My story :

I have been dating my current girlfriend for four years now. I started dating her in my final year in school and it has been wonderful all the way. I love her very much and she used to love me too. I must confess, she has been exceptional. We have been through it all. I'm from a very humble background and she is from same, but despite the challenges we faced, we always pulled through. My whole family (nuclear and extended) know her and her name is a brand name in my family house.

I finally got a job in April this year after eight months of searching. It was not a very fantastic job, but the pay was okay. It was in an industry entirely different from my background (I studied engineering) but I decided to take it and make a career out of it. Unfortunately, this was not to be. The job required that I work Mondays to Sundays and often closing late hours (10pm, 11pm) or sleeping over at the office to meet a deadline. I tried to adjust to the culture but it was difficult. This affected most of my relationships as my friends complained I never kept in touch and my girlfriend did too (though I used to call her almost everyday in the week). I guess she felt it more because she was serving then and had more idle time. I couldn't keep up with the midnight calls, daily calls, etc. But I ensured I spoke to her often and never failed in my financial obligations.

Things at my place of work took a different toll two months ago and I realized I couldn't continue anymore. I weighed my options and opted to join my father at his company. That way, I would be able to earn more and have more time to myself. One of the secondary reasons I decided to resign was also because I wanted to have more time for my girlfriend and my other male friends (some of which had already given up on me).

I called her up and told her my plans and she said it was fine, as far as it would make me happy. I then pleaded with her to come to see me in Lagos so we could spend time together. She stalled for a few weeks and finally showed up. But she had changed. She expressed her unhappiness at the poor communication within the past month and I apologized and promised it would never happen. She kept mentioning it every now and then and I kept apologizing and trying to appease her. She told me she didn't feel anything for me anymore (this shocked me because we never had any issue and the poor communication was for just a few weeks). I explained to her that the relationship was not founded based on feelings neither was it feelings that sustained it for the past four years. I told her I understood and I was glad we could finally work things out.

Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come. She never allowed me touch her and even attempt to kiss me and whenever I asked why, she said the feelings were not there and that "like you said, they would come back with time". She later told me she was going to spend a few days with a childhood friend (known very well by me) and would be back after three days. I gave her some money, she left and never called. I had to call her later that day (since I hadn't heard from her) and her excuse for not letting me know she had arrived was that she didn't have airtime. Like the patient man that I am, I understood. The next day, she didn't still call and same with the third. When I called to ask when she would be back, she told me she was going to stay an extra day. Though I had missed her, I gave my consent and she returned the next day.

Even after she returned, her attitude didn't change but I decided to give her time. I returned from work today, picked up my system to do some homework and coincidentally, her facebook page was still open and a chat window with the guy (I noticed a particular guy used to call almost everyday) was opened. I read through the chat and what I saw still baffles me. In a nutshell, she is dating the guy, he knows about me, they have been making out (not sure about sexual intercourse) and she was even at his place during the three days she claimed to have been with her childhood friend.

What pains me most is that I was going to propose to her tomorrow. I have bought the ring, planned it all out with my siblings and close friends and was happily waiting for the moment. Heartbroken, sad, and angered, I called her, told her my findings, and gave her till tomorrow to decide if she wants to be with me or not. If I don't get a response, I'm calling it off.

It's painful. Four years of hoping, believing and staying committed. Four years of waiting till she says YES. Four years!

At this point, I have become totally insensitive to anything. As dawn approaches, I await her response. I have made up my mind that if she says she wants to be with me, and is remorseful about her actions, I will forgive her but we will need to go back to the drawing board. If she wants out, I will give her 2hrs to get out of my apartment! If she doesn't say anything, I will call it off and tell her to leave.

I await dawn 

awe shuks free e-novel by mr.chuks!

Thats a very sad one, your plans are kool and I support it.

**Pls let us know the outcome**

You sound like a nice guy, I feel sorry for you. E no easy o.

That girl will surely regret this. She missed those times you were not there and she got a substitute for you. Disgrace to women genes. Don't worry if she is your, she will be yours. Thank your stars it didn't happen after the proposal.

At least u are giving her options, that's graceful and i support it. Make sure u get a yes or no answer from her. Keep us posted.

Sorry to hear your story, but u should never have resigned your job because of your friends and most especially your GF. What if your dad had  done the same thing you did - resigning your job to concentrate of relationships that are not economically sustainable? Maybe you would not have had a job. You are sad she left because of your tight  work schedule, imagine what she could have dobe if you didn't have any job. I have no business with folks who do not respect  my righteous way of earning a livelihood .

hmmn, what a story!
You aint gon get a straight answer from her.right now,she'd be undecided.she's going to ask for more time to figure it out and all.its a dicey one.pls keep us posted.
All the best!

OP,

You need to give her a marriage proposal right now.

What did you expect? Women are all about attention and communication. Once that is gone, some other guy who is able to provide that will take over.

I was in the exact same position you found yourself in years back and I saw myself losing my girlfriend of 6 years; just like that.

You know what I did?

First, I fast tracked things from my girl's end.
Secondly, I tracked the dude down and f[i]u[/i]cked him up, real bad! He had to know he was fishing in shark infested waters and I made sure he had to understand that in a very real and literal sense. The fellow met my wife recently in a professional forum and he still asked my wife about me, which was good; showed I made a lasting impression.

Today, I am married to that babe and there are no regrets.

You already have your answer and you know it.

your story is touching, but its only one side, honestly, i cant say norin, until i hear here side (where possible)

@OP,she'll be back but not now.She'll soon discover the grass aint greener on the other side after all & come begging on all fours.Don't they all?I would strongly suggest you keep it moving it aint worth it.

@Mr Chuks, like one of the nairalanders wrote earlier, u already know the answer to this situation, if she could not have understood when you had that job of yours and stood by urside, then i atleast believe that she will revert back to her true colors even though her answer to ur proposal is yes.
So shake ur head free of the cobwebs, breathe in and out, and realise that marriage is something u rush into because u are pressed.

Bros hold u'r proposal, Until she knows what she want. I want to believe that she is already comparing you with the new guy. Marriage is a serious thing, be sure that your what she want, its very necessary.

Dear Op, i over read your life drama and came up with this observation and facts!

She is a Nigerian girl.

You still never Hammar!

Your crib was not what she thought it would look like,when she was coming!

she came to compare you with the present guy and obviously you still Daddy boy and likely you were like, my daddy said that if you marry me, he would move out of this house and give us the keys! .

My advise to you is that, Never love a Nigeria girl if you , NO GET MONEY!!! CHIKENA!!

That is the dynamism of human being! I think she is yet to reply? Lets see what she's up-to. But to be sincere that lady is pointless with those excuses she has stated to be her reasons for that action. Geting ur money to go and meet anoda man? O man that pretty bad!

Mr. Chuks:

My story :

I have been dating my current girlfriend for four years now. I started dating her in my final year in school and it has been wonderful all the way. I love her very much and she used to love me too. I must confess, she has been exceptional. We have been through it all. I'm from a very humble background and she is from same, but despite the challenges we faced, we always pulled through. My whole family (nuclear and extended) know her and her name is a brand name in my family house.

I finally got a job in April this year after eight months of searching. It was not a very fantastic job, but the pay was okay. It was in an industry entirely different from my background (I studied engineering) but I decided to take it and make a career out of it. Unfortunately, this was not to be. The job required that I work Mondays to Sundays and often closing late hours (10pm, 11pm) or sleeping over at the office to meet a deadline. I tried to adjust to the culture but it was difficult. This affected most of my relationships as my friends complained I never kept in touch and my girlfriend did too (though I used to call her almost everyday in the week). I guess she felt it more because she was serving then and had more idle time. I couldn't keep up with the midnight calls, daily calls, etc. But I ensured I spoke to her often and never failed in my financial obligations.

Things at my place of work took a different toll two months ago and I realized I couldn't continue anymore. I weighed my options and opted to join my father at his company. That way, I would be able to earn more and have more time to myself. One of the secondary reasons I decided to resign was also because I wanted to have more time for my girlfriend and my other male friends (some of which had already given up on me).

I called her up and told her my plans and she said it was fine, as far as it would make me happy. I then pleaded with her to come to see me in Lagos so we could spend time together. She stalled for a few weeks and finally showed up. But she had changed. She expressed her unhappiness at the poor communication within the past month and I apologized and promised it would never happen. She kept mentioning it every now and then and I kept apologizing and trying to appease her. She told me she didn't feel anything for me anymore (this shocked me because we never had any issue and the poor communication was for just a few weeks). I explained to her that the relationship was not founded based on feelings neither was it feelings that sustained it for the past four years. I told her I understood and I was glad we could finally work things out.

Unfortunately, the worst was yet to come. She never allowed me touch her and even attempt to kiss me and whenever I asked why, she said the feelings were not there and that "like you said, they would come back with time". She later told me she was going to spend a few days with a childhood friend (known very well by me) and would be back after three days. I gave her some money, she left and never called. I had to call her later that day (since I hadn't heard from her) and her excuse for not letting me know she had arrived was that she didn't have airtime. Like the patient man that I am, I understood. The next day, she didn't still call and same with the third. When I called to ask when she would be back, she told me she was going to stay an extra day. Though I had missed her, I gave my consent and she returned the next day.

Even after she returned, her attitude didn't change but I decided to give her time. I returned from work today, picked up my system to do some homework and coincidentally, her facebook page was still open and a chat window with the guy (I noticed a particular guy used to call almost everyday) was opened. I read through the chat and what I saw still baffles me. In a nutshell, she is dating the guy, he knows about me, they have been making out (not sure about intimate intercourse) and she was even at his place during the three days she claimed to have been with her childhood friend.

What pains me most is that I was going to propose to her tomorrow. I have bought the ring, planned it all out with my siblings and close friends and was happily waiting for the moment. Heartbroken, sad, and angered, I called her, told her my findings, and gave her till tomorrow to decide if she wants to be with me or not. If I don't get a response, I'm calling it off.

It's painful. Four years of hoping, believing and staying committed. Four years of waiting till she says YES. Four years!

At this point, I have become totally insensitive to anything. As dawn approaches, I await her response. I have made up my mind that if she says she wants to be with me, and is remorseful about her actions, I will forgive her but we will need to go back to the drawing board. If she wants out, I will give her 2hrs to get out of my apartment! If she doesn't say anything, I will call it off and tell her to leave.

I await dawn 

she told u openly she's gad no feelings again.im disappointed u stil want to go on.even if she says yes.i guess u dnt knw wat u're going into.discharge her peacefully.

maxtum:

Dear Op, i over read your life drama and came up with this observation and facts!

She is a Nigerian girl.

You still never Hammar!

Your crib was not what she thought it would look like,when she was coming!

she came to compare you with the present guy and obviously you still Daddy boy and likely you were like, my daddy said that if you marry me, he would move out of this house and give us the keys! .

My advise to you is that, Never love a Nigeria girl if you , NO GET MONEY!!! CHIKENA!!

Wow Op are you for real?so nice guys like this still dey naija?I'm touched.
Seriously though,she's gone,I can't believe you are even planning to marry her after she opened her mouth to tell you"I don't feel anything for you" that's when you should have ended it with her,she's not letting you touch her but is doing it with someone else,guy forget the babe,its very obvious she's moved on,if you propose to her now she won't accept,the only time she may sit and think about you,is when she and this new guy starts having problems,just man up and move on,I believe you will find love again,as for the girl its her loss.

P.S two hours is too much,give her 10 mins if her load plenty add 5 mins for her to get the fukc out of your house and don't give her tfare o,cos she go use your money go cook for the other guy. I just don't know why some girls can't hold on to something good,and I won't be surprised if I hear that she was used and dumped by the other dude.

Lucky u at least ending a relationship is better than a ending a marriage move on brother

@Op

dawn never reach?? abeg nak us the full tory.

Thank God you realize these now.Make sure you analyze her behavior from the beginning of your relationship to this present time.And you have to ask yourself  serious questions:  
  Can she change?
  Is she a wife materials?
  Is she compatible with me?Etc.
My brother don't marry out of pity"It is not how far but how well"

Odunnu:

You sound like a nice guy, I feel sorry for you. E no easy o.

Go 4 him naaaw, Maybe he would feel better

Darling she messed you up not cool , shes gone her heart And soul belongs to the other guy.Dude she will come back and say yes just because to her its security but trusts me she doesn't love you anymore,wen ur supposed galfriend doesn't want affection from you its means u an irritant to her and any move you make toward intercourse with her she will only do it to get it out the way.I will say let go and pray your own don't pass you by, she will bring infidelity in2 ur union if you marry her, she's impatient and lack morals which automatically makes her A veryyy bad wife. If your enemie is struggling tomorrow she turn her back and take a walk , ur call think digest And act. Wish you d best your story touched me

Sorry for the heartbreak. it is very painful, Sorry, bear it.
Pls, i am sorry to tell u that u are a spare tyre now. Even if you marry her, she possibly may cheat on you anytime you are far from her. If you cannot stand the heat, pls leave the kitchen. If you cannot bear her cheating on you in your long absence, please leave her and continue with life.
Thank you.

Bros there is no such thing as 'back to the drawing board' move on immediately! and get a new girl, what would give this girl joy, is to see u miserable, just become indifferent to her and she would begin to wonder if she ever mattered to you

Na wa o. Women!!

Mr. Chuks:


I await dawn

bros dawn don reach na, complete the gist. No fall hand o!

Sorry, Just try and work it out with her, but bear in mind that the possibility is greater that she will faced the new bobo. Sucks how women reason.