Kobojunkie:
I am concerned about what you choose to think of a wife though. This conversation is geared towards understanding the facts, the particulars of submission, as practiced by some in marriage.

I'm not in anyway trying to belittle a wife, I feel everyone has a role to play and they should act accordingly.

Kimcutie:
1. Marriage is a partnership.
2. You are allowed to question, assess risks etc but you do this with respect
3. A man is seen as the head of the family cause he's the protective one, he's the one that will ensure there is food on the table, he's the one that will ensure the kids go to school, he's the one that will ensure his wife needs are taken care of(talking about an ideal marriage)
A man isn't all and all but where there should be a head, it's the man. In a case where the man isn't "manning up" such man can't claim to be the head of the family.

1. So marriage is in fact a partnership, good.

2. Now we have it that regardless of which partner comes up with the idea, the task is on the other partner to not only thoroughly investigate the proposed plan, ensuring that all risk assessment work is carried out and checks and balances are in place for whether the plan succeeds or fails. What this means is that none of the partners submits to the other or should do so in business then. Since the primary issue should be ensuring the success of the business above all things. Do, you see what I am saying? Submission does not apply as far as business partnerships as it almost ensures failure of the business and even the partnership.

3. There are so many families out there where women occupy the roles you highlighted. So, again, what makes a man, and not the woman, the head of the family?

Kimcutie:
I'm not in anyway trying to belittle a wife,
■ I feel everyone has a role to play and they should act accordingly.

I meant I am not concerned at all about your personal opinions regarding the wife there since it does not matter as far as the subject here.

2. Everyone has a role to play and my guess is you equally believe these roles you speak of are set in stone somewhere.

Kimcutie:
No it's not, it's like complimenting them, making them to do more .

Then you should equally accept the idea of a man being a true man as a compliment since it is equally meant to cause the same in men.

Kobojunkie:
I meant I am not concerned at all about your personal opinions regarding the wife there since it does not matter as far as the subject here.

2. Everyone has a role to play and my guess is you equally believe these roles you speak of are set in stone somewhere.

The roles are not set in stone, the roles can be interchanged, the roles will surely be there.

Kimcutie:
■ The roles are not set in stone, the roles can be interchanged, the roles will surely be there.

meaning men don't always need to be the heads? Mean equally can and should submit to their wives in those cases?

Kobojunkie:
Then you should equally accept the idea of a man being a true man as a compliment since it is equally meant to cause the same in men.

Well it's your opinion, to me I don't buy the idea of calling or referring to someone as a real man.

Kobojunkie:
meaning men don't always need to be the heads? Mean equally can and should submit to their wives in those cases?

Finally. I've been saying this, that anyone can be the head cause there should be a head.

Kimcutie:
■ Well it's your opinion, to me I don't buy the idea of calling or referring to someone as a real man.

You don't buy the idea of conditioning for men but you are open to that idea were women are concerned?

Kimcutie:
■ Finally. I've been saying this, that anyone can be the head cause there should be a head.

Ok! So you've been saying that men should submit to and allow their wives to be the heads of the marriage? A man can equally be the pride of his family, and submit himself to the authority of his wife with respect.

Kobojunkie:
Ok! So you've been saying that men should submit to and allow their wives to be the heads of the marriage? A man can equally be the pride of his family, and submit himself to the authority of his wife with respect.

No. I said either the man is the head or his the wife or whosoever contributes more to the family upkeep

last part is funny ngl

Kobojunkie:
You don't buy the idea of conditioning for men but you are open to that idea were women are concerned?

Mine was from the standpoint of marriage, and yes am open to the idea of "conditioning" where marriage is involved.

Kimcutie:
■ No. I said either the man is the head or his the wife or whosoever contributes more to the family upkeep last part is funny ngl

So, the position of headship as far as the way you describe marriage should be based on who contributes most to the family upkeep and not necessarily what gender one came into this world as. Interesting!

So, earlier, you had claimed in your part of the world, submission is an essential aspect of marriage. Care to tell us how this gender-neutral idea regarding submission in marriage has played out so far? Research after research shows that women are today major breadwinners in their homes in Nigeria. Are these women equally submitted to and accorded the respect they deserve in their marriages as heads?

Kimcutie:
■ Mine was from the standpoint of marriage, and yes am open to the idea of "conditioning" where marriage is involved.

SO it is OK for a man to be conditioned and equally okay for a woman to be too only in marriage?

Kobojunkie:
So, the position of headship as far as the way you describe marriage should be based on who contributes most to the family upkeep and not necessarily what gender one came into this world as. Interesting!

So, earlier, you had claimed in your part of the world, submission is an essential aspect of marriage. Care to tell us how this gender-neutral idea regarding submission in marriage has played out so far? Research after research shows that women are today major breadwinners in their homes in Nigeria. Are these women equally submitted to and accorded the respect they deserve in their marriages as heads?

Only 20% of marriages in Nigeria have women as the breadwinner and in those marriages people still don't regard them as the head per say.

But in my own sentiment, they are.

Kobojunkie:
SO it is OK for a man to be conditioned and equally okay for a woman to be too only in marriage?

Yes. They have always been conditioned in that aspect

Kimcutie:
■ Only 20% of marriages in Nigeria have women as the breadwinner and in those marriages people still don't regard them as the head per say. But in my own sentiment, they are.

Here goes. And this should matter, why?

Kimcutie:
Yes. They have always been conditioned in that aspect

Men and women are conditioned by whom in marriage?

FRANCISTOWN:
I totally agree with your immeasurable depth of wisdom. Cultures that worked in the past may not work now. Therefore, things that worked in the past may not work now.

A'ight so,
•Men should start carrying pregnancies.
•Women should start training their future husbands thru schools.
•Women should also bring fruits, food stuffs, money and pay groom price. As I'm paying your family, you are paying my family too. No cheating
•Women should fix their husbands' car tyres.
•Should a snake find it's way into the house, the husband and the kids should hide . The woman should kill it.
•Once the woman loses her ability to contribute her quota. She should be seen as irresponsible and worse than an infidel.
•Women should also do the heavy liftings around the house.
•Are we goin on vacation? The husband should hold the kids hands. Women should drag the luggage and throw them in the car trunk.
•Women should also make their will and make their husbands beneficiaries too. Anybody can die first.
•On the wedding day. It shouldn't be the bride's day. It should be the couple's day.
A woman should put on nice blazers. There are nice suits for women too .
•A woman should grow beards too, so the kids can know there are two men in the house.
•In case there is an arson or inferno, any fire outbreak in short . The woman should firstly rescue her husband and her kids to safety even if it's at the detriment of her life. After all, a real man sacrifices his life for his family.
•The wife should defend the family in the case of uninvited visitors about the house in the middle of the night. The husband and the kids should hide in the basement.

Abeg if una remember anything, help me add.

At least, I'm paying a bride price for a reason

Oil dey your head

Kobojunkie:
Men and women are conditioned by whom in marriage?

Society

Kobojunkie:
Here goes. And this should matter, why?

It's just my opinion. It doesn't have to matter, cause that's what I feel and you might feel differently about it

Kimcutie:
It's just my opinion. It doesn't have to matter, cause that's what I feel and you might feel differently about it

OK!

Kobojunkie:
OK!

Kimcutie:

Well, it is an opinion, isn't it.

drimzsmoke:


When I go visit anybody who is married, my friends or brother, I don't always get them shishi. The wives and kid(s) on the other hand, I go bearing them gift because I know it's a woman that still owns and runs the house. A man just want to be called the head to massage his ego, in reality, a real man knows he is not the head. It's complicated jare!!!

What did I just read?

Kobojunkie:
Well, it is an opinion, isn't it.

It is.

Seun:
The idea that every woman in every marriage should be submissive offends me. No one should be allowed to demand for that. Anyone who is truly submissive will surely be taken advantage of. When I love someone, the last thing I want to do is to try to subjugate/infantilize them. I feel so sad when women are talking about the "struggle" to achieve submissiveness in their marriage because of some ancient religious texts.

I want a strong partner. I don't want a subordinate. I don't want an unpaid domestic employee. Equality in diversity is the way to go, in my view.

Yes, that is where we all confuse the meaning of marriage. Our African mentality really can't exist in Morden times. The idea of submission in marriage does not have to apply to only the woman. Marriage itself is submission. You submit yourself to the other person for the progress and success of you both.