₦airaland Forum

Because not all that glitter is Gold

There are no kinds of love, love is love; there are only degrees of love. Love is trusting, accepting and believing, without guarantee. Love is patient and waits, but it’s an active waiting, not a passive one. For it is continually offering itself in a mutual revealing, a mutual sharing. Love is spontaneous and craves expression through joy, through beauty, through truth, even through tears. Love lives in the moment; it’s neither lost in yesterday nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is Now!

“I’m in love again, but I’m afraid!” ugomma, a friend, revealed hesitantly as we were walking along the shore. I gave her a big hug knowing the tumultuous years of her past  relationships.
My gaze hovers past the horizon reflecting about love, hearing its rustle within the whistling wind touching my senses. Our need for love is as great as the need for air or the need for food. We all need love but why are we so afraid of it?

The angry waves hurling against the shoreline gave me the answer: We are afraid of being hurt!!

Every time we give of ourselves, love requires total vulnerability. Every time we extend ourselves into vulnerability, we are risking being rejected, being turned away. I remember a quote from William Faulkner, “if I had to choose between pain and nothing, I would always chose pain.”

I agree. So what if you are jilted, you pick yourself up, you learn, and you go out to try again. No one is incapable of failure or error. The greatest lovers of the world have a lot of love scars all over. Yet, it’s okay because it doesn’t make them any tougher; they stay vulnerable. They learn and they move forward. It’s better to be hurt and alive than to be wandering around suspicious and dead, just like a zombie!


ON LOVE

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.
In discussing love, it would be well to consider the following premises;
One cannot give what he does not possess. Too give love you must possess love.
One cannot teach what he does not understand. To teach love, you must comprehend love.
One cannot know what he does not study. To study love, you must live in love.
One cannot appreciate what he does not recognize. To recognize love you must be receptive to love.
One cannot have doubt about that which he wishes to trust. To trust loveyou must be convinced of love.
One cannot admit what he does not yield to. To yield to love you must be vulnerable tolove.
One cannot live what he does not dedicate himself to. To dedicate yourself to love you must be forever growing in love.
Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.

Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.
Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.
There are those who will dismiss love as a naïve and romantic construct of our culture. Others will wax poetic and tell you that “love is all,”love is the bird call and the glint in a young girl’s eyes on a summer night.” Some will be dogmatic and tell you emphatically that “God is Love.” And some, according to their own experience, will tell us, “Love is a strong emotional attachment to another…”etc. In some cases you will find that people have never thought of questioning love, much less defining it, and object violently even to the suggestion that they think about it. To them love is not to be pondered, it is simply to be experienced. It is true to some degree all of these statements are correct, but to assume that any one is best or all there is to love, is rather simple. So each man lives love in his limited fashion and does not seem to relate the resultant confusion and loneliness to this lack of knowledge about love.

Joy is always an integral part of loving. There is joy in every act of life, no matter how menial or repetitive. To work in love is to work in joy. To live in love is to live in joy… Why not choose joy?… Why not live in joy?
Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love.

The lover must often say, “I love because I must, because I will it. I love for myself, not for others. I love for the joy it gives me – and incedentally, only – for that joy it gives to others. If they reinforce me it will be good. If they do not, it also will be good, for I will to love.

I will love you no matter what.
I will love you if you slip or fall on your face,
If you do the wrong thing,
If you make mistakes,
If you behave like a human.
I will love you no matter.
As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.
I have learned that love is the most powerful force available to us. When we have real love we have the strength to perform miracles.
Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.

Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.
One does not fall ‘in’ or ‘out’ of love. One grows in love.

Loving yourself involves the discovery of the true wonder of you; not only the present you, but the many possibilities of you. It involves the continual realization that you are unique, like no other person in the world, that life is, or should be, the discovery, the development and the sharing of this uniqueness.

A wife says to her husband (or vice versa), “Do you love me?” “Of course,” he replies. “I’ve been married to you for twenty years, haven’t I?” How satisfied would we be if we presented someone with a vintage wine and, asking his opinion of it, he replied, “I’m drinking it, aren’t I?” Love still needs expression between those who share it.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
This loving person is a person who abhors waste–waste of time, waste of human potential. How much time we waste. As if we were going to live forever.
We need not be afraid to touch, to feel, to show emotion. The easiest thing in the world is to be what you are, what you feel. The hardest thing to be is what other people want you to be.
We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.
Relish love in your old age! Aged love is like aged wine; it becomes more satisfying, more refreshing, more valuable, more appreciated and more intoxicating!
We take love for granted. We assume we are all perfect lovers and all we need do is wait and our love will grow and blossom as readily as a flower in spring. Not so. Love doesn’t grow unless we do. It takes patience, knowledge, experience, determination, and every positive trait we possess. In addition, love is always changing and unless we stay aware and change with it, it eludes us.
A life of love is one of continual growth, where the doors and windows of experience are always open to the wonder and magic that life offers. To love is to risk living fully.
I don’t believe in unconditional love. In fact, I think it’s unwise. My love has had a condition that if ever my love keeps you from you, from your growing, and realizing your personal potential, then I must step aside. No one has the right to stand in the way of another’s joy, development, or unique perceptions.

Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.
He must also know evil, hate and bigotry as real phenomena, but he must see love as the greater force. He must not doubt this even for a moment or he is lost. His only salvation is to dedicate himself to love, in the same fashion as Gandhi did to militant nonviolence, as Socrates to truth, as Jesus did to love and as More did to integrity. Only then will he have the strength to combat the forces of doubt, confusion and contradiction. He can depend upon no on or no thing for reinforcement and assurance but himself.
It’s not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.
A total immersion in life offers the best classroom for learning to love.
The easiest thing in the world is to be you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.
But man has other needs as well: emotional needs. These, too, are few, but every bit as important as his physical requirements, yet not so simple. If they aren’t met, they can be as devastating as physical hunger, as uncomfortable as a lack of shelter, as incapacitating as thirst. The frustration, isolation and anxiety brought about by unmet emotional needs can, like physical privation, produce death or a degree of living death – neurosis and psychosis.

ON ABILITY

Our talents are the gift that God gives to us… What we make of our talents is our gift back to God.
We are all born with God-given, unique traits and skills. But, as with all possibilities they will remain unrealized unless they are developed, nurtured, and put into practice. You may have the “capacity” to love, but if left undeveloped, you will never gain the “ability.”

ON CHOICE

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life.
He must understand that if he is the world’s finest plum and someone he loves does not like plums, he has the choice of becoming a banana. But he must be warned that if he chooses to become a banana, he will be a second rate banana. But he can always be the best plum.
Knowing that one is always capable of change, the second step lies in making the decision to change. Change does not occur by merely willing it anymore than behavior changes simply through insight
I believe that you control your destiny, that you can be what you want to be. You can also stop and say, No, I won’t do it, I won’t behave his way anymore. I’m lonely and I need people around me, maybe I have to change my methods of behaving and then you do it.

ON COURAGE

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.
There are two big forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over external forces such as tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control.

ON FRIENDSHIP

A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.
Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.
Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in shade.

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Ilovenigeria:
You re so real and in touch with the world.

As long as relationship is concerned anybody can get used or dumped, the most secretive place we have in this world is "human heart", you never can tell what the other person thinks or plans for you. Count yourself lucky if you ended up with your first love. If you don't want to experience being used and dumped better not engage in and romantic affair which of course we all know is very difficult these days.

Go to romance section and see how boys are not smiling about this friend/brother zone of a thing. Or how a certain guy will patiently wait and date a girl for years until she gives up that punny. And the way they gloat and gist their friends about it can be heartbreaking. Girls feel bad because guys have more advantage in relationships, they move on faster than girls. They do the picking, selection and wooing at will while girls will wait patiently for good guys to come along (blame the society that made it so). Reason I always tell girls not to waste time with guys that treat them like options because there will be time you will look back with regrets and no man will be ready to toast you whereas the guy that wasted your time still have lots of sweet sixteen to pick from.

@Op, The question should be, WHY DO SOME GUYS DERIVE JOY, GLOAT AND TELL SILLY STORIES AFTER EATING A GIRLS PUNNY.

To me,when there is a break up I don't count sex as a loss cos I did it wholeheartedly. The only regret I have is wasting my precious time with someone who doesn't deserve me.

You just earn my respect

Can someone please tell me why our women now walk half naked all in the name of fashion

Must they walk half naked for guys to notice them?

And why are the men not walking half naked or don't we want to be noticed?

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marieolae:
Loool @ first comment

I think its really cute when men cry
Guys are always trying to prove "mr iron man"

This is nice.

I can't believe you said that.
There's nothing cute about a man crying

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kennyslim1:
someday this year or when?

Hopefully this year.

Innocent face are the best.
I have come to realise that girls with innocent face are the most crazy and creative in bed.

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TheCongo:
Com'on bro. I know that someday will never come. Why don't you share your experiences on this thread while we are at it.

My name is anwasia
I see the dead and things that are not of this world. It all started on my 15th birthday
After a very near death experience

The living dead are among us
And there are other creatures that are neither dead nor living. Creatures that are not of this world.

The dead don't speak for this I don' know why. Some are as old as time some as resent as tomorrow

My ability to see and interact with the dead is a blessing and a curse to me.

Someday I will tell you my story.

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TheCongo:
Would you please share some experiences.

The living dead are not the only thing out there.

Someday I will create a topic for that.

Op they are real.
I see them everyday of my life since I turned 15. I am now 32 and still see them.

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pelij:
clap for yourself

Thank u

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Feyifahm:
so touching...sorry about that

Bless u

It is not by age alone.

A 25 years old person who is not mature mentally and emotionally should not be in a relationship.

To me when u are matured mentally and emotionally you can start.

No girl can keep me waiting.

I always have what I want.

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Rapsodee:
what if the one you desire chase you not....

I don't know. I have not been in that situation nor will I be.

My shortest is 3 years and 2 months.

We broke up when she died.

I don't chase women
Women do the chasing.

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prettythicksme:
op no wan marry grand mama,tell them you don't like fat ladies always say that jokingly when you are around them i bet u they will not come near you anymore,pls don't die in silent naa or are you afraid to tell them you are allergic to fat girls??

I know say u be teamlepa.

Maybe u look like an over creased chicken

Trying to understand a woman, is like trying to run with a broken leg.

Fat girls can't accommodate guys with big pr**k.

Fat girls don't last long in bed.

The have magnanimous body odour

Fat girls have catastrophic stretch marks.

And they are not flexible.

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Jessyj616:
ouch! what the hell?!
Just post what part of this post is rubbish--if you dont appreciate it someone else does
indirectly saying how to toast me?
Where is dat coming from? People are diff. Hence no foolproof 'formula'
this works on many but obviously not all

Ok no wahala.

Op it's a man's world. Our opinions matters more than lady's even if the opinions are childish

Men are more self confidence than women thus the arrogance to do and say all the want .like making a beautiful woman fell ugly.

Men are united, women are not.

The only ugliness in a man is poverty

As in your girlfriend is asking this things from you and you are still dating her?

Wise up

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Jessyj616:
i have no problem with you asking , but why?

Because a mature lady will not post this kind of rubbish

And come to think of it are you indirectly telling people how to toast you?

Op I am so tempted but am trying my possible best not to ask you how old you are.

I like it DARK and lovely.

For me to publicly say she is my girlfriend is an expensive gift.

Op you can overcome it by beliving that you are special.

There is only one you and you are unigue and only when u start beliving in your unigueness can your lack of self confidence.