myomy (f)
Posts: 4

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  I'm Married But I Need A Male Friend
« on: Yesterday at 11:17:45 AM » 

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Please don't crucify me.

I am a Christian and a faithful woman who unfortunately got married to a womaniser. I never enjoyed him once because he prefers to use his free time outside the home with either single girls or married women. I think is case is somehow spiritual (he needs serious prayers). He even resorts to violence when I accused him of cheating, I mean he has started beating me because of other women!

He doesn't pay attention to me nor even touch me for weeks. To even pay a simple complement is wahala.

Now I'm bored with it all. I need a friend of the opposite sex not for sexual intimacy nor  for extra marital affair but someone I can talk to, turn to for companionship, somebody I can call and he will be there when he wanders away.

Somebody I can look up to. Do you understand? I'm talking about a kind of relationship that existed between Jonathan and David. Do you know why? I dint want to develop hypertention thinking about him and his escapades.

Or is there anything wrong with a married woman having a male friend especially if you married a man who is highly irresponsible and doesn't have time for you? I wouldn't have been looking for somebody like that if i had married a decent man. Most times I am lonely even when he is around his presence doesn't make much impact because he is either watching TV or playing with his phones.

Have you ever thought about getting a job or going back to school.  I understand that we all have needs but I think it is time to take a break from it all and concentrate on yourself.  A man who does not touch you for days not to talk of for weeks and has been touching others is not one you want to mess with.  So when he wanders off and comes back, you gladly get into bed with him?

You married this man and will have to find a way to deal with the mess.  As for the "male" companion----errrrrrrrrrrrrrr-- Not quite the time for that right now. Like most have said--you are too vulnerable for any male companionship.  David and Jonathan were both males and David was a womanizer too BTW. Men do not just make "companions" out of females.  They usually like to errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr- -them!

As long as there is violence in that relationship--you need to get out fast! Any man that would put his hands on you does not consider you a human being. You really do not need that. I am all for male companions but this is not the time for that. You have a lot of "healing" to do first--having been battered physically and emotionally.

acidrop (f)
australia
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  Re: I'm Married But I Need A Male Friend
« #47 on: Today at 12:08:11 AM » 

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na wa ooooo, what do u want a male friend for, what about your husband? 

Na wah for you oh!  Did you read the poster's story at all.  Which husband?  The one that has women all over the place?   That na husband?

hi,
i really understand your plight, its not easy at all. i guess i can understand why you need a male companion, you really need someone that would react to you the way a man would or should do in times of depression, the TRUTH IS: can you control the emotions when they start developing, when the attraction begins to develop i can bet you may be out of control, and the male companion to be, what will his girlfriend or wife be doing knowing that he spends so much time with a "FRIEND"? if the mail companion decides not to have a girlfriend obviously he would do to you or expect of you what he would from his girlfriend or wife.
simply put: you need a second. husband, you cant have both, it can be disastrous.

contact me : heroesmark@yahoo.com

wit all d advice u've being given so far from other member that you shoud check ur self. i will also contribute that you should take ur problem to the lord in prayer . he is the author of marriage . i asure you ,u will find a solace in him. instead of looking for a male companion you are only adding to your problems .

How about a female friend for starters?

Any r/ship with a WARM BLOODED MAN will ultimately lead to sex,

If ur husband needs "serious prayers" as u put it, who'll do it for him? Me?

2 wrongs do not, have never and will never make a right.

Re-evaluate ur decision ok?

I'm not in support of his infidelity but society has never been fair on the female folks, Be careful and pls u don't needa male friend.

U can call me on 08057409098. I reside in Warri. Email is efeborr@yahoo.com

@ myomy,
If your text is true, i realy pity you.
I think you want to compound the situation instead of solving it. Getting a male intimate friend whom u can confide and share your feeling with is gradually getting a sexual partners beacuse, even if he did not demand sex from you, you will demad it from him whenever you feel sex starved you will demand it and if he says no, you will feel offended and that will remind you of your husband.
But wait, you did not tell us of your child/children, how long did u date him before marriage? what are you doing for a living or are u a house wife? Who is your role model?
If your husband happens to find out what is happening, do you think he will spare you?
You do not need a male intimate friend. What you need is to convince yourself that you are above your problem, have the confidence and pray your way out. It will not come easy but is the best way to get a permanent solution to ur problem.  If you insist on male intimate friend, you are gradually taking youself to the market to be made a laughing stock.

Why do u need a male friend to be your companion when u av a best friend who u can empty your heart for (Jesus).  Do you want a man to take advantage of u because you are looking for somebody to make u happy and at the end of the day he turns that pleasure to pressure?  Accept him the way he is and start NOW to pray for him to grow/change. Prayer builds something positive.  A wife's prayers for her husband have a far greater effect on him than anyone else.  At times you might feel like curse the day you said yes to his proposal, but you still need to pray for him in all things. You are his "Help Mate" as said by God.   Let your great expectations be from God Almighty and not your husband because expectation from man is not really 100% as expected in marriage, it could be 60% or lower than that. Look unto God to change him.  Then when changes happen it will be because God has worked it out in him and will be lasting marriage.  Love is diminished if we dwell on the negatives and grows if we focus on the positive.  See positive things happening to your husband as from today and look away from any distraction.

- Be submissive, nagging does work
- Be attractive spiritually and physically (be sexually attractive)
- Cook him his best food and dont alldon'taids to take care of your husband
- Re-arrange your expectations
- Break down all barriers on the altar of God
- Dont thiDon'tof divorce (It is like amputate the hand of a very hard-working man)
- Study yourself and know your short comings (It might be your attitude that pushed him outside)

I pray that Almighty God will give you the grace and strength to do these. Bless you my sister.

@Poster,

I think i can help you (but on Phone and via mails only).
Get a starcoms line and send the no. to me on ojekere@yahoo.com

all the best.

akara (m)
Posts: 312

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  Re: I'm Married But I Need A Male Friend
« #61 on: Today at 08:34:37 AM » 

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A very interesting thread,
All this councellors leaving contact details.

Una go kill am o. i don talk my own.

Are you surprised? The poster asked for a "male componion" and as you can see--there is not shortage in Nigeria or Nairaland.

Hi lady,

sincerely you don't need an intimacy with any man to restore happiness and peace to your troubled home. Because doing so will bring more pain to your home.There is no way you will keep a relationship with another man and you will not have sex, to be frank with you , you re sex starved already and an intimate relationship will ignite the fire that you might not be able to quench. It is an express invitation to destroying what is left of your home, it will bring a collateral damage to your home.

Since you confessed that you re a christian, rather than seeking for a wolf in sheep skin why don't you go on your kneels and cry to God to restore your husband to you or do you think your case is beyond what God can handle. Remember God never fails, please for Christ sake try God and not Man. I believe by the time God restore your husband to you the blessing of God will come in multiple ways.

Please don't get back at your husband, it will further destroy your home, it is natural for the human nature to want to revolt and take vengeance even unconsciously but you must refuse all the attempt by the flesh to get its pounds of flesh from your husband because two wrong can not make a right.

Seek the face of God and in no time you will come back to this forum and share the testimonies of what God has done in your home.The man will definitely tell you what you want to hear

Men exploit women that are happilly  how much more you that they know your weakness, please beware that is not the solution to your problem.

Go to God in prayer and fasting and you will see what god can do for you. Don't quarrel with your husband, just ignore his unfaithfulness, pretend as if you don't see what is happening and God will give you victory.

Also you need to improve yourself i.e dress well, do everything to seduce him he's your husband and still perform your duty as a wife , avoid getting back at him and God will help you.

Get good books on marriage and relationship.

It is well in Jesus name

holla at me @ jaydifox@yahoo.com,from there i will know how to help,

@poster

You are bound to that man till one of you dies.  Divorce doesn't nullify the terms of your marital contract but makes you an adulteress.  Marrying a womaniser means you are one yourself because two cannot get together lest they agree and think in one mind. 


Fix the mess you started.

A whole lot has been said already, let me just chip this in. PLEASE DON'T LOOK TO WHERE YOU REALY DON'T BELONG. From your story I can deduce that you needed to sample people's opinion on this issue. Now that you've done that pse look up to the God you believe in and take good councel like the the one from okeycima. He might be hard but sometimes, that is how to tell some strong truth. Instead of a male friend while doing your best to put things inorder at home look for a Godly family to relate with. God will help you

chychy:

How about a female friend for starters?

Any r/ship with a WARM BLOODED MAN will ultimately lead to sex,

If your husband needs "serious prayers" as u put it, who'll do it for him? Me?

2 wrongs do not, have never and will never make a right.

Re-evaluate your decision ok?

I'm not in support of his infidelity but society has never been fair on the female folks, Be careful and please u don't needa male friend.

Nice one, male friend ke? u dont need 1 ooooooooooo,

The last time I checked, very few thread starters come back to the forum to inform of their final decision and action after lots of posts and advise.
Sometimes I wonder if the issues are true or just formulated.

@poster
Most women (silently) go thru what you described. Few come out like you did to discuss it in the open. Kudos for the courage.
If you think having a male friend will help, pls. go ahead.
As some posted earlier, a female friend cannot fully help you on this issue as they may not see things from a man's point of view. Also, soliciting for male companions on this forum will not help either. You will just add to statistics.

Look around you, I'm sure you can find a relation (that great uncle/cousin) or some1 in your church (that understanding pastor), office (that senior respectable colleague) or street (that selfless neighbour) to talk to. Some1 you look up to and respect. Not just anybody.
A person ready to listen, offer good quality advice to restore your dignity. A person that can tell you the truth that hurts. Not some1 that may compromise your stand as a wife.

If you are looking to find some1 to talk with privately or secretly, then you are asking for a disaster in your marriage.
The unpredictable & unplanned will occur as women are most vulnerable at their lowest emotional ebb.

I hope these few words are of help.

what u do not realize is the fact that, as many of the ladies in the house have told you, is that it is the voice of your need and lonesomeness that we are hearing here right now: the need to be held, to be felt, the need to make a meaningful connection with a male companion regardless of whether its your husband or not, its not really a good position to be in at all and its rather sad.

if you do go into a friendship with another man at this stage, it may develop into a fullblown affair and believe the more handsome, attentive, caring, smooth-talking the fella is, the more the tendency of your falling faster for him. We are not being harsh in advicing a more cautious line of action and neither are we insinuating anything or mentally bedding you down with anybody afterall i'm a guy to but what i believe most of the ladies are saying is that this is just a stage and you've really got a lotta vibe in your system and you need to get it out and being around another guy is not gonna be best way to go about it.

Acknowledging your need is good and health but se you know its not everything we want that we ought to have many times if all is to go well with us, eh? and se u equally know that we tend to eat just anything when we get really hungry. Hunger borne out of emotional lack will make you just fall into adultery.

Acknowledging your need is one thing, realizing that you can't just go around sating it in just anyway is another and yet another crucial part is rechanelling your excess energy, grief, loneliness, anger, bewilderment, pain etc. Don't leave it floating around just like that  in your system, do something about it!


Hear the ladies teetee2, almondjoy7 etc and get creative, get prayerful and get your home back from the edge of this pit that its tethering on already, the good Lord bless, aid and be with ya!

Madam or woman, well i implore to turn to your God that is unholy act you wanted to venture into, i belief with God all situation not matter how difficult it is it will be solve, If u are a xtian seek for your pastor prayerand guidance, pray and fast over it, Your husband shall be ur or if you are a Muslim steadfast in ur fast and prayers definately you will have a divine succour from God.

Please do not go astral, you are inviting more trouble for urself with this ideal, man can womanise but Woman can mot manise That is African principle for you. so just take your toll to GOD he will surely relief u

Please i beg you in the name of GOD do not do such please report him to GOD and see what will be after, i know God will never let u down. but human being hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Okay

owwwww, i'm sorry about what ua are going thru and ur best companion is god, but u can always count on me as a friend. contact me on funshiba@yahoo.com.

just dont do anything u would regret later, ok?

Hello Ma,

I am William from Egbeda, Lagos. I am a male and a christian also, and Just to let you know that I am interested and I believe I can show the care and advice you need as far as this issue is concern. I equally want you to intensify your efforts in prayers concerning this issue because there is nothing too difficult for God to do. When we meet we discuss better. You can contact me through this e-mail address wilimor@yahoo.com. I t is well with you Ma. Cheerup and remain blessed.

Hoping to hear from you soon.

William.

Myomy,

What a joke you marry. I feel your pain, once had the same unusual problem until I had to let the infamous one leave. If you do not do that, it probably might drive you into drinking and eventually death. Why go through all the "shenanigans". Life is just too sweet anyway to be hypertensive for one man. You do not have to do what he is doing, but have someone to confide to. I am here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on.

"LOVE AND TIME- THESE ARE THE ONLY TWO THINGS IN ALL THE WORLD AND ALL OF LIFE THAT CANNOT BE BOUGHT, BUT ONLY SPENT"

"[s]PAIN NOURISHES COURAGE. YOU CAN’T BE BRAVE, IF YOUV’E ONLY HAD WONDERFUL THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU[/s]"

Madam, I am still waiting for your reply and I want you to contact me as soon as possible so that we can get to meet each other. I believe I have all it takes to take good care of you.Contact me now on this e-mail address imoisili4luv2007@yahoo.co or wilimor@yahoo.com.

William.

Such is life.
All these talks will confuse you the more.
I wiil lead you to the right path.
My email is rosegold@fastmail.fm

I think I can understand what you going through. Be that as it may, I suggest you should not dwell on jumping into a sexual relationship that hastily. First of all, try a relationship that is based on sharing your marital problems because as you might be aware, a problem shared is a problem solved. Then you can let thing evolve on their own.
If you are really keen on having some one to kickstart the kind of relationship I just described above, fell free to contact me: rite2ken@yahoo.com
GSM: 0803 616 0318
Look forward to hearing from you.

Cheers!!!

But you said you are a christian and a faithful wife.but your actions do not suggest you are a chrristian?please think about it.you know we live in a men's world,where men are always right.You underseand my drift.

Things can go well if u THINK b4 u do.
Du u beleive in GOD? Turn 2 Him

Things can go well if u THINK before u do.
Du u beleive in GOD? Turn 2 Him

Yes my dear, turn to God, there is nothing that he cannot do. This is when he needs you to turn to him.

@yodiyokun, Check this guy advice I know it will surely help u.
I want u to look inside u very well. what were you doing in the past that u have abandoned, how good are u in bed, do u really satisfy him at all? and other questions like that. If u are convinced that u are okay then, leave him with his attitude, dont ask him anythin, whenever he is around always show love, care and make his food available on time. And most importantly, pray to God. I know he would change to you by the grace of God

It's really unfair woman,but as a matter of fact you don't have to be seeking for another partnership just because your husband is maltreating you,it either you divorce or you continues with your life there.My advise is that dont ever dare nowadays NIGGAS.

Madam,

I will be very honest with you. You need sometime out. You need to take some time away from the four walls of your home to seek the face of God. There is nothing impossible with God. If you need to do some camping to seek the face of God, do it. I believe God will minister to you.

Several factors could lead to this:
it might be your a situation that arose from you. Men cannot do without three things.

1. Men like respect - they eat respect like food. If you do not respect your man, he cannot pretend to like it.

2. Men like good food. If the kind of food you make for him is the "normal normal", no creativity, he will bend to some ladies who can make better dishes. Don't make dishes based on the economic situation in the family. Take time out to prepare something extra delicious.

3. Men cannot do without sex. The ladies out there are not different in body structure. They carry the same body features like you. But a man who is not satisfied at home will definitely find alternatives. Some ladies tend to complain too much when their husband is demanding for sex. If that had happened earlier, it means you pushed him out without knowing.

If you are sure you passed all of these three things, it means you need to pray for you husband. God can turn the situation around if you trust Him to it.


The very last resort should be a divorce. Until you file for a divorce, do not talk of having another man as friend. Men will take advantage of you (as you can see that some nairalanders are already queueing up - they have nothing to offer). It will eventually lead to sex - you both are not made of stone. If you keep another man, it will stain your christian testimony.

Have you discussed these things with your pastor?

Have you called his family's attention to it?

Explore all these things and see what comes out of it. If no way out, there is no place in scriptures that forbid divorce. Go ahead and divorce him to carry on with your life.

Well, I will pray for you!
if you need to respond to my comments,
mail me at adenekanademola2002@yahoo.ca

dear myomy,i can feel what you are passing through.there is nothing wrong in having a male friend if your intentions are genuine . what you need now is prayers,call upon God and he will answer you.arinze2010@yahoo.com

I am a married man. I got married very young, say at the age of 23. I am always amazed with my ability to keep up my marriage without interference. Ladies out here dont see it wrong with a married man.

Your Husband must have somethings he like before he married you. Go back to those things. He may need you more strong in the room, Dont allow him go to work without His food,wear what he likes and make sure you dont NAG.

Some women complains about the same thing everyday making the house uncomfortable.

You can send me a mail. i dont mind being your friend on email.

But mind the kind of male friends. That may cause you more trouble.

cheers!

it is not a crime to express one's mind expecially on issues bothering a fellow nairalander.I think you have heard a lot of advices.just hope it will be over one day.you can send me an email on sumboamisu74@yahoo.com for futher discussion.

cheers