rokiatu: Please how can I make my new husband understand that I am not yet ready to have kids? I have said everything under the sun, but he don't seem to understand. I luv him very much but I want to complete my study before I start having my kids. I told him that, but he insist I have atleast one, and then complete my study. And before marriage, I told him my plan i mean this has never been a secret to him. Now suddenly he have changed his mind and seem to be sticking to it. I don't want to disrespect my husband, but then again, I am not at all ready for motherhood. Please how do I make him come to term with this decision of mine?

Or if you have any other suggestion please do say.

I think you can both strike a compromise. You said he was aware of your stance before but has now changed his mind, don't be too frazzled, it happens and now that he's your husband you have to work with him and respect it. What you have to show him is that you care about his desires and are willing to give up on some of yours to find some middle ground.

You said have 3 semesters left, can you both agree to start trying when you have 1.5 semesters left? that way (and by God's grace) you would be just about done with school before the 9mths is up (hoping you have a relatively easy pregnancy without much stress). Or could you stop working & focus solely on school in order to finish sooner?

Don't be disheartened, you will work it out with your new hubby. Just find a way for both of you to compromise, you'll be doing that for many many other issues as your union progresses, its good to start practising and getting used to it now. Cheers!

jennykadry: Rokiatu

I am not God that gives children but my advise will be one of you finish school, get a good job and then start a family my reasons are as follows

1. Financially it might be too hard for you both seeing that he works part time.
2. You will have to stop working and stay home until that baby is old enough to start school or you pay for daycare which is like a 100 dollars per day here in western australia, I don't know about sydney.
3. My husband could afford taking care of me, so I did not have qualms conceiving whilst in school BUT he was very supportive especially during my exams, at some point he had to take the baby and they spent a night in a hotel just to allow me study.
4. You might miss a few semesters if you are not getting enough support.
5. The reason why I asked where you both live is to know if you both pay your rent or live with a family member, renting in australia is expensive can you both handle that?
6. Huggies nappy cost heaps and I am seriously telling you both that you have to be ready for that.
7. One of you need to be done with school atleast and have a good job, I know how much pharmacist assistants get per hour hence my point. A good career earning job gives so much security
8. I know if you are a PR or citizen center link helps very well for low income earners, so maybe you guys might be able to get by financially.

If he wants kids, he needs to be sure of himself and I don't think he is yet neither do i think he is mentally ready for kids. You know why? cos he is more concerned about having kids early, being the youngest dad, working on your body now than later, than having kids for really wanting them because you think it is time. I think he is in a phase right now that MIGHT fizzle out

I don't know what you both wanno do but I love kids and would advise every woman to taste what motherhood is all about.

You have given her the best advice, Roki, that man does not know anything yet until the baby comes then he will withdraw and leave you with stress....Just let him know he will have to wait till you finish your school and tell him in the best possible way....he is trying to use that to tie you down.

ronkebp:

You have given her the best advice, Roki, that man does not know anything yet until the baby comes then he will withdraw and leave you with stress....Just let him know he will have to wait till you finish your school and tell him in the best possible way....he is trying to use that to tie you down.

Thank you very much. Like u are in my head. I have already seen it been done with my sister. And as for her, she didn't even have much time left to finish the course she was doing, only for her husband to knock her over in the third month. Pregnancy is usually very stressful for her, so she can't do anything doing pregnancy. At least for her, she was at least ready. She wanted to have kids. As for me I am not ready, I want to accomplished my dream career first. And I only have one year and a half to do so. I don't know why is so hard for him to understand that.

Yes I am married so what? Does marriage= kids straight away? By God willing, we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, so whats the rush? Is only being 6 months.

why not give him 1?and then go ahead and finish ur skool,think abt it

One advise Roki, do not lose a good man because of your career. Finish school or if possible start trying in your last semester BUT never finish school and still keep that man waiting intentionally. Like I said, my husband already had his masters sef when I met him, so financially he was ok but I never let my career come between me and that man. Just explain to your hubby and tell him you ain't ready now but will be in your last semester. Wake him up one night and talk to him


@Tasandra

These people are students and part time workers.

Dude want insurance
But having a child will not insure the marriage

Daresh: Tell him you are ready to try for a baby and go and put in ur birth control.

You are evil trash

I will want your husband to go out for ready person that can bear urgent kids for him. Do you know if your husband is under family pressure for kids?

If I were your husband I'll just screw ur best friend.

Tell him to use condom anytime he wants to bleep you. lol

When doing it try it front and back holding the front eggs. Squeeze it the way you want, since its yours, e no dey spoil or breakdown. Rubber no dey slack!

jennykadry: Rokiatu

I am not God that gives children but my advise will be one of you finish school, get a good job and then start a family my reasons are as follows

1. Financially it might be too hard for you both seeing that he works part time.
2. You will have to stop working and stay home until that baby is old enough to start school or you pay for daycare which is like a 100 dollars per day here in western australia, I don't know about sydney.
3. My husband could afford taking care of me, so I did not have qualms conceiving whilst in school BUT he was very supportive especially during my exams, at some point he had to take the baby and they spent a night in a hotel just to allow me study.
4. You might miss a few semesters if you are not getting enough support.
5. The reason why I asked where you both live is to know if you both pay your rent or live with a family member, renting in australia is expensive can you both handle that?
6. Huggies nappy cost heaps and I am seriously telling you both that you have to be ready for that.
7. One of you need to be done with school atleast and have a good job, I know how much pharmacist assistants get per hour hence my point. A good career earning job gives so much security
8. I know if you are a PR or citizen center link helps very well for low income earners, so maybe you guys might be able to get by financially.

If he wants kids, he needs to be sure of himself and I don't think he is yet neither do i think he is mentally ready for kids. You know why? cos he is more concerned about having kids early, being the youngest dad, working on your body now than later, than having kids for really wanting them because you think it is time. I think he is in a phase right now that MIGHT fizzle out

I don't know what you both wanno do but I love kids and would advise every woman to taste what motherhood is all about.

Well said!!! Rokiatu,ur really looking hot in the red dress!

anishe: Tell him to use condom anytime he wants to bleep you. lol

Your wife will tell you to use condo?
Get real dumb dude

rokiatu:
Thank you very much. Like u are in my head. I have already seen it been done with my sister. And as for her, she didn't even have much time left to finish the course she was doing, only for her husband to knock her over in the third month. Pregnancy is usually very stressful for her, so she can't do anything doing pregnancy. At least for her, she was at least ready. She wanted to have kids. As for me I am not ready, I want to accomplished my dream career first. And I only have one year and a half to do so. I don't know why is so hard for him to understand that.

Yes I am married so what? Does marriage= kids straight away? By God willing, we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, so whats the rush? Is only being 6 months.

Rokiatu...I must say you look stunning...keep that body sexy ok...P.S. love that red dress on u

give him the pussy to eat afterall he paid for it,abi u no wan get begin u gree to marry, why u no postpone the marriage till when u graduate

Like an earlier poster earlier said, i think your husband is just trying to insure his investment and make sure other guys are less interested in you. I'm a guy too so i understand that. What i would suggest is that you sit him down and LISTEN TO HIS REASONS. After hearing him out, as his OBEDIENT wife give him reasons why he can afford to let you finish your schooling. Reassure him, you are a woman and God in his infinite wisdom has endowed you with all the neccessary charm to make him see reason with you. From your comments, he seems like a strong willed person...DO NOT THREATEN HIM.
I hope this helps

It is unfair that after discussing this with him before the marriage and it was all agreed on, he then changed his mind. Getting pregnant now will definitely affect your studies and I can only suggest you try to persuade him gently. The advice you received about waiting for the last semester (since you only have 3 left) before you start trying for a baby is good, but not at the risk of serious marital problems in the future. If it turns out being too problematic then do what he wants. I wish you the best.

@Rikiatu
So Rikiatu, you don begin to do something? I think say you never open that tank for water to dey flow? Anyway, for your question, remember that birth control pills has adverse effect on ladies. Whatever you think is the right thing now might turn out to be a problem tomorrow. Birth pills are not advisable. Since you are married, why not go ahead and drop the baby for him to be happy and continue your studies? This issue at hand might turn out to be hunting you tomorrow. It could be that he is jealous of you and is suspecting that you might end up sleeping outside.Since he has paid and taken you over as wife, he has the right to drop every flow that runs through his veins inside you so that he can see what he has manufactured.

Allow him to put his mouth on the pawpaw and suck the heal out of you bring junior. The pawpaw must drop so that it will not drive guys or lecturers crazy to want you at all cost.

Listen, I am a man, men lie to get what they want. Your guy wanted you at all cost hence his submission to agree to your terms. Now, since you started sleeping together and he has been giving you his blood nutrient through spe---rm, your body has changed, looking better and plump and he is afraid that guys might take advantage. His eyes are open, therefore, submit and open your legs wide and let him have his waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy to the glory of God.

Jabia: Like an earlier poster earlier said, i think your husband is just trying to insure his investment and make sure other guys are less interested in you. I'm a guy too so i understand that. What i would suggest is that you sit him down and LISTEN TO HIS REASONS. After hearing him out, as his OBEDIENT wife give him reasons why he can afford to let you finish your schooling. Reassure him, you are a woman and God in his infinite wisdom has endowed you with all the neccessary charm to make him see reason with you. From your comments, he seems like a strong willed person...DO NOT THREATEN HIM.
I hope this helps

In other words, husband will not be relaxed until Rokiatu- the wife becomes Rokiatu- the mother which she wants to postpone which in turn makes husband feel more insecure based on your premise of his motive.

Daresh: Tell him you are ready to try for a baby and go and put in ur birth control.

witch. Na imake u never born pikin,so so misscarry

my own wife telling me she's not ready for my own kids?
Lol
am on the next wedding!

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@Rikiatu
So Rikiatu, you don begin to do something? I think say you never open that tank for water to dey flow? Anyway, for your question, remember that birth control pills has adverse effect on ladies. Whatever you think is the right thing now might turn out to be a problem tomorrow. Birth pills are not advisable. Since you are married, why not go ahead and drop the baby for him to be happy and continue your studies? This issue at hand might turn out to be hunting you tomorrow. It could be that he is jealous of you and is suspecting that you might end up sleeping outside.Since he has paid and taken you over as wife, he has the right to drop every flow that runs through his veins inside you so that he can see what he has manufactured.

Allow him to put his mouth on the pawpaw and suck the heal out of you bring junior. The pawpaw must drop so that it will not drive guys or lecturers crazy to want you at all cost.

Listen, I am a man, men lie to get what they want. Your guy wanted you at all cost hence his submission to agree to your terms. Now, since you started sleeping together and he has been giving you his blood nutrient through spe---rm, your body has changed, looking better and plump and he is afraid that guys might take advantage. His eyes are open, therefore, submit and open your legs wide and let him have his waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy to the glory of God.
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rokiatu is married

kpolli: rokiatu is married

Kpolli is shocked?

I JUST SWALLOW POISON BUT I'M NOT READY TO DIE

I JUST SOLD MY CAR BUT I'M NOT READY TO SEE IT GO... etc etc

this is Africa....not Africa, this is 9ja

2buff: Personally, for my own, I wuld like the idea of enjoying my wife for some time before putting a baby in her and wrecking her body.
Be sure t use those exact words when talking to him about it.

How does having a baby wreck a woman's body? I used to know this single mum that had 7 kids, she was still good to go!

maclatunji:

You better believe it. Of course it is almost impossible to get pregnant on the first night because those little guys have a long swim to make. However, the seed could be planted- don't tell me you think it doesn't happen! Seriously, anybody and I mean anybody that asks you to argue with or confront your husband over this is one of these:

1. One who does not know what marriage entails for the woman.

2. Does not wish you well.

3. Is naive or not very smart.

4. Arrogant and due to fail in marriage as a woman (except she has a change in mindset).

5. A very foolish man indeed!

When your interests and that of your husband clashes, your husband's interest prevails if you are a good wife except on two occasions:

1. Your life is at risk by obeying your husband.

2. Your husband wants you to offend God with his demand.

In this case, your husband has 100% exclusive right to prevail. However, he shouldn't have deluded you into thinking that he wouldn't bother you with it after marriage but maybe you wouldn't marry him if he had been honest from the beginning.

Girls love men that lie to them and despise those who are honest and sincere with them. Too bad, you bear the brunt of your folly(ies) as wives.

God bless you. Most women the so called civilization has turn their brain up-side down. @OP, please just understand with him, ok? mbok.

rokiatu: Please how can I make my new husband understand that I am not yet ready to have kids? I have said everything under the sun, but he don't seem to understand. I luv him very much but I want to complete my study before I start having my kids. I told him that, but he insist I have atleast one, and then complete my study. And before marriage, I told him my plan i mean this has never been a secret to him. Now suddenly he have changed his mind and seem to be sticking to it. I don't want to disrespect my husband, but then again, I am not at all ready for motherhood. Please how do I make him come to term with this decision of mine?

Or if you have any other suggestion please do say.

There are 3 options open to you:

1) Honestly, do everything within your power to get him see reason with you;
2) Do everything within your power to have a child without interrupting your studies (I know several women below 30yrs who did that);
3) Damn the consequences and stick to your guns. Deal with any resulting crisis on a one-by-one basis.

rokiatu:
[b]And before marriage, I told him my plan i mean this has never been a secret to him. Now suddenly he have changed his mind and seem to be sticking to it. [/b]suggestion please do say.

I really dislike it when people start inconviniencing others just because they find it difficult to make up their mind.
Why did he act like he didn't have a problem with your completing your studies before childbirth? Why? Now he wants to inconvinience you with his sudden desire for children.
Am tired of all these marriage problems threads abeg.

U cn't deny him his right,if only he can understand agree wit u and withdraw himself b4 it takes place or u do dat urself....otherwise u're causin a problem urself.