to understand

Seun:

CimonJorr, I have a feeling you're not being honest with us; possibly there's something you're not telling us about this story.

Perhaps the girl did not like the way you approached her boyfriend to ask her to dance as if she's a slave or something. Perhaps she overheard and/or misunderstood something you told her boyfriend. Perhaps her friends have told her tales about you and she wasn't ready to dance with you.

Exactly. Spoken like a true gentleman

@ Seun..

I really wish it was possible to provide you with further information, since you seem to doubt not only my ability to relate all the facts as clearly as possible, but also my integrity in telling you the situation as it is... "pure and unadulterated".. Or maybe just my objectivity in this situation.. [and maybe under different circumstances or situations, this may be a reasonable assumption on your part..]  But, unless you want me to fabricate some more information, there's nothing more I can add.. this is the situation as clearly as it happened.. I haven't left anything out, neither have I added to the story...

If she was there when I asked her boyfriend or if she had been nearby to "overhear" the conversation, then maybe she may be justified in taking ooffense. or whatever her reaction to the situation would have been.. but she wasn't.. and as I have stated earlier, there was no interaction between me and her.. Just a conversation between me and her boyfriend..

@ Justmoi..

I get the point totally.. And I hear you loud and clear.. if I may be so bold, I would put it to you that you are the one missing the point..

The issue here is not whether or not I wanted to dance with the girl.. or whether or not I asked for her bboyfriend'sconsent before approaching the girl for a dance.. but why a girl would brush up on a fellow she's never met before and then start acting up, trying to cause/create a scene..

Say, hypothetically I had actually asked her, then maybe her actions may be justified.. [telling a guy off that she doesn't want to have any interactions with..] But like I've stated several times before now, me and the girl had no contact or communication before that incident what so ever.. And she couldn't have "overheard the conversation between me and her boyfriend, 'because she wwasn'tthere..

But lest we loose the plot here, the issue I'm putting across to you is this..

"Is it acceptable or correct for a girl to brush up on a guy she's never met before, and then act up... regardless or the situation or circumstances.. ".. would it have been any different if it had happened in a bus or a train or walking down a  crowded corridor.. or at a party..

Have we so become so base that civility has now been thrown out of the window..??

And.. to give answers to the other issues/points you raised...

1. I don't know the establishments you may be used to hanging out in.. or if you are an individual who indulges in an active night life [and goes to nightclubs or discotheques].. but most night clubs I've been to hardly have single girls coming by themselves.. more often than not, they are usually part of a group of friends.. [most of the time you come across a single lady, she's more often than not of questionable virtue.. ]..

2. Now the fact that she may be there as part of a group also doesn't forclude her from having her own fun, if she's so disposed.. I figure it's all tied down to the individual involved.. I have made several acquaintances through this means, so there's nothing unusual in this..

3. You do have a point in that you just can't expect a girl  to dance with you if she's not interested.. but I believe that she has to be asked first.. That I believe falls into the bracket of "common sense"... If possibly she had overheard the conversation between her boyfriend and myself, it is possible that based on what she could have heard or believed she heard, she may or may not take offense at the fact that a 'strange' guy asked her boyfriend for a dance with her.. but believe me.. even someone with a directional mike coucouldn'tve overheard the conversation.. because the music was loud.. definitely too loud for someone to overhear conversations between people and definitely when one isn't in the vicinity in the first place..

I know you're only playing advocate here.. and trying to see things from the lady's perspective.. [you're a lady yourself, after all.. and I'd expect nothing less than solidarity amongst ladies..]

But to be frank, does the fact that a lady gets offended or displeased by a conversation that was not directed torwards her [or should I say not had with her] mean that she should now throw civility out of the window
A simple "No, thank you.. " solves a lot of problems in the world..

Let's take this in a different direction..
My facts may not be spot on, 'because I can't recollect all the facts off head.. but some months ago.. in the House of Representatives, a female House of Reps member slapped a male colleague over an incident.. (this was in the news).. She alleged that she was stressed, under duress after a bereavement, and when the incident occurred between them her first reaction was to slap the male fellow.. but is this acceptable behbehavior

To cap this all.. My only request is: "Ladies.. Be Civil... It doesn't subtract from your personality.. "



Saint..

CimonJorr:


... But, unless you want me to fabricate some more information, there's nothing more I can add.. this is the situation as clearly as it happened.. I haven't left anything out, neither have I added to the story...

If she was there when I asked her boyfriend or if she had been nearby to [b]"overhear" the conversation, then maybe she may be justified in taking ooffense. or whatever her reaction to the situation would have been.. but she wasn't.. [/b] and as I have stated earlier, there was no interaction between me and her.. Just a conversation between me and her boyfriend..

This was definitely not part of your original post and constitutes new information/addition to the story. In your first two posts, you stated that you had no interaction with her, no communication, no asking and being rebuffed. The aformentioned things do not constitute her, being out of earshot. So, it would appear that you story has changed, everly so slightly.

If you want your 'point' to be gotten, it behooves you to state the facts clearly and concisely. I am not a mind reader. Your original story, can at best, be described as sketchy. Now, if you mistakenly omit pertinent information, it is for you to simply plug the gaps in your story and wait for a reassessment as opposed to expecting anyone to be psychic.

CimonJorr:


1. I don't know the establishments you may be used to hanging out in.. or [b]if you are an individual who indulges in an active night life [[/b]and goes to nightclubs or discotheques].. but most night clubs I've been to hardly have single girls coming by themselves.. more often than not, they are usually part of a group of friends.. [most of the time you come across a single lady, she's more often than not of questionable virtue.. ]..

No, I do not have an active night life. However, I live in U.S. and over here, female friends sometimes organize 'girls night out' and go out on the town without male chaperones. This does not make them ladies of the night and nobody looks upon them as such. In your profile, you stated that  you live in London, I would think the situation would be the same over there. Any Londonites care to weigh in on this?

Now if this did not happen in London, but in a different locale where the customs are different, then my other suggestion - that
you approach a couple with whom you are already friends - would have come into play.

On the face of it, it is wrong for any person -male or female - to slap or assault another person. Having said that, I would like to point you to this:

CimonJorr:

"Is it acceptable or correct for a girl to brush up on a guy she's never met before, and then act up... regardless or the situation or circumstances.. "...Have we so become so base that civility has now been thrown out of the window..??

I find the highlighted portion to be laughable. "...regardless of the situation or circumstance?"
What if a woman is accosted and is in danger of being raped or maybe if a guy grabs her chest or her behind? Is she to be a simpering bimbo, shrinking violet or maybe act all helpless whilst waiting for some non existent man to ride in on a horse and save the day?Not to say that any of these were your scenario, but to point out the power of words, the necessity of thinking before throwing out generalizations and that  using phrases of this nature can create a bad impression. Ignore this, at the risk of coming across like a cromagnon

More excerpts from some of your quotes:

CimonJorr:

Why do girls behave like this?

CimonJorr:

Girls are very prone to this kind of behaviour...

CimonJorr:

To cap this all.. My only request is: "Ladies.. Be Civil... It doesn't subtract from your personality.. "

You do use the word 'civility' liberally in your statements.
All I can say is, sometimes it is imperative that a person take their own advise.
Also, generally in life, what a person puts out is what they get in return.

Nothing personal. Just airing my views. Wouldn't have had to explain at length, if the missing information had been promptly supplied and then you had simply waited for a re-evaluation on the basis of the new information.

Justmoi, are you a lawyer, too? We have lots of lawyers on Nairaland!

Chai, wetin be all this long "turanci", all because of one lady brushing a guy, in a club.

Abeg brother you don learn your lesson o. Stop borrow borrowing peoples gf for club. You no get babe? Get One if you dont, and go equiped with her next time.

Problem solved. This is not a courtroom. And nobody is going to Jail .

@Kazey..

E be like say I don jamm QC for here oh...

@ JustMoi...

I know you're command of english is as good as mine.. why then did you deliberately ingore the "IF" parts of my sentence you highlighted..
the "IF" written there deliberately points to the fact that the hypothetical contact that you constantly allude to DID NOT HAPPEN...

And when I was refering to circumstances or situation, I obviously wasn't refering to rape.. In civilized societies, we don't go to parties or nightclubs with the intent of raping women.. we go there to hang-out and have a good time.. [Me thinks you've been in the US for too long.. even when I was in the US, things weren't that bad, that if a guy and babe met in a club or wherever, the first thing that would jump to the girls mind is that the man was a potential rapist..  ]


@ Everyone..

I wonder if you've ever fallen to this situation before..

You plan a night out with your sweeter half, and at the last moment, she asks you if her friend [or sister possibly, but for this narration, let's just call her a friend] could accompany you guys out.. You being the 'gentleman' that you are, obviously don't refuse.. The next thing is that you now find yourself having to play host between your two guests, and divide your attentions between your babe and her friend.. [when the original plan was to just chill out with your baby-boo..]..
Then comes along a rather nice man [a gentleman.. mind you, not a rapist nor a serial killer..], and he offers to take your babes friend off your hands for a while.. Isn't this a Godsend, permitting you to get the evening back on track to your original plan.. ??

While the above is just a story off the top of my head, it's a situation I've been in time and time again.. on both sides of the frence... and the nights haven't ended up in disasters.. You can meet good people in places like that.. such environs aren't meant to be the sole hideouts for criminals, and rapists and the insane.. 


ps... I'm not in London.. would be nice if you could get some of ur facts right..

CimonJorr:


I know you're command of english is as good as mine.. why then did you deliberately ingore the "IF" parts of my sentence you highlighted..
the "IF" written there deliberately points to the fact that the hypothetical contact that you constantly allude to DID NOT HAPPEN...

There is no comparison ...your command of the language is abysmal. What other reason would there be for your failure to face issues head on, instead of going round and round in circles.
You mention that I deliberately ignored the "IF" part of your sentence. I believe this would be the quote in issue:

CimonJorr:


But, unless you want me to fabricate some more information, there's nothing more I can add.. this is the situation as clearly as it happened.. I haven't left anything out, neither have I added to the story...

If she was there when I asked her boyfriend or if she had been nearby to "overhear" the conversation, then maybe she may be justified in taking ooffense. or whatever her reaction to the situation would have been.. but she wasn't.. and as I have stated earlier, there was no interaction between me and her.. Just a conversation between me and her boyfriend..

My response to you was that the highlighted portion was indeed an addition, since it was not in your original post. Pray tell, how does the "IF" play into this. Is it that you have nothing valid to say in response and just want to run off at the mouth to make yourself feel good. Tis hot air you are blowing, nothing but hot air.

And mention of rape was made only in response to your claim that a woman is not supposed to act up regardless of the situation or circumstance. Here is your quote:

CimonJorr:

"Is it acceptable or correct for a girl to brush up on a guy she's never met before, and then act up... regardless or the situation or circumstances.. "...Have we so become so base that civility has now been thrown out of the window..??

and here is my response:

Justmoi:
I find the highlighted portion to be laughable. "...regardless of the situation or circumstance?"
What if a woman is accosted and is in danger of being raped or maybe if a guy grabs her chest or her behind? Is she to be a simpering bimbo, shrinking violet or maybe act all helpless whilst waiting for some non existent man to ride in on a horse and save the day?[b]Not to say that any of these were your scenario[/b], but to point out the power of words, the necessity of thinking before throwing out generalizations and that  using phrases of this nature can create a bad impression. Ignore this, at the risk of coming across like a cromagnon

My advise to you was not to make generalizations (the portion in red). I would also like to point you to the part highlighted in green seeing as you seem to have conveniently misplaced your glasses. So tell me, why do you feel this need to defend yourself against "allegations of rape?" As for the 'civilized society' bit, you are part of the problem. Infact, you are not just part of the problem, YOUR ARE THE PROBLEM. 

London/Manchester, same difference. 'Man up' and deal with the facts instead of quibbling.

All the people that have posted since my first post have given you positive advice, which you choose not to accept. Instead you prefer to bluster 'trying to look good in front of the boys.' But, alas, you have failed, because you look very, very bad. The mark of an intelligent person, is the ability to accept their mistakes. Now tell me, can you do this, or should an inference be made?

Nice to have you back on line..  ..

[whoa... it's hot in here.. must be all the hot-air.. ]

You guys still never give up. Na wa o. I just don tire they cross-check dico o.

Bro..

No be my fault..
This is tantamount to carrying the male vs. female thing to a new level..

Honestly, the thing tire me.. but we go forge on.. For all "Man" kind...

CimonJorr:

Nice to have you back on line.. ..

[whoa... it's hot in here.. must be all the hot-air.. ]

Nice to have you too

Yep, you got that right. Tis the hot air

oya start. you have welcomed yourself. *countdown* 1..2..3.. start!

Ready whenever

Cimon, go for it.

@JustMoi..

Lady...

Now I can see you're really beginning to confuse issues.. We're now deviating from the main thrust of the post to issues of grammar..

two things for you to rumminate over..

Firstly.. assuming that your command of English is as good as mine, then you should be easily able to discern what exactly I meant by the "If she was there.." part of that sentence.. I have not contradicted myself, neither have I supplied more information.. I was only responding to Seun's comments that it was possible (or indeed plausible) that the conversation between me and her boyfriend could have been over-heard..
As it is, it wasn't as the girl involved WAS NOT THERE.. I have said this before (too many times in my own opinion), and I repeat it again [in case the print was too small for u to notice this part of the sentence before..]

Secondly..
From the tone of your article, apparently you're in support of violence by women.. now while in the rape/assult scenario you presented, there's obviously nothing wrong in a woman defending herself.. But pray tell how this applies to the current situation?.. We talk of generalizations, and all advocate that we try to avoid this trend, but in your case, your examples are not "specific" to the instance at hand, but rather generalize on when a woman's use of violence is justified..

In life, a lot can be achieved by dialog.. Use of force [or violence] should always be considered to be a last resort.. especially because of the implications and ramifications.. [you may refer to other posts in Nairaland to see discussions on the issue]..

The allegations of rape you are referring to (that I am defending myself over), I am yet to locate.. my "defense" was directed to the fact that though you may not agree, not all men are animals [who go about having sexual intercourse with all females they come across].. Men, especially when socializing, will come across members of the opposite sex who catch their fancy and will at times indicate this to these women.. this does not automatically place them in the bracket of "intending rapists"..

Now,back to the original thread of the post, from your own sentiments on the issue, one can clearly place where your sentiments are.. Possibly a more rational and less emotional reading of the facts here would show you that the issue here is not about meeting ladies or chatting them up, but why some ladies are very prone to rude and uncivilized behavior [if you note, I am deliberately not generalizing here]..

I'm very sure you may not fall into this bracket.. But then again, I don't really know you that well...

Ta da..

PS.. "London/Manchester, same difference."
This is a bad case of generalization.. typical among the yanks..
To be informed is better than being ignorant..

6/10 - 0. Response Response. Other Judges, What is his score?

Ah...

Kazey..

Only 6/10?? .. [ok.. as a critique, what should I have done better.. ]

truthfully, I'm rather tired of this mental sparing.. it would be much better to get a constructive insight into the workings of the female mind.. rather than this mental warfare.. this is worse than Chess.. 

cimon is funny. haha. warfare?/ better than chess? Okay wateva you say. Whateva floats your boat. Anyways ....uhmm i give you 9/10

i had to check the dictionary too many times. A forum post should be understandable. A grade 12 kid should be able to read it , and understand it perfectly. Not cross-checking the dictionary to dicipher what a word means.

lovely people..

I'm sorry, but I have to depart presently.. All these grammatical exertions have done me in.. You've all been lovely.. And I look forward to meeting you lovely people very soon...


Saint..

kazey:

You guys still never give up. Na wa o. I just don tire they cross-check dico o.

kazey:

6/10 - 0. Response Response. Other Judges, What is his score?

@ Kazey, I thought you were tired of the whole thing. Now, you're keeping score?