₦airaland Forum

12inchess:
Hello nairalanders I know to a lot of Nigerians who have never left the country this may sound funny. But I'm indeed frustrated with my life in America. I moved to America as a student in 2016 for masters in an engineering degree and after about 7 years I obtained a U.S Greencard. I work a middle income job with the government and I'm here with my Nigerian wife. I have faced a series of health challenges since I got here and some have been resolved and some additionally ones have cropped in with the latest being depression and extreme fatigue. Currently I'm on antidepressants but I'm still depressed and frustrated. My job is not that taxing but I wish I could do more save for the extreme fatigue that the doctors have not been able to resolve. I wish I could hustle harder but my health is not allowing me to. I feel also very sad and lonely living in the U.S as it's only me and my wife and I dont really have any friends. Everyone here always mind their business and its tough building any meaningful relationships. I have toyed with the idea of moving back to Nigeria in my head since America has not been all I hoped it will be for me but my wife does not want to and she quickly reminds me of the employment suitation in Nigeria and how it is me that made her come here in the first place. She kind of prefers it here. We have no kids yet so that is one additional information. I'm just venting and frustrated and I hope maybe some Nairalanders can come to my aid. Additional information. I dont come from a rich family that has money sitting in the bank and its me and my own. We just bought a house on a 30 year mortgage so we pretty stuck with paying the debt for 30 years but I don't know how I'd live here for 30 years. Just looking for someone with experience to share ideas with since I have no one. I feel stuck. Please no insults

I understand you. Sometimes I feel so too and I have plans to go back. You just need to set a goal. Save up money, if it’s to start small thing that would be giving you money back home. Then you can go back. As for the house, I dnt think it’s an issue as you can sell anytime

thorpido:
It's only your sister that can help herself.Like she said,she wants to keep her marriage and keep the beatings too.

no sometimes you have to step in even if they don’t want.

Preston114:
Recently one of my sisters went to visit our elder sister and found out that her husband has been assaulting her. According to my sister who went visiting, she said the first time she noticed this, she perceived some struggles in the apartment and decided to check what exactly was happening only to find my elder sister pinned to the wall by her husband and held tightly on her neck that she was grasping for breath.

When I was informed about this, it felt so disheartening. I called my sister in question and enquired what was happening as none of us ever knew that she was going through such in her marriage. She swept the topic under the rug with an excuse that it had never happened before and it was just a misunderstanding. I felt something off but I thought we should let it slide since my sister does not seem interested in us taking actions.

Early this morning, I got another call from my other sister that the husband is assaulting her again and this time it was more serious. She shared a video evidence with me and it sincerely broke my heart. However, I asked her to delete the video so it does not erroneously get to the public as she was naked in the video.

It's important to mention that they have been married for more than 10 years. I sincerely don't know the root cause of their issue. However, I find it hard to understand how fellow men get to this point of battering their wives without any sense of remorse.

I'm not in Nigeria so I'm constrained on the actions I can take from my current location. I was making an arrangement with a friend to help me deploy some soldiers do their house but I had to pend it as I was informed that he has left the house and when he does that he probably stays out for a week before coming back home. I guess this is part of the issues they are having.

My parents are quite old hence, I would like to coordinate necessary actions on this issue myself. Although my sister is appealing that we overlook the matter as her concern is to keep her marriage. She's not even considering her safety.

Can I file a report with human rights activist on behalf of my sister? If yes I would appreciate advice on how to do this.

better file a report before them go return Una sis dead body for una

Bookhub:
Bro calm! She is just 20 and still In school I just want to wait for her to finish and plus I want to marry at 35 marriage no be rush.

my advice, don’t take her serious. For a girl to cheat on her bf with you, what makes you think she won’t cheat on you if you take her serious. She come Dey school for that matter. I have been down this path and I am 100% sure she will cheat on you. If you can tolerate it, then no problem. Just Dey use her Dey pass time. When time reach, find a lady don with school or doing handwork and marry. Leave students

Namaster:
Even bedecked in JEWELS and doused in PERFUME, a pig is STILL a pig!

An UNFAITHFUL woman has NO redeeming quality.

ANY woman who can WILLFULLY deceive a person they claim to LOVE is NOT a good person.

It takes an UNFATHOMABLE level of undiluted WICKEDNESS to say to one man "You are the LOML" and then hop on a cab to go suck another man's dicck.

Today, she's lying to her school BF about you.
Tomorrow, she'll lie to YOU about her office BF.

Cheaters NEVER change!

Today, you are the BENEFICIARY of her infidelity.
Tomorrow, you'll be the VICTIM of her infidelity.

Bleep her, if you must.
But NEVER commit to her.

truth.

She will still cheat on him

Bookhub:
I have being dating this girl for about 2 month now, though she has made clear to me from the beginning that she is in a serious relationship and she is cool dating both of us,as a guyman I didn't mind as long as she is given me my share but I recently discovered that she is actually has good qualities, she is industrious and intelligent and infact she spends more time talking to me than her boyfriend,meaning she is just dating the guy out of pity.
I asked her to be bold enough and quit the relationship that I have better future plans for her i am 32 while her boyfriend is 22,i told her I am willing to wife in 3 years time if she stays loyal but the boy of 22 is not even certain about their future together she has bring crying over it since yesterday.
Women are really complicated and tricky if you ask me,this girl! her boyfriend will see her off to the bustop after they are done with class In 1 hour time she will land In my house and stay till evening the boy will think she has gone home,one day she said she will go to the boys house i rebuked her and told her not to go out of jealousy omo she obeyed me and cooked up excuse and never went to the guys house.

even your future plans no clear. You are 32 and want her to keep waiting for 3 years. You funny. The two of una go Dey, another guy wey ready to marry am go carry am

UnfairLife7:
I have a cousin sister in her late 20s, she's going out with a guy in his mid 30s. This guy works in the oil and gas sector while this cousin of mine works in the telecommunication. They both based in Portharcourt. She met this guy immediately after her service year and they've been together for over 2 years now.

This guy hasn't asked my cousin out to be his girlfriend neither has he proposed to her to be his wife. He spent so much on my cousin. My cousin has met his parents and some of his siblings. He flew her from pH to Lagos to and fro before Christmas just to attend his friend's dad burial. This guy can spend close to million on a seat for her. He gave her ANYTHING, I mean just anything she wants. It got to a point my cousin started feeling somehow the way he spend.

The issue she's having with him is that, he can go for days at times weeks without communicating with her. Then the moment he reached out to her, he'd spend heavily on her. He's not a married man. He's single. Although he has jokingly told my cousin that all what he's doing for her is absolutely nothing . My cousin earn up to 100+ in salary while this guy earn million He jokingly told my cousin not to catch feelings for him as all what he's doing is nothing but unfortunately it mean a whole lot to my cousin. This guy isn't freak about sex. She can count the numbers of times they've had sex together. My cousin is confused why is he spending this much on her if he doesn't see her as his girlfriend or wife to be.

If not that my cousin has been to his office once and always goes to his house. She'd have think the guy is either a yahoo boy or into drugs due to how he spent on her. When he flew her to Lagos to his friends event, they spent a week in Lagos. The girl was in her parents house while the guy was in his parents house in Lagos. The guy didn't asked to meet her parents but he took my cousin younger siblings out for shopping, gave them money and also get stuff for my cousins mother.

My cousin understand the guy might have other girls as a successful young guy. She's just worried the way the guy is doing. She's really confused and doesn't know what to do.


NB: My cousin has left him at some point and blocked him but he drove down to her house to beg her. He will apologise and they will come back together. He's not ready to leave her and he's not committed to her only spend spend spend spend

Please what's your advice to my cousin

na so dem go do, your cousin go reach 35

spice123:
I suppose you lived with your Aunt for 35 years to come to that conclusion. It is not how far that matters in a marriage, but how well and peaceful it is. From your comment, I can deduse that you're not married so no base to argue with you.

what you said is they don’t last, not about what goes on in there. Even those who haven’t divorced before also go through rubbish in marriage. The issue is she did not divorce him again. Na my anty and they are still together till today. You guys and your rubbish theory

spice123:
The bitter truth is:
Anyone who has ever gone through divorce can never stay in a marriage. Quote me anywhere. Even if the fellow remarries, same cycle will repeat itself its only a matter of time.
Go and do your personal research on people who have ever divorced even for once.

shut up. Where did you get this fact from. My Anty divorced years ago and remarried. She has been in that marriage for over 35 years now

KingintheNorth:
Guys please help me analyse this situation I find myself in with my parents . A situation whereby parents are civil servants in their early 60's , all their children have all grown, married and living their separate lives. They are have never earned more than 60k a month as salary allowance through their working lives . Their house rent is being taken care of . But they are always complaining that the 200k per month feeding money given to each of them, (that's 400k) every month is not enough to cater for their needs. What do you think is the problem 🤔

you Dey mind them. They are always like that

Ringstonermasks:
My wife is an army officer. A lieutenant. But she is very reclusive and always love dodging any misgivings even concerning me



I had issues with someone months ago, i called a friend that was a Sergent in thesame barrack to help me out, my wife heard d issue later and was against it. It was a serious matter later on.

We even had issue with someone from our area , and she told me to call the Police and that it not in her place to interfere.

My boy was attacked by someone, he called her to report and my wife warned him to not try it again.

She wasn't like that until we got married. Somehow this thing is irritating me cos it depressing. I discussed it wit a friend from her rank that told me it was unusual that she was supposed to help me out.

you guys when. So you want her to misuse power? She told you to call police which is d right thing. I’m sure you married her to oppress people

asdfjklhaha:
Past is past forget it and move on. If you keep looking backwards you would never move forward in life.

so an armed robbers past is past Abi? Funny people

Bizmind95:
Listen to your mom bro...what an elder sees while sitting down...a child won't see it even if he climbs a tree!!!

she no Dey see anything. It’s just hard for them to let go

Vikto17:
My mother is becoming something else honestly... l don't know if it selfishness or something else...

l will be 30yrs next year ,have a business that is paying me well , my fiancee is also doing well for herself .....

l realize that each time l raise issue regarding marriage. my mother keep on emphasizing on building house first and riding cars...l feel she is either not in touch with reality or she is afraid the help l am giving the family will stop once l get married...

In either way l am gradually smelling danger...my parents may disapproved my marriage because of their selfish reasons...

The thought of it annoys me honestly,, because l intend doing this marriage with or without their concept.. how do l start handling this issue? l intend getting married highest by 2026.please l need ur advice nairalanders..

na so my mama do me. I no send am I just continue my arrangement

floss:
If you need a fling, stay with her… if you need something serious, leave her and go for someone between 24-27, these type know what they want weda working or undergraduate.

24-down just want to explore, they’re open to the highest bidder, the best knacker, the guy oda ladies gush about. You can’t use rule to keep a big nyash below the age of 24.

They’ll fvck and continue fvcking until they’re 24 and above, that’s when they start seeing the need to be serious in a relationship

so na 24-27 no Dey explore too? Una funny. Na those ones Dey do pass. They would date 5 men to see the one dat will marry them. See there is no manual to this thing. Just pray for a loyal one regardless of age

zarathustra:
It's complex but all I can say is: If you can afford it , do it. Let him have it if it is within your means.

I wonder how you guys think.

jbreezy:
So I'm currently liking this girl, and with all things being equal, I am ready to marry her. But my fear is the age difference, I will be 33 next year while she is currently 24. She likes me too, but I'm still playing safe as I am still skeptical. Should I go on or just cut off the relationship before it becomes serious.

my guy is 31 his wife is 22. Beautiful couple

loveoris:
I don't have a budget...I don't live in Lagos so I have no idea of what's obtainable.

you mentioned affordable. What is your range of affordability

loveoris:
I need a serviced apartment or shared apartment in Lagos that I can rent for a month or two. The apartment should be conducive and affordable with monthly. The location should be anywhere easily accessible to the island, with good electricity. A self-contained or mini flat is preferable. Referrals will be greatly appreciated.

what’s your budget

SGANIVA:
Pl can a legally married man do a contract marriage with another woman,the children involve involve ,can he claim the children .


The said man want to do it to have more children

the children you get never do u?

Carndidlaydid:
Thank you for this





Lil boys... why not leave adult talks for adults

ok elder. I don leave am for you

Afodot0022:
Good morning and happy Sunday to my nairalanders fam and happy new month.
I know so many of you will have clue about my history here and my stories, if you don't, kindly check through my profile. This forum have helped me to navigate some difficult situation especially on marriage, even though I still get bashed and insulted, I can tell that I still get genuine advice from matured and experienced people here. It's all about taking the wheat from the shaft.

I and my wife had been separated for almost 2yrs and reason was that I saw some chat on her phone that she was having emotional affair with another man under my roof, I sent her away due to this and have been leaving my life since then, the kids have been with her and have been taking responsibility over them, recently she took my kids to her parents without my approval due to her traveling for months and now that she is back from the official trip, she had refused to pick the kids from her parents place to start living with her, that was the recent issue we both had and up till now, the kids still stay with her parents instead of her.

I have tend to move on concerning this matter and we have already had an agreement concerning the kids welfare and the rest. They are just 7 and 6yrs.

I married traditionally and ever since we separated, there had not been any formal divorce and the bride price is yet to be returned. Now it happens that I and my wife started chatting back on Whatsapp and my reason for allowing this was to know the situation of my kids and to keep track on them, but in those chat with her, I could see some form of remorseful from her and some calmness from her to the extent that she pleaded that I should forgive her for all the wrong she had done to me . I was surprised to see all this write up from her cos I never expected her to apologize cos of her over bloated ego. In her write up, it seems she want us to resolve our differences and come back together as family but I wasn't buying that.

Now my question is to matured and experienced men that have gone through this particular situation of separation from you ex wife, does it worth it given such woman a second chance knowing what lead to the breakdown of the marriage, she had an emotional affair but didn't caught her having sex though, is it worth forgiving her and taking her back, I just want to be sure I won't regret these cos I don't know her true intentions, we have been separated for two years now and I asked her if she have had any sexual encounters during those period, she told me she never dated or had any sex during our period of separation, I am finding it difficult to believe that, how can a woman that was once married and separated not feel the urge to have sex for almost two years. Pls experienced
married women in the house, is it possible for a woman to keep herself that long, I am assuming she is just using that to make me feel good about taking her back.

TBH, I still care about my kids cos they are my focus now and if I will be doing this, it will be for my daughters cos they have really been through alot during this separation, they have been staying with their grand parents and only God knows what they are passing through there.

I just want to know if it worth it given the marriage a second chance again despite everything that occurred or I should just move on with my life and forget about her and just take responsibility over my kids cos I don't want to regret this move, pls men that have gone through something like this scenario, kindly share some advice and tips on how to navigate through this situation. I know I will be bashed by some but will still appreciate honest opinion and advice from both gender and especially from experienced ones. As it is been said, the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know . Pls all advice will be welcomed and well appreciated.

the way dem go done knack am for those two years or even while she was under your roof

budaatum:
So, you are just 29, and will be 50 when she is 41?

Are you sure you are a zealous man?

I ask because I see no zeal in this.

how if I may ask

Freshtruth:
Please am tired of hard labour what business can I invest with 250k I have been able to save pls don't mention Pos business am scared


I don't have a woman in my life I don't pay house rent, pls is 250k enough to start up something?

just use it to eat first so you go get strength gather better money

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

I will never advise u to stay in a loveless relationship. Let her know you want to divorce her and give her reasons. Move out of the house while the divorce process is on and enjoy your life. No kids so it’s very very easy.

Zonefree:
My only advice is, Don't let your wife stops you from finding the love of your life.

I swear

phemmylink:
Some people especially oversees find it hard to help their family members relocate. Some will have information and wont divulge based on reasons known to them and I wanna ask the house why is this so?

I no understand. Dem be immigration?

canada123:
Hi guys,

I thought I would have overcome this act by now, posted awhile back about my lust with women and escort, and how I’ve been spending so much on escorts more than $300 per session and from 2022 till date have spent over $20,000 on both escorts, onlyfans models and all. I have a girlfriend I’m in a long distance relationship with in Nigeria , but haven’t told her about this part of me and this my addiction issues. I tried seeking a therapist but it was a pastor and lots of judgemental things were attached to the therapy session, I couldn’t continue with it.

Honestly I feel so lost especially after seeing the escorts or paying, it’s affecting my work and can’t focus at work or anything, the little savings I have , all have been depleted, I try to save back and in a week I can go all out and deplete it again

I need help / guidance. I’m 27 years old living in Canada

I’m just lost and like I posted I think last year and was advised against it, I feel marriage would help me or make me stop.

I remember your post, but can’t you find someone on a dating site?

Valoromega:
I got married in 2022 when I was 25 because I always wanted to settle down and start a family. My wife and I didn’t know each other for long before tying the knot—just about four months—but everything seemed to be going well.

Before I met her, I was the type of guy who stayed home a lot since I mostly worked from home, and that worked for me. But last year, I decided to open a business for my wife, spending over 2 million Naira on it. Things changed when she got pregnant, and we had to close the business for almost a year, which I understood because of the pregnancy.

Now, our baby is 6 months old, and she still hasn’t gone back to the business. When I asked her about it, she gave me excuses like the shop being too far (even though I give her the 1500 Naira for transport). She even blamed me for getting her pregnant, saying she would’ve started the business by now if it wasn’t for that.

With the store rent expiring in 2 months, and 400k due, I told her I wouldn’t pay for it again. She called me ungrateful, reminding me that she gave birth to our child.

Now, she’s mostly at home, trying to control everything in our marriage—when I go out, when I come home—and I feel like, despite all I do for our family, I’m not appreciated. I spend close to 100k every week just to keep the house running, making sure she’s comfortable, but she still acts like she’s doing me a favor by staying, and she acts like she can leave at any time.

Honestly, I’m starting to regret getting married because I don’t see any benefit for me as a man because despite all you do, it seems pointless

I wonder how you guys continue to stay in a marriage you not enjoying. Divorce am jareh

Coolsat:
God knows I can't tolerate a spoilt brat as wife all in the name of marriage. I no kuku see seperation as anything. If you ain't making me happy then make everybody dy go . Will not live my life in agony to please any daughter of eve

I don talk this thing. I no see divorce as big deal. If you are not what I married I go leave u

chubinwa:
She wantyus to leave the kids to attend to a night club when we finally get married. Not only that, she wants to be wearing a highly revealing dresses that will be showing her thighs. What sort of indecnt craving is this. And she sees it as nothing. Am worried. I may break up with her.

oga you have your answer. She is for the streets. E good as she tell you now. Even if she changes mouth later, just know say na scan

Crossboy:
Is living with your parents between the age 25-35 embarrassing? 🤔

as long as you are also helping in the house financially while there, you can stay. Pay small small bills