Hi all,

I've been dating this guy for almost over 5 years. He's very hot-tempered & verbally abusive. At the slightest provocation, he calls me names e.g. fool etc.

He's presently waiting for a job to click. I visit him most weekends to keep him company since he's bored most of the time. He always looks for one fault in me or the other. When I leave especially for work in the morning after being with him, he starts sending me messages of what I did that's wrong, and what I didn't do etc. He teaches me how to cook to his satisfaction, and if I make a suggestion, he gets mad at me and starts calling me all sorts of names. Most times because he's so particular, I always ask Him how he wants a particular food cooked, because if one thing is put before another and it's not the way he does it,he wont eat the food again. Even times when I make a suggestion and he refuses, I do what he says yet when I go, he'll send me abusive messages saying "why did I want to do it that way, am I a fool? etc and a quarrel ensues, despite doing it his way.

He's pushed me severally and I fear he may be physically abusive too. Anything I tell him about myself,he uses it against me when next we quarrel. Please I need advice,the most embarrassing thing now is, we've been engaged for a year and from the look of things we may be breaking up very soon. I've been wearing his ring all along. How do I go through the shame of not getting married to him despite everyone knowing us together?

What type of a person is he? You'd better get disengaged!

i feel so sorry for you, i still don't understand why women stay in relationships like this. Calling you names, looking for fault says: it's either he is fed up of you or feels kinda inferior based on his current situation. Have you ever complained about his attitude and is this how he has always been? Cause i feel you should let him know of his attitude first before you walk out. These people that you are embarassed to tell about the break up would not be there when he starts physically abusing you or when the marriage becomes a living hell. You know that guy has no respect for you. My sister please walk out of the relationship now. I pray you find a man more deserving and would cherish you for all that you are.

U r considering d shame u wil go tru wen u end up nt marrying him, abi?

D HAND WRITING IS BOLDLY WRITTEN ON D WALL, N U R INGORING IT!

der's a thread abut K-solo, try n read it. U wil pick one or two tins frm dere.

Doctorazz: Hi all,been dating this guy for almost over 5yrs ,hes very hot[url][/url] tempered&verbally abusive,at the slightest provocation he calls me names eg fool etc etc he's precently waiting for ajob to click.i visit him most weekends to keep him company since hes bored most of the time,he always looks for one fault in me or the other,when i leave esp for work in d morning after being with him,hestarts sending me messages of what i did thats wrong,and what i ddnt do etc.he teaches me how to cook to his satisfaction ,and if i make a suggestion,he gets mad at me and starts calling me all sorts of names,most times because hes so particular i always ask Him how he wants a particular food cooked,cos if one thing is put before another and its not the way he does it,he wont eat the food again.even times when i make a suggestion and he refuses,i do what he says yet when i go,he'll send me abusiv messages saying" why did i want to do it dat way,am i a fool etc etc and a quarell ensues,despite doing it his way.hes pushed me severally and i fear he may be physically abusive too.Anything i tell him about myself,he uses it against me when next we quarell,please i need advice,the most embarassing thing now is,wev been engaged for a year and from the look of things we may be breaking up very soon,iv been wearing his ring all along,how do i go through the shame of not getting married to him despite evry1 knowing us together?

If what you've written is true..........then in your own interest.....EXIT the relationship ASAP. If you marry this boy..........you are in deep Poo!!!

It is so sad and disheartening that people now consider Engagement and Marriages as a form of status/competition or achievement.

Yes it is rocommended that every man should marry a wife and every wife should have a husband but that doesn't also mean someone should stick his/her head to everlasting sorrows and humiliation just for the fear of the society mocking someone of having a broken relationship.

From you post, I could depict that you have only be taking all those crap from him for the fear of not wanting to return to your "single" status.

Now ask yourself this question, a man who doesn't respect and treat you right at the most pretencious mmoment of any relationship (engagement), do you thing such a man will treat you better or worse after you both are eventually married and he knows you have no where to run to?


The decision is all yours.

And you too kukuma gave him 5 years of your life
Omo no time

Too many red signals. Girl, run!

Are dese wat gals go thru all 4 love?
Is dis even love?

Doctorazz: Hi all,been dating this guy for almost over 5yrs ,hes very hot[url][/url] tempered&verbally abusive,at the slightest provocation he calls me names eg fool etc etc he's precently waiting for ajob to click.i visit him most weekends to keep him company since hes bored most of the time,he always looks for one fault in me or the other,when i leave esp for work in d morning after being with him,hestarts sending me messages of what i did thats wrong,and what i ddnt do etc.he teaches me how to cook to his satisfaction ,and if i make a suggestion,he gets mad at me and starts calling me all sorts of names,most times because hes so particular i always ask Him how he wants a particular food cooked,cos if one thing is put before another and its not the way he does it,he wont eat the food again.even times when i make a suggestion and he refuses,i do what he says yet when i go,he'll send me abusiv messages saying" why did i want to do it dat way,am i a fool etc etc and a quarell ensues,despite doing it his way.hes pushed me severally and i fear he may be physically abusive too.Anything i tell him about myself,he uses it against me when next we quarell,please i need advice,the most embarassing thing now is,wev been engaged for a year and from the look of things we may be breaking up very soon,iv been wearing his ring all along,how do i go through the shame of not getting married to him despite evry1 knowing us together?

hun show yourself some love and drop that bum. No real man would ever disrespect his woman.

you relationship is pro- eternal misery if you decide to go ahead and marry this guy.
Na you sabi sha..
Goodluck!

For the fact that people already know both of you together does not count because at the end of the day, is your happiness that counts. Is better to have a broken relationship that a broken marriage. If I were in your shoes, I will take to my heels.

@ Poster, so you are afraid of what people will if you choose to quit the relationship, hence you have to endure the abusive relationship? Believe me, it is those people that you are shying from that will come and mourn at your graveside if you allow it to degenerate to such.

The guy is openly showing you the feeling of rejection and you still don't know when to draw the line. I wondered how far you would have gone to appease him on bed also.

Truth is the guy is tired of seeing your face, and instead of you waiting for miracle to happen, you better pack your bags and what remain of your reputation and seek emotional solace elsewhere.

What the guy is doing is what is referred to as "discharge tactics" in the male circle but it doesn't remove the fact that the guy is stuck to another chick and that's why you need to be deleted from the equation by force.

@OP its great to hear ur still dating. Anything you know you cannot live with should be brought up during this period. In my own opinion there are two things to do

1. Just as u narrated this story here bring out all these things to him in a calm manner hiding none
2. If he does not see his fault and apologises or he becomes verbally abusive in the midst of this correction I will advice you look elsewhere for love.

@Acidtalk. I like ur comment.
For emphasis sake - a broken relatnship is better than a broken marriage. Don't try it!

Doctorazz: Hi all,been dating this guy for almost over 5yrs ,hes very hot[url][/url] tempered&verbally abusive,at the slightest provocation he calls me names eg fool etc etc he's precently waiting for ajob to click.i visit him most weekends to keep him company since hes bored most of the time,he always looks for one fault in me or the other,when i leave esp for work in d morning after being with him,hestarts sending me messages of what i did thats wrong,and what i ddnt do etc.he teaches me how to cook to his satisfaction ,and if i make a suggestion,he gets mad at me and starts calling me all sorts of names,most times because hes so particular i always ask Him how he wants a particular food cooked,cos if one thing is put before another and its not the way he does it,he wont eat the food again.even times when i make a suggestion and he refuses,i do what he says yet when i go,he'll send me abusiv messages saying" why did i want to do it dat way,am i a fool etc etc and a quarell ensues,despite doing it his way.hes pushed me severally and i fear he may be physically abusive too.Anything i tell him about myself,he uses it against me when next we quarell,please i need advice,the most embarassing thing now is,wev been engaged for a year and from the look of things we may be breaking up very soon,iv been wearing his ring all along,how do i go through the shame of not getting married to him despite evry1 knowing us together?

D shame u will go 2ru nw is stil vry much okay dan d 1 in marriage...u had beta look b4 u leap n fink of d dangers in it..break up in reltnship is beta dan brk up in marriage

He doesn't have a job yet he is ruling over you lke this. What if he becomes rich?
Hmmmmmm
Where u d one dat proposed?
Men don finish?
Why enslaving ur self

Relationships are supposed to be Mutual and Mature, but yours is definitely the opposite...Walk out while you can

Girl if this tale is really true , then u r a real fool
Fishbrain
¤¤¤making sure I uncheck 'Follow' before 'Submit'¤¤¤

But on a second thought,you gave him the go ahead to be abusive on you
When you started dating,he exhibited such tendercies and you overlooked it thinking he will change but rather he considers it as his Godgiven right.
You shoould have stood up to him earlier on.

Is it too lateno
I suggest you call him
You pick up the quarrel dis time and lambast his arzz then cut the call
Avoid him for some weeks if you can and see if he will be remorseful
If he does then he has learnt his lessons to respect you if he doesn't then take the nearest dana plane

He constantly raining insults and u still in dat relationship? Come, may thunder and grenade fire dat blind love wey u get o! Gal,it's eida d constant name calling is turning u on or abuse to u means true love. Come on! toss dat loser in recycle jare!

Doctorazz: Hi all,been dating this guy for almost over 5yrs ,hes very hot[url][/url] tempered&verbally abusive,at the slightest provocation he calls me names eg fool etc etc

For 5 years and you saw these bad stuffs and you still don't want to leave

Doctorazz: we've been engaged for a year and from the look of things we may be breaking up very soon,iv been wearing his ring all along,how do i go through the shame of not getting married to him despite evry1 knowing us together?

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

@Doctorazz
Please there is no shame in leaving an abusive Fiance. Please your life and health are more important than any appearance.

memorable!!!!!

He doesn't love you ....period....at least not the way you would want to be loved if i am correct! Goodluck....You can never change a man...just FYI....

Doctorazz: Hi all,

I've been dating this guy for almost over 5 years. He's very hot-tempered & verbally abusive. At the slightest provocation, he calls me names e.g. fool etc.

He's presently waiting for a job to click. I visit him most weekends to keep him company since he's bored most of the time. He always looks for one fault in me or the other. When I leave especially for work in the morning after being with him, he starts sending me messages of what I did that's wrong, and what I didn't do etc. He teaches me how to cook to his satisfaction, and if I make a suggestion, he gets mad at me and starts calling me all sorts of names. Most times because he's so particular, I always ask Him how he wants a particular food cooked, because if one thing is put before another and it's not the way he does it,he wont eat the food again. Even times when I make a suggestion and he refuses, I do what he says yet when I go, he'll send me abusive messages saying "why did I want to do it that way, am I a fool? etc and a quarrel ensues, despite doing it his way.

He's pushed me severally and I fear he may be physically abusive too. Anything I tell him about myself,he uses it against me when next we quarrel. Please I need advice,the most embarrassing thing now is, we've been engaged for a year and from the look of things we may be breaking up very soon. I've been wearing his ring all along. How do I go through the shame of not getting married to him despite everyone knowing us together?

Foolishness is when you find yourself in a situation from which you can escape, and yet do not escape!
Foolishness is when you clearly know the right thing to do and you still ask others!
Foolishness is when you decide to remain a slave to another fool for 5 solid years!
Foolishness is when one prefers avoiding public castigation to jettisoning impending calamities, the indications of which are crystal clear!

What a pity. Smh.

2goodbobo: For the fact that people already know both of you together does not count because at the end of the day, is your happiness that counts. Is better to have a broken relationship that a broken marriage. If I were in your shoes, I will take to my heels.

...with speed sef.
Girl, take it from me and almost every other person that has commented so far: If you make mistake marry dis guy, you will regret it. I am a man, and I am telling you this guy will abuse, misuse and disuse you. If you stubbornly, nay, foolishly ignore your happiness and settle with a guy who has treated you like 5hit for 5 solid years (as you mumu reach); well dont come to Nairaland and expect sympathy later on.

Walk away. He does not deserve you and he will NOT change.

I have a feeling there's a bit more to it than the poster is revealing. I may be wrong though