Hi guys,

I won’t bore you with long epistles. There’s this girl I’ve been dating since 2021 May, I met her in the East while I was having a short program there and left for Lagos around 2022 Oct, but, I can assure you we talk everyday if not thrive twice and in my heart I’ve felt like I’ve already met the right one and all along have closed my heart to loving anyone else. Even though I met her as a virgin and probably after two years of not seeing again. We met this December 2023 and I disflowered her and we still talk everyday, I’ve always felt this girl doesn’t love me enough, but is only serious with me cos I made her understand from the get go that I want her as my wife.

I’ve been struggling all through this period that I met her as I lost my job and all that but, she stuck by me, never bothered me much about her issues but, I know all of it. She gained admission last year but, her parents couldn’t afford her tuition fees and I made her understand I can’t chest such bills and instead I sent her to a catering school which is a one year program costing around 300k. I can afford this of course and have been making sure I take care of her school needs cos my plan was to marry her at the end of the year and as well set up a shop for her to do her bakery’s and all other things but, today been Valentine, she posted my pic and excluded everyone else from her status from seeing it and I happen to know cos I’ve got other lines I use to checkmate her activities which she is not aware of and finding this out, I told her to take down the picture as it was meaningless and she started posting other pictures we took together which everyone can obviously now see and when I talked to her that I wasn’t happy with what I just saw, she said it was just to see how I’d react and that she wasn’t serious but, I don’t believe her. At some point, she started eyeing someone that would pass as my younger brother, a boy who I took as a brother, I noticed it and approached her and she has denied it but, my instinct tells me otherwise and I’ve never ever forgotten bout it, cos I noticed how she was always looking at this guy each time she was with me and her body language changes as she would not even want to be close to me.


She’s from a very poor background, her mum left them all (5 kids) and ran away with another man and the dad had to send her in particular to her sister who raised her from 5 till now she’s 21. She has good characters I must admit and also has the height I’ve always wanted in a wife & which is what really made me choose her as my supposed wife and have been a very wonderful girl friend. I just don’t feel she loves me that much especially someone that knows how serious I take her, her parents have not met me but, have heard all bout me, her Anty who raised her talks to me from time to time. But, I don’t think my desires with this girl are what she desires too even though she confesses them too but, her actions always betray her words for instance, she started making fliers that she wants to start baking for ppl even before she graduates and stay on her own & this is someone I plan to wife latest Jan 5th next year. She only told me later and I said ok.

Guys I know Nairaland maybe toxic at times but, we’ve got a lot of people here with experience cos I’ve been on this app since 2006 and have never missed a day even when Nairaland was down, I visited every 5 to 10 minutes to check if it was up again.

What would be your advice for a supposedly 35 year old man with experience? Am I worrying too much or are the red flags here?

Note; I trusted her mostly cos she’s been a virgin and have kept herself till now and according to her, she only wants one man in her life and that’s the one who took away her innocence & her words on this May match her actions but, I’m not certain as I can’t obviously read her mind.

I know all about the simps and the red pill and I’m far from been a simp, infact, I’m an OG when it comes to women but, you naturally gets to an age and there’s nothing that occupies your mind other than doing what your mates are doing and also settling down for real with a family of your own. No matter how hard you may form, it gives you that sense of belonging.

Kindly drop your comments below and I’d be following, thank you all.

Did you just say "I'm not going to bore you with epistle? '

Lol. Continue investing my bro. Just continue. Your eye go clear soon. Well done.

It's a quite lengthy read.

Okay, I won't be direct with my answer, but if you're wise you'll be able to grab one or two things from what I'll say.

The first rule of engagement especially when it pertains to relationship and marriage is Don't marry who you love but love who you marry reason be that marriage built on emotions only is bound to fail. When love beclouds ur sense of reasoning, you begin to ignore obvious red flags and not able to make logical and enhanced decisions.

My friend, the red flags are there. One important trait a woman who is looking at settling down should posses is integrity if you can't find that then move on for ur peace and sanity.
As read in ur epistle, ur woman doesn't have an iota of integrity in her. She posted ur picture and restricted others from viewing her status and comes up with a flimsy excuse, no bro, she has a reason for doing that. Now ask yourself if that's the kind of woman you'll want to spend the rest of ur life with? Words not matching actions is gaslighting and such a woman has tendencies to cheat. These are just the traits you see before it becomes fully blown. Don't make marital decisions based on emotions and how you feel towards someone hence you'll get ur fingers burnt.

I'll stop here as I won't tell you to either continue with the relationship or break up with her. The decision lies solely with you.

I'd say you just have to pick your poison and "roll with it".
Don't get to hung up or be over committed to her so it doesn't affect you should things go south, which im sure they will. From your write i can tell the girl likes you, i can also tell that thing you're afraid of, she's going to do it to you take a firm stance on your relationship now .

nashito:



I know all about the simps and the red pill and I’m far from been a simp, infact, I’m an OG when it comes to women but,

Baba....u are now a simp.... only simps pay women, with the hope she will marry them ...baba u be simp........that aside...

Second....nigga u dating a 20 year old ..a human being wey just cross teenager stage few years ago......ofcourse, part of her will still be looking around once in a while because a lot of things will still be enticing her.....

but from what u described, she seems fairly okay...yeah ...her dealing with you may appear transactional ..but I'm afraid thats all u will get from her for now.....
mayb if she has money she can show u more care and kindness...but na u date 20 years old girl....them nor dey get money and them nor dey too responsible like that

....maybe over time the titanic love u are looking for will grow....or may never grow... That's life .....all na risk....

It's a quite lengthy read.

Okay, I won't be direct with my answer, but if you're wise you'll be able to grab one or two things from what I'll say.

The first rule of engagement especially when it pertains to relationship and marriage is Don't marry who you love but love who you marry reason be that marriage built on emotions only is bound to fail. When love beclouds ur sense of reasoning, you begin to ignore obvious red flags and not able to make logical and enhanced decisions.

My friend, the red flags are there. One important trait a woman who is looking at settling down should posses is integrity if you can't find that then move on for ur peace and sanity.
As read in ur epistle, ur woman doesn't have an iota of integrity in her. She posted ur picture and restricted others from viewing her status and comes up with a flimsy excuse, no bro, she has a reason for doing that. Now ask yourself if that's the kind of woman you'll want to spend the rest of ur life with? Words not matching actions is gaslighting and such a woman has tendencies to cheat. These are just the traits you see before it becomes fully blown. Don't make marital decisions based on emotions and how you feel towards someone hence you'll get ur fingers burnt.

I'll stop here as I won't tell you to either continue with the relationship or break up with her. The decision lies solely with you.


Thank you for your input, I totally grab what you said.

[quote author=advanceDNA post=128449463]

Baba....u are now a simp.... only simps pay women, with the hope she will marry them ...baba u be simp........that aside...

Second....nigga u dating a 20 year old ..a human being wey just cross teenager stage few years ago......ofcourse, part of her will still be looking around once in a while because a lot of things will still be enticing her.....

but from what u described, she seems fairly okay...yeah ...her dealing with you may appear transactional ..but I'm afraid thats all u will get from her for now.....
mayb if she has money she can show u more care and kindness...but na u date 20 years old girl....them nor dey get money and them nor dey too responsible like that

....maybe over time the titanic love u are looking for will grow....or may never grow... That's life .....all na risk....

She’s quit fair to be honest and this is why I’ve been with her over the years. Maybe you’re right I’m a simp to her and I feel we’re all simps to one woman especially the one we want to be committed to as they’d be compromises. So thanks a lot for your input

nashito:
Hi guys,

I won’t bore you with long epistles. There’s this girl I’ve been dating since 2021 May, I met her in the East while I was having a short program there and left for Lagos around 2022 Oct, but, I can assure you we talk everyday if not thrive twice and in my heart I’ve felt like I’ve already met the right one and all along have closed my heart to loving anyone else. Even though I met her as a virgin and probably after two years of not seeing again. We met this December 2023 and I disflowered her and we still talk everyday, I’ve always felt this girl doesn’t love me enough, but is only serious with me cos I made her understand from the get go that I want her as my wife.

I’ve been struggling all through this period that I met her as I lost my job and all that but, she stuck by me, never bothered me much about her issues but, I know all of it. She gained admission last year but, her parents couldn’t afford her tuition fees and I made her understand I can’t chest such bills and instead I sent her to a catering school which is a one year program costing around 300k. I can afford this of course and have been making sure I take care of her school needs cos my plan was to marry her at the end of the year and as well set up a shop for her to do her bakery’s and all other things but, today been Valentine, she posted my pic and excluded everyone else from her status from seeing it and I happen to know cos I’ve got other lines I use to checkmate her activities which she is not aware of and finding this out, I told her to take down the picture as it was meaningless and she started posting other pictures we took together which everyone can obviously now see and when I talked to her that I wasn’t happy with what I just saw, she said it was just to see how I’d react and that she wasn’t serious but, I don’t believe her. At some point, she started eyeing someone that would pass as my younger brother, a boy who I took as a brother, I noticed it and approached her and she has denied it but, my instinct tells me otherwise and I’ve never ever forgotten bout it, cos I noticed how she was always looking at this guy each time she was with me and her body language changes as she would not even want to be close to me.


She’s from a very poor background, her mum left them all (5 kids) and ran away with another man and the dad had to send her in particular to her sister who raised her from 5 till now she’s 21. She has good characters I must admit and also has the height I’ve always wanted in a wife & which is what really made me choose her as my supposed wife and have been a very wonderful girl friend. I just don’t feel she loves me that much especially someone that knows how serious I take her, her parents have not met me but, have heard all bout me, her Anty who raised her talks to me from time to time. But, I don’t think my desires with this girl are what she desires too even though she confesses them too but, her actions always betray her words for instance, she started making fliers that she wants to start baking for ppl even before she graduates and stay on her own & this is someone I plan to wife latest Jan 5th next year. She only told me later and I said ok.

Guys I know Nairaland maybe toxic at times but, we’ve got a lot of people here with experience cos I’ve been on this app since 2006 and have never missed a day even when Nairaland was down, I visited every 5 to 10 minutes to check if it was up again.

What would be your advice for a supposedly 35 year old man with experience? Am I worrying too much or are the red flags here?

Note; I trusted her mostly cos she’s been a virgin and have kept herself till now and according to her, she only wants one man in her life and that’s the one who took away her innocence & her words on this May match her actions but, I’m not certain as I can’t obviously read her mind.

I know all about the simps and the red pill and I’m far from been a simp, infact, I’m an OG when it comes to women but, you naturally gets to an age and there’s nothing that occupies your mind other than doing what your mates are doing and also settling down for real with a family of your own. No matter how hard you may form, it gives you that sense of belonging.

Kindly drop your comments below and I’d be following, thank you all.

Telling her you want to marry her is an error.
It takes the excitement and mystery out of it for her.

If she is already attracted to a younger guy while with you, she will eventually sleep with him. It's just a matter of time and opportunity.

She is showing you she will leave you once she is no longer dependent on you for survival.

Forget virginity and professions of being with only the man who disvirgin her...people change and you can't build a future on the assurances of a woman.

The whores you see today were once virgins and in love with someone.

Continue to date her but start detaching emotionally so that you can use your brains more and take the best decision for yourself based on your observations.

otipoju:


Telling her you want to marry her is an error.
It takes the excitement and mystery out of it for her.

If she is already attracted to a younger guy while with you, she will eventually sleep with him. It's just a matter of time and opportunity.

She is showing you she will leave you once she is no longer dependent on you for survival.

Forget virginity and professions of being with only the man who disvirgin her...people change and you can't build a future on the assurances of a woman.

The whores you see today were once virgins and in love with someone.

Continue to date her but start detaching emotionally so that you can use your brains more and take the best decision for yourself based on your observations.

My Problem is dat I hear wat u say, but I see what you're doing Words lie,,,,, actions don't🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

U want to train her in a catering school??... 9 out of 10times it doesn't go well bro,,,, she might graduate, com out ND outgrow u..... If u must sponsor her on anytin,,, make sure u re already legally married to her (If possible let her also have your kid/kids)

For now, I will advise u to go wit de flows and see where it'll lead to,,,,dont bring de marriage topic Up fr now.... make ur options open as I believe her's too are🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂

Just continue spending money on her, she'll eventually love you enough one day.

Bros, our girls are not capable of love. Kindly save the little self esteem you have left.

I dey pity you but u no know. Continue..

But the signs are glaringly there??!

Dude, she's waiting for the right time and opportunity to do something nasty with the said brother of yours. Heck, this is how most of this picking-up-a-wretched-naive girl usually ends.


She's still pretty young, haven't explored her sexual world and fantasies that much before you came into the picture.

My advice?


You're entangled in all of this already having spent such a huge sum for her enrollment into catering skill acquisition. Make your plans more official, get to know her family better, get their consent in marrying their daughter.

If she respects the said aunt so much, try talking to her, make her understand your plans towards her neice. I believe she will talk some sense into your fiance.

My 2cents.

Honestly you have a strong case
21 years in all honesty maybe early for the sister to marry
She wants to go to SCHOOL
And she may feel trapped because she has friends that are "living" Life and flexing and partying and all that
Honestly you shouldn't have proposed marriage to a 21 year old who's still figuring out life
All in All patience is needed
It is your duty to make things clear
Ask about her future plans and what she intends to do afterwards and ask yourself of you see yourself in her plans then you know what to do from there

Guy you want to fetch water using a basket. .

Chai! She posted your pix for only your view.. Na wa o

Once you promised a woman marriage through your words or actions, she starts acting a script for you.
That lady is not for you and the earliest you begin to accept it, the better for you.

For the fact you are blessed doesn't give you the right to say someone is from a very poor background.

Marrying a lady of that young age would cause u alot of troubles as she's not even fully developed mentally

Sha...U have to snap out of that infatuation and reanalyze the whole thing from scratch