sashaa:
it always baffles me when people ask what a lady has been doin that she hasnt found a husband/fancee. What does that even mean? Things do not and cannot happen for everyone at the same time. Ok, why is it that we all dont cruise around in flashy cars? Or all have nice houses? Does that mean that the seemingly rich ones among us ar d only ones working hard? Ofcos not! Plz, lets not keep thinking in that manner

I understand u dear, but u know y we always think in that direction? becos here in Nigeria, guys approach girls, not necessarily girls approach guys, which makes it more easier for a girl to just sit down doing her thing or going about her business while the guys worry about her & come asking her out for dates & marriage. and for this, most girls at their early twenties which seems to be their peak moment in life, sit down filtering guys after guys out of greed, selfish quest & self gratification, and in the process ends up filtering the real guys away either becos they didn't come or approached her in the way & manner she had been dreaming & fantasizing- maybe like one actor approached one actress in one movie she liked, etc or like one rich guy approached one of her friend or cousin, etc. In so doing, they get over riped & then guys as usual start to class her as gold digger, bad girl, irresponsible, over-selective, player, blah, blah, blah. To be honest dear, can u tell me that there is a girl of 25+ in Nigerian scenario that has never been approached by at least 5 guys for serious relationship? Like a poster said here, our ladies need to stop being materialistic in their action, thinking, etc & face the reality of today world & stop being misled by media/music/movie-driven life they watch. Seriously, modern movie, music, & media is really doing the Nigerian ladies harm than good, & thats why I detaste a lady that watch moviemagic, africa magic, big brother show, E! all day....those channels are misleading....they have spoilt & destroyed our Nigerian culture & the good moral conduct of our today women.

Good Post Op, sometimes i get to wonder why women or ladies dont go straight to the point in voicing out what is in thier hearts,Visit the travel section and somehow u get to see the desperation among Nigerian Male youths planing to leave the country.

one question that needs to be asked is what are they looking for outside of the country?

ok dont let me get too emotional.

let me come down to your topic. i will advise that your friend stays in Naija first, let him be into a serious relationship that can lead to marriage like (getting engaged)first.
i have a sister who at the age of 28 traveled to join his boyfriend in a country outside Nigeria. the boyfriend made the travel plans for her , while she supported by purchasing flight ticket to meet him. now they live together and plan to get married when they are ready.
as her younger brother my prayers for her is that she finds happiness. because i love her so much, i dont care about her getting material wealth but happiness.

Secondly, i have seen her previous dates leave the country to settle for other foreign women in countries like south africa and UK. And its very painful and heartbreaking for her because they promised her marriage.
she once had a plan like yours to leave the country for stuffs like education and i was in position helping her find a good school abroad where she can continue her HND Program but we have to cancel the plans when her boyfirend decided for her to come over .

I m glad now that she is with someone she truely love and they living thier lives together and happy in the New country they are.

She is my sister i love her so much that whatever Hurts her pains me too.
So i feel too for ladies out there my sympathy goes out to y all

I know of a beautiful, tall, humble,kind and homely lady which i do call aunty in my childhood days, shes the first (ADA) child and daughter of all in her family but yet her younger sister , who isnt pretty at all but educated as she is just got married and delivered a a baby for her husband, YET the first daughter of the family is still

and i know of a guy on my compound where i live who had a lady he was dating they were so much inlove with eachother . she finally left him for the Uk but 8 months later the guy travelled to the Uk aswell to join her. they planned thier lives.




further advise you can seek a guy who has thesame vision as you have as to travelling to the USA now while you re still in NIgeria. you both plan your lives together to meet there and settle(get mattied)

Our Women should be more open to thier problems so that their brothers can help them. not all issues of the heart should be kept secrete.

My boss here lived all his life in the USA but he settled for a Nigerian woman here and now he is citizen of USA. he sees those women in America as for FUN(you know what i mean)mostly he dosent like the white chicks dem compared to a black female (guy is crazy about blacks female) but dosent joke with the Naija wife at home, cos that one will keep his home for him, he is a wise man, he was lucky to find a good wife here in Nigeria.

Naija men are still the best so far, when it comes to Marriage because we dont divorce our women(divorce rate is very low here in niaja. divorce dosent favour women. not good for any household.

The whites them see divorce as normal, they see marriage and divorce as means of happiness.

Its not so with we Nigerians and africans.

and let me tell you YOUR HUSBAND IS IN NIGERIA .I m sure of that.

@OP i DOnt know why i have to spend time in writing all this to you but i guess its because i feel your friends pain.and women generally.

I hope you ll learn something from all this i have posted.

Hmm. Its always a friend.

I advise Seun to set up a Page dedicated for match-making. The lady in question needs a husband, and we have several Nigerians searching for wives with her credentials.

kwenu: Good Post Op, sometimes i get to wonder why women or ladies dont go straight to the point in voicing out what is in thier hearts,Visit the travel section and somehow u get to see the desperation among Nigerian Male youths planing to leave the country.

one question that needs to be asked is what are they looking for outside of the country?

ok dont let me get too emotional.

let me come down to your topic. i will advise that your friend stays in Naija first, let him be into a serious relationship that can lead to marriage like (getting engaged)first.
i have a sister who at the age of 28 traveled to join his boyfriend in a country outside Nigeria. the boyfriend made the travel plans for her , while she supported by purchasing flight ticket to meet him. now they live together and plan to get married when they are ready.
as her younger brother my prayers for her is that she finds happiness. because i love her so much, i dont care about her getting material wealth but happiness.

Secondly, i have seen her previous dates leave the country to settle for other foreign women in countries like south africa and UK. And its very painful and heartbreaking for her because they promised her marriage.
she once had a plan like yours to leave the country for stuffs like education and i was in position helping her find a good school abroad where she can continue her HND Program but we have to cancel the plans when her boyfirend decided for her to come over .

I m glad now that she is with someone she truely love and they living thier lives together and happy in the New country they are.

She is my sister i love her so much that whatever Hurts her pains me too.
So i feel too for ladies out there my sympathy goes out to y all

I know of a beautiful, tall, humble,kind and homely lady which i do call aunty in my childhood days, shes the first (ADA) child and daughter of all in her family but yet her younger sister , who isnt pretty at all but educated as she is just got married and delivered a a baby for her husband, YET the first daughter of the family is still

and i know of a guy on my compound where i live who had a lady he was dating they were so much inlove with eachother . she finally left him for the Uk but 8 months later the guy travelled to the Uk aswell to join her. they planned thier lives.




further advise you can seek a guy who has thesame vision as you have as to travelling to the USA now while you re still in NIgeria. you both plan your lives together to meet there and settle(get mattied)

Our Women should be more open to thier problems so that their brothers can help them. not all issues of the heart should be kept secrete.

My boss here lived all his life in the USA but he settled for a Nigerian woman here and now he is citizen of USA. he sees those women in America as for FUN(you know what i mean)mostly he dosent like the white chicks dem compared to a black female (guy is crazy about blacks female) but dosent joke with the Naija wife at home, cos that one will keep his home for him, he is a wise man, he was lucky to find a good wife here in Nigeria.

Naija men are still the best so far, when it comes to Marriage because we dont divorce our women(divorce rate is very low here in niaja. divorce dosent favour women. not good for any household.

The whites them see divorce as normal, they see marriage and divorce as means of happiness.

Its not so with we Nigerians and africans.

and let me tell you YOUR HUSBAND IS IN NIGERIA .I m sure of that.

@OP i DOnt know why i have to spend time in writing all this to you but i guess its because i feel your friends pain.and women generally.

I hope you ll learn something from all this i have posted.

So what exactly is your point? Na wa for people o. Well, op, there goes your epistle. I hope therein you find your solution.

The problem here is that culture in America is different, even Nigerians in America are different. The pressure is coming from back home but there is no pressure over here to settle down so of course you're going to have difficulties finding a suitable companion that fits the criteria you're looking for.

The solution is that that you have to temper your expectations and adjust accordingly. It's a different sorry if you're in Nigeria but as the saying goes "When in Rome act like a Roman". Focus on your reasons for moving abroad in the first place and eventually you'll find a companion but don't expect it to happen overnight.

mollytinrox:

So what exactly is your point? Na wa for people o. Well, op, there goes your epistle. I hope therein you find your solution.

I tire for the self-ordained pastor o! The narration eh! Lol!

I don't know about other countries, but most naija men (black men) in the UK aren't interested in marriage...And definitely not to a naija girl lol... Very few people get married, and most times it's just ceremonial..

Her best option is to attend 'owanbe' parties as often as she can - and she'll definitely find an alternative as a concubine of one of these naija uncles...

But her efo riro, fish soup, and pounded yam has to be top notch.

my candid advise is that, if it bothers u that much, GET DOWN ON YR KNEES AND SEEK GOD'S FACE, HE WILL CERTAINLY SHOW U D RITE WAY TO, IT HAS NEVER FAILED me, ever since i started trusting d WORD OF GOD.

Kevin_II: what is it with nigerian girls and the OBSESSION to get married, huh? can't they just live their lives?

Abii ooo. and its not as if their going to improve anything in the unfortunate man's life just misery sorrow and unnecessary demands no wonder oyinbo when get sense no dey gree marry wahala.

yes they find it difficult to get married especially to the nigeria guys that live outside becaurse most nigeria girls outiside are rude and like aready made,which guys are not ready for that.Secondly most of them are lazy to support a man thinkin them theirselves are men thats why here in canada they are all old and ugly the most beautiful nigeria girls do not get the opportunity to travel..Some of them are good dont get me wronge tho but only few 1 out of 10

Staying abroad would surely limit your chances of getting a good guy..I would agree wt u on that but on the other hand too not all ladies residing in Nigeria do get the so called "good guys'.Based on that I would say that no human on this forum or any other place would advise you rightly on this issue cos no human can tell what tomorrow holds.I will advice u seek God's face,who knows maybe one of the reasons U have this opportunity to travel is to meet your divine partner too and here you are considering staying back cos u tink u will get him in Nigeria...u just can't tell..Seek his face and am sure he will direct your path.Accept my best wishes.

Can you ask her to email me

If you need a good advise, stay back in Nigeria.
If marriage is more important to you, stay back in Naija.
I keep on telling people , there is nothing so special abroad, the wise Nigerians only come abroad for holidays and live a wonderful life in Nigeria.

The reason many Nigerian men go back to naija for marriage is that its very difficult finding Nigerian ladies with Nigerian values here.

this is the dumbest questions i have seen in teh last 2 decades of my life. Career progression and fear of seeing a husband.
don't worry, turn down the job, marry mr Nigeria , stay idle and be a complete house wife, then you would know which is prior.

hello,i am a nice and decent man.i am also looking for a female partner.could u mail me at collinsreal@live.com .. I was just thinking abt a serious relationship and i must confess that i have the same interest with u abt travelling and leaving a established life over there with u.trust me on this.i just need her mutual trust

@OP, you would find a myriad of reasons why Nigerian (African) ladies based abroad find it difficult to get hitched here
Note:the findings presented are actually based on empirical data derived from research and not the she-say, he-say anecdotes we get around these parts

The Reasons so Many African Women Abroad are Single

Perceived shortage of decent men in the West: Almost all the women interviewed shared the opinion that it is quite uncommon to come across single men with good character these days. Many African men also prefer women who have legal status that they can benefit from; hence, they tend to get married to westerners rather than Black African immigrants. The words of a respondent say it all: ‘The truth of the matter is, we do not have a very wide selection of African men to choose from as we (the single women) outnumber them (the single men) in this country. Disappointingly, the few that are available tend to date and marry people of other races usually to get legal status.’ Again due to lack of trust for western-based African women who are generally perceived to be arrogant, argumentative, disrespectful, non-submissive and dishonest or unfaithful, other men go to look for women partners in their various home countries.

Tribalism/Ethnocentrism: Some African families have “blacklisted” certain tribes and/or countries, and would just not tolerate the idea of their children getting married to someone from these “blacklisted” societies. It has in fact become an abomination in many African countries for people from certain “rival” tribes to get married. Sadly, beautiful young women are missing the opportunity to get married to men they love, all in the name of tradition or tribal hatred. As one Ghanaian respondent mentioned: ‘There is this guy who loves me so much …. I love him too, but I know my parents will be gutted and disappointed in me if I tell them that he is from … (country withheld)… I’m just scared.’

Spending Prime years pursuing educational and Career goals: It might sound quite harsh, but one revelation made is that the best moment for most women to get suitable partners or husbands is when they are in their Prime. Hence, the need for them to capitalize on their young age, looks, and fertility to get the kind of man that they want. For religious, academic or educational, as well as career or occupational reasons some young women dedicate less time to socializing and searching for that “decent man.” By the time they realize the need to have families, age had already caught up with them; and as looks or beauty and fertility commonly decrease with age, they end up in a position where attracting men becomes a bit more difficult.

Unnecessary church rules/codes: Many churches or religious denominations do not allow their members, especially the women to marry outside the church. Attempts by female members of these faiths to marry men of other denominations are usually frustrated by their church leaders. ‘I became a member of my church when I was only 20 years, now I’m in my late 20s, and none of the men in the church has ever asked me out or shown any interest in me. Yet, my pastor wouldn’t welcome any of the many guys that have expressed genuine interest, just because they are not members of our church’, a quite attractive respondent lamented. Other religious denominations also do not allow their members, chiefly women to date a man before marriage for fear that they may be tempted to engage in pre-marital sex – which is viewed as a mortal sin by almost all Christian faiths and many other religions.

Misconception about educated African women: The difficulty in finding husbands is clearly being experienced by highly educated women as well. Three of the ‘unattached’ interviewees had obtained their MA degrees yet they, to quote one of them, ‘are still struggling to get Mr. Right.’ This revelation in a way suggests that women with credentials or academic accolades do not necessarily attract men or enjoy some advantage in terms of getting husbands. This is certainly not to discourage female education or scare women who aspire to reach the apogee of the academic ladder. What has been pointed out is that ladies who achieve higher academic successes are often erroneously viewed by many men as domineering, women who have less respect for their husbands and are thus hard to get along with. Many highly educated African women have also been accused of ignoring interested men whose educational qualifications are below theirs; hence their singleness.

The Desire to marry wealthy men or men with legal status: It has been established that many African women only look for men who are rich and/or have legal status. Consequently, they ignore those who are genuinely in love with them but are not very financially sound or do not have strong legal status. In the end, they are taken for a ride by the so-called wealthy dudes and men with legal documents, and thus return to what Nigerians call “square one” (where they were before – singleness). It has been observed that most African women, no matter how financially sound they are, seem to prefer men with good jobs and good salary to those doing menial jobs or struggling to get jobs, even though the latter might demonstrate more traces of genuine love than the former.

Unwillingness on the part of some men to be burdened with financial responsibilities: Due to the economic downturn in many western countries, many men are scared of the usually huge financial cost of marriage and/or financial responsibilities associated with marriage. The panic is made even worse by the traditional African notion that it is the responsibility of the man to handle all marriage and household expenses, even when it is clear that the woman’s job or income is much better than the man’s.

Poor choices (Ignoring or paying less attention to the right men): Some African women seem to focus on those men who would not give them the chance or the treatment they want and deserve. They spend their Prime years knowingly hanging out with thuggish types of guys or men with no substance (aimless), probably because of the guys’ good looks or the size of their wallets, only to be thrown away like dross after their precious time had been wasted. A respondent honestly narrated how she mistreated and sacrificed an apparently more serious and purposeful man for a handsome but less committed guy only to be thrown overboard less than a year into their relationship. When she realized her mistakes and decided to go back for the one she dejected and whose numerous marriage proposals she had initially turned down, he was no longer available (he was someone else’s darling). Some of the African women who make their way to the West deliberately fail to get in touch with their boyfriends at home thinking that they would get someone with legal documents to marry. By the time they become aware of their mistakes, it is usually too late.

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That's me done with community service for the day

AfricaFace: this is the dumbest questions i have seen in teh last 2 decades of my life. Career progression and fear of seeing a husband.
don't worry, turn down the job, marry mr Nigeria , stay idle and be a complete house wife, then you would know which is prior.

Who the fc*uk do you think you are to tell her what her priorities should be?. Career is more important to you ?! well good for you. For the woman, raising a family is more important. You are the type that end up as miserable old spinsters.

Thank you, nairalanders, for your advice. The story wasn‘t made-up as some people speculated; it‘s real. For those who dropped their numbers to be called, I wonder if that would be necessary, but since the lady in question is an adult, I‘ll let her have them too. The decision is hers to make. Her parents are concerned too. As for me, I advised her to go ahead and travel, but she seems to prefer to stay back!

Ilaje44: Nothing wrong with being abroad as a Nigerian woman. However, your friend should be mindful of the circle of friends she keeps. She should rather go for the middle way. By that I mean, she should avoid those less educated owambe ring and the over educated I too knows. If she is patience enough, she would find a decent guy. She should just be herself.

i thought i was the only one who noticed these things?

Mayflowa: The easiest way for your friend to get married is to arrange to get whoever she is dating now abroad. A gold-digger boyfriend my get stuck on that! lol
Come to think of it, if she couldnt grab a husband at 28, what make her think she would grab anyone soon while in naija?

I usually disagree when guys and gals try to make marriages unimportant and unnecessary. I have lived in many countries abroad, white ladies are also particular about marrying especially when they find love. Just that some just run away from realities. One white chic is currently on my friend's neck for marriage. Who doesn't like companionship. I even found myself needing a companion now. once u get to that age, the urge comes naturally.

White peeps are always having companion from teenager. They kiss openly, caress in train and live together with their partners. When black does that, they are labelled spoilt. Please leave black girls to get married joor.

Lastly, the chance of finding husband at her age abroad is slim. how many ready guys are there? They wud rather go for small girls. They won't even come close to her for relationship. Let her find her man in naija.

its mainly some of these guys based abroad who keep encouraging women not to marry.



well, i guess from their viewpoint, one cant blame them.

You rarely hear a nigerian man based in nigeria saying women must not marry.

fact of the matter is, marriageable men are scarce overseas, and the few available ones are hotly contested for by the women there, regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, etc.

AfricaFace: this is the dumbest questions i have seen in teh last 2 decades of my life. Career progression and fear of seeing a husband.
don't worry, turn down the job, marry mr Nigeria , stay idle and be a complete house wife, then you would know which is prior.

Did she tell you her work would stop after she finds a husband, busy body.

maybe she wants her to start crying for husband after age 45

LeoMax: I advise Seun to set up a Page dedicated for match-making. The lady in question needs a husband, and we have several Nigerians searching for wives with her credentials.

There's a Dating/Meet-Up section.

i was just discussing this with my friend at work here in houston texas yesterday.........i grew up in nigeria....and it is hard for a man who grew up in nigeria to decide to marry a nigerian woman based oversea.........i have met them and i can tell u that many of them are just interested in a man who is a doctor, pharmacist and all of that......their choice of marriage is driven by materialism.........

and also some of them are much older....30, 35, 40..............the worst is that majority do not appear to be respectly......

There are many of them in winners chapel, mountain of fire, redeem here in texas...........they are very desperetate but at the same time......have questionable characters......

i was advised by a married nigerian girl to go home and marry.....specifically i want to go to my village and marry.......

Kevin_II: what is it with nigerian girls and the OBSESSION to get married, huh? can't they just live their lives?

what a stupid thing to say. If you are a woman would you say that?

fluid26:

There is no smoke without fire. Maybe d babe dey form levels for guys when she dey her prime. Perhaps doing so becos she probably earns a fat 6-digits with a MultiNC. Well, the tables have turned and she's about to learn the hard way.

thank d stars u said MAYBE she was. And if she wasnt forming levels as u put it? What do you have to say then? Besides, what does it mean to form levels anyways? Because someone has a choice? Let me ask u, as a man will u or did u choose just any girl that came ur way as wife? I doubt that! But because she's a woman she should say yes to just any man even if she wasnt comfortable having him as a husband? And if she doesnt she is tagged as 'forming levels'.
Some are blessed enough to meet and marry 'the one' earlier in life than others. Just as all fingers are not equal, so ar situations not equal also

sashaa:
thank d stars u said MAYBE she was. And if she wasnt forming levels as u put it? What do you have to say then? Besides, what does it mean to form levels anyways? Because someone has a choice? Let me ask u, as a man will u or did u choose just any girl that came ur way as wife? I doubt that! But because she's a woman she should say yes to just any man even if she wasnt comfortable having him as a husband? And if she doesnt she is tagged as 'forming levels'.
Some are blessed enough to meet and marry 'the one' earlier in life than others. Just as all fingers are not equal, so ar situations not equal also

I agree with u on d point raised. However, I've one q? 4 u dear. If d girl in q? Shares ur school of thought, why does d subject bother her to d extent of probably cancelling the trip altogether? Doesn't it present her as someone who missed out on something she shouldnt have overlooked?

girl you don't have to border your self, you can't eat your cake and have it. Thats the problems with the UK and US babes. The flirt, catch all source of fun especially in clubs, avoid church,smoke and drink and they want a husband without letting go of the void habits. Your case is different i believe. You are a good girl in nigeria so go and be one in america. Who knows you end up being a jewel amongst nigerian/american babes living inthe US.

But if you choose to be enticed by the lavish and carefree life of the environment remember what i said earlier," you can't eat ur cake and have it".

denitro: MUST SHE MARRY A NIGERIAN?

It's her life, let her decide wats best for her and who she wld spend d rest of her life with...meaning watever makes her happy

Nobody is forcing her to go abroad and marry. If she knows it's harder to find a suitable mate then stay in Nigeria and marry till your hearts content.

This really is a stupid thread. It's like Nigerian men are getting blamed for adapting to the culture overseas. That's just how it is. Deal with it or don't go, it's your choice.

BTW, I think this whole pressure to get married thing is a useless, antiquated philosophy. There are certain things Nigerians need to evolve from and that's one of them.

Sunmboluv: Staying abroad would surely limit your chances of getting a good guy..I would agree wt u on that but on the other hand too not all ladies residing in Nigeria do get the so called "good guys'.Based on that I would say that no human on this forum or any other place would advise you rightly on this issue cos no human can tell what tomorrow holds.I will advice u seek God's face,who knows maybe one of the reasons U have this opportunity to travel is to meet your divine partner too and here you are considering staying back cos u tink u will get him in Nigeria...u just can't tell..Seek his face and am sure he will direct your path.Accept my best wishes.

because of course being a good guy is native to being in Nigeria... yeesh.....