1. “Tell me about yourself” – It doesn’t matter if it’s a date or a mobile conversation, this phrase is for INTERVIEWS not informal meetings. Some may say there’s nothing wrong with it but truth is; it’s a cliché, selfish way of getting to know a person. If you ask me this, I could say “I’m 50, retired 419 kingpin who found Jesus and now wants to live right” Thing is, anyone can give you a story. Best bet is to ask direct questions that improve CONVERSATION than leave one person to do all the talking. If that’s boring, you could suggest you play a game where you guess stuff about the other person and see how many you get right.

Preach!

Really tho, we just met.. Like we just met and I should tell you about me,
Well... For those of us with dark imaginations..
My head goes 'oh, he's a serial killer, he wants to know my blood type and original hair colour so he can see if I match his victims.'
Or
He's a kidnapper and wants to know if my family can cough out enough money for my ransom after he kidnaps me.
Or
He's looking for a certain bloodline in fresh gyals to feed his vampire grandma whose immortality is shaky.
Or.....

Yeah. That shii is scary.

Quick tip: You don’t have to guess stuff like “you’re the first child” etc Make it steamy like “you’re wearing a thong right now” I’m sorry if she gets up and walks away or hangs up the phone, she was never good enough tbh. HAHA

Kindly disregard this tip. It'll earn you a slap.

2. Ditch the pick-up lines. “Your father must be Osama cos you’re the bomb” ... really? REALLY? “The spaces between your fingers were made so that mine will fit it” ARE YOU SMOKING EXPIRED PANADOL?!! “Heaven must be weeping because they’ve lost an angel” The only thing lost here seems to be your brain DPMO!!! If I was the girl, I’d probably just do away with the convo at this point. Pick-up lines were left behind in the 90’s, don’t make an ass of yourself just cos you want to impress her. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t compliment her but try not to sound like Jim Iyke at the Synagogue deliverance session while at it.

your sense of humor tho,, we should get married

Pick up lines? Oh God.
What happened to westlife-like-serenading-records? Might as well sing me a full track.

3. So you’ve had a first date and all seems well, Bruhhh I know you’re excited nshit cos you dropped your A- game and you had ol’girl grinning like a Cheshire but lemme hola at you real quick; Sorry to burst yo bubble my man, but now isn’t the time to be all over her like white on rice. A little space don’t kill anyone. Basically man, DON’T BOMBARD HER WITH CALLS OR IMS. Let her breathe. Of course you should check up when you can at intervals but don’t be Mr regular on her Whatsapp or iMessage (notice I didn’t say BBM? I’m an asshole, I know). Because let’s face it, what do you want to talk about all the time? You come across as jobless and clingy. Ladies don’t want that (well, the sensible ones really)

Not just calling, IM-ing and stalking o..
There's 'when are you coming to my place??' To do what?!?!?!
Get a job dude! Let her be. And watch her roll up.

The next thing you should never do is live beyond your means. So you’re trying to bag that high class chic but we all know you stay in my side of town and you’ve got my type of money that is planned on per month basis (life is hard my nigga), The best you can do is be real with yourself. Don’t put up fronts because you wanna impress cos the same momentum you start with is the same you’ve gotta maintain. I’m not now saying you should do a buka first date but guy, if na amala and ewedu you fit afford, better find babe wey go happily throwback that amala with you.

This is it! Stay in yo lane!
You can't smooth talk or afford a high class chic? Sit your broke ass down. Lol.
Don't go and get yourself insulted.



I can rant sha oooo.. Lol.

Booked!

Argh I missed front page
Not commenting again

*storms out*

Truckpusher:
Well, mine is as pure as snow.

Sure.. It is. Pure as snow. Indeed.

I'm sha off to bed. Sleep tight when you do

Truckpusher:
Sure there is always something for the ladies nau.

All I've got now is one long pipe and plenty lies.

Ofcos @bolded, ofcos

We're used to it

Truckpusher:
Lmao @ grand patron.

Mehn! I'm finer than fine.

Hehehehe.. You tot us all we know,, your legacy shall live on

You're fine abi? As always.
Anything for the girls? You know how e dey be na

Truckpusher:
Na you be our aunty na.

Where we wan keep you? Oh Grand Patron.

How are you jare?

Well if it isn't the nightcrawlers association..

See my NgbeB ooooo CRMBG ambassador for the year congrats Swits.. Benise! Come and Seeeeeeee

harlos:

Ma

HAppy new year

Hehehehe,, happy new year ke..

Bawo ni? I miss una scarred

Harlos

Aptil03


Lol..

Awesomeking:
i didnt meet her oh..i second cuz the april am seeing now is very pretty and anyone that harms a pretty person is my enemy

Oh. *blushes * you think I'm... I'm.... *twirls hair on fingers* pre...e..t..y?? Oh *blushes some more*
Thanks..

Awesomeking:
lol..i second that fella

Wait.. What are you seconding?
Did you meet her? *the other alter ego*?

JeffreyJamez:

Alligator tears

JJ you know that when I cry, I cry for reals

Throw in.. Ah ha ha he spikes.. Looong ball... Right tackle.. Its a goooooaaalll

Oahray:
chai! Your crase don ripe
*takes off hat*
She was a good... Em... Friend

JeffreyJamez:

Hehehehehe..... but the other name sounds better jor.....besides, april07 made you lose your 'nicknameginity"

Oahray:
yes o. Whoever made her deactivate her former account is my worst enemy on NL

Hmm.. My own is a long story o.
Let me cut it short sha. *clears throat*

One day I was just sitting down there oo..
Breeze was just blowing blowing anyhow anyhow.
I was so bored eh.
So now, I picked up my phone, went through all the apps, played all the games and lost all the lives.
I couldnt surf the net or chat. I didn't want to look at all the fancy pictures of fast cars and dresses and shoes on my phone.. That shii is depressing.
As I was just there ooo, my hand now touched the calendar app. That's how I just pause.

April jumped out to me from the calendar.
It looked like I'd met a long lost lover. I was furious that someone kept April away from me, for the name was sweet to the tongue. It teases the lips when said. Its touche and unique. As in, we no plenty wey go get the name. Eh hehn.
Oh I forgot to add... I had no data or airtime..
Sooooo.. As I was just looking and booking people's birthday on my calendar, the hieight of the boredom, a miracle happened.

Ghen ghen

My phone just chimed.
"Who could this be?" I wondered, for this was not a phone call but a text message.
Hmmm.. I come and open the thing na.. Only to see "dear customer, you can borrow airtime from your................................to borrow airtime, text ...... To ..... Or dial *321#"
I just bone eh.. I fit vex die.
I was still pissed when.... When...mstcheew. That's another gist..I haff sufa

So.... After my serenre with myself I finally dailed *321#
Oh how I hate to borrow.. But for boredom I borrowed. For my sanity I borrowed.
I borrowed airtime,. 50 naira. *picks teeth*
And then I proceeded to 'browse', and on NL did I land.

I decided that I would use something to remember that day.
Brethren, I clicked on register. I clicked that button, gave my name as April. Halleluia Brethren.
The 07? Hmmm... Long story.
And that's where we're at.



Cc: JeffreyJamez

Iamsynord:


lol ..if I hear

look the far left.. Eh hehn

I was in that crowd.. Oh, fond memories.


Meanwhile...


See the skirt o. If we wear now them go hala.

Jacksparrow0712:
I'm almost in dreamland

Go na.. I'll stalk your dream

Jacksparrow0712:
nyt swiri

It is you I will stalk this night

Didn't do 6,8,9,17,15, and 18..
I had a great childhood

cousjwhite:



Greatest liar of all time. I bet u can pronounce this too: Xanthosis, without looking at the dictionary. Hypocrite

You didn't have to be insultive, child.

Run along now. Don't do that again.

JeffreyJamez:


Another stalker

Yes! Be very afraid

kinglekan:


Hey sugar!!

Why u dey open mouth?

Nothing.. nothing o.. I no talk