maclatunji:

Oga, why the insult now?

Typical of bush meat to end their post with an insult!

HA HA,

U no want born pinkin but u want husband ?

So if you mistakenly get pregnant, will you go for abortion?

Again and again, I have heard and I am now reading comments that made me so wary of marriage that it took me almost to the age of 30 to even agree that the institution is not necessarily a bad thing. Marriage is a covenant which is something most men fail to realise. Both parties have to agree for it to work. When a man says "Don't worry, let us get married. We will have kids when you finish school" and then goes back on his words, he makes himself out to be
1) A Liar
2) An undependable individual
3) A covenant breaker

It means he got married under false pretences and did not understand what his vows meant. A lot of Nigerian men do this under the guise that they are the head of the house. A head of the house that cannot be trusted is even more useless that an absentee husband.

Rokiatu, go to your husband and ask him why he agreed to marrying you if he did not agree with your terms. Is marriage by force? If he couldn't wait, why didn't he say so before the wedding so that you would have had the choice of whether to marry him or not. Ask him if he is saying to you that he is a man who can break his word whenever he feels like doing so? Ask him if he thinks so little of you that he can treat your desires with so little regard. And then inform him that until he can answer those questions honestly in front of God and man, that you will assume that the topic is closed. Do not shout, do not throw a tantrum, just show him how disappointed you are that he is failing your trust this early in the marriage.

This has nothing to do with whether you should have a child or not. This is him breaking his word to you, pure and simple.

CNN80: Again and again, I have heard and I am now reading comments that made me so wary of marriage that it took me almost to the age of 30 to even agree that the institution is not necessarily a bad thing. Marriage is a covenant which is something most men fail to realise. Both parties have to agree for it to work. When a man says "Don't worry, let us get married. We will have kids when you finish school" and then goes back on his words, he makes himself out to be
1) A Liar
2) An undependable individual
3) A covenant breaker

It means he got married under false pretences and did not understand what his vows meant. A lot of Nigerian men do this under the guise that they are the head of the house. A head of the house that cannot be trusted is even more useless that an absentee husband.

Rokiatu, go to your husband and ask him why he agreed to marrying you if he did not agree with your terms. Is marriage by force? If he couldn't wait, why didn't he say so before the wedding so that you would have had the choice of whether to marry him or not. Ask him if he is saying to you that he is a man who can break his word whenever he feels like doing so? Ask him if he thinks so little of you that he can treat your desires with so little regard. And then inform him that until he can answer those questions honestly in front of God and man, that you will assume that the topic is closed. Do not shout, do not throw a tantrum, just show him how disappointed you are that he is failing your trust this early in the marriage.

This has nothing to do with whether you should have a child or not. This is him breaking his word to you, pure and simple.

Now, I respect this. However, there is the little problem of the husband not seeing all of this and wanting the child by yesterday notwithstanding his questionable 'morals'. No doubt, if Rokiatu goes down this road, she will win the argument BUT AT WHAT COST?

Does she understand the price she might have to pay for winning the argument? Is she willing to pay it without having heartbreak?

maclatunji:

Good Girl Gone Bad!

The problem with women like you is that with all of your fancy concepts and ideologies, you still whine and complain when we men react to your "Individuality" by acting out our own version of "Individuality" be it through a second wife or woman.

If you bothered to read through the lines Maclatunji, I was just reacting to the girl who seemed to me like she's got serious esteem issues. Her motivation for "obeying" her husband was simply because she was afraid of him going for somebody else. It's a completely wrong motivation; not at all healthy for any relationship. Everyone has his/her own mind and marriage should not swallow up the other's! How about talking things over? Surely that's not rocket science. Even if roles were changed and it was a man who came up with the very same issue, I'd still tell him the same thing. Most men get tired of door-mats (whether they'd like to admit it or not) and there's nothing "fancy" about coming to an understanding with your husband/wife.

And just for your info, women too can get other men other than their husbands. Am not speaking from experience but I've observed it on several occasions. Last time I checked, no man was using that as an excuse to justify his lack of self esteem.

^^ if he abandons her, cheats on her, quits the marriage then the marriage was not meant to be. She wants kids and all she's asked for is that he waits for 3 semesters which was agreed upon by both of them before marriage. If this man cannot respect her decision and decides to act like a jackass, then he is not fit to be her husband, to be a father and to be married.

Imagine a woman negotiating her motherhood. It's just unmotherly and unnatural and to think that she is poised to do that against the consent of her husband then you know that man just does not know what he's just gotten himself into. Next she will come up with a roaster on s.ex abi? Could her mum have stood in front of her father to spew this rubbish?oh I forgot, we are the first people to get a degree. This is the result of the feminismlluminatti movement on nairaland which is set to turn all married and single women to 'independent women with a mind of their own'. They will all end up with broken home's beleive me . I can only hope young men like you don't get stuck with anyone of them otherwise you will always require the service's of a lawyer even in deciding what to have for breakfast. SMH. . . .and another one bite's the dust.

maclatunji:

Oga, why the insult now?

maclatunji:

Now, I respect this. However, there is the little problem of the husband not seeing all of this and wanting the child by yesterday notwithstanding his questionable 'morals'. No doubt, if Rokiatu goes down this road, she will win the argument BUT AT WHAT COST?

Does she understand the price she might have to pay for winning the argument? Is she willing to pay it without having heartbreak?

This is not an argument. Those are questions he must answer if he claims he is a man. And what price? If he can go back on his word, then she has no obligations whatsoever to him.

And using the fear of him having a child outside to make a decision is not healthy at all. A man who decides to have a child outside will do it no matter the situation. If he is the type to do so, better to find out early and get out of the marriage. I'm catholic and believe in hanging on as long as possible in your marriage but to me unfaithfulness is the one rule in which a person is justified in asking for a divorce.

@Jenny and CNN80, can you see that in your attempt to win this argument, you are already mentioning divorce (as worst case scenario, abi?).

Come on people, the marriage is just 6 months old, they don't need that line of thought. Rokiatu should be careful not to have a pyrrhic victory.

OMG I am so freaking happy right now. He agreed! I came down to earth in the most realistic term, and offcourse being a bit sentimental and remaining him of his betrayal and off course combined with my femininity have won me this battle. I mean he even apologized for pressuring me. God Knows how many hours of lecture we had tonight. His reason for this, he say he love me so much that he just couldn't wait to see the children I would born for him. He believed love in an obsessive and crazy form overshadowed his sense of reasoning. I had to wake up 2.30am just to say this so people like Genny who have been typing her head off just to make me win this rest. LOL In-fact, he believed I have talked sense into him. He absolutely agree with me and my education will continue. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am very grateful.

And for the people who were posting even rokiatu needs advice? Yes even Dr Phil needs advice. LOL

We are all humans, and two heads make sense more than one head.

[size=5pt]A special quote from him, "In fact no more pregnancy talk from now on till you are ready"> "Let me know whenever you are"
[/size]
UNFREAKIN BELIEVEABLE!!!!!

rokiatu:

E diot, Tima is married. And I ran away from the romance section and posted this here cuz I needed serious advice. LOL Seriously I don't know how u landed here.

Was travelling to fashion n design section to shoot a new hOt topic so i decided to stop by to buy toothpick cuz ate meat.
BTW This topic shouldn't be here, it should be in derail romance section where u wuld hv gotten more candid advise.

rokiatu: OMG I am so freaking happy right now. He agreed! I came down to earth in the most realistic term, and offcourse being a bit sentimental and remaining him of his betrayal and off course combined with my femininity have won me this battle. I mean he even apologized for pressuring me. God Knows how many hours of lecture we had tonight. His reason for this, he say he love me so much that he just couldn't wait to see the children I would born for him. He believed love in an obsessive and crazy form overshadowed his sense of reasoning. I had to wake up 2.30am just to say this so people like Genny who have been typing her head off just to make me win this rest. LOL In-fact, he believed I have talked sense into him. He absolutely agree with me and my education will continue. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am very grateful.

And for the people who were posting even rokiatu needs advice? Yes even Dr Phil needs advice. LOL

We are all humans, and two heads make sense more than one head.

[size=5pt]A special quote from him, "In fact no more pregnancy talk from now on till you are ready"> "Let me know whenever you are"
[/size]
UNFREAKIN BELIEVEABLE!!!!!

Na your husband be that.

Chei!!!Men don suffer for dis world .

Guitarlife: How ironic can you believe rokiatu that has given some sensible piece of advice to people is herself now acting dumb. You don't need NLDERs to tell you you are making a mistake just go and tell your parent's what you just wrote up there. If they support you then I wish your husband Goodluck. Omo ale jatijati to ro pe australia lo n wa.

Guy u wicked o

Hmmmm... OK, we join you in celebrating but watch your back.

maclatunji:

Rokiatu, I hope you don't take this as a personal attack but Girl Grow Up! You are now a wife! All of that shakara in your single days is out the window now. Once you agreed to get married, you also agreed to get pregnant if God allows from the first night! All the other stories about studies and blah! Blah!! Blah!!! is thrash. You had better start having those babies now!

If you didn't want babies, why get married? I see that you already take your husband for granted- he says he wants a baby- you say: Yes sir! I am sure you don't want to come here and start sobbing over another woman having a child for your husband out of wedlock in a few years from now- you said: God forbid! However, this is how it starts!

Just because you get married does not mean you have to have babies right away. Getting her studies out of the way is the best thing she can do for the family. If not now then when? After you start having babies the time seems to sleep away and you'll never finish.

Be careful of what you read and take into your spirit. It's not always good for.

Pray that God's will be done in your life.

rokiatu: OMG I am so freaking happy right now. He agreed! I came down to earth in the most realistic term, and offcourse being a bit sentimental and remaining him of his betrayal and off course combined with my femininity have won me this battle. I mean he even apologized for pressuring me. God Knows how many hours of lecture we had tonight. His reason for this, he say he love me so much that he just couldn't wait to see the children I would born for him. He believed love in an obsessive and crazy form overshadowed his sense of reasoning. I had to wake up 2.30am just to say this so people like Genny who have been typing her head off just to make me win this rest. LOL In-fact, he believed I have talked sense into him. He absolutely agree with me and my education will continue. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am very grateful.

And for the people who were posting even rokiatu needs advice? Yes even Dr Phil needs advice. LOL

We are all humans, and two heads make sense more than one head.

[size=5pt]A special quote from him, "In fact no more pregnancy talk from now on till you are ready"> "Let me know whenever you are"
[/size]
UNFREAKIN BELIEVEABLE!!!!!

Not quite sure this is the end of it but hey it does buy you time(a couple more months)....cos there is no freaking way that urge or need for a baby will be that shallow and totally waved off....also don't think there was "talking sense into him" rather just wants to do all the compromising (after "all the hours of lecture" you guys had)to calm & make you happy at the moment,,,and hopefully for the length of time you might crave

jennykadry: ^^ if he abandons her, cheats on her, quits the marriage then the marriage was not meant to be. She wants kids and all she's asked for is that he waits for 3 semesters which was agreed upon by both of them before marriage. If this man cannot respect her decision and decides to act like a jackass, then he is not fit to be her husband, to be a father and to be married.

I think you need to know that what works for you might not work for others. You have been posting rubbish here, trying to defend a hole you ignorantly dug for yourself. First it was 'i live in australia and you dont' as if Aussie is in Mars. Then you went on to discourage this lady from the original concept behind marriage. Why did you get married if not to expect kids?. I have said many times that Western cultures have eaten deep into the skulls of our ladies who live outside Africa.
Your answer to the fact that the marriage might collapse due to her personal interests is that the marriage was never meant to be. And you are married and possibly with a kid, which ofcourse, you had after you must have finished every other endeavour in life.

rokiatu: OMG I am so freaking happy right now. He agreed! I came down to earth in the most realistic term, and offcourse being a bit sentimental and remaining him of his betrayal and off course combined with my femininity have won me this battle. I mean he even apologized for pressuring me. God Knows how many hours of lecture we had tonight. His reason for this, he say he love me so much that he just couldn't wait to see the children I would born for him. He believed love in an obsessive and crazy form overshadowed his sense of reasoning. I had to wake up 2.30am just to say this so people like Genny who have been typing her head off just to make me win this rest. LOL In-fact, he believed I have talked sense into him. He absolutely agree with me and my education will continue. Thanks everyone for the great advice. I am very grateful.

And for the people who were posting even rokiatu needs advice? Yes even Dr Phil needs advice. LOL

We are all humans, and two heads make sense more than one head.

[size=5pt]A special quote from him, "In fact no more pregnancy talk from now on till you are ready"> "Let me know whenever you are"
[/size]
UNFREAKIN BELIEVEABLE!!!!!

And you believe him? And you think the mantle of deciding when things will happen in the family now rests with you? Plus you put all this load on LOVE? You must be PDP. I am a man and i can tell you to watch out and be careful. His next move will stun you. People will argue that every man is not the same but like i said, watch out. You will come up with a new story soon. Though i doubt your ego will allow you. You just won the battle on nairaland. Congrats!

ZUBY77:

I think you need to know that what works for you might not work for others. You have been posting rubbish here, trying to defend a hole you ignorantly dug for yourself. First it was 'i live in australia and you dont' as if Aussie is in Mars. Then you went on to discourage this lady from the original concept behind marriage. Why did you get married if not to expect kids?. I have said many times that Western cultures have eaten deep into the skulls of our ladies who live outside Africa.
Your answer to the fact that the marriage might collapse due to her personal interests is that the marriage was never meant to be. And you are married and possibly with a kid, which ofcourse, you had after you must have finished every other endeavour in life.

And you just quoted the rubbish, how overly intelligent of you.


@Rokibaby
Congratulations oooooo. Oya go and sh@g and be happy

chaircover: Roki, You may have thought that you have won the battle, but all you have done is have forced a temporary ceasefire. It doesnt mean that the war is over.

your HUSBAND is asking you for his own baby; Read between the lines; he loves you so much that he wants a part of you. He is not asking you to be a drugs mule, he is not asking you to have breeast implants, he is not asking you to be a pole dancer. He is asking for something that will further cement the love that you both have for each other.

There is never a perfect time to have kids. There will always be a reason why this isnt the right time. When I had my kid, all of one of our salaries went on childcare alone. We scrimped and saved and struggled, but because we loved each other and had our goals we were able to get through it. No condition is permanent and things do get better. its all down to understanding and cutting ones coat according to ones size. Today this same kid is taller than me; a handsome young gentleman and I am sooooo proud of him.

I think that I mentioned it before on this forum that when I had my baby we couldnt afford a cot. But I tell you something no condition is permanent and when everyone is focused and genuine love is there, nothing is impossible. you will get by.

Yes, he was "wrong" for changing the goalposts after you got married, but I want you to look at his motives. he means you no harm; he is just expressing his love. This is marriage and not a business contract. Love is most unpredictable and many of us do the strangest things for love and people on the outside wont understand.

Wow! I am very impressed with your post. This is what i call clever post. Not that egocentric feminist called jennykadri who is bent on destroying a marriage because there are three more semesters. What if the semesters are more or less, she will still come up with an excuse. Roki wait until you get every degree in the academic sector like Condeleza Rice. Then your Orobo would have been as big as a Yam barn and your husband would have started looking outside. Then jenny would have ringed and consoled you that the marriage was never meant to be while you soak your pillows with red tears. Grow up.

eeyyaaaaa. It is well. The person you are quoting finished school and even worked before she got married, the same person that prefers her daughter to finish school first before getting married i guess to avoid all this dramas. I hear you sir, now that it has come to another woman, it has becomes "there is no better time to have kids". I hear you all. . Were they both students when they got married? why didn't she marry when she was in school? see their mouths

May my post kill some of yous on this forum

jennykadry: eeyyaaaaa. It is well. The person you are quoting finished school and even worked before she got married, the same person that prefers her daughter to finish school first before getting married i guess to avoid all this dramas. I hear you sir, now that it has come to another woman, it has becomes "there is no better time to have kids". I hear you all. . Were they both students when they got married? why didn't she marry when she was in school? see their mouths

May my post kill some of yous on this forum

...And the first time i quoted you here, i said that 'what works for you might not work for other people'. Everybody must not do things the way you or your friends did. Life is not measured. You have no reason whatsoever to tell a man who is married when to have a kid. It is as simple as that. All in all, dont take offence if i am rude here.

ZUBY77:

...And the first time i quoted you here, i said that 'what works for you might not work for other people'. Everybody must not do things the way you or your friends did. Life is not measured. You have no reason whatsoever to tell a man who is married when to have a kid. It is as simple as that. All in all, dont take offense if i am rude here.

Excuse me sir, someone came online to ask for honest opinions which I refused to give until she singled me out. I asked her questions which she answered to every single one of them. What I told her is what I will tell my daughter if she came to me for advise. It's not like they did not discuss this from the beginning, it was agreed on even before signing the lines and all I did was tell her to talk to her husband and let them meet eachother half way, maybe try just before her last semester. Having a child now with his part time job means, he is going to be working his azz off to take care of them ALONE and that might be too much for him and might affect his own schooling. Both of them might just throw in the twoel and say "Hey, we just cannot handle this baby and studies anymore, lets take a break". She asked me for my advise and I gave it to her, she has 3 semesters to go, this boy I might be wrong might not be up to 25, so why not ONE of them atleast finish school. This is not Nigeria where we have cousins and aunties to take care of our kids, this is Australia where some families pay 100 dollars or more on day care, he is a part time worker, how can they afford that with their part time work? Chaircover said there is no perfect time to have kids and I ask her, did she pay the more than 15,000 naira a day to day care facilities in Nigeria when she had a baby? We have families, neighbours e.t.c that help us out when we give birth in Nigeria, so having someone take care of the child is not a big deal. My husband had his own business when we met, so me getting pregnant whilst in school wasn't an issue then cos he could afford to stay home and help me out. This people are still young and need to work hard to help each other financially, dropping all the load on one person is not fair and right and thats my point.

You all are so bent on criticizing Jenny that you read her posts upside down.

jennykadry:

Excuse me sir, someone came online to ask for honest opinions which I refused to give until she singled me out. I asked her questions which she answered to every single one of them. What I told her is what I will tell my daughter if she came to me for advise. It's not like they did not discuss this from the beginning, it was agreed on even before signing the lines and all I did was tell her to talk to her husband and let them meet eachother half way, maybe try just before her last semester. Having a child now with his part time job means, he is going to be working his azz off to take care of them ALONE and that might be too much for him and might affect his own schooling. Both of them might just throw in the twoel and say "Hey, we just cannot handle this baby and studies anymore, lets take a break". She asked me for my advise and I gave it to her, she has 3 semesters to go, this boy I might be wrong might not be up to 25, so why not ONE of them atleast finish school. This is not Nigeria where we have cousins and aunties to take care of our kids, this is Australia where some families pay 100 dollars or more on day care, he is a part time worker, how can they afford that with their part time work? Chaircover said there is no perfect time to have kids and I ask her, did she pay the more than 15,000 naira a day to day care facilities in Nigeria when she had a baby? We have families, neighbours e.t.c that help us out when we give birth in Nigeria, so having someone take care of the child is not a big deal. My husband had his own business when we met, so me getting pregnant whilst in school wasn't an issue then cos he could afford to stay home and help me out. This people are still young and need to work hard to help each other financially, dropping all the load on one person is not fair and right and thats my point.

You all are so bent on criticizing Jenny that you read her posts upside down.

I did not want to comment before but let me:

It is not about reading your posts upside-down but the fact that you are being over-pragmatic over a sentimental issue. There is no amount of explaining that Rokiatu will give her husband that will convince him that now is not the time to have a child. Note: what he says is different from what he thinks and feels.

Why would a newly-wedded woman want to make her husband resent her? It is nothing short of stupidity. In a marriage, big conflicts will happen between a couple without anyone of them being really at fault. Why on earth one would now want to add self-induced conflict beats me.

Let me cut the niceties and speak plainly here. What Rokiatu is telling her husband with her action is this:

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN AT THE MOMENT.

She can tell that to a suitor but telling that to a husband (by her actions) is almost criminal, hard-to-take, difficult to overlook and forgive.

I DON'T THINK YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN AT THE MOMENT.

Jesus christ. What is this? did it ever occur to you that she feels she is the person that isn't fit to be a mother now and the problem is not him? if he isn't good to be the father of her kids at the moment who is? you? why is rokiatu not on the streets right now looking for THE RIGHT MAN TO FATHER HER KIDS AT THE MOMENT? The things you post sometimes are jaw dropping. Holy christ. How did she say he is not fit to be her kids father at the moment? Stop putting unnecessary words in her mouth will you? he isn't good enough to be the father of her kids now or later and she went ahead to marry him? How did you come to that conclusion? I cannot believe this.

That is an insult to her self, her husband, her choice of husband, her womanhood and her 6 month old marriage

ZUBY77:

I think you need to know that what works for you might not work for others. You have been posting rubbish here, trying to defend a hole you ignorantly dug for yourself. First it was 'i live in australia and you dont' as if Aussie is in Mars. Then you went on to discourage this lady from the original concept behind marriage. Why did you get married if not to expect kids?. I have said many times that Western cultures have eaten deep into the skulls of our ladies who live outside Africa.
Your answer to the fact that the marriage might collapse due to her personal interests is that the marriage was never meant to be. And you are married and possibly with a kid, which ofcourse, you had after you must have finished every other endeavour in life.

The original reason to get married is NOT to have children. Children are a blessing unto a marriage NOT the reason for a marriage. If one gets married solely to have kids, then you might as well pick a complete stranger of the street and marry her so that she can become a brood mare for you. While there is no perfect time to have children, there is an optimum time to have them. Any person that wants the best for their child knows this. A woman who is relaxed and secure in herself and situation is better equipped to be a mother than one who has extra responsibilities on hand.

When a male friend of mine got married, I told him (too late I'm afraid)that he should not get his wife pregnant as she was entering her last year of studying law in a different state. I considered what she was going through and concluded that being pregnant would be a hardship. I am a very logical person ( which vexes my husband but he always invariably agrees with me) and I don't let sentiment come into important decisions. Well, my friend's wife got pregnant after their trad as they were arranging for the church wedding. She miscarried, had an extra year and still had to wait another year before she could go to law school because she took in again not long after the miscarriage. All because of poor planning. The family is happy now but even they know that things could have been vastly different. I grew in the East so don't tell me this is Western influence. I was just lucky to be born into a family where early marriage is strongly discouraged because of the effect that it has had on some of my family members.

And I strongly discourage divorce and believe that all avenues should be explored before it should become an option. How many men here know how to change a diaper, feed a baby, stay awake the whole night because your baby is teething or has colic? How many men know how to bathe a baby, dress a baby, recognize the different kinds of cries a baby has? How many men have the patience to watch the same nursery rhymes video over and over again for hours on end because that is the only thing your baby will watch? Do you think that once we get pregnant that God Almighty just inputs all that in us and it becomes automatic? That's why I believe that newly married Nigerian couples should spend the first few years of the marriage in another country. When your mothers, aunties, cousins, inlaws, female friends etc. are not there to pitch in and help out, you will understand that having a child is not yam. You will also understand why oyibo practice serious family planning.

Children are a beautiful and wonderful gift. Don't have them if you're not ready. You could ruin your life and theirs. We see this in the world all the time and yet we willy nilly still have them without thinking and planning properly. Anyi abughi nkita.

jennykadry:

Jesus christ. What is this? did it ever occur to you that she feels she is the person that isn't fit to be a mother now and the problem is not him? if he isn't good to be the father of her kids at the moment who is? you? why is rokiatu not on the streets right now looking for THE RIGHT MAN TO FATHER HER KIDS AT THE MOMENT? The things you post sometimes are jaw dropping. Holy christ. How did she say he is not fit to be her kids father at the moment? Stop putting unnecessary words in her mouth will you? he isn't good enough to be the father of her kids now or later and she went ahead to marry him? How did you come to that conclusion? I cannot believe this.

That is an insult to her self, her husband, her choice of husband, her womanhood and her 6 month old marriage

Oh, you are shocked! You better believe that is the implication of her action. Haven't you learnt that it is not what we say but what we do that matters most?

What I did (that has shocked you) is to address the crux of the matter and if you find it uncomfortable, that should tell Rokiatu that she is making a big mistake.

Look at it this way, if Rokiatu's husband was a millionaire in dollar terms would she be talking about wanting to complete studies before having babies?

Yes, her husband must be hurt and naive Rokiatu is celebrating 'her victory'. I am so sorry for the two of them. I have a picture that actually captures their situation but will not post it here because it might be deemed offensive because animals are involved. However, the expressions are apt!

CNN80:

The original reason to get married is NOT to have children. Children are a blessing unto a marriage NOT the reason for a marriage. If one gets married solely to have kids, then you might as well pick a complete stranger of the street and marry her so that she can become a brood mare for you. While there is no perfect time to have children, there is an optimum time to have them. Any person that wants the best for their child knows this. A woman who is relaxed and secure in herself and situation is better equipped to be a mother than one who has extra responsibilities on hand.

When a male friend of mine got married, I told him (too late I'm afraid)that he should not get his wife pregnant as she was entering her last year of studying law in a different state. I considered what she was going through and concluded that being pregnant would be a hardship. I am a very logical person ( which vexes my husband but he always invariably agrees with me) and I don't let sentiment come into important decisions. Well, my friend's wife got pregnant after their trad as they were arranging for the church wedding. She miscarried, had an extra year and still had to wait another year before she could go to law school because she took in again not long after the miscarriage. All because of poor planning. The family is happy now but even they know that things could have been vastly different. I grew in the East so don't tell me this is Western influence. I was just lucky to be born into a family where early marriage is strongly discouraged because of the effect that it has had on some of my family members.

And I strongly discourage divorce and believe that all avenues should be explored before it should become an option. How many men here know how to change a diaper, feed a baby, stay awake the whole night because your baby is teething or has colic? How many men know how to bathe a baby, dress a baby, recognize the different kinds of cries a baby has? How many men have the patience to watch the same nursery rhymes video over and over again for hours on end because that is the only thing your baby will watch? Do you think that once we get pregnant that God Almighty just inputs all that in us and it becomes automatic? That's why I believe that newly married Nigerian couples should spend the first few years of the marriage in another country. When your mothers, aunties, cousins, inlaws, female friends etc. are not there to pitch in and help out, you will understand that having a child is not yam. You will also understand why oyibo practice serious family planning.

Children are a beautiful and wonderful gift. Don't have them if you're not ready. You could ruin your life and theirs. We see this in the world all the time and yet we willy nilly still have them without thinking and planning properly. Anyi abughi nkita.

I like every bit of your post!

This just shows how selfish some women are,

Imagine placing the condition(Am Not Yet Ready For Motherhood) on your newly wedded husband. Were you forced to marry him?

And when you realised he is not fully in support, you still insist on what you want.

If your husband has placed that condition(Am Not Yet Ready For Fatherhood), you will be here crying he doesn't love me.

The ideal thing is to finish your education before settling down for marriage, but yours is the other way.

YOU CANNOT EAT YOUR CAKE AND HAVE IT.

maclatunji:

Oh, you are shocked! You better believe that is the implication of her action. Haven't you learnt that it is not what we say but what we do that matters most?

What I did (that has shocked you) is to address the crux of the matter and if you find it uncomfortable, that should tell Rokiatu that she is making a big mistake.

Look at it this way, if Rokiatu's husband was a millionaire in dollar terms would she be talking about wanting to complete studies before having babies?

Yes, her husband must be hurt and naive Rokiatu is celebrating 'her victory'. I am so sorry for the two of them. I have a picture that actually captures their situation but will not post it here because it might be deemed offensive because animals are involved. However, the expressions are apt!

She would love to answer this question but she said I should tell you that she is doing some serious makeup kpekusing right now

And yea, I am still shock at the way you just insulted her marriage for no good reason.