acidtalk: I know finances shouldn't be a criteria for getting married into a family, but what's the limit of financial status you will consider before getting married.

I have a friend who got married in less than 3 weeks ago and believe me his wife's family contributed ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

The whole burden was placed on this young dude from the Event venue, refreshment, rentals, entertainment and up to the wife's fathers cufflings, my friend bought them all (clothes for her parents and sibblings).


This is no exergeration.


His family kicked against the marriage because of the "extremely poor" status of her family, but the dude was adarmant on the marriage and as such his family didn't contribute a dime to the marriage claiming he is just going to carry another family's heavy burden when he is yet to fully sort out his.
.

No sane person would willingly embrace poverty the way you've described it - especially in a country with a tough economic climate.

Having said that though, there are a couple of things to bear in mind as life in itself is not just "Black" or "White" there are shades of grey.

Firstly there is a big difference between the poor families of a literate/educated spouse and the poor families of a illiterate / uneducated spouse. The literate or educated spouse and their families would possess something called "pride and dignity" and would find it hard to accept gifts / handouts from their intended in-laws. They would want to make a contribution (no matter how small) to the wedding ceremony and would definitely not want to outweigh the newly weds with the entire responsibility of looking after, and bringing up the siblings / rest of the family members. They would fully understand that the newly weds would need to find their own feet having embarked on the bumpy road of matrimony.


The illiterate / uneducated family / spouse on the other end of the scale would see things differently. They would hold the belief that when one marries, they marry not the child but also the child's parents, siblings and family members. These I believe would place an unbearable strain on the newly weds and basically would expect them to foot all financial bills before, during and after the wedding ceremony.

Secondly, just because the intended spouse comes from an improvished background should not be the yardstick to determine whether or not they are good enough for marriage. As pointed out earlier by some respondents, you do have people from poor backgrounds that are ready and willing to work hard, contribute and build up a successful martial home and family.

Finally, It's also important to point out here that even though the spouse here might be from an "extremely poor" background as outlined by @poster, they may (esp. if educated)have PROSPECTS & the potential to succeed in life and this is what really counts. You'll find that most successful people / millionaires in the world today come from humble roots but with hard work and determination to succeed in life have turned things around for the better.

There is a saying: Make sure you have both eyes open before marriage and after marriage be sure to keep one eye open.

naijasexy:

I come from a well-to-do family. I don't like sounding this way, but, I wouldn't wanna go into a marriage that would make me descend the wealth ladder. I can certainly marry an "okay" guy that has great prospects, but I cannot marry from a poor home. As a matter of fact, it is forbidden in my family (sorry to say, just keeping it real )

You've not really tell me why you wouldnt want to marry from a poor family besides maybe this family pride you are trying to explain ? Mind you the person you called 'ok guy ' with prospective sounds like another pauper to me !

Deleted

naijasexy:

I come from a well-to-do family. I don't like sounding this way, but, I wouldn't wanna go into a marriage that would make me descend the wealth ladder. I can certainly marry an "okay" guy that has great prospects, but I cannot marry from a poor home. As a matter of fact, it is forbidden in my family (sorry to say, just keeping it real )

What a braggart. You can shove ur wealth down your pipe. Anumanu.

afam4eva:

What a braggart. You can shove ur wealth down your pipe. Anumanu.

I can easily picture the kind of family she comes from based on personal experience,so dont blame her cuz it's a family tradition.

dare2think:

lol,

Hypothetically, what if you find joy,comfort and happiness with someone at the bottom of the 'wealth ladder'!

Would you still take the chance of refusing that in order to find the same qualities in someone up in that ladder?

Considering that the odds would be a billion to one that you fine someone with the same qualities

You know, that would be a difficult one. Again, I hate to sound like an ars-e (wouldn't say this in real life) but I don't think anyone standing on a bottom rung would even approach me, much less show interest in making me his wife. That's just the way life is. However, if such a person (from an extremely impoverished background) for some reason is interested in me, honestly as I write this now, I don't know what I'd do but the chances that I'd end up with that person would be as high as 0.001% and that's it.


Wait, I remember one of such occasions when I was home (Nigeria) last summer, and a guy doing some work for us (fixing our POP ceiling) told me he wanted to marry me (lol, that was bold, I must say! ). I told him in the most polite way possible, that it wouldn't be possible and he kept pestering. Well, I told my mum about the situation (just to hear what she'd say) and trust me, she was damn furious.
If the person is very nice, caring and all, but poor--> I am sorry, I would not marry such a person (Forgive me if this hurts anyone's feelings. )

afam4eva:

What a braggart. You can shove ur wealth down your pipe. Anumanu.

Lol. So answering truthfully, a question someone asked me now makes me a braggart? You are very foo-li-sh I must say. I cannot marry from a poor home! Choke on it if you care to.

afam4eva:

What a braggart. You can shove ur wealth down your pipe. Anumanu.

Erm, not really necessary!


Bad day in the office?

~Bluetooth:


I can easily picture the kind of family she comes from based on personal experience,so dont blame her cuz it's a family tradition.

Her family tradition sucks. I never knew there were still people that think like that. It sucks to come from such family.

^^ It does not suck to come from such a family! It is called setting standards for oneself. If you are okay with marrying a woman who begs for alms on the street (nothing wrong with that!), not everyone is.

naijasexy:


You know, that would be a difficult one. Again, I hate to sound like an ars-e (wouldn't say this in real life) but I don't think anyone standing on a bottom rung would even approach me, much less show interest in making me his wife. That's just the way life is. However, if such a person (from an extremely impoverished background) for some reason is interested in me, honestly as I write this now, I don't know what I'd do but the chances that I'd end up with that person would be as high as 0.001% and that's it.


Wait, I remember one of such occasions when I was home (Nigeria) last summer, and a guy doing some work for us (fixing our POP ceiling) told me he wanted to marry me (lol, that was bold, I must say! ). I told him in the most polite way possible, that it wouldn't be possible and he kept pestering. Well, I told my mum about the situation (just to hear what she'd say) and trust me, she was damn furious.
If the person is very nice, caring and all, but poor--> I am sorry, I would not marry such a person (Forgive me if this hurts anyone's feelings. )

ok let's make a deal then.if i get to know that your family is richer than mine or we are on the same par,i will leave you alone but if my family is better than yours,will you date me then ? I'm challenging you !

naijasexy:


You know, that would be a difficult one. Again, I hate to sound like an ars-e (wouldn't say this in real life) but I don't think anyone standing on a bottom rung would even approach me, much less show interest in making me his wife. That's just the way life is. However, if such a person (from an extremely impoverished background) for some reason is interested in me, honestly as I write this now, I don't know what I'd do but the chances that I'd end up with that person would be as high as 0.001% and that's it.


Wait, I remember one of such occasions when I was home (Nigeria) last summer, and a guy doing some work for us (fixing our POP ceiling) told me he wanted to marry me (lol, that was bold, I must say! ). I told him in the most polite way possible, that it wouldn't be possible and he kept pestering. Well, I told my mum about the situation (just to hear what she'd say) and trust me, she was damn furious.
If the person is very nice, caring and all, but poor--> I am sorry, I would not marry such a person (Forgive me if this hurts anyone's feelings. )

ok let's make a deal then.if i get to know that your family is richer than mine or we are on the same par,i will leave you alone but if my family is better than yours,will you date me then ? I'm challenging you !

naijasexy: ^^ It does not suck to come from such a family! It is called setting standards for oneself. If you are okay with marrying a woman who begs for alms on the street (nothing wrong with that!), not everyone is.

It's not called "setting a standard" but being proud. You think you're better than those financial impoverished people simply because your family was opportuned to be wealthy? I guess your parents or grand parents were all wealthy when they met themselves, right?

naijasexy]^^ It does not suck to come from such a family! It is called setting standards for oneself. If you are okay with marrying a woman who begs for alms on the street (nothing wrong with that!), not everyone is.[/quote]


A lot of people with this your mentality marry at 48 and in such cases, the ladies pay their own dowry while the men are really "wifed" by their brides.

@Op, So long I am comfortable with her and she understands my ability financially, It surely would get better, after all her family is not baptized with poverty.

Lol, I love the way you keep apologising after making some of your statements. Politely proud!

naijasexy:

You know, that would be a difficult one. Again, I hate to sound like an ars-e (wouldn't say this in real life) but I don't think anyone standing on a bottom rung would even approach me, much less show interest in making me his wife. That's just the way life is. However, if such a person (from an extremely impoverished background) for some reason is interested in me, honestly as I write this now, I don't know what I'd do but the chances that I'd end up with that person would be as high as 0.001% and that's it.

lol @ the statement in red! Really, are you fiona -shrek's wife- after the transformation! >JUST KIDDING<

But seriously, life is not that simple you know. A guy with a lot of confidence and genuine love for you might summon the courage to approach you and eventually fine a way to your heart!

naijasexy:
Wait, I remember one of such occasions when I was home (Nigeria) last summer, and a guy doing some work for us (fixing our POP ceiling) told me he wanted to marry me (lol, that was bold, I must say! ). I told him in the most polite way possible, that it wouldn't be possible and he kept pestering. Well, I told my mum about the situation (just to hear what she'd say) and trust me, she was damn furious.
If the person is very nice, caring and all, but poor--> I am sorry, I would not marry such a person (Forgive me if this hurts anyone's feelings. )

I really do hope you are at the upper ladder of the 'wealth ladder' or else, someone you may like, in a rung higher than yours may just hold that condescending principle against you too.

However, I respect your choice and principle to have standards, but I dont agree with them.

I don't think we are viewing this issue from the same perspective.
I am not saying I would not marry a guy whose family is not as rich as mine, that is totally unfair, unreasonable, and irrational. What I am saying is that there is a level of poverty I just would not wanna get involved in.
It is my wish to get married to a man that we would both grow with each other materially, financially and otherwise. He does not have to be "made" already for him to meet my standards,, he just has to have great prospects and a positive mentality.
Obviously, not everyone who is poor now would remain poverty-stricken, just like not everyone who is rich now is guaranteed of being rich in the nearest future but I would not chose a pauper (this is a rather derogatory term and I apologize) over the kind of man I described above.

Marriage/Love is sacred because, God made it so. Anything one cannot explain is difficult to comment on. However, I think, the best way to go about marriage should be ones' ability to look beyond the vessel so to speak, content counts a lot because that is the only thing that would never depreciate if you're very lucky to meet the right partner. Agreed, she is from a poor background, but, can we say she's a failure as a result of that? No! Birth place is circumstantial, she can only remain poor if she chooses to be. I always believe that, the difference between poor and wealthy man is just "thinking" the way any one thinks could deter God's plan for his/her life. To me, anybody can be poor or rich irrespective of his/her background. Hope, I would not be quoted out of my stand, background is very important in a child's up-bringing nevertheless, "the unfortunates" could also find their way to the top if they imbibe right attitude/thinking.

nlers are extremely negative when it comes to relationships. must you always think the worst?

afam4eva:

It's not called "setting a standard" but being proud. You think you're better than those financial impoverished people simply because your family was opportuned to be wealthy? I guess your parents or grand parents were all wealthy when they met themselves, right?

That is where some of these spoilt ladies get it wrong.Some family dont believe in transfer of wealth,they believe riches should be transferred between the affluent alone;forgetting that wealth doesnt necessarily translate to happiness.

I remember an instance that happened at a family occasion. A guy met my aunt with a marriage proposal. She turned him down cos she is happily married with 5 beautiful adults as her kids. We heard him muttering under his breath that once someone can marry into this family that the person is made for life. He kept making a nuisance of himself till he was asked to leave.
That kain person na one chance o.

livapul86:
How are you so sure? Hopefully in my own case, when i become a billionaire, my most sincere desire is to get married to someone from an impoverished background. Frankly, I believe extremely rich families have no business marrying between themselves.(Just my personal view).

A billionaire you said!
But sincerely mehn i would'nt want to o, mehn na big responsibilty to marry a lady from a VERY poor family background, mehn na God gats help the dude o!

naijasexy: I don't think we are viewing this issue from the same perspective.
I am not saying I would not marry a guy whose family is not as rich as mine, that is totally unfair, unreasonable, and irrational. What I am saying is that there is a level of poverty I just would not wanna get involved in.
It is my wish to get married to a man that we would both grow with each other materially, financially and otherwise. He does not have to be "made" already for him to meet my standards,, he just has to have great prospects and a positive mentality.
Obviously, not everyone who is poor now would remain poverty-stricken, just like not everyone who is rich now is guaranteed of being rich in the nearest future but I would not chose a pauper (this is a rather derogatory term and I apologize) over the kind of man I described above.

If you are rich,you dont set standard for poverty cuz you'd see anybody below you as being poor. if you truly love a man,there is nothing wrong in raising him to your standard outside your family knowledge.All these your zig zag explanation are nothing than family pride !

~Bluetooth:


That is where some of these spoilt ladies get it wrong.Some family dont believe in transfer of wealth,they believe riches should be transferred between the affluent alone;forgetting that wealth doesnt necessarily translate to happiness.

I am not "spoiled" and I am not proud. People (on here) who know me outside of here would tell you so! Seriously though, who wishes to go lower in any aspect of life at all? Don't we all strive to be better (even financially)?
It is not my wish to get married into a poor family and I do not feel sorry saying it. Again, I wouldn't consider getting married to a rich guy a right/ entitlement, I would consider it a prayer answered.

If you do not agree with my views, you are free to disregard them.

Free Naijasexy jor. She is expressing her opinion as you have expressed yours. It is worse for a woman to marry below her than for a guy to marry below him. Such marriages hardly last.

~Bluetooth:


If you are rich,you dont set standard for poverty cuz you'd see anybody below you as being poor. if you truly love a man,there is nothing wrong in raising him to your standard outside your family knowledge.All these your zig zag explanation are nothing than family pride !

Very well then! If this is what you guys call family pride,then I definitely see nothing wrong in it.

blank: Free Naijasexy jor. She is expressing her opinion as you have expressed yours. It is worse for a woman to marry below her than for a guy to marry below him. Such marriages hardly last.

Thank you very much oooooo. *sighs*

blank: Free Naijasexy jor. She is expressing her opinion as you have expressed yours. It is worse for a woman to marry below her than for a guy to marry below him. Such marriages hardly last.

Wrong. . . .someone like naijasexy should marry somebody who has more money than her family but if she marries someone her family has more money than,she will likely dominate the man and the marriage not survive.

^ That is untrue. Why are you lot so hasty in making unfounded conclusions? Sheeesh!

Inasmuch as I dont believe in marrying because of financial gains,dis dude has invested too much in dis union and I hope she wont disappoint her man.

naijasexy:


It is not my wish to get married into a poor family and I do not feel sorry saying it. Again, I wouldn't consider getting married to a rich guy a right/ entitlement, I would consider it a prayer answered.

If you do not agree with my views, you are free to disregard them.

Lol, a prayer answered!

What about his other 'baggages' asides from being 'rich'?

For example, -a rich guy that pounds his wife day and night
-a rich guy that seriously cheats
-a rich guy that emotionally abuses the partner
-and all other variations attributed to being a wrong partner.

(hope these are part of the answered prayers)


A 'poor' guy can have those attributes as well, but the point is, to remove the worth or value of a person based on his/her present financial circumstances is short-sightedness.

Once again my lovely naijasexy, I respect your position, I only disagree with some points

I can't remember where i heard this saying from"To have a poor father is not your fault but to have a poor FIL is sheer stuppidity",don't know how true that is though.

I dont think marriage should be based on this, If the lv is there, then go ahead. But be prayerful. Every family needs a turning point in life. Maybe God wants to use u to do that. Be prayerful.