₦airaland Forum

Royaldee: i have noticed that a lot of married men dont like wearing their wedding bands on their fingers. Can you pls share any reason if you have one.

Married or not, I'll never wear a ring because I just don't like wearing jewelry.

Alora lord: Lemme go straight to d point... I'm in my late 20s and was(is) in a relationship with a cute lady.. I work but don't earn as much as she does. We were coursemates in sch but weren't intimate back then.
I met her as a virgin but havnt being able to disvirgin her cos @25+,she feels she has waited long enough and shd wait until marriage though we do d other romance stuff. D problems are: 1)I cldnt visit her @ home cos she feels "I'm not ready for marriage now and her mum wld raise eyebrows"(she's from a wealthy home).
2)She told me pointblank that she may not be able to wait for 2yrs to get married cos she is always scared of losn me later(I'm dark,over 6ft tall and a desmond elliot look alike). I targeted 2014 sincerely
My dilenma now is,is it advisable to get married to a person like that even if my fortunes change early enough? Shd someone in love give an ultimatum to her BF?(She gave me a year to be financially ready). *D last time we spoke I told her she needed fresh air and I ended d call angrily cos I want to be in charge of my emotions..
Wl answer questions on areas that are not clear but I need sincere answers pls.

You should never let anyone or anything stampede you into making a vital decision as in getting married because misery and resentment down the road is almost a certainty. If you are not ready, then you are not ready.

control_seven: This morning, i received a call and an SMS from an anonymous number threatening to deal with me if i continued the relationship i have with my girl friend. According to this mysterious person, i am an usurper who is reaping where he did not sow. He/She claimed to have spent fortunes on the girl before my sudden appearance into her life. After going through the messages, i decided to show it to a friend to get his opinion but to my consternation, the message vanished from my inbox! I am certain i never deleted it and nobody touched my phone. My questions are?
1) Can messages sent to inbox be retrived by the sender? (eg. using software)
2) How can i trace this unknown number?
3) Is this a ploy by someone to destroy my r/ship? Should i quit?
4) How best can i handle this situation?
Please help!

If you can say with certitude that you did not inadvertently delete the text, then, if I were you, I would consider the possibility that the phone may have been compromised with a spyware.

There are various cell phone spyware readily available that would allow an intruder remotely view, monitor and manage calls and text messages. Don't know why this individual would go to such length, though...but I would take the threat seriously.

blaise26.abj:
Something very similar happened to me. And she is still saying exactly what u said after many months. That she will never hurt me again and will be the best thing in my life. She has talked to every member of my family and I still stand my ground. I'm done. Your words will never reassure him of anything. His heart is bleeding and u can't reason with him. With time, your actions might make him think differently, not your words. Most importantly you must learn to forgive yourself and heal too. You seem to have a conscience and that will eat away @ your self-esteem. You might feel unworthy of any good person that comes ur way and think Karma is after you whenever anything bad happens. Only time can heal his pain. You can't forget him literally, but for now you must forget him as a lover. You messed up,and i hope you've learnt your lessons and not that u are more worried abt what people/family will say or looking @ his status now.

If he is ok with it, call him once in a while. Don't crowd him with tears and apologies. Let him feel you have/will accept his decision. He will ultimately think things through. It is all about time, time ,time. But don't wait for him if he tells you he is done. Just move on.

Very good advice.

gilmaro: Early this year. February to be precise, my girlfriend called of our three year old relationship for reasons she didn't disclose to me though i leta got the wind she was dating 1 rich politician. But surprisenly she sent me a love txt on val day which I didn't respond to cos i was still trying to recover from the unexpected hrt break. It took me till July before i started puting myself together because i truly loved this girl and was already making arrangements to marry her. On august 26th i met a cute working class girl in my friends birthday party, we exchanged number n started calling each other.
I visited her late last month, took her out n asked her to be my girlfriend. She inclined n we started dating. But the issue is that my x gal wants me back now, infact she's using both my friends n relatives i respect a lot to beg me. What should I do ? I truly loved her n I can't abandon my new girlfriend cos i can see she's commited to me. Should I disappoint my friends n relatives n carry on with my new gal ? Advice please.

At the very least, your EX has shown she is unreliable, untrustworthy, and perhaps, even unfaithful.

What redeeming quality does she have that would cause you to consider taking her back ?

get2rex: Mary and Mike has known themselves for 4years and have decided to get married.Now their blood test shows that they are both As, medically is a Cross road.
What is the best advice that I can give to them?

Depending on the desire to have children, If I were Mike, I wouldn't. The consequences of such union far outweighs the, arguably, transient pleasures of marriage.

missykadri: Am in a relationship with an older man. His 12 years older than me and even though his gainfully employed have put it upon myself to make something happen at whatever expense. His birthday is coming up in 2 months and I made a down payment on an expensive jeep for him. My family and friends don't know am doing this and am worried that am moving too fast even for my own head to contain.
That's why am asking anonymously if its right to spend for an older man. He never discussed marriage with me or the future even though we have known for 4 years.His unmarried and to be sincere the relationship is not a serious one.
I seek advice as I don't have the nerves to discuss this with anyone.

Well, I am not privy to what this guy may have spent on you or bought for you in the past, so it will be imprudent and hasty to deem your intent foolish.

Noteworthily, your reservation about proceeding with the purchase isn't really because of the cost involved but more on the age difference. why ?

I am curious as to why you would be more persuaded if he weren't older than you are...

son1679: Please advice me,i have a girl,anytime am having sex with,her p***y is always smelling,to an extent that,sometimes ui blame myself of sexing her.Should tell her?or i should desert her?although she is not my serious babe.

Find a way to communicate your observation to her.

She most likely has an infection that she might be unaware of.

Joan Johnson: What are those qualities u admire in a lady, maybe when wen known will be noted.

If she is a "lady" then chances are she already has my admiration.

starpon1: I dnt know if she wants to play me.i need help pls

I wouldn't advance anyone money after just a week of knowing them and I certainly wouldn't either If I was unsure of their intentions.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^ the fact that you believe that a man automatically knows/believe that he is the father of a child, simply because a lady says so is your first FAIL OF THE DAY, bro Saga.
how did you confirm that he was A) the father of the child, B) he accepted the pregnancy as his own or C) that he gave a damn about this lady and her story? is that something you see in your Sagamite crystal ball again? lol!

as usual, Sagamite and his similar tactics of going on again and again asking the same dumb question, just because he doesnt like the answer. oh lawd!
you've got my answer already, but since you are blind, let me put it again:"a father's love/provision for any child depends solely on the fact that this "father" A) knows that he has a child, B) believe/accept that he is the biological father of that said child or C) has a bond (aka any contact) with that child...... and all this is directly connected to the r/ship that this "father" has with the mother of that said child."

so if i understand you correctly,if a woman is pregnant, then she automatically MUST have a child, and that child MUST be yours....simply because you were dating her?! highly laughable!

again, you ask me a question and i replied, why are you going around as you always do Mr Sagamite? you are quick to say that a father should naturally/automatically love and bond with a child and i am giving you reasons as to why that is NOT the case.

so what you are saying is that because a woman says a child is a man's, then that should be the case? a man CANNOT reject that claim? let me help you once again......let's say she cheated, let's say he is infertile, lets say he doesnt believe her etc etc, cant that be a GOOD ENOUGH reason for him to reject that pregnancy? or should we just believe whatever comes out of this womans mouth....simply because Sagamite says so?

btw no need to hide behind some fake profiles (and use your other ones to like your own post), as we all know who you are.......... just reply with your Sagamite profile, lol.

Is that it?? All I get is this ineffable emotional twaddle of a response ?

The incorporation of ad hominem attacks and the reference to somebody-come-help-me codes as in " we all know " is generally known to be an indication of someone who is beat and knows his/her position is untenable.

I am not the least bit surprised: Instead of asking questions you chose straw men; instead of logic you chose emotion; instead of critical thinking you chose specious and circular arguements; instead of yielding gracefully you chose ad hominen attacks.

This exchange all along felt like I was working with a handicapped individual... You are as intellectually stimulating as a dead fish. I am not without honour, so I shall leave you where you stand.

2ruink: what would you call her then?

It would very much be situational...but most likely, I wouldn't use any terms of endearment when addressing her. I'd focus more in conveying respect in my body language and words.

2ruink: Maureen's mother gave birth to her at the age of 15 through what they described as unwanted pregnancy. Today, Maureen is 22yrs and wants to get married to a man who is 39yrs - a bit older than her mother. Having seen alot of men addressing their mother-inlaw as mama, my question is: if the groom is older than his mother-inlaw, is it also proper for such a man to call his mother-inlaw 'mama?'

I would only address a woman other than my mother, as "mama" if she is at least old enough to be my mother.

In this scenario, I wouldn't be addressing Mauren's mother as such.

eatme: Fellas, if you found out your girlfriend/wife was sleeping with another woman, would you consider it cheating?

Ladies, if you found out your boyfriend/husband was sleeping with another man, would you consider it cheating?

Cheating would be taking something from you or that belongs to you and giving it to someone or something else.

Most might consider it cheating but I wouldn't be surprised if there are others who don't.

MRbrownJAY: lol, a father's love/provision for any child depends solely on the fact that this "father" A) knows that he has a child, B) believe/accept that he is the biological father of that said child or C) has a bond (aka any contact) with that child...... and all this is directly connected to the r/ship that this "father" has with the mother of that said child.

I don't know what your desired effect is, but I find your constant use of "LOL" highly hilarious given the fact that your comprehension here could do with some elevation...

It is implicit in the definition of "father" that he knows about the child and accepts the child as his seed. Why else would he be called a father ? Because of his cats ?

Resisting the urge to engage in circular arguements and going off on a targent, as it appears you are given to, can you at least make a reasonable attempt to answer the question ?

Ok let me help you out:

" Do you think a father's love and provision -- father meets your definition [ this "father" A) knows that he has a child, B) believe/accept that he is the biological father of that said child or C) has a bond (aka any contact) with that child ] -- for his child is, or should be, dependent on the state of the relationship with the mother of the child ?

MRbrownJAY: - if a man doesnt have contact with a woman, then how is he going to know that he is a father?

Irrelevant to my question and straw man number 5: OP clearly implied the man left his sister on account of her being pregnant.

MRbrownJAY: - if a man has no contact with a child then how is he going to love/bond with that said child? (as we all know that men bond differently than women)

Quintessential circular arguement: Man rejects contact with his child but argues that because he has no contact with the child he is being denied the ability to love/bond with the child.

MRbrownJAY: - if a man rejects the claims that he is the father of a said child, then how could he love that said child?! (or why should he provide for that said child?)

Irrelevant to my question and straw man number 6: I did not read anywhere the OP stated the man rejected claims that he was the father.

MRbrownJAY: ok fair enough, i'll take your word for it (although you sound very much like him)



yet, instead of accepting the situation where his sister finds herself as CONSEQUENCES OF HER ACTIONS, he rather come here and tell us all how he hates a guy because who knows what? here is a clue for you: it's called LIFE, and unless you are married with someone, nobody has any obligations towards anyone. if the guy decided that he wanted to care for this child then he would, and if he didnt then chances are that he wont....and there is nothing anyone can do about that. this is something that his SISTER should have made sure of before having unprotected sex with this stranger. isnt her actions what got her in this predicament to begin with, why doesnt the OP biatch about that too?



i was giving the OP reasons why any men "could" do what the guy who got his sister pregnant did....since he asked why would a man do that, duh!
the OP was quick to assume and write that the guy got his sister pregnant WILLINGLY, or that it was all PLANNED.



yet you are the only one who had anything to say about what i wrote?! group at large indeed........ anyway, same goes for the group at large, lol!



what parental right are you talking about?! what natural responsibility are you dreaming about?! to have any parental rights, you first have to believe/recognize that you have a child, instead of having people trying to coerce you into doing something you are not willing to do.
to have any natural responsibilty towards a child you first have to believe/know that you are a father. the fact that he (or you) believes that any man who get a girl pregnant MUST/SHOULD become responsible that same instance, is the joke of the day, and your first fail of the week. not every person on this earth is responsible, some are and other arent........the joke is on the lady who goes ahead and have a baby with such a man, thinking that he will become responsible.


unless you write ALL MEN in your above post, what you wrote is irrelevant here, as you are saying exactly what i have been saying all along, duh!

Obviously, we're not on the same page here hence you keep missing the point, and I do not wish to keep pouring water on stone, so to speak.

Though I think I already have an insight into your rationalization process, but let me ask you this:

Do you think a father's love and provision for his child is, or should be, dependent on the state of the relationship with the mother of the child ?

Mynd_44: You are too quick to defend the OP. I think you are the same person

Well, I am not, and cannot be, persuaded by what or how you think.

You'll be best served if you direct your comments to those who either find them amusing or logically challenging.

Mynd_44: Actually, it is incoherent. He started asking wild questions and he went on rambling and he wrote one line relating to his sister and that was it.

Coherence could be subjective; I understood him.

Mynd_44: @Abeg, you really can't blame MBJ cos the initial post was incoherent and devoid of sense. Did you read that through? It seems the OP is so pissed off that he decided to put more than one scenario into it and if one person decides to pick one why blame him/her? The OP the genius who could not put a story together

Seriously ? Really ? The OP's post was incoherent and devoid of sense ? Please read it again.

The suggestion that a man has jettisoned the parental responsibility of his sister's child doesn't necessarily mean that the man in question is solely being blamed for the pregnancy, as the magician above wants everyone to believe, because the OP, just like I do, understands that;

1.) If the man wasn't at fault he wouldn't abandon the innocent child.
2.) If the man was at fault he wouldn't abandon the innocent child.
3.) If the woman was the one at fault,100%, he wouldn't abandon the innocent child.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^funny, you sound exactly like one of our brothas on NL, lol....(Saga, is that you?) !!!!

If this is supposed to be some kind of joke, sorry I do not understand it.

MRbrownJAY: anyway, who cares what YOU think, this is my opinion, take it or leave it. if my sister had the same problem, this is exactly what i would tell her, to the T. both person should be blamed for what happened as we all know that it takes two people to have consensual unprotected sex, and therefore, anything that would arise from such act IS (and would always be) THEIR fault, and BOTH should face the consequences instead of blaming "just one".

Yet again, you fail to comprehend that the OP did not neccessarily absolve his sister of any blame in the predicament she finds herself.

That was the first straw man: Asserting that he did, and then going on a targent about women this and that and men this and that...It would seem that you were psychologically projecting.

For the record, I couldn't care less if you hold no value for my opinion... The benefit wasn't for you but for the group as large.

MRbrownJAY: as for trying to force a man to do what YOU believe is right, this is very laughable!!!!

Persuading adults not to abdicate their parental rights isn't an attempt to propagandize one's belief;It's already an inherent natural responsibity. further, any individual who has even a smidgen of intelligence cannot associate such act as a plausible consequence, as you have done here. Most men will not use an innocent child as a pawn to register their displeasure, sorry to disappoint you.

A "caring guy" is subjective.

To get an understanding of what it might mean to a particular girl, you would have to take it in the context of other qualities this particular girl requires in a man... or simply ask her what it means.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
let me be the bearer of bad news: you sista is EQUALLY to be blamed for having a child for this guy. the fact that she decided to open her legs unprotected for him, is a simple proof that its her damn fault too......... so as much as the story may be sad, tell her to get on with her life, and you should do too instead of whining here on NL to strangers.

as for your questions:


why would a woman have unprotected sex with a guy before making sure that he is fully ready to have a child with her? what made your sister decide that she should be pregnant for this stranger? he is obviously a stranger to her....and thats what happened when people have kids for strangers. how are you even sure that he wanted to have a child with your sister (and that it wasnt in fact a trick from your sister to try to tie this guy down)?



what has that got to do with anything? if that man has decided to have NO contact with that child, then he certainly doesnt give a damn if that child has eaten or not. instead of focussing on what this guy is doing, focus on helping your sister get a better life for herself.



men dont care who raises their children or not.........if they dont care, then THEY DONT CARE! focus of what is important here instead of writing nonsense stuff!



people are different, expecting EVERYONE to live life by your standards, then you have a long way to go........ do what YOU believe is right, and let others do what THEY believe is right. if that man does not believe that this child is his (or his responsibility) then nothing you will say or do to him will make that man change.

here is a clue: many men DONT want children, tell their GFs, and yet many women trick them into having a child with them....i am not saying that this is what happened to your sis, i am just giving you ONE simple reason why many men would act this way.

With all due respect, your arguement is both specious and filled with straw men. It's so far up in straw man land that I don't know where to start.

For those who don't know what a straw man is;

"
The Straw Man fallacy is committed when a person simply ignores a person's actual position and substitutes a distorted, exaggerated or misrepresented version of that position.

1.) Person A has position X.
2.) Person B presents position Y (which is a distorted version of X).
3.) Person B attacks position Y.
4.) Therefore X is false/incorrect/flawed.

"

If one's acerbic dial goes to 10 doesn't mean we have to act on it. Understanding isn't justification, so the least we can do as humans is to give one in a difficult situation our understanding and with that comes empathy. I hope no one in your family ever encounters the same plight as the OP's sister.

Olegeme: Hello Nairalanders,I hate how some Men run away from their resposibility!children are blessing given from God.
Why would a Man pregnate a woman nowing that he don't want anything to do with her?this same men go infront of people and brag off.
How can you sit down eat bele full not even think one minite has my daughter or son had anything to eat?!is she or he ok? is she or he sick?
Guys remember the strock of God is very painful and the blood of this kids will aunt you for ever.Eg how can you let another man raise your daughter
He can molest her even more!!Am writting this because am so sad that this happend to my sister.I personally have two daughters and i can never leave my blood to suffer while i enjoy.

Sorry about your sister's plight and like a previous poster stated, she's going to be alright. At this point, she'll be needing the support of her family to get her through this initial difficult period.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^bro, i suggest you read again what i wrote, as i certainly didnt write ALL Africans.

Cool... To the extent that " many men in Africa " also applies to many men in every other continent, I can accept that, though I would have preferred the use of " some men". After all, there are bad apples in every continent.

However, if you were attempting to convey that this behaviour is more prevalent in, or exclusive to, Africa, then all my comments above stand.

MRbrownJAY: ^^^^lol, dont be offended bro, simply ask any African brotha around you, and then come and tell us the result.

I can assure you that I am very impervious to being offended by an internet poster. So no worries there

I lived in Africa a number of years and visit there quite often, so I do not need to ascertain whether it is plausible or not.

Again, African men are no angels but to suggest that all men except the African man -- by implication -- will abandon their wives under such circumstance without any substantial evidence, is nothing more than conjecture. Quite frankly, it is a regrettable comment and it only serves to give credence to the white man's belief that Africans are still very much rudimentary in their ways.

However, I do understand the general point I think you were trying to make: that African men hold less value for their wives. It is debateable, though.

------------------

dotcom_na_me_na_me: A wife was raped during robbery attack by armed robbers,she allowed them in order to save her husband's life,but since then, the husband has been avoiding her, even threatening to divorce her " What is your opinion?"......
If this happen to you as a man, what will you do?

Am pretty sure majority of men will not divorce the wife on account of the rape.

Did this actually happen ? If so, what is the source ?

MRbrownJAY: @OP
many men in Africa are hypocrites like that.....if an armed robber put a gun to their head and say:"i Bleep your wife or you die", oga go tell his wife to open her nyansh quick quick.......but if the same armed robber is g[b]a[/b]y and put a gun to his wife's head and says:" i fukc you or your wife dies", see how wife go die sharp sharp.

better wake up and smell the hypocrisy of the majority of African men!

I know African men aren't exactly saints, but your assertion is taking it too far and is nothing more than a conjecture.

slimyem: that guy is never gon change...
Mummy will always be in charge..
If you can live with that,fine!
If you can't ,please walk!
Goodluck!

Very well put...

OP, he is never going to change, and you cannot change him.

The focus shouldn't really be on his constant deference to his mum, but on whether you are willing to put up with it, and accept the consequences.

d king123: Unlike women,most married men go about without their wedding ring, WHY?

I personally don't like bling bling, so married or not, I'll never wear a ring.

BTW, my married friends remove their rings at the gym.