Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,151,625 members, 7,813,054 topics. Date: Tuesday, 30 April 2024 at 05:50 AM

What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This (4305 Views)

Men Can You Allow Another Man Do This To Your Woman? / Ladies, What Type Of Man Do You wish for and the type you intensely dislike? / Mum Warns Men Against Being In Situations Where A Lady Can Accuse Them Of Rape (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Ojb194616: 7:05am On Feb 02
I have been married for two years now.
However there's this man I told my wife to stop communicating with, a former colleague, friend or so.
Not like i caught them cheating. I only did not like the way they communicated before we got married, as I stumbled on their chat while she was single.
But she assured me, he was just a friend, and swore there was nothing more.


However, we are almost in the second year of marriage, cutting communication seem really difficult.

Presently, my wife archived their chat on WhatsApp after we quarreled seriously on the same issue.

Anytime the conversations comes up she denies not communicating anymore with him, not knowing I have her logged in on my laptop.

Sometimes she agrees and promise to stop.

From thier conversations, nothing seem bad.
However, I am just worried why my wife can't let him go.

3 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Westerhoffe(m): 7:10am On Feb 02
Oga, that man might be the man your wife can discuss everything with but she did not listen that was her real husband.

Sorry, that was just a joke.

Call them to order.

9 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by immortalcrown(m): 7:10am On Feb 02
So, why the noise here? Not all friends should be cut off, provided no sexual activities involved. This applies to both male and female. Where I blame your wife is her failure to introduce the man to you and make him your (family) friend. She keeping the friendship as a secret is what raises an unnecessary suspicion here. But you yourself said their chats are not dirty.
Ojb194616:
From thier conversations, nothing seem bad.
However, I am just worried why my wife can't let him go.


I am a man. Some of my good friends are women who have been married for many years. They even call me in the presence of their husbands. No immoral activities between me and them. There are at least 6 of them. We became close friends before they got married but no sexual affair between me and them when they were single. Only the husband of one of them later gave me a hostile attitude and I quickly distanced myself from his wife. The wife insisted on we maintaining our friendship but I refused.

So, I judge based on my own experience. I think pervasion is the problem here. Most guys can't be friends with ladies without having sexual interest in the ladies. When those guys marry, they conclude that their wife's male friends are men of the same mindset. One important thing here is that I am careful about making friends. I hardly get a non-decent or untrustworthy friend. At least, two of those ladies married as virgins. Their husbands who observed my closeness to the ladies during their courtship trust the wives and permit the friendship to continue, because their wives maintained their virginities in the close friendship before the marriage. Each of the ladies was my close friend for at least 5 years before she got married.

2 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by talented321: 7:11am On Feb 02
Your wife can't be having a secret discussion with her crush that year, i don't think it'll end well because i don't understand what the man himself is doing with a married woman..
You are the man of the house and i believe your wife gat follow ur order in a situation like this unless she is the one taking care of the family..

18 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Ojb194616: 7:14am On Feb 02
Westerhoffe:
Oga, that man might be the man your wife can discuss everything with but she did not listen that was her real husband.

Sorry, that was just a joke.



Call them to order.


Well I have told her several times..I am not against divorce. If she's not happy with me..ill really appreciate we go our separate ways.

4 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Ojb194616: 7:16am On Feb 02
immortalcrown:
So, why the noise here?
[sub][/sub]

Well, it hurts because among all her male friends that's the only man I asked her to stop communicating with.

She lied severally about him.
Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by delzbaba(m): 7:16am On Feb 02
If I were you I would steal that phone and buy a new one, so she would loose contact with that person,, sometimes a man has to be innovative to curb this things

6 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Ojb194616: 7:18am On Feb 02
delzbaba:
If I were you I would steal that phone and buy a new one, so she would loose contact with that person,, sometimes a man has to be innovative to curb this things

Lol, buying a new phone. Do I have to go through such stress.

2 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by immortalcrown(m): 7:19am On Feb 02
Ojb194616:
Well, it hurts because among all her male friends that's the only man I asked her to stop communicating with.
She lied severally about him.
Her dishonesty is actually disturbing. Be watchful for any dirty chat between them, screenshot the chat, use it to take a serious action against her.

9 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Westerhoffe(m): 7:20am On Feb 02
Ojb194616:



Well I have told her several times..I am not against divorce. If she's not happy with me..ill really appreciate we go our separate ways.


Divorce is not an option yet until you have evidence she's been cheating with him.
Talk to the man in that chat and tell him to steer clear but don't make threats.
Your wife will confirm she didn't send the messages.

So, the man, if wise will obey.

1 Like

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Ojb194616: 7:23am On Feb 02
Westerhoffe:



Divorce is not an option yet until you have evidence she's been cheating with him.
Talk to the man in that chat and tell him to steer clear but don't make threats.
Your wife will confirm she didn't send the messages.

So, the man, if wise will obey.

Mehn. I no fit do this one. I really do not think the flman is faulty here.

1 Like

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by delzbaba(m): 7:25am On Feb 02
Ojb194616:


Lol, buying a new phone. Do I have to go through such stress.
ah ok oh, as a matter of fact if your wife was devoted she's supposed to change her phone number the minute she married, that's what my wife did, this little things matter, if you can't buy phone damage the sim.or else she will look forward to your going out every morning so she can chat her true love

4 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by vastolord4(m): 7:26am On Feb 02
Don't divorce her, be a man, overlook it, wait till you see evidence, then kick her out. Don't dwell on these kind of things.

From now on, think of only you! Think about relocating if it's an option for you then she'll join you later that's if you haven't found another serious lady willing to listen to you

10 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Westerhoffe(m): 7:27am On Feb 02
Ojb194616:


Mehn. I no fit do this one. I really do not think the flman is faulty here.


OK…
Just keep observing then.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by JASONjnr(m): 7:36am On Feb 02
immortalcrown:
So, why the noise here? Not all friends should be cut off, provided no sexual activities involved. This applies to both male and female. Where I blame your wife is her failure to introduce the man to you and make him your (family) friend. She keeping the friendship as a secret is what raises an unnecessary suspicion here. But you yourself said their chats are not dirty.
[sub][/sub]

Because as a husband, you're your wife's first gist mate.

Giving room for another man to occupy that space will breed problems sooner or later.

She shouldn't feel comfortable chatting freely with another man in the name of being just friends....

I don't know why people keep married friends as close pals.

The moment you are married, I relegate you to an acquaintance.

12 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by UptownVibes(m): 7:56am On Feb 02
immortalcrown:
So, why the noise here? Not all friends should be cut off, provided no sexual activities involved. This applies to both male and female. Where I blame your wife is her failure to introduce the man to you and make him your (family) friend. She keeping the friendship as a secret is what raises an unnecessary suspicion here. But you yourself said their chats are not dirty.
[sub][/sub]
From communication emotions will grow. The day they will meet and she is hot.. E go happen by mistake like they always say.. Maybe op should have two ladies he is always chatting with too.. Let's see how she reacts...

Funny enough that woman fit dey tell that man everything about you and her. Your sex life,your worth and all. Trust the "bad guy kind of men" to take advantage of that over her fish brain..

Bro you are the man. Act like a man.. If she is not ready to obey your instruction ,then wahala dey o

3 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by immortalcrown(m): 8:05am On Feb 02
UptownVibes:
From communication emotions will grow. The day they will meet and she is hot.. E go happen by mistake like they always say.. Maybe op should have two ladies he is always chatting with too.. Let's see how she reacts...

Funny enough that woman fit dey tell that man everything about you and her. Your sex life,your worth and all. Trust the "bad guy kind of men" to take advantage of that over her fish brain..

Bro you are the man. Act like a man.. If she is not ready to obey your instruction ,then wahala dey o
You have a valid point here.

4 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Cassandraloius: 8:35am On Feb 02
Why would she be communicating so effectively with another man and lie about it? Believe you me, once you're interacting with someone everyday as per the opposite sex, you will start developing feelings for each other, if they're not talking about business then she should come of it.
If the communication bw the both of them is an every day thing, it might turn out very bad, that guy has an ulterior motive.

6 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by muyico(m): 8:55am On Feb 02
U just mentioned lies?
Woman who lies can possibly cheat on U,that is where it strt
Ojb194616:


Well, it hurts because among all her male friends that's the only man I asked her to stop communicating with.

She lied severally about him.
Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Biggie225(m): 9:04am On Feb 02
OP, if you want to live long , just pretend as if you don't care .Face your life,live your life and let your wife be.If your wife wants extramarital affairs she would do it and you wont know . Women these days are toxic and stubborn ,they don't have sense.
Again watch your back , women can do and undo .

11 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Alphamentips: 9:15am On Feb 02
Biggie225:
OP, if you want to live long , just pretend as if you don't care .Face your life,live your life and let your wife be.If your wife wants extramarital affairs she would do it and you wont know . Women these days are toxic and stubborn ,they don't have sense.
Again watch your back , women can do and undo .



Why would a man want to live with someone that makes him watch his back?

2 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by skj1377(m): 9:25am On Feb 02
Your wife is a cheat. Cheating starts emotionally first. I advise you avoid having children with her to make your separation easy. You should not have married her in the first place.

1 Like

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Wannabenz: 9:39am On Feb 02
What works in ones marriage might not work in another,for me if I'm not comfortable with the chats I dey use my hand block the person on my wife phone and she won't unblock the person but if there's nothing wrong with their chats make she just delete the person number instead of blocking it.
Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by iLegendd(m): 9:43am On Feb 02
Smart men have a new way of chatting with people that are taken.

Let me narrate.

This man already knows the woman has a serious man and he doesn't want her except for sex. How do these men chat? It's mostly via email.

While in person, he tells her, "I know one day, your man will spy on your WhatsApp chat or voice call, so let's chat without emotions, as if we are just normal friends. Always ask me about my woman and let's keep the conversation a little religious, straight to the point and Godly."

When you spy on her chat, you'll feel nothing is going on. But there is this email she always gets from Jumia or one of these online stores. When you open it, you'll see some products on promo, etc.

Go down down down of that email after too many boring blocks of promotional images and texts, and you'll see the man's message.

All those initial images and promo is just a smoke screen.

The man's new email, just for this game is Jumiapromo@gmail.com and his name is Jumia (with a Jumia logo).

When this email comes, even if you have access to your woman's email, you won't open that Jumia message. Even if you open it, you won't scroll through those long texts and images by (fake) Jumia.

She is the only one who knows this Jumia message is her secret lover's message. After she's done reading, she replies and deletes traces. Through it, she gets voice notes, etc.

If she notices you're not even religious, the man creates an email that mimics her Church's identity and logo. When it comes to her inbox, you'll just hiss and ignore.

Nigerians hardly use email to communicate. They think it's only her FB, WhatsApp and Instagram she communicates with.

If I'm doing something with your woman behind your back, you'll never catch us. First of all, she'll have two WhatsApp on her phone and the bad one will be invisible to you. No app icon, no nothing. Only her fingerprint and a magic code will open it.

You'll never know there are hidden apps on her phone or her phone has two operating systems even if you're tech-savvy. When she wants to access it, she goes to the market, Church, or bathroom. You'll be busy monitoring her chat with the one you scanned via QRCode, but will never catch her with it because she's using a different invisible WhatsApp or email.

Na only dull men/women them dey catch nowadays. Thank God people like us don't cheat.
...

3 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Namaster: 9:54am On Feb 02
You told YOUR wife that you're NOT comfortable with her communications with another man. Rather than stop, she decides to HIDE her communication.

Obviously, your wife is fucking him. And she loves and respects him more than she loves and respects you.

You need to respect yourself and get a divorce ASAP. The issue is obviously giving you sleepless nights for you to create a thread about it first thing in the morning.

Reclaim your peace of mind and DIVORCE her.

Also, the idea that their relationship is platonic due to the nature of their chats is NONSENSE as the poster above has demonstrated.

They are FUCCCKKING.

Finally, take a look at the stats below about colleagues (applicable to ex colleagues,too). This is conservative too because it's a self-reporting stats.

6 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by laivwire(m): 10:40am On Feb 02
What is your fear? Some friendships are plain platonic even though they're with the opposite sex. My spouse may ask me to cut off communication with long time acquaintances (male and female) but I find it hard to do so literally because she doesn't understand how far we've come and how irrational it is to just cut them off like that.

I have done so with some friends who I told directly, "my wife is not comfortable with our friendship. We won't be friends anymore". It's harsh but it also shows I rate my partner over the friend. In other circumstances, I try to explain to my wife why I don't feel it's the right decision to cut some people off just because she's insecure.

Decisions to quit such communications can only be taken by your wife when she's convinced that it's not good for her marriage. You can drag the horse to the river but can't force it to drink. You need to augment your overt demands with subliminal persuasion to achieve your goals. I won't teach how to do that because you should know who you married more than anyone else.

immortalcrown:
Where I blame your wife is her failure to introduce the man to you and make him your (family) friend.
[sub][/sub]
I also agree with this, make her introduce the man to you. If demands don't work, persuasion will. Women use the same trick all the time. They make sure they are visible as "the wife" whenever a female figure is around her husband. It's their way of putting everyone in check.

Finally, a philanderer will always cheat regardless of if you have drone cameras following her 24/7. Give yourself some peace.

4 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by drimzsmoke(m): 10:45am On Feb 02
immortalcrown:
So, why the noise here? Not all friends should be cut off, provided no sexual activities involved. This applies to both male and female. Where I blame your wife is her failure to introduce the man to you and make him your (family) friend. She keeping the friendship as a secret is what raises an unnecessary suspicion here. But you yourself said their chats are not dirty.
[sub][/sub]

Someone like a father to me, was dating this woman, a married woman, this woman introduced my godfather to her husband as her uncle. The husband will prostrate and even ask the wife to go prepare a nice meal for this my godfather. The husband would leave the 2 of them at home....this story happened in Itele, Ijebu

When karma would have his way, an 18 or 19 year old whom my godfather was sponsoring his education is the person he caught his wife with on their matrimonial bed, he wanted to die. To help him get out of that depression, they quickly got him another wife!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 This one happened in obantako at Abeokuta!!!

14 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Kloenboi: 10:49am On Feb 02
Ojb194616:
I have been married for two years now.
However there's this man

Get a job for your wife.
Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Emmanuel900(m): 10:57am On Feb 02
There are situation where you have to make your boundaries known and stand your ground as a man or else you will be a weakling forever.

This kind of situation is part of it and you can not just dismiss it because it would keep bothering you and you would never have peace of mind or trust your wife and when you have something like that in your head all the time it is just a matter of time before it develop and affect other aspects of your relationship and interaction and can potentially destroy everything.

Those people saying the wife is not cheating yet obviously don't know what is cheating in marriage, cheating is not only sexual affairs we also have emotional cheating, his wife is obviously cheating emotionally on him and it is usually emotional cheating that develop to sexual affairs.

It is also very disrespectful for your wife to have that kind of connection with a man other than you and her family members, when a woman start sharing connection like that outside her union and pulling away emotionally like that, it is the beginning of the end and it is going to lead to the end if you ignore it as a man.

You have to stand your ground and let your wife know you won't tolerate such disrespect or how would your wife feel if you also have a woman you call friend that you also share a connection like that with ? I bet she wouldn't be happy about it and would even throw tantrum and make your life a living hell because of it. So why the hell should you tolerate something like that as a man ? You have to stand your ground without moving an inch because your wife will only see you as a weakling and lose attraction and respect for you if you let it go on.

Women should be the one contributing most to a successful marriage by avoiding something like this but the moment you are the one ignoring something like this because you are afraid of losing her. You will lose respect and become a weakling in her eyes and eventually lose her but if you stand your ground without caving you will earn her respect and she will fall in love with you more and if she didn't it just mean you are no longer a priority to her and you have lost her a long time ago. If i was you i will quickly exit, some men prefer to live a miserable life with a toxic woman that will never give them a single peace of mind and respect them all in the name of keeping marriage and because they are just scare of being alone again, so they will find comfort in misery and continue to live miserable. It is part of the reasons why many men die young and can't live as long as women.

Unless you are not doing your responsibilities as an husband you shouldn't be the one actively fighting to make a marriage work. Imagine taking all those responsibilities and still not having any peace of mind and respect you deserve. The moment you are the one actively trying to make a marriage work while your wife just behave anyhow without putting your feelings in consideration and how her actions can affect her marriage, you have already failed already as a man because it mean your wife perceive you as a weak man that will tolerate every shit, it will just keep getting worse overtime. Give them an inch they take a mile.

7 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by talented321: 11:00am On Feb 02
Changing number don't mean anything in this modern world, facebook with other many social media platforms are there..
delzbaba:
ah ok oh, as a matter of fact if your wife was devoted she's supposed to change her phone number the minute she married, that's what my wife did, this little things matter, if you can't buy phone damage the sim.or else she will look forward to your going out every morning so she can chat her true love

1 Like

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Kloenboi: 11:11am On Feb 02
immortalcrown:
So, why the noise here? Not all friends should be cut off, provided no sexual activities involved. This applies to both male and female. Where I blame your wife is her failure to introduce the man to you and make him your (family) friend. She keeping the friendship as a secret is what raises an unnecessary suspicion here. But you yourself said their chats are not dirty.
[sub][/sub]

Provided you are married to your wife, any male friend of hers should be a friend to you as well otherwise such woman should be watched with 20 eyes.

7 Likes

Re: What Should A Married Man Do In Situations Like This by Emmanuel900(m): 11:12am On Feb 02
Westerhoffe:



Divorce is not an option yet until you have evidence she's been cheating with him.
Talk to the man in that chat and tell him to steer clear but don't make threats.
Your wife will confirm she didn't send the messages.

So, the man, if wise will obey.

She is already cheating emotionally it is not until they start having sex that is only cheating.

It is mostly emotional cheating that develop to sexual affairs

(1) (2) (Reply)

Obasonjo Sleeps With Sons Wife! / What Can I Do About This Girl That Keep Telling Me That She Is Engaged? / 10 Wife Duties To Avoid With Boyfriends

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 85
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.