 Politics › Re: 60th Birthday Of Mike Ozekhome: Patience & Goodluck Jonathan, Ekweremadu Spotted by apharm(m): 3:57pm On Oct 25, 2017 |
they even drink AquaFina with me. I too na big man |
| Politics › Re: PDP Holds 76th NEC Meeting by apharm(m): 3:45pm On Oct 25, 2017 |
PDP, my party!!
I love PDP |
| Politics › Re: "Ojukwu's Lies Sparked Civil War In Nigeria" - Yakubu Gowon by apharm(m): 3:20pm On Oct 25, 2017 |
and he became sick. lier |
| Christianity Etc › Re: Prophet Victory Ibe Buys A Car, Flaunts Bundles Of Cash In Rivers (Photos) by apharm(m): 3:07pm On Oct 25, 2017 |
how did he do it? |
| Travel › Re: 5 Interesting Things To Do To Get A Job Abroad by apharm(m): 10:18pm On Oct 24, 2017 |
ok. thanks |
| Education › Re: UNIOSUN Governing Council Probes VC As NASU Accuses Him Of Siphoning N106m by apharm(m): 9:52pm On Oct 24, 2017 |
Everybody blackmailing everybody |
| Events › Re: Wedding Photos Of A Congolese Gay & His Belgian Lover Go Viral by apharm(m): 9:45pm On Oct 24, 2017 |
How I wish nobody commented on this. absolutely RUBBISH |
| Politics › Re: Southern Governors Forum To Meet In Lagos 12 Years After Last Meeting by apharm(m): 9:36pm On Oct 24, 2017 |
namet:
True, but the basic structure of the forum is lopsided. Udom Emmanuel presently chairs SE and SS integration/cooperation effort. I suspect that is why he is chosen to co-host the forum with Ambode. For this purpose however, I think each of the regions should come and negotiate their position. One region should not negotiate or speak on behalf of another.
The SE and SS regions share a common history. The people and culture are largely the same. They have always lived together like brothers and sisters. For forums of this nature, with serious socio-political and economic implications, no region should represent the other and each of the regions should be given an opportunity to speak for itself and on its behalf.
This is not to counter or to discredit the fact that the SE and SS people are one people with strong historical ties. For the purposes upon which this Southern Governors Forum is predicated on, I am suggesting that each of the regions should be allowed to express themselves, without one representing the other.
The present clamor for succession is seen to be championed by the Igbos only. Cries of marginalization are heard loudest from the Igbos because their experience is slightly different from that of the South South region. That is not to say the feelings are not mutual. These people have had different distinct experiences in Nigeria. I AM SAYING LET THREE GOVERNORS CO-CHAIR THE SOUTHERN GOVERNORS FORUM SO THAT EACH OF THE THREE REGIONS REPRESENT THEMSELVES. From there, they can elect one governor as the Chairman of the forum. ok |
| Career › Re: How To Avoid Wardrobe Malfunctions During Online Interviews by apharm(m): 9:29pm On Oct 24, 2017 |
thanks |
| Family › Re: I Beat My Wife. What Would You Have Done Differently In My Situation? by apharm(m): 4:53pm On Oct 24, 2017 |
selflessmaya:
when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!
EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.
I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.
if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.
no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)
you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.
nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.
if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.
when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.
-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.
i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP You are very intelligent person. |
| Celebrities › Re: Kate Henshaw Finds The Bride That Looks Like Her by apharm(m): 9:00pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
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| Celebrities › Re: Kate Henshaw Finds The Bride That Looks Like Her by apharm(m): 8:57pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
majekdom2:
I look like Dangote, pls spread so he can come find me  . I ll show a pic to anyone that has got the connect majekdom2:
I look like Dangote, pls spread so he can come find me . I ll show a pic to anyone that has got the connect |
| Politics › Re: Lauretta Onochie Mocks FFK - "Jonathan & Southeast Leaders Have Denounced IPOB" by apharm(m): 8:54pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
am I the only one who doesn't know lalasticlala? |
| Agriculture › Re: Orange Tree Bears Tangerines In Osun (Photos) by apharm(m): 8:44pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
This is grafting in Agriculture. I have such tree in my place.
Anyway, people can be very ignorant and attribute everything to miracles |
| Crime › Re: Family Raises Alarm As Ifeanyi Okpoko Is Taken To Abuja - Graphic Photos by apharm(m): 8:41pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
castrol180:
Criminal minded people, ritualists, 419ers, robbers, fraudsters, fake good sellers etc are their works. Flats. Don't be foolish boy |
| Crime › Re: Evans In Court For Second Arraignment by apharm(m): 6:19pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
nairavsdollars:
Na only this shirt him get ? It reminds me of that Buhari's long gown whenever he is in UK for treatment nairavsdollars:
Na only this shirt him get ? It reminds me of that Buhari's long gown whenever he is in UK for treatment |
| Crime › Re: Corpse Of Edward Soje, Kogi Civil Servant Who Committed Suicide By Hanging (Pic) by apharm(m): 4:08pm On Oct 23, 2017 |
vedaxcool:
This picture only dishonored him which honour |
| Romance › Re: He Is Spreading HIV, Am I To Blame? by apharm(m): 2:56pm On Oct 22, 2017 |
HIV has cure now |
| Politics › Re: Southern Governors Forum To Meet In Lagos 12 Years After Last Meeting by apharm(m): 8:43pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
TimeMod1:
There is no contesting that a SW governor, most deserving, in the person of Ambode will be its chairman. By birthright, SW is the leader of the southern region. He's co-hosting it with Akwaibom governor. |
| Celebrities › Re: Patapaa: " They Say I Am Ugly And A Villager And Sometimes It Hurts Me" by apharm(m): 8:23pm On Oct 21, 2017 |
Rejoice u are being criticised. it shows you are now in the limelight. |
| Romance › Re: Lady Who Rejected Her Ex Boyfriend Mourns After His Death by apharm(m): 11:55pm On Oct 16, 2017 |
Irony of life 
|
| Celebrities › Re: Bernice Burgos Steps Out In Lagos Wearing Skimpy Outfit by apharm(m): 11:49pm On Oct 16, 2017 |
kennygee:
What is an American video vixen Thot doing on Nairaland front page biko?
For those who don't know, a groupie is a woman who shares it for musicians. now I know |
| Jobs/Vacancies › Re: 2017 Recruitment Of Nigerian Navy Direct Short Service Commission (DSSC) by apharm(m): 12:13am On Oct 15, 2017 |
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| Sports › Re: Anthony Joshua Replies A Fan Who Asked ''Wetin Dey For The Boys?'' by apharm(m): 9:15pm On Oct 13, 2017 |
Nothing goes for nothing. dats d rule of life |
| Sports › Re: Anthony Joshua Replies A Fan Who Asked ''Wetin Dey For The Boys?'' by apharm(m): 9:15pm On Oct 13, 2017 |
Nothing goes for nothing. datws d rule of life |
| Sports › Re: Anthony Joshua Replies A Fan Who Asked ''Wetin Dey For The Boys?'' by apharm(m): 9:15pm On Oct 13, 2017 |
Nothing goes for nothing. days d rule of life |
| Literature › Re: Nnedi Okorafor To Write Black Panther For Marvel by apharm(m): 9:10pm On Oct 13, 2017 |
kings09:
Ncan where una de. Madridguy, omenka, yarimo make una com see ipob doing stuff |
| Romance › Re: Man To Marry Two Women In Delta State, See His Pre-wedding Photos by apharm(m): 2:53pm On Sep 19, 2017 |
Isoko is gradually turning to a polygamous town. |
| Properties › Re: How Much Will It Cost To Build This Mansion? by apharm(m): 5:33pm On Sep 16, 2017 |
free2ryhme:
This one wey you dey ask us so
Your way no pure ooo free2ryhme:
This one wey you dey ask us so
Your way no pure ooo |
| Phones › Re: N470, 000 Iphone X: Apple Finally Reveals It's Best Ever Smartphone(Photos) by apharm(m): 7:01pm On Sep 13, 2017 |
iPhone 10..
sound like they are copying BlackBerry |
| Celebrities › Re: New Photos Of BBNaija Winner, Efe by apharm(m): 10:21pm On Sep 03, 2017 |
Shortyy:
Finally, efe has come out of his hiding place. Uncu efe, how much is remaining? funny u |
| Christianity Etc › Re: Pastor Arinze Okoli Mmaduabuchi: "Gay Is Not A Sin” by apharm(m): 10:16pm On Sep 03, 2017 |
[color=#990000][/color]this fool is Foolish |
