I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) - Family (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by basher(m): 4:56pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
fellis: Am tired of all these marriage problems threads abeg. Marriage no easy o! That's why you need to enter it with a clear head and honest mind. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by igosee: 4:57pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
rokiatu: Please how can I make my new husband understand that I am not yet ready to have kids? I have said everything under the sun, but he don't seem to understand. I luv him very much but I want to complete my study before I start having my kids. I told him that, but he insist I have atleast one, and then complete my study. And before marriage, I told him my plan i mean this has never been a secret to him. Now suddenly he have changed his mind and seem to be sticking to it. I don't want to disrespect my husband, but then again, I am not at all ready for motherhood. Please how do I make him come to term with this decision of mine? No be me them go tell this kind thing,? Give him one , then u can go to studing up to PHD no problem |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:00pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
Of course the men will come here to support their fellow man and threaten marital unfaithfulness without bothering to logically analyse the situation. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:00pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
@ability, Can't deny him which rights? Why did he not say what he wanted before marriage instead of pretending? Does rokiatu doesn't have any rights of her own abi what in heaven's name are you saying? obakovich:Go f[i]u[/i]ck yourself you chauvanist illiterate. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by tasandra: 5:01pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
@jennykadry,is not that i dont undertsand what the Op,s sayin,but her hubby desire 4 a child,s important as well...let me tell u,my hubby is doin his PHD,and a partime worker,i kept watever am doin on hld because he wants a child..if i say watever means, my skoolin 2...will i allow his family to come in b4, i will start avin kids?every body wit their way thou  |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by basher(m): 5:01pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
The guy sef na gentleman. He should have disarmed and confused you with some serious rod action so much that you wouldn't even know when you will get pregnant. Would you then say you'll do an arbortion?? |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by igosee: 5:03pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
fellis: if she is not ready to have children, why did she married, if you are not ready to get married, better keep off, despite odd pressure |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:08pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
basher:Her husband did not enter the marriage with an honest mind yet dimwit morons are coming to support him and fault the woman. And who is marriage not easy for? Men who society gives license to do basically anything or women who are told to get pregnant while in school (if her husband demands it) regardless of how stressful it will be for her? 3 Likes |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:10pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
igosee:Because her partner acted like he was OK with it. |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by luckgames(m): 5:13pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
fellis: Tell the lady to divorce her husband I too know fellis There are ways you can talk to a man that will make him agree with you and understand If you come to some man fire for fire, You will get burned 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by igosee: 5:13pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
fellis: Haaaah, na wa for men However, she has no other option, than to respect the decision of her husband, for peace sake |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by maclatunji: 5:13pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
basher: The guy sef na gentleman. He should have disarmed and confused you with some serious rod action so much that you wouldn't even know you will get pregnant. Would you then say you'll do an arbortion?? You don't know girls sorry women. She could be on contraceptives so all that firing could be 'missing the target' if that is what she intends. OP, I feel your pain because you said that you told him ahead of marriage that you did not want children early. However, I could have told you for free that your condition was ultra vires ab initio if you had looked for advise on that before signing the papers. Your husband now wants to be "Your husband", let him be that. Otherwise, you are by yourself nurturing trouble for your marriage with your own hands. If I wanted to massage your ego, I would type what you want to read. However, it is not a good thing for me (or anybody else) to do. You see all those arguments we used to have about a woman's independence and 'equality' with men is becoming 'real' to you now. You have to be wise as a wife and giving your new husband conditions about children (if he really wants them) is not a good idea. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by basher(m): 5:17pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
fellis: Marriage is complex. It's her husband playing up now, she has to deal with it. Next time it'll probably be her playing up and her husband will have to deal with it. That's marriage for you! |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by charles316: 5:18pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
ROKIATU MARRIED? HAHAHAHAHAHAH CANT STOP LAUGHING. NO BE D ROKIATU THAT MY COUSIN FORKED THE OTHER DAY.WONDERS SHALL NEVER END |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:20pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
luckgames:Are you alright? In which of my posts did I allude to divorce? I only mentioned how unfair this whole thing is to the wife and you come and type an insult about me being ITK. Better mind yourself. luckgames:The arrogance of you lot never ceases to amaze me. |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by igosee: 5:22pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
Maybe there are pressures from your husband family, advice of friends Past experiences whereby after the man have spent his time and money, the woman will say i do not want to marry again, then the man become the loser......... will even be afraid to marry again Give a child, then both of you can talk thing over, before the child gets to 4years, you will through with whatever you wish to achieve as carrier woman before talking about another |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by basher(m): 5:22pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
maclatunji: Heh heh heh. If she's on contraceptives without her husband knowing, then she has nothing to complain about if he suddenly changes his mind about children without her knowing. |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:23pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
LOL so many advice. Some good some really funny ones. BTW thanks everyone. To the people thinking abt divorce, not happening never ever. I luv my husband and we are gonna be together for better and for worst and forever till death do us part. (By God willing.)People makes mistakes in marriage like Genny said, and then learn form it. This is just one of our own problem we have to face right now. As strong headed as he is, he loves me very much to let it go. In fact the other time, he said "ok whenever you are ready" but you know, he said it in that tone of well I don't have a choice. I don't want him to agree and still be angry abt it. I want to make him understand the reasons for my decision, in fact I want to have kids my husband so bad. You people do not understand, having kids for him is also part of my dreams in life. But like Genny said earlier on, we have to be ready on all levels. I also didn't know that getting married means having kids straight away. Like seriously are you people kidding me? 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 5:24pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
basher: off Course HE KNOWS I AM ON BIRTH CONTROL. How can I be on birth control without him knowing? |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by luckgames(m): 5:25pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
fellis: YOU DIDN'T USE THE D LETTER WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING? You are right I AM VERY ARROGANT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T RUN ME? NOW WHAT? So do you know me? |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by pendo89(f): 5:27pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
Congrats Roki. But in your case seein you just got married.Well who am I to decide anyway.You can wait a year or two,or go for it and balance but newborns are no joke.You will need ur sleep to keep up with studies and babies don't accord one such luxury. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 6:09pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
pendo89: Congrats Roki. Yup. I really don't know why people are such in a hurry to start spouting children. they take so much time away from one. Definitely not a trigger to pull immediately. I still think this is one of the causes of boring marriages, when people rush into "the motions" of making babies before having time to explore life with your new wife/husband devoid of distractions. Besides, you 2 are working AND in school, and you think you would have time for a baby?  Dude is pretty unrealistic in his expectations of how easy caring for a baby would play out. Pray that he isn't one to succumb to external pressure from family members and nosy people when it comes to guiding the affairs of his marriage. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by ZUBY77(m): 6:11pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
rokiatu: These little rats can boast. Anyway, your husband may be like me. He wants assurance , simple. Get pregnant before someone else does for him. If you ever show up here even with a different username to tell us how you built houses, started supermarket and importation business with your husband , yet he impregnanted your house help, i will strip you down. |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by maclatunji: 6:46pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
ZUBY77: LOL. Rokiatu, this is from a recently wedded and expectant father which your husband wants to be. He knows what he is saying. Another thing is that being a Pharmacist-in-training, your husband knows that taking pills (if that is what you are using) has dangerous side effects and I join him in being unhappy about a new wife using them. I don't believe you when you say you desperately want to have your husband's child too. If you did, you wouldn't care about school ahead of getting pregnant. You created this thread because you know there is something wrong with your relationship with your husband and I am telling you that the solution is to rescind your decision not to have children now to prevent a conflict that could hurt both of you so bad in the future. 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 6:47pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
The fact that he is a pharmacist assistant or works in a pharmacy does not mean he is a pharmacist-in-training. Students do that kind of job daily even mining student  Maclatunji, I live in Australia like ROKI whilst you live in Nigeria, it is okay for you to tell her to conceive BUT YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH IT WILL COST THEM TO TAKE CARE OF THAT CHILD NOW. PEOPLE ARE PAYING 100 DOLLARS A DAY FOR DAY CARE, RENT DEPENDING ON WHERE THEY STAY COULD ALMOST BE 200-300 DOLLARS A WEEK, TALK ABOUT BILLS AND SO ON. HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE WITH THEIR STUDENT INCOME. DONT YOU GET IT. ONE OF THEM IF NOT BOTH HAVE GOT TO FINISH SCHOOL, AND START EARNING SOMETHING, FOR ALL I CARE HIS PAY COULD BE A 1000 A MONTH or less. This is not naija where you have free housegirls to take care of your child, this is AUSTRALIA. SHE CARES ABOUT HER UNBORN KIDS AND THAT IS WHY SHE WANTS TO FINISH SCHOOL, GET A GOOD JOB AND TAKE CARE OF THEM AS A MOTHER SHOULD HER HUSBANDS REQUEST IS UNREALISTIC 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Buc(m): 6:50pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
I'm feeling its either your husband married u 4 love or he saw u as a wife material and didn't want 2 loose u. But, u married him 4 (financial) security reasons. Like d Americans would say 'we don't negotiate with terrorist', i also blive there re decisions that shouldn't b subjected 2 dialogue or discussions. I can tell u as an historian when it comes 2 matter/s of survival (in this case a marriage) decisions re not necessarily arrived at by popular concessions, on less in a situation where d leader is weak, which makes me blive your husband is not being a gentleman but a maga 4 subjecting d issue 2 discussion. From xperience i don't wish 2 marry an undergraduate, but, if love or not wanting 2 loose a good wife material makes me marry one, then she would not b allowed not 2 b pregnant until she graduate. My reason being that being married is not enough 2 keep male lecturers and student off ladies, especially beautiful ones, which my wife definitely would be. A beautiful lady course mate of mine who was pregnant (unmarried) when we gained admission and gave birth by our second semester, if not that i ve this feeling that white garment church ladies re no go area, i would ve tried wooing her. One of my married course mate if not that she is always pregnant i can bet my toe nail that one of my male course mate who spends a lot of time with her would ve had his way wit her. Or ist d lecturers that make me fear 4 my sisters in higher institutions of learning. Its normal that when u get something in d midst of competition or by force or in your case trickery (not hiding words lie) u embark on fortification or u garrison it. But, where by i am trying and my woman is rendering my efforts useless (birth control), just know u ve started a civil war. |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by StateOfMind: 6:53pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
2buff: God bless you for this post. People keep asking why she got married if she wasn't interested in making kids? Like seriously??The whole burden of the pregnancy, child bearing and nuturing will be on her. Its not as easy as it seems. We see women combining this with school,yes! but that doesn't make it any less stressful. In as much as I do not support placing your career over your marriage,I strongly believe the issue at hand can still be well managed. You have just 18 months to go. Like some posters have said, make him see the reasons you don't wanna get pregnant now,and work towards the last semester. He has to compromise too-it won't make him less of a man. Lol @ the 'give him his kids replies'...are they not her kids too?? Abi which reasonable woman won't want to bear children in her matrimonial home. 2 Likes |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by luckgames(m): 7:00pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
StateOfMind:"I strongly believe the issue at hand can still be well managed." I LIKE THAT |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by SisiKill1: 7:00pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
I'm sorry but I need someone to explain "[b]He is insecure, so have a baby to make him feel better" [/b]response I have been reading. His wife obviously loves him and if he can hold firm to that, why should she have to twist herself into a pretzel to make him less insecure? To be clear I am not saying she shouldn't have a child. . .what I am concerned about is that nobody seems to see anything wrong with having a baby to keep a woman (let's face it, this is what he is doing. . .if he is truly insecure) how is this different from a woman having a baby to keep a man??!! If a woman came here talking about things that alludes to being insecure, what do we tell her? We tell her Work on yourself, we lambast her and tell her she is looking for trouble since he hasn't given her any reason to be insecure. Some people will even manage to find a way to make it her fault. . .maybe you are cheating, that's why you are insecure because you think your husband is doing the same yet. . .when it comes to the husband's insecurities, it is the woman who is still at fault, she is the woman who has to cater to it, she is the woman who has to make sacrifices. What is that about?!!! Anyway, all I will say is this. . .Having a baby just to pacify a grown ass man's insecurities is not a good reason to have a baby and is totally unfair to the child. 4 Likes |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by maclatunji: 7:07pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
jennykadry: The fact that he is a pharmacist assistant or works in a pharmacy does not mean he is a pharmacist-in-training. Students do that kind of job daily even mining student She should have never married him if all of these 'well-reasoned and articulated points' were obvious to her. I am sure you see homeless people having kids in Australia. If she is not homeless and decided that he is good-enough to be her husband, then he is good-enough (at this time) to be the father of her child. Yes, he lied to her but it is either she forgives him or wrecks the marriage. The man is accepting it now temporarily but for how long? By the way, he is in the same Australia with you and he has no problem with having kids- why should we question is judgement as a husband and potential father? It isn't right to make him feel like less-of-a husband because 'he is a student.' 1 Like |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by maclatunji: 7:13pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
jennykadry: The fact that he is a pharmacist assistant or works in a pharmacy does not mean he is a pharmacist-in-training. Students do that kind of job daily even mining student |
| Re: I Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood. (how Can I Make Him Understand?) by Nobody: 7:14pm On Apr 18, 2012 |
Maclatunji, even I as a well established career woman would think twice before having another child. Na beans? this guy is still young. He might not be up to 25 sef. You have got to be kidding me, he shouldn't have married her cos right from the beginning she told him exactly what she is telling us right now, he agreed to it got married to her and gbam he changes his mind, that is bullshit my friend. Ofcourse he has no probs wanting kids, but let me remind you that the 96% of the Aborigines(not even the white australians) have no qualms having kids but are they able to take care of those kids?nope. Yes I repeat this is Australia, they live in sydney(i stand to be corrected), living expenses are high, taking care of a child is expensive especially for them, he works part time, he is a student, she is a student, they just got married, he hasn't got a career and neither has she. This is not a decision that can be made overnight, they've got to get something going. 1 Like |
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