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How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men - Family (4) - Nairaland

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Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by 12inchess: 3:25pm On Jan 22
Bro you have right to your kids too so long as you're paying child support. It absolutely ridiculous that your kids will be with your ex wife 24/7 while you will be paying child support. You also have a right to spend time with your kids esp since you'e corvering many of their financial needs.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by pussyphilia(m): 3:27pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.
You're right... infact, modern men need to start accepting infidelity by their wives instead of divorcing them on account of that. If not, we'll be having many broken homes which is not good for the society. What's them in having other men Bleep your wives It's even a great turn on for some men.
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by peanutbutterr: 3:28pm On Jan 22
GlobeTrotter2:
she will get tired and retire with you... Can you even hear yourself Your papa!!!!!


that lady always feels like she has something upstairs, a bloody feminist
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Anguldi(m): 3:32pm On Jan 22
Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Talk to the kids during holidays and tell them you will send Fees and fatherly advice. I hope you talk to them on phone Take hrt

Manipulation is a game

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by MajorOvakporaye(f): 3:32pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Shut up!!! You ignoramus

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by BondRiv: 3:38pm On Jan 22
Rejouir:
An advise from the pit of hell.

Even the advice is as promiscuous as the author. What a shameless fellow.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by abike12(f): 3:45pm On Jan 22
your responsibility as a father has nothing to do with your relationship with your ex-wife and the infidelity you keep mentioning is not useful information in the context of taking care of your children. the reason for divorce does not excuse you from your responsibility to your children. do not discuss this with your children in an attempt to get back at your ex, it will backfire on you and your children will view you as a bitter and frustrated person. move on with your life and hopefully you have better luck next time.
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Waper2(m): 3:49pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.
Bad mouth girl 😁
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Amumaigwe: 3:50pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

This old hag does not disappoint. A harlot-wife cheated, was caught and divorced. All you can recommend is for the man to fight for his marriage, one to a gutter-bred prostitute. If the man was caught, you frustrated ladies will encourage his wife to file for divorce, but do a 360 to advise the man to fight for his marriage when your gender cheats. This evil solidarity confirms that all of you are practicing the same trade.

7 Likes

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by bonnyhope: 3:52pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Endurance Endurance Endurance

Even when yiur spouse is misbehaving right left center

No wonder men life span is becoming short

I pity some men

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by qtx(m): 3:56pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.
chai! ur type sha! This type na fire under bossom dem de call dem. No just go near.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Amumaigwe: 3:59pm On Jan 22
Afodot0022:
Good day nairalanders, top of the day to you all.

This topic is basically for the divorce men out there that are out of their marriage and living separately from their Ex wife and kids.

Attimes divorce can be a very devastating experience that the pains felt don't go easily especially if you are a responsible man that put in your best effort in the marriage to make things work but eventually went south.

It's even more heartbreaking if you caught your ex wife cheating and having extra marital affairs when you know as a man you don't deserve such betrayal, it could easily break you as a man.

Now my bone of contention is, divorce men out there, how do you deal with the fact that you are obligated to pay child support and care and also foot school fees and medical of the kids that came out of the union despite the family being broken.

How do you cope with this when the custody of the kids are with your ex wife and knowing she was the one that betrayed you in the marriage by cheating on you, will you be comfortable still sending her money for your kids upkeep and also paying their school despite the fact they don't live under your roof.

How do you men deal with this cos attimes, it can be so discouraging knowing fully well what led to the union breakup. Presently am separated from my ex wife on the count of infidelity, my two kids have been with her ever since and attimes anytime I think about the hurt and betrayal, I will want to end any sort of provision for the kids but because am a very responsible man that wants the best for my kids, it's difficult to just look away.

Attimes my thoughts could be like in as much the kids are staying with her, I am on the loosing side and my effort providing for the kids outside my jurisdiction might look like a wasted efforts being that the kids are with her 247 and she can easily still the glory by making the kids believe she is the one doing the provision.

Pls divorce and separated men, how do you go through this turmoil and ways to navigate through to be sure you are on the right track.

The mistake you made was letting her walk away with your children. The custody is yours by default: a cheating wife is not worthy of raising a child especially the girl child, that is, if you have a concrete proof of her infidelity. You had an advantage but never capitalized on that. Seek redress legally and present the evidence to the judges and have the custody awarded to you (if you can foot the bill).

4 Likes

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by GAS76: 4:00pm On Jan 22
[color=#006600][/color]

A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest. DO NOT FREAKING GO INTO MARRIAGE WITH CINDERELLA DREAMS, FANTASIES AND SELF DELUSION. Marriage is Work! Marriage is responsibility! Marriage is Duty. Especially when there are KIDS IN IT!

As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.

There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.

No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note also that God doesn’t choose shit!!!!! It even goes against his principle of free will. GOD NEVER CHOSE A WIFE FOR ANY OTHER MAN after he made Eve!!! And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that:

a. the marriage is the meal ticket for most women;

b. societal and religious shame and stigma of divorce. AKA what will the world say!;

c. personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting hard enough for what is yours;

d. maintaining the marriage to “pepper” friends and show off fake marital bliss.

e. finally the fear that the kids might suffer during separation.

NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:

1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.

2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.

3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.

4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.

5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by waleolaniyan: 4:02pm On Jan 22
Many people passing comments here don't know nothing. Many undefined variables that the separated spouses will have to grapple with. Blames, regrets, rejections, social stigma, inner pains, confusions, health issues, financial issues, loneliness, sexual depravity, induced addictions, etc.

My prime advice to the man is: Your health, life and well-being must be your unconditionally and absolutely taken care of. No compromise with this before your life gets cut short. Do gym, look nice.

Rule 2: Never jump into any relationship immediately. Take your time. Avoid hangouts that could lead into new wife and unwanted pregnancy from a hook. Preferably, stay alone or thread with utmost caution.

Rule 3. Decide what to do with the old relationship or draw conclusion. This will determine your next line of action. Don't follow cacophony of advice, follow your heart based on your experience in that matter.

Rule 4. Do what pleases you and will not harm your well-being on the issue of your children. Most women are selfish and will turn the children against their father by every means. This is the majority of instances. Do to your children as your pocket can afford and never regret it, or feel inadequate.

Rule 5. Get involved in meaningful social or spiritual activities that would make your connect with people.

Rule 6. Never keep your experience secret. Let people that matters in your circle, workplace, neighbourhood, colleagues know about it. It brings you relief.

Rule 7. Decide your future and let bygone begone.

Pray regularly over your situation.

6 Likes 2 Shares

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by GAS76: 4:02pm On Jan 22
Nice one bro!👍
10thTenthMan:
Perform your duty. That is my advice.

A cheating spouse is a possibility in ANY Relationship. If you like let Pastor Adeboye choose for you. It won’t mean shit!!!! I say it with my full chest. DO NOT FREAKING GO INTO MARRIAGE WITH CINDERELLA DREAMS, FANTASIES AND SELF DELUSION. Marriage is Work! Marriage is responsibility! Marriage is Duty. Especially when there are KIDS IN IT!

As a human and especially as a man, know this possibility and know peace, that a Cheating Spouse is a possible outcome! Whether you trust your partner or not, people will do whatever they like to do. First rule of human interaction, TRUST NO ONE! Second Rule, you can never know anyone completely. It is impossible. Don’t deceive yourself.

There are Foolish people who regurgitate hair saloon and beer parlour talk and spew over repeated trash like “if you trust him or her she won’t cheat”. It makes me laugh at how dense humans can be and how simple they see human relationships and interactions.

No Oga/Madam, trust is bullshit! It won’t stop her black, red, white or purple panties from being pulled down or pulled aside. Neither will trust stop his manhood from entering the mouth of the woman he is cheating with who is hell bent on giving the experience of a life time. TRUST IS A MINDSET YOU NECESSARILY HAVE TO DEVELOP FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND! Trust isn’t to prevent cheating and Trust doesn’t stop cheating!!! Trust is for your own effing peace, so you don’t kill your self with worry and heart ache and suspicion, snooping around and bothering if a guy is not currently bending her over and thrusting wickedly into her or if a lady is not wickedly and intentionally riding on top of him bouncing up and down like a possessed demon to ensure he keeps coming back. Other people say let God choose for you. Please note also that God doesn’t choose shit!!!!! It even goes against his principle of free will. GOD NEVER CHOSE A WIFE FOR ANY OTHER MAN after he made Eve!!! And there are marriages dying today and couples suffering because one hungry so called Pastor did a match from Hell! What is keeping many marriages in Nigeria today is that:

a. the marriage is the meal ticket for most women;

b. societal and religious shame and stigma of divorce. AKA what will the world say!;

c. personal ideology of seeing divorce as a form of failure or not fighting hard enough for what is yours;

d. maintaining the marriage to “pepper” friends and show off fake marital bliss.

e. finally the fear that the kids might suffer during separation.

NOW TO ALL DIVORCED MEN, especially those who experienced horrible things from their spouses BUT STILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT and take care of the kids with a cheating ungrateful ex, I say:

1. Verify the Kids are Yours. Do 3 DNA Tests if possible at 3 different places. Do secret Peace of Mind (POM) tests if possible. All Men MUST MAKE IT A POINT OF DUTY TO DO POM Tests on ALL THIER KIDS even if you married the Virgin Mary Herself and it took you eternity to disvirgin and penetrate her on your wedding night! Forget story. Do your POM Test on ALL Kids.

2. Man up and Do your duty! Fatherhood and manhood is about DUTY! Do your duty and don’t expect praise. Do your duty. That is what makes you a dad. You have made a bad choice. No wahala. Your bad! No wahala. But for the kids. DO YOUR DUTY. Fatherhood, similar to manhood is about DUTY! Protect, Provide, Comfort, Love, Support, Set Perfect Example, Be a responsible member of the society and Increase the Family’s power, influence and wealth.

3. Ensure she is using the funds for the kids and try to be in their lives. Ensure you have time to be present for the kids. If she does not, allow you to, make secret video recordings (spy pens, spy glasses, spy tie clips, etc) of your attempt at visiting the kids and her attempts to stop you. Keep these as evidence.

4. Keep ALL records of what you give. What you pay. Time you spend and make out to be with the kids. Etc. Keep ALL Records. Keep everything down to receipts of toys you buy.

5. Lastly and finally,once again, DO YOUR DUTY TO THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITIES AS A MAN! Try your best and do your duty as a man and a father.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by GAS76: 4:06pm On Jan 22
BloomingDale:


You want your wife to dey manage just your weak akamu when better jollof, egusi, edikankong with better meat, brokoto etc dey outside? You must be a very wicked and selfish man. Una like to sample different dishes but want women to just manage una unpalatable akamu. The devil is a liar.
Can you pray for this for your son? This comment devoid maturity.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by churro: 4:10pm On Jan 22
Westerhoffe:
Please, choose right by allowing GOD choose the right partner for you.

That way, you'll have no reason for divorce.

This is not true. Every marriage requires some level of hard work and lots of commitments for it to work, even if God chooses your partner for you.
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by maureensylvia(f): 4:16pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
When we tell you to fight for your marriages, you won't listen. A man that is not ready to endure has no business getting married. Go learn from your fathers how to endure. That is why marriages of old lasted.

Nice one Poco❤️
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Socratiz: 4:18pm On Jan 22
I take it that you're here to talk about how to manage yourself and ensure a warm relationship with your kids, having divorced your wife. I am not going to explore the incident that led to the divorce because it's already in the past, and you cannot undo what has already been done.

So you're here, divorced but having to financially support your two kids who are in the custody of your ex wife.

Ordinarily, I would expect that you have access to them either weekly or monthly when you can take them to visit you or you visit them where they are.

I can imagine the emotions of not having them under your roof 24/7 especially if you're a core family person who lives children. You'd also be wondering what your ex wife would be feeding them about you. She'd probably be painting herself as a saint.

Nevertheless, you have a duty to the children. Don't bother too much about what your ex wife could b telling them. They will learn when they mature and decide for themselves.

I strongly advise you don't shirk your responsibility to the kids no matter what.

The other issue is whether you want to remarry. That's something to think about deeply. You could be nursing the fear of not marrying a woman who'd cheat like the first and so, become indecisive about who to marry. This would require some level of counselling and I advise you seek for a marriage counsellor if you have this apprehension.

Finally, life must go on. It's good to read that you have moved on. Whether you move or not, the train of life is moving.

Face your fears. Face your life. Don't allow the past to blur your vision of your future.

It is well with you.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Bankowner: 4:21pm On Jan 22
Bro!

Abeg leave your children out of whatever issues you have with your spouse. Divorce is not easy either on the man and woman or on the children so the only way you can insulate them is to ensure you meet their needs as much as possible and timely too. You're their father, so the onus is on you to ensure the children from the marriage are well taken care of irrespective of which of you has decision making responsibility on them.

2 Likes

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by pocohantas(f): 4:26pm On Jan 22
maureensylvia:


Nice one Poco❤️

My pleasure, Maureen. grin grin

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by TheMostComplex1: 4:27pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:
Your ex-wife is taking care of the kids while you are busy trying to disvirgin your new girlfriend, yet you are still pained?

Why are the kids with her 247?
Did she stop you from coparenting?

If women can cook, submit and stay with cheating husbands for the sake of their kids. I don't see why this lesser scenario is hard for men to do. For a gender that doesn't benefit from marriage, this is an ideal arrangement if you ask me.

Focus on the kids.

I can't agree with you more.
Well done
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by pocohantas(f): 4:28pm On Jan 22
DMerciful:
Seriously? Endure infidelity from a woman?

Why is that hard for an unemotional gender to do? Women do it and they are not dead. It should be easier for you men.

3 Likes

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by pocohantas(f): 4:33pm On Jan 22
bonnyhope:


Endurance Endurance Endurance

Even when yiur spouse is misbehaving right left center

No wonder men life span is becoming short

I pity some men

Ohhh, so you know endurance reduces life span? We are making progress.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Mindlog: 4:38pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:


Ohhh, so you know endurance reduces life span? We are making progress.

😂😂😂😂😂

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Blackman101: 4:38pm On Jan 22
we are not in the western world, why will your ex-wife keep the kid when you two have divorced am thinking out loud oh
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by pocohantas(f): 4:39pm On Jan 22
Mindlog:


😂😂😂😂😂

Mindy, shey you dey see am. If you flip it the right way, they would agree with you.
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by DMerciful(m): 4:40pm On Jan 22
Its hard because you begin to doubt the paternity of your kids.

Besides, a man marries a woman, not the other way round. If not Christianity, you'd probably be one of several of a man's wives and happily too, so be grateful grin. The fact that we're not applying the traditions of our forefathers, does not mean you shouldn't appreciate where we're coming from.

It's actually our fault so we nor blame una. The people that said we shouldn't marry multiple wives have remarried five times, married fellow men while many of our women are unmarried due to the difference of available men vs women.

Our forefathers were wise. This see-finish for nor dey

pocohantas:


Why is that hard for an unemotional gender to do? Women do it and they are not dead. It should be easier for you men.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by loswhite(m): 4:43pm On Jan 22
EreluRoz:
Caring for your kids has nothing to do with your ex wife, it is your responsibility afterall those kids didn't ask you to bring them to the world by force. Couples should learn to leave the kids out of their mess and failure.
Your ex wife may want to use the kids to extort money from so you cannot say it has nothing to do with your ex wife. Do you want to be caring for kids that your ex wife will not allow you to see and be claiming the glory amd telling the kids how you abandoned them?

1 Like 1 Share

Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by Mindlog: 4:47pm On Jan 22
pocohantas:


Mindy, shey you dey see am. If you flip it the right way, they would agree with you.

"endurance reduces life span".......🤣🤣🤣
Re: How Do You Cope, Divorced And Separated Men by pocohantas(f): 4:48pm On Jan 22
DMerciful:
Its hard because you begin to doubt the paternity of your kids.

Besides, a man marries a woman, not the other way round. If not Christianity, you'd probably be one of several of a man's wives and happily too, so be grateful grin. The fact that we're not applying the traditions of our forefathers, does not mean you shouldn't appreciate where we're coming from.

It's actually our fault so we nor blame una. The people that said we shouldn't marry multiple wives have remarried five times, married fellow men while many of our women are unmarried due to the difference of available men vs women.

Our forefathers were wise. This see-finish for nor dey


Once again, nobody is stopping you Nigerian men from marrying two wives. There are many men with two wives in Nigeria. Yul did it and his first left. Ned did it and the second left and came back, but his first is nowhere to be found. It is either of the two situations.

Some other men also went to visit sidechics and they never came back alive. One was killed last week by an angry sidechic.

So whether you marry a woman, abi na she marry you, it doesn't change the emotional damage cheating does to a HUMAN and family.

Choose your poison and live with the consequences. Don't come to cry later that your kids were turned against you.

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