₦airaland Forum

Cryptoboy999:
Hey guys,
I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for a while now and everything between us feels really natural and good. She’s 18 and I’m 25, so there’s a 7-year gap. We clicked instantly, have the same humor, same vibe, and she’s mature for her age. But lately I keep overthinking the age difference.
I know she’s a legal adult and we’re both consenting, but I still catch myself wondering if this is “weird” or if people will judge us. Some of my friends have made side comments, and I’ve seen online debates where people say any gap with someone under 20 is automatically a red flag. Others say once both people are adults it’s nobody’s business.
I genuinely care about her and don’t want to be in a relationship that could be unhealthy or imbalanced without me realizing it. So I’m asking honestly: is a 7-year gap at 18 and 25 a problem, or am I just stressing over nothing? Would you date someone with that age difference? Have any of you been in a similar situation and how did it work out?

oga this is a normal age gap. Leave social media

Sonnobax15:

Bro, relax...Not all bannies are wayward.

Just like mine,I was having this kind of thought like you when she was about to go for NYSC...

But las las,she still came back and we're still together...

Tho , she'll definitely have alot of toasters but that's when her decency would really need to be checked....

But then again,Pray make one senator son no dey stay near your babe cha

dem fit don chop ur own there and you no know

MrHandsome2013:
Are you talking to a child or what.
This year will make me 40

better go find Wetin you go use your life do

madridguy:
You don't know the favour you're doing to yourself by training your siblings till later in the future.

I know the whole thing could be weighing you down, but believe me, by the time you start enjoying the fruit of your labour, you will be glad you did.

I pray God Almighty spare your life to see them becoming successful people.

you are funny

Jennyclay:
it’s not biased okay

if the Man can carry babies for 9 months, Breastfeed, Cook and Clean everyday, Bath and Dress up his Children Every blessed day not occasionally, Do all their Homework, Drive them to all their extracurricular activities, Go above and beyond the call of duty, Love and Support me with all his Heart, then consider me splitting everything 50/50 But until then, it can never be 50/50.

It would be 90/10

if men could carry babies, they would do it gladly. If na chores, it’s normal to do it together. I don’t expect my woman to do everything. She no be slave. But if you work as a woman, you must contribute if not, don’t work

Jennyclay:
As a couple, or you’re engaged, or in a serious relationship please listen

If you as the man is working and the woman too is working, you both have jobs, it is not right to split the bills 50/50.

The man should take full responsibilities of the bills in the family, As a man if you do 50/50 with a woman you will loose your respect, loyalty and attention in that home.

Fine! she can assist and handle some bills but not 50/50. Let her handle atleast 10% of the bills or maximum of 20% but not 50/50.

if I handle all bills, then don’t work

Doolove:
I just rounded up my youth service last month and I'm actively job hunting in Abuja. The first interview I had in a hotel offered me a job as a waitress for 40k per month. My boyfriend advised me to take the job since they offer accommodation and feeding once a day. He felt I could start from there why I look out for better offers instead of staying at home but I have some issues.

Towards the end of my service year I had some issues in the corpers lodge and I was evicted. I ended up staying with a guy who was an admirer because I didn't have elsewhere to go. My boyfriend has been uncomfortable but he couldn't do anything since he lives in another state and provide alternative accommodation.

I've been rejecting the guys sexual advances for the few months I've been living with him, he's been professing love and introducing me as his girlfriend to his friends. He's extremely over protective and jealous even though we are not dating. I've caught him slipping Spanish gold fly into my drink on two occasions and then he would attempt to gave sex with me which I've resisted.

My boyfriend sees this as an opportunity to get away from the house, buy the guy discouraged me from taking the job because he feels the salary is too poor for a graduate and market women make more. He even offered to give me 20k every month till he gets a better job for me.

Now my guy is angry that I turned down the offer and has been reacting badly, he thinks his opinion doesn't matter to me. Even my mom told me to reject the job.

What do you guys think? Did I make a mistake rejecting the job?

go and find a teaching job

Dilijingsly:
My girlfriend is using Chamet app to chat foreigners, I asked her she said it's just video call for the money. Should I be worried?

why should you be worried over little things. Dump that girl. She doesn’t worth your worry. That is how they would make it look like a small thing

isyourboy:
I’m not the begging type as I have a lot of things going on for myself. My sister joined her husband in Canada last year courtesy of her husband. Outside of the little 50k, 100k there that this man used to send to me (I don’t know how much he gives my parent — In law, by the way ), he’s never thought of establishing me in business or find a way for me to join my sister in Canada.

Even most times you have to remind him before he send the pittance he sent to me. Last week, I told him to find a way for me to join my sister in Canada, and he said he’s still paying for the debt he took for my sister to join him and he want to send her to school also. Meanwhile I didn’t know this. Okay then I can wait. After then I told him to find me a bulk sum so I can start some business. He asked how much and I said 5M naira would be enough, he cut the phone, called him back and send him msg on WhatsApp which he read and didn’t reply. I called my sister and told her what her husband did and she said she will talk to him.

You have been in Canada for a while and little things to give back to the family is difficult for you? Not his fault

lol this must be a joke. I won’t take you seriously

essentialone1:
At what age or financial stage, shud one decide 2 relocate from city to village, permanently?

which one be relocate to the village again. I was not born there so Wetin make I go find there.

Israel5:
Please (even though I know my appeal with fall on deaf ears too numerous to count in this forum), approach this issue with logic and without prejudice to the people involved.

My wife and I are duly blessed with a son who is in his basic 5 now. Also, we decided to get the daughter of one of my cousin to stay with us. She is one of 7 children. So I wanted to help raise a CHIMAMANDA.

As my rule, every child of same age under my room attends the same school and calls us Dad & Mum. The school part didn't quite seat well with my wife, who had a different opinion, but I prevailed anyway. Because na me dey pay school fees.

The girl is a year older than my son, but due to the level of education at the village before she came over, we made her be in the same class as my son. She met my son in primary 2. Now they are both in basic 5.

A shocker happened: This girl keeps coming up in the class, while my son keeps running away from the top. We've tried extra lessons, even tried changing schools. Now it looks as if the girl is better suited for school than my boy. She reads, spells and memorizes things too marvellous. I bought a dictionary cos of that.

I even buy gifts for her (for coming top) more than I do for my boy, to make him sit up, but my pikin nor send me o. Guy use cry & Woman power make me buy am bicycle. 😁

I would think he's being a spoilt boy, who believes daddy & mommy is there, I don't really know. But I am hopeful.

Now, my major issue is my heavily pregnant wife. She wants the girl to be changed/enrolled at a different school. In her defence, she wants her to be available to help her take care of things. The kid's school close by 3pm. She suggest government school that close earlier. I see sense in what she said but I feel like I'll be unfair to this young girl.

When I tried to have a healthy debate on the idea. Na so madam start to dey talk plenty tins wey I nor fit type.
I have accepted to do her wish from September for peace.

Please, do you see another way I could avoid problems?

Is she right to have asked that I changed the girl's school just because she needs help around the house & her business?

better act like a man in your home. Ask your wife if that was her daughter would she withdraw her to help? If you need a house help, talk am

Xavier0978:
Hey guys,

Please, I need your opinion on this issue. So I’ve known my girlfriend since NYSC 2019, and ever since then, we’ve been best of friends. I travelled out in 2022, but we still kept in touch and from there we started dating. I’m 29 and she’s also 29. Honestly, I have plans to settle down and marry her when things are right.

A quick note: she’s been trying to come over to meet me as a student ever since I got here, but for one reason or the other it hasn’t worked out (Canada visa rejections and all). Now, she’s talking about how she plans to settle down before her next birthday and even suggested that I marry her while she waits in Nigeria for a maximum of two years before joining me. She really just wants to get married.

To be honest, I currently work and I’m also doing another master’s program in a very reputable institution here in Canada, and I will be done this year. The stress of working and schooling is a lot, and my current workplace pays the barest minimum. I literally have nothing left after sorting out all my bills and expenses. I’m not financially ready to settle down right now, and I even gave her a timeline of two years. Worst case, no matter what, we’ll settle down in two years max. Let me try and fix things for myself here. I can’t marry and bring someone’s daughter here to come and suffer.

I’m a worried person. My dreams are really big and God knows I’m working tirelessly to achieve them. She also knows because I discuss everything with her. Honestly, I understand her point of view, but I’m the kind of person that gets really anxious easily. It would kill me to get married, have kids, and not be able to cater for them.

I know you can’t have everything financially before settling down, but I want at least a moderately stable job. One that allows me to take care of her confidently even if she comes over and doesn’t work immediately. To be honest, my job pay is very low, like unimaginably low, and I’m just barely surviving. I’ve pictured every possible scenario, thinking and planning ahead, but everything is pointing to one answer — I’m not ready.

Considering her age and the kind of person she is, I strongly believe that after marriage she will want kids and to start building a family. That’s not a bad thing, but I, as a man, don’t want to get stuck in that life yet because I know the kind of future I envision. I’ve always promised myself that I won’t raise a family on “manage-manage.” I feel like if I get married now and start raising a family, my focus will shift entirely to making sure they live well, which could make me lose track of my personal goals.

I swear, I know my girlfriend loves me. That’s not in doubt. But I’ve been pleading with her to give me at least two more years. If after that things are still not great, then we’ll settle down and manage until something better comes.

Right now, to be honest, I don’t even have anything financially to plan a small wedding, and I definitely won’t borrow or ask anyone for financial support to do a wedding.

Please, I want your honest opinion. The two options here are: either get married before this time next year or end the relationship now, as there are other people already asking for her hand in marriage.

oga let her go. Make she wait 2 years then your eye clear, by then she is 31

babaYIBO:
She's been complaint of being broke for the past two months now. Just last week, she complained of how she and her mom only eat twice a day.

My I already gave her 25k mid this month, then when I received salary yesterday, gave her another 25k. But the money seems to not be enough for her broke ass..

She went ahead to post about her starting hookup on WhatsApp, when I confronted her, she said it was a prank and she was joking. Asking me that does she look like someone that can do runs? Lol. Told her point blank that they don’t write it of forehead and that she’s giving the vibe of coded runs lately.

We have dated for 3 years and I’m starting to think of cutting things with her. After all I’m more ready for marriage, but her brokenness and the fact that her parent depend on her despite her not having a job is making her delay me.

Think I need to find someone on my level atleast.

Need advise

better leave her and marry a financially stable woman. That family will just drain you

nairalanda1:
Before I start, I am not saying it is bad. I even know many succesful stories where the man and woman worked together, and the man even had the vision and made the woman catch it. I know one of my parent's friends...married a woman at 19, (he was 26 years)put her through school, and today she has masters, I even think she has gone for phd and they have three children.


Okay, make we think

You approach a girl and you tell her. I will sponsor you to school, in return you will marry me.

Now do you know what is going through that girl's head....the man wants to sponsor me through school, so that at the end I can become his sex machine.

DO you know what you have done to innocent village girl mind? You have made her a cynical, calculating woman, who will string you along till she gets what she wants, then when the time comes, she will dump you...sometimes before the wedding, sometimes after you have gone oversease, then you will hear man on social media screaming 'I have lost everything'

When you treat a woman's loyalty as a commodity...her love as a commodity....you will only attract the cunning, calculating bitches. You will never attract the good girls.

The good girls are either working at a job to raise their own money for school, while bashing the books at JAMB at night, or are hustling for scholarships to help fund them through.

BUt this one you are offering to sponsor girl through school...who go come.? Na only cunny girl wey go come. And if the girl was not cunny, she go become cunny to spend your money.

Even if you marry the girl before sending her to school, she will not lose that cunny spirt.

See something about cunny people, they are very patient. Very patient. THey wait and when the time is right, they strike.





Before you sponsor a girl...ask the following questions
.1 Why can't her extended family spnosor her? My father was and still is sponsoring female relatives through school. If he hears any of them dey collect money from boyfriend, him go get angry well well.

2. Why can't she delay school and get a job and save money for the school? Many of my people did that. It is not by force that you graduate today, and later this year enter university. Thank God i did that, but many of my people had to delay a bit to raise money...boys and girls.

3. Are you sacrificing out of altruism or because you wan sample that sweet kpangolo in due time? Know say all those babes who are attracted to your offer of sponsorship, remember I said na cunny babes dem be? Dem go use their body to chain you and drain you and then dem go say that you never loved them, so bye bye.

How will you get your money back, unless you signed contract. (Even then Nigeria court na time wasting.).



Stop sponsoring babes through school. Na mostly cunny babes wey go respond for your advert saying you wan sponsor babe for school.



(Like I said, I know many men who sponsored their woman through school, and who have successful families. But most of the time...e gret as e be)

but is this really your problem that you had to make a thread for it? Did they ask you for money? Let them be, when they make the mistake they would learn from it. Channel this your energy to something else

KobomatPhones:
I was arguing with my girlfriend as we were making plans to further our relationship, and she randomly made this statement “that 500k monthly salary is not even enough to survive”

Bro, we don’t even have kids yet. And her calculations were based off children school fees, sending family money and vacations.

I send my family of 5, 200k monthly and they never starve till month end.

I even tried telling her that some of the biggest occupations in nigeria, they don't see up to 500k a month and she says that “they all have a backup income”

This girl has never earned more than 50k per month her whole life. She still lives with her parents, so why would she make this statement?

Abegi, advice from experienced fellas

there you go, that is your sign not to marry her. The rest Dey your hand

AGManuel:
Hello House, please help I need advice.

I have a girlfriend who's been with me for 2 years, she's a very good girl, respects me to the core, she is beautiful and has no faults, she loves me so much and has also suffered with me even when there was no money and we've been through it all, she's every man's dream and a complete wife material in terms of character and also a great chef.

Problem is I am not sexually attracted to her, I can be in same room with her for a week and not touch her, even when she's totally naked running around the house.

I'm only attracted to light skin girls with big ass but she's chocolate and average ass, I don't want a sexually boring marriage.

She's good in bed and knows how to make love, but I just don't feel sexually attracted to her, is it because we've been having sex for 2 years? am I tired of her? I don't even know, she has never insulted me, she supports me and we hardly have disputes.

Married men in the house should I go ahead and marry her? Can lack of sexual attraction to your spouse be a big problem?

I don't want to break up with a good woman just because of sex.

She loves me so much and I know breaking up with her will hurt her so much, I know how much she cries anytime we have issues, most times over minor issues. I love her too. But this sexual attraction thing is a problem.

She no de hungry me to fvck at all. How person wan take marry woman wey no de hungry am to fvck.

Is it see finish? Will I get sexually attracted to her if we give each other space? Or is it because she's not my spec physically? But I love her so much and I'm just confused.

I don't even know if it's love, because she has no one, I'm her everything, her family is poor and I always feel pity for her whenever I want to break up.

Of recent we had issues and she went to discuss it with her ex and that made me so angry. I don't tolerate women that still keep in touch with their ex and I considered breaking up but she cried so much and was apologising, she even fell sick and was begging.

I have a soft spot for her because I know she doesn't have anything or anyone, I'm the person that supports her financially and everything, so whenever I want to break up, I think about those things and I feel so much pity for her like if I chase her away where will she go? and this is a girl that has been there for me few times when I was low.

I'm just confused.

marry her, have side chick outside for sex. No go lose good woman Cus of sex wey go later tire u

ComradeKunle:
I'm shocked about your story but not surprised. This same thing happened to one of my guy, but in his own case, the girl told him he was the one responsible for the pregnancy. They did both traditional and white wedding. When the girl delivered, the boy was a carbon copy of her ex boyfriend. Now the stupid husband is the butt of our jokes in our place. The girl couldn't wait for the child to clock one year and she took in for the husband so as to tie the husband. The second son belongs to the husband, but the shame of the first child is tormenting him and he don't know what to do. The girl is presently pregnant with her third child. Imagine having another man's child as your first son?

your friend no serious. Person wey e suppose don pursue

Kongaone:
Hello travelanders.

A friend met me for advise so I decided to bring his story here for a more broader thoughts from especially the experienced amongst us.

He works in Nigeria with a salary of about 600k monthly, he was able to raise 50m for japa which will cost him and his family about 36m to UK on study route.

Due to the current inflation, his office did a 100% salary increment making him to earn 1.2m monthly net.

His confusion now is, should he still japa or remain in Nigeria now his salary has improved?

@Justwise
@nlfpmod, pls help for a broader view.

abeg use part of that money do solar, buy starlink, get good health insurance plan for your family. Bro that is your abroad oooooo. Enjoy your life

smartlad:
i did its not stroke. How can i get stroke im not married nd i dont hv a gf

my cousin was 17 when he had a stroke. Do with this info what you wish

smartlad:
i dont like this word pls.
I dont hv any other symptoms its just my hand i move my arm normally its just the hand i cant move

better go and check urself

smartlad:
Help me guys since around 11am today my left hand have stopped. It feels numb i cant do anything with it. I can move my arm but my palm nd fingers fell like they r not in my body. My hand is paralyzed im devastated.

Pls if you ever had similar experience pls tell me what to do.
I feel like commiting suicide.

might be stroke

Goodmarlian:
I am starting to get myself together financially after 5 years of struggle. I recently rented an apartment, its a single room in a three storey building but it's downstairs,very spacious and I have to share toilet and bathroom with the security.I initially wanted to get an apartment in ikorodu or mowe ibafo but considering the nature of my job it would be too stressful for me.

It's cost me 400k to get the room and I plan furnishing it,getting a flat screen television and at least a sofa. I already have a big bed. I believe i will be able to do the rest this year by God's grace.

Getting accommodation in Lagos is too hard and I think planning to get another bigger apartment would take another two years Or more I am tired of plotting and planning again as time is going, we dey age everyday so I just want to stick with this one get settle down here and rather plan building my own house from here instead.

I have not hinted my girlfriend about the plan yet so I would like to hear advise from the more experienced people here.


File photo used for illustration

1) you can but don’t give birth to kids now.
2) marry who is also working to help

How can one call ircc from outside Canada. The number provided seems not to be available

Goodlyhrt:
Why one human be this unlucky in this world?No one to help me in this dark world.

Sometimes I ask myself what do I even like. Because frustration has fuvked with my psyche. I don't look normal maybe to an outsider that doesn't know the inner story.

I am so disappointed in this life right now like everything makes me angry now. I just feel like dieing for real but I don't know bro

go mad bro, you won’t be the first

Starz825:
I have a piece of land with deed of Assignment and other documents at Dangote refinery area in ibeju lekki Lagos ..

Just buy and resell later in 1-2 yrs ..
You will get X5 of your money... Its just 4m.


Mention me on a dead thread...make I sell am to you.

you no like the land?

Danovah:
Nairalanders, I have something I need answers to and I think sharing it here will help me clear my head. My fiancée and I have been living together for four months, and we've known each other for two years. I work as a logistics driver, while she runs a hair salon. She usually leaves for her work by 10 am and returns latest 7 pm.

On Friday this week, I left for work as usual, I had a delivery to make far in another LGA from where I live and work, and on my way back from the delivery I decided to visit my friend quickly (in the same LGA), we had not met for about a month but we talk mostly on phone. While approaching his apartment, something within me just told me to approach quietly (we have a routine of hailing each other from a distance). His house was unusually quiet, unlike him who mostly played music whenever he was home and there was light. He has a backyard that he uses for gym so I thought he may be there working out. So I past to the backyard quietly instead. I saw my friend sitting on a chair and a girl riding him. They did not see me because they were backing the backyard entrance. I took it as a normal thing and decided to go back and wait for him at the main door and call him.

But something caught my attention, the clothes hanging on the chair looked like the clothes of my fiancee, I remained calm to see the lady believing that couldn't in a possible way be my woman but on a closer look she was the one. I was shocked, I never saw any sign of possible infidelity in her. I took out my phone, and recorded a video as evidence. I then quietly left the apartment and called my fiancée, pretending to check in on her. She claimed to be at her shop, I left and went to the shop, her worker told me that she hadn't been there all morning.

I went back to work and continued with the rest of my day. Later that day she came back to the house and I have not said a word about this. It hurts badly.

I am just confused. I am pained, I just don't know where to start from..

I don't want to handle this wrongly hence my seeking for advice, I will really appreciate advice from similar experiences.

Abeg give us update of her reaction when you tell her and show her proof.

ChizzyBuna:
He told me he has been working on some petroluem mineral minning big deals.. even if it is $30 bro is that too much for someone earning abroad

nigerians funny. Una go Dey vex say person no fit provide money wey una no fit even provide for yourself. You should be angry at yourself

Wizzy13:
We broke up after having multiple quarrels.
We have dated for 3years and she became a part of me. We went our separate ways for close to a month now.
I started healing but these says she has been appearing to Me like every day and it hurts when ever i set my eyes on her.
She has moved on so quickly and she's dating now.
This is really hurting.
Now wishing i neva knew her
pls don't Say am simping its only who had loved for that long will understand.

I understand bro, just give it more time.

Goodmarlian:
Omo can you imagine my girlfriend ghosted me for 2 days straight, didn't call, didn't pick my calls, didn't reply chats.

I had to stop calling after she refused to pick the 4th time, she loves in ogun state while I stay in Lagos, a lot was going in my mind coz I was confused. I had to conclude she doesn't want me anymore.

I have already moved on, only for her to call today and tell me she is sorry that she was in a bad mood for 2 days. I was wondering if it was that bad that she had to ignore my calls. This is a girl that calls me every two hour before omo relationship na work oooo, we dont go everyday without calling each other before she brought this style.

I am just trying serious relationship out now for the first time omo I am wondering if this is what you guys pass through if it's just normal.

she was with the other guy na why. E don do me before when I no get sense