Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage - Family - Nairaland
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| Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Ugom30: 6:29pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
Fellow nairalanders,im new here,but i have a serious problem i will like to share with us,and hopefully find a solution via ur advice and contributions.I got married last year.After my marriage,my hubby decided not do anything to contribute financially to the family.He was trading before we met and married,but after the marriage,i noticed that he wasnt going for his business anymore,and when i enquired from him,he said things aint going well.I tried getting jobs for him and even stocked a shop with goods for him,yet he didnt make anything out of it and it went down the drain.He lost hope and decided to stay at home all day.I started getting agitated about it.Secondly he never told me about his erectile dysfunction,and since we never made love before marriage due to my spiritual life and belief i didnt know about it until after marriage.We have tried medically,but it aint working.I threatened to walkout of the marriage,and to my suprise,the mum took him in,and he has been with the family since xmas,and now the mum is helping him get out of the country so that we dont reconcile.Please what do i do?I need ur honest and sincere advice. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by feminineA: 7:02pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
This is very serious and because you have a strong religious belief then I will advise from that angle. The bible says a wise woman builds her home. Your husband needs to grow up. Leaving Nigeria doesn't mean he will find solution to his problems.back to you. Have you prayed about your present situation?what's Jesus saying?were u convinced he is your husband b4 marriage?well few things;sit him down alone and talk sense to him.he is using his hands to destroy his home,ask him questions like what went wrong,where is d love that held you. Two together from the beginning and encourage him to come back home and work on your marriage.prayer is the key my sis. Divorce is not an option! |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Zilja(f): 7:40pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Marriage is a strong partnership and you have to get to know everything about your partner before moving forward. Like Feminie A said, what is Jesus saying to you? Continue to pray to find your answers but open ur eyes so you will see your conformation. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by temodent(m): 8:05pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
Divorce is a real terrible thing, but then it is not altogether an abomination. It is an option I dont see why you should imprison urself this is a man that is not financial independent and worse of all he is unable to perform as a man in bed. Then he is taking a walk and u feel u shld bring him back. Isnt this a case of as they say a cow that has got no tail it is God that has helped it scared away flies. The choice is all yours. 1 Like |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by temodent(m): 8:13pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
Divorce is a real terrible thing to contemplate but then, it is not altogether an abomination. It is also an option I dont see why you should imprison urself this is a man that is not financial independent and worse of all he is unable to perform as a man in bed. Then he is taking a walk and u feel u shld bring him back. Isn't this a case of, as they say it a cow that has got no tail it is God that has helped it scared away flies. The choice is all yours. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Genius100: 8:20pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
Ugom30: What should you do? Unless you are not telling us the whole story, God don butter your bread. What you need to do is move on with your life. Your husband has erectile dysfunction, isn't working and his mom is trying to get him to walk out. What else do you need? They just made it very easy for you to move on with your life. By the way, when you say erectile dysfunction, are you saying he does not get hard at all and you absolutely cannot have sex or is it a simpler problem? |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by SisiKill1: 8:29pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
Ugom30: I think the words you are looking for is GOOD RIDDANCE. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by ifyalways(f): 8:32pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
Were is the mom getting funds for the intended travelling? What happened to the shop you got for him?you deserve to know why and how it went down?or they are using the money for this travel plans? How long was the courtship?how old is your hubby and why is your mil living with you guys? What do you mean by erectile dysfunction?it never gets up, never stays up(or needs a lot of "pushing" to get or stay up) or he's shooting blank? Have he seen a doctor? What do you want?you said you threatened to walk, now he wants to walk and you are not dancing to church for thanksgiving? Lol Obviously, you are still interested in this marriage and you have 2 issues here: kpekus and lazy bone. Make out time to talk to your husband alone, without his mother. Encourage and go with him to see a dotor, what happened to his business?find out! Ask him what he wants to do. I prefer he works and save up money if he still wants to go into biz as oppossed to giving him capital(you can support though) Goodluck but truth is this, if the man really wants out, you can't change his mind. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Ugom30: 11:54pm On Feb 27, 2012 |
@All,thanks for ur contributions.ya i hv been praying and still doing so.At d moment i cnt talk with him alone because he is with d mum and family in d east & im in west,and he doesnt even pick my calls when his mum is around.He is so scared of her and She is wealthy too.As for d shop,it just went down d drain and now i hv re stocked it and put someone to manage it.As for d erectile dysfunction,it doesnt get up or get hard,and we hv seen many specialist,yet to no avail.It doesnt seem to bother him that much.He doesnt appreciate or show me love.Both families are now aware of the whole thing,and my family isnt happy about it,but his family is adamant.Im just confused.he is 35yrs. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by ifyalways(f): 1:45am On Feb 28, 2012 |
^Madam,what really do you want?how old are you sef? His mom is "wealthy" so why did you fund his shop?why is he in the east and you in the west? Hope this is a real marriage oh not some 'by force,fire or favour' arrangement.  |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by coogar: 2:01am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Ugom30:  |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Delta007(m): 2:24am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Since you are religious, from a religious point of view, the marriage if void, if you opt for it. He simply did not disclose that information to your prior to the marriage. I see no issue here. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Nobody: 6:20am On Feb 28, 2012 |
his mum is WEALTHY, he can't PERFORM , She controls him @ 35 and does not care to about his erectile dysfunction  (Science in d making)Woman run as far as ur leg can take U, my 2 cents !1 Like |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Nobody: 6:25am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Ugom30: my dear, as long as you both didnt s[i]e[/i]xually consummate your marriage and he deliberately deceived you into marrying him then you are blameless before the Lord and free to annul this sham. Go and be free! |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Ugom30: 8:02am On Feb 28, 2012 |
@Ifyalways,im 31,i funded the shop because i was in position financially to do so since i have a better job.Since i threatened to leave before xmas,he went to his family and since then he has been there.I work and live in lag. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Ugom30: 8:05am On Feb 28, 2012 |
and as for what i want,i need an advice cos im confused.thanks |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by freshcvv(m): 8:12am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Ugom30: what is your family saying about this? |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by jmoore(m): 8:25am On Feb 28, 2012 |
If you can talk to him and he accepts to come back and trust that God can work miracles. But if both of you have never had s-e-x then there is nothing wrong if you get a divorce. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by ifyalways(f): 8:51am On Feb 28, 2012 |
@OP, this ship is gone, IMO but if you still want to try stopping it, goodluck. What really is the confusion here?or you have fears that you might not get another man afterwards? Since he left you in December has he ever rang you?where you guys properly married?if yes, have you told your family?how did you know his mom is planning to send him abroad?do you still want him and as a woman, be honest to yourself, do you think this man loves you? Btw, do you mean to say that for the months you guys were together, there have been no "action" ? He looks at you, you look at him?odikwa risky there.have you tried ringing him to arrange to meet him somewhere to talk things through? If you were to be a relative, I would encourage you to move on. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Nobody: 9:02am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Madam, why exactly are you confused? Is it because you love him or because you dont want to be a divorcee? A man who doesnt send you, doesnt bother about making efforts to provide for you, who is controlled by his mim and who cant sleep with you, yet you say you are confused. Why exactly do you want him back? Sometimes I taya for women. What husbandly role does he actually play? You just want a man you can call husband abi? Well you are the only one who can help yourself. You need to work on your self esteem to be running after a man like that, he has gone, I would be doing thanksgiving if I were in your shoes oh 1 Like |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Sagamite(m): 9:02am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Ugom30: And your point is? Honestly, you need to be flogged mercilessly. Tell me what you are hoping to get or want from this kind of marriage. Why do you want to remain married to this man? You think it is sanity to try and hold on to such? You are a foool! You need to be flogged! |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by ifyalways(f): 9:19am On Feb 28, 2012 |
^lol. I wholeheartedly agree she needs some proper floggig. Volunteer yourself and I'd donate my bedroom, help us flog her consistently for 3 months.she would be made whole for life. @debrief, I think its the fear of remaining a spinster for life that is getting her "confused" and you are right, she needs to work on herself. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Nobody: 9:22am On Feb 28, 2012 |
I read on your other post your reference to "spritual directors" what the heck is that one now? Why cant we learn to read Gods words and Pray for our selves? WHy must we rely on others in every aspect of our lives. Madam, grow up, be an adult, get some self esteem, you seem nice, hard working and God fearing, its time to make decisions for your self and on your own. You are answerable to God, you have to stop relying on others, what they think or feel. I ask again religious belief aside what do you want with a "husband" like that? |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by SamMilla1(m): 9:26am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Just like bob marley said "half of the story has not been told" . I am particularly interested in your spiritual life which prevented you from knowing that you will be marrying a log of wood. Now what ? Curiously, why would you want to stay with a man who cant get his thing up ? Btw, what do you do for a living? Where did all the money came from ? Who was in charge of the marriage because i can see you were in charge from your story. I can easily constuct a likelu scenario from your story. Its a pity and i am sorry for you but just like someone said, dust yourself and move. Its your best bet. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by ifyalways(f): 9:26am On Feb 28, 2012 |
. . . And just to add OP, if ever you settle with this dude or with any other man, don't go about issuing vain empty threats. Keep your tongue in check. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by dazzle37(f): 9:31am On Feb 28, 2012 |
@ poster pls move on with your life, its not all men that are husbands and you have an example for yourself, marriage is not a do or die affair, i understand your spirituality but trust me, even God works in mysterious ways do you even know if its God that is trying to give you an easy way out of this problem through your mother-in-law ? it might not seem logical but sit back and really think it through. YOU DON'T NEED SUCH A MAN. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Nobody: 9:31am On Feb 28, 2012 |
ifyalways:She is married to a lazy loofer who cant get it up and doesnt care about her happiness and satisfaction, who is @ 35 controlled by Mummy, cant speak to his wife when mummy is there, my dear she is already a spinster, what does she get out of being with him? He cant fukk, he wont work, he just wants to sit at home and mop, she is already single jare. She needs to do a lot of growing up, and alone too. Stop being controlled and instructed by people, she needs time on her own, I get the feeling that she has always relied on others to tell her what to do. This is growing up time, she may be in one of those churches where the Church controls every aspect of their lives, and if I may say so even gave her this man as a husband. Reality is if she keeps on letting others "direct" her life and decide for her she will be miserable more miserable than she is now, this is growing up time. If she does some growing up, gets some backbone and develops some self esteem, she seems a good catch, she will get a deserving man. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by queensmith: 9:33am On Feb 28, 2012 |
o god- imagine a young man that cant get it up, that must be the worst form of punishment ever. Spirituality is a good cover up though, one must ask what his plan was for after the wedding. the op is one hell of a bird for putting up with all that, your religion must insist you be bound to pain and suffering. makes sense- you go to hell on earth then heaven after is it not? continue begging your husband and his mom they may forgive you. good luck with all that. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Sagamite(m): 9:34am On Feb 28, 2012 |
ifyalways: I will never deep my precious, solid, beautiful, long, golden wounder in any women with this level of thinking. I have deep and utmost respect for my wounder and as its carer and guardian, I am extremely selective on its behalf. |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by 9jaIhail(m): 9:40am On Feb 28, 2012 |
Sam Milla: wisest post so far |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by Emperoh(m): 9:41am On Feb 28, 2012 |
I don't see what you are still doing in this ur sham called marriage. Dude hid information from you and isn't even bothered he has it. . . . Madam, the hand writing on the wall is clear. Move on!!! I no know they church wey u dey go, but the Catholic church i worship finds your last complaint as good enough a reason to annul this marriage. better still, you've not made love to him Unless u are scared of loosing your 'Mrs' status, i will file for a divorce as soon as i can get one. Goodluck |
| Re: Help My Mother-inlaw Asked My Husband To Walk Out Of Our Marriage by 9jaIhail(m): 9:42am On Feb 28, 2012 |
ifyalways: Another wise point. |
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