vesc kay9

i just couldn't resist

and i sure hope their would be a fallout for this

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-259856.672.html#msg3957678

there are curses and

there are the mother of all curses

then we have association of the cursed

kay9, phcn/nepa belong to this category

no matter how the gods are appeased it wont go

just like the nigerian police, anyone who joins become tainted

cursed by association,it is like the suction of the infamous black hole

a blanket covering of curses,which would span over generations

so my good friend with this knowledge i expect you to

save your breathe,conserve the energy for this

group of the cursed aren't going anywhere

we are stuck with them as they us

it doesn't mean we like it

if it would make you

feel better identify

one of them lets practice some

Chinese torture skills on them

read this book,you see about

how effective their torture is

and i would so like first hand experience

with another human being as the subject

homage to you

am i mistaken?

in whose domain do you want that homage to be paid?

sino. . . . i aint got tyme now


i am irked, i cant say i am in rage but i am irked

barely had 3hours sleep,i wish i could say it

was the glorious mauling of Manchester united

that caused it, but that would be a lie, i cant be bothered

by who lifted the cup yesterday, as long as it aint the blues

went to see the match(in between chatting with a lady

who wants 4men to herself on an island). .got home around

10:30,took about an hour to settle in, to sleep. . .wakeup time

4:30am alas,ariblaze proposes my useless neighbor disposes

started hearing, screams, shouts and scuffles,i tried ignoring it

the thing just wont go away, peeped from the window, saw my neighbor's and his wife at it

shite!!! this punk never learns,had to scour for boxers and joggers(remember the state i sleep)

went downstairs it took the better part of 25minutes to get them separated,the wife was hell bent on not letting him go

the husband, was like a baboon who sees the offer of a banana hanging by a poachers barrel, and still wont take heed

cloths torn,with heaving chests. . .just 5 of us were present at the scene,the generators blaring everywhere dint allow

the sounds of the scuffle carry far,i hold the wife, shield her from the husband who proceeds to storm off and the reason

for the fight was explained to me by the wife, husband cheats consistently with another woman in the neighborhood

gets caught by wife and then proceeds to beat her, the most hilarious thing here was that all the time wife was explaining

husband , was busy storming into his house and packing his stuff ,into the car, one of the other peeps there a lady now said

wo ti fi ori e si abe. . . loosely translated the husband is under a spell. . . me i don't believe that one sha,

i feel the husband is an ass who got caught making a monkey out of himself

and instead of taking the high road out, by pleading and taking whatever his wife hurls at him

took the low road of morphing into the animal most men have caged or locked within them

this couple have a kid and i was up doing mediator till 2am. . .hating every minute of it

even after i left , they still scuffled in the house , had to go back down to evict a swear outta the hubby he wont touch his wife

the life of the super hero ariblaze. . . . never a boring moment and sadly never a peaceful moment to sleep

the blazeman

answers to no man nor woman

thus your apologies(for whatever)

can only happen in your dreams

with me sleeping

bluespice- - - - - - -ok o

a gun would work better sha


@sino

your case makes me laugh

a green horn/rogue male begging to earn his stripes

the easiest thing to do? step to the alpha lions

shortcut to the top lol. . . .dude it aint going to happen

stay in line with your fellow wannabes wait for your turn and consequently 10seconds

of fame , before your ever sure demise,because schooled and peeled you will get

48posts. . . . lawd, i think i just clocked 2gs, more than a thousand of which i suspect

was used flexing my rant muscles,divide that by 48 and thats how many of you is worth me

i would chew you without realizing my gums are moving

you speak about the being the hitman, i see a young nervous spalding

you still use pee shooters, as an elder i dont have to shoot you

i would disintegrate you with a passing thought,

i doubt i would break sweat. . . .

if you want respect go to the forum section , go cause wahala

come out smelling clean and not banned

and we would think about giving you your first belt in rants

right now, you still wear the depressing white belt

and you have the effontrey to mouth to 7th,8th and 9th dans

dude wake up

if not your very existence would be naught but a smudge in the face of this thread









ps:apology accepted

, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.


sisikill/sisjinx, note the 3rd one

kay9. . . . the 4th

tgurl the 6th

vesc . . .the last one ooo

vesc:

wrong answer

a prostitute is a business entity

and its incorporated and usually trademarked by the owner

thus like every other business enterprises i.e supermarkets etc

taking without permission is the same thing as shoplifting

thus culprit should be given the same slap on the wrist given to other offenders,noting more



sino:

it is obvious in your sojourn you still haven't learn t respect

we are elders, and you expect us to sit back whilst you dare

to bring us to book, even if it were in jest, no bob aint going to happen

you hebeby are ordered to write a 100 sentences apologizing and pleading

citing 3reasons why the wrath of the elders should not befall you

getting were you reside wont be a problem i can assure you

and coming over to treat your Bleep up would be even easier


@kay

i am not suprised

i always suspected we were alike in more ways than

one albeit you more cynical and vengeful than i am

but i am glad nevertheless

@tubabie

would you just stop laughing

time 9:30am

date:saturday

venue:my house/my street/my hood

dressing:palm sandals/red joggers/blue tee shirt

vehicle of choice:BMW 3 series

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . , . . . .

woke up from bed,with a slight tenderness on the right hand,i had gone and slept on it again

hazards of not using a pillow(i dont like it,the bosom of a woman is a different thing entirely)

another working day,for the millionth time, i cursed the kinda job i do,i should be getting up

with a hangover,whilst sandwiched between two fiery wenches,not like this,sore arm

and a stiffness between my boxers(ok i admit i sleep naked). . . .the sun was looking

glorious but a quick scan revealed dark clouds within the horizon,shit. .no biking for me

today,cant risk the 3rd mainland and lekki. . .under rainy conditions,thus my turning

attentions to my abandoned car first stop, the car wash around the neighborhood

at the car wash.

raked for the guy washing prior to his washing just to get him up to the task(it works)

sat down ordered for a pack of cigarettes and started watching the guy,for whatever

reason after the 3rd stick,the thirst surfaced. .i needed a drink. . more specifically

i needed alcohol time 10:30am. . . . it could have being earlier

chilled bottle of star came right up. . . . you really cant understand how good this feels

if you have more than 3hours of light daily in your house,pulled a long one,the foam

rebelled and i persisted,when i came up for air 3/4 of the bottle was gone. .bruuu,

lovely belch , another bottle please. .wahala come start. . .

two holier than thou women who came to wash their cars thought it wise

to turn my business to theirs, words like fraudulent,yahoo yahoo,419,unserious

started catching my ears. . .well since am not one to suffer fools especially in silence

i walked over and i said. . .excuse me?

the once chatty peeps, now became dumb. . . . . . .

so i repeated with the aid of hand gestures. . .excuse me,could you repeat what you just said?

still no response,. . . . .i was by now spoiling for it,but reasoning prevailed and i walked back to my beer

one of them scurried to look for the manger,who is one of those spent 10years in london cant cut it there had to come back home kinda guy


the guy of course knows me very much, i dont know what he told them ,but about 20minutes later one of them came apologizing


which brings me to this question

is it a crime to drink beer and smoke cigarettes at 10:30am on a Saturday morning at a carwash?

YORUBA ECONOMICS >

You have two cows
> U kill them both
> And throw an owambe party!
>
> IBO ECONOMICS
> You have two cows
> U make very good counterfeits of them
> And sell for the price of the real cows!
>
> HAUSA ECONOMICS
> You have two cows
> You rear them till they are four
> Make sure your kids rear cows too
> And just maintain!
>
>
> TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
> You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
> You retire on the income.
>
> INDIAN ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You worship them.
>
> PAKISTANI ECONOMICS
> You don't have any cows.
> You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
> You ask the US for financial aid, China for military
> aid, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines,
> Germany for technology,
> French for submarines,
> Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs Japan for
> equipment.
> You buy the cows with all this and claim
> exploitation by the world.
>
> AMERICAN ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
> of four cows.
> You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
> You put the blame on some nation with cows &
> naturally
> that nation will be a danger to mankind.
> You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
>
> FRENCH ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
> GERMAN ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
> eat once a month and milk themselves.
>
> BRITISH ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> They are both mad cows.
>
> ITALIAN ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You don't know where they are.
> You break for lunch.
>
> SWISS ECONOMICS
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
> You charge others for storing them.
>
> JAPANESE ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the
> size of an ordinary cow and
> produce twenty times the milk.
> You then create cute cartoon cow images called
> Cowkimon and market them
> world-wide.
>
> RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
> You give up counting and open another bottle of
> vodka.
>
> CHINESE ECONOMICS
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
> and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.
>
>
> NIGERIAN ECONOMICS:
> You have two cows
> You eat one and claim it was stolen
> Call in the Police to investigate
> Police arrest everyone living within 100km
> Torture them thoroughly until someone admits
> kidnapping the cow
> The police instead collect one cow each from
> everybody arrested
> You have your cow back and the Police now own a
> cattle farm.

Just got this from my sister. Actually it's been circulating on the net. Dunno where they got their info.

1. He understands your accent.
2. He knows that when you suffix every sentence with 'now', its not a command, e.g. "Come let's go now, "
3. When you guys go out, he pays and doesn't expect a refund of exactly half!
4. He understands why you have to send money home - probably doing the same himself!
5. He doesn't see your kid sister staying in your house as an inconvenience/ cramping his style. 6. He doesn't think you should put your parents in a home.
7. He eats 'Gbegiri and Amala' and doesn't think it's 'yucky' or 'spicy'. In a nutshell, loves your cooking
8. He gets your jokes.
9. The way he licks his ten fingers 'cos that Ogbono soup with Iyan hit da spot, Oh Yes!!!
10. He has got his education or he got something going on.
11. He may be a baby daddy but he loves his kid and takes care of him.
12. He can have a bus load of conversation without him saying much 'cos his momma taught him that.
13. He loves to see you shake that ass to Sir Shina Peters, the original "Back That Ass Up" master.
14. He will settle an argument and say sorry while maintaining his man status.
15. I am IN charge but he is THE charge, we understand that.
16. He knows where he is from. Living in NY does not mean you are from NY.
17. He thinks you're so pretty without makeup.
18. He calls you native endearing names like "Nne" or "Omo"
19. He has respect [not to be confused with obedience) for his elders(important) .
20. The way he gets embarrased and says "I beg oh" when you compliment him.
21. The way he says "I love you baby" ? may be very fake yet sounds so TRUE!
22. The way he eats meat with his bare hands? for some reason it is sexy to me.
23. The way he calls you his wife in front of all his friends.
24. The way he says "Shey you get am" when he thinks you are not paying attention, but you really are.
25. The way he knows that it is you calling and answers the phone "Hey Baby!" without looking at the caller ID.
26. The way Naija men look when they are all decked out in native? there is nothing sexier than a dark chocolate man in lace o!
27. Pronounces your name like say na im born you.
28. The way he flows from Ebonics to Pidgin English to Akata with ease.
29. He is just at home at your office picnic as he is at the Naija reunion.
30. The very satisfied look on his face after eating one of your meals and the way he glares at you while picking his teeth with the tooth pick,and you both know that you are his next "meal". 31. He appreciates the art of yanshrolling when he sees one!
32. Keeps you from doing wahala by buying a stickshift vehicle he knows U can't drive!
33. He saves you money on groceries a la "limited diet". Just cook the stew and he'll figure the rest? Eba, Amala, Fufu or even plain old White Bread!
34. No need for breast implants to impress am!
35. No need to go kill himself trying to maintain a six pack. He knows u know big belle is sexy inside Agbada!
36. He knows to allow you like three hours to get ready for a party!
37. He will not complain when you waka with headful of rollers inside house but quick to let you know that aint nothing sexy about that when you want to go outside.
38. Her singing while doing housework is a classic reminder of wetin you dey miss when you dey carry Akata woman!
39. His lunch (Rice, Beans, Dodo, complete with carefully selected assorted meat) wey you pack for am na something u know sey im no go wait "Palam" (gobble up!) when him reach work
40. He thinks the small gap between your front teeth are actually sexy!!!!

the four horsemen


of the apocalypse, .

NEPA (you can call it PHCN if you like)
NITEL
NNPC
NLC

The traditional four horsemen of the apocalypse are death, war, conquest & famine, but these four guys above are not doing badly, they are the portals through which we leak all our resources and a constant way of draining the country and keeping us permanently in the dark ages while others move on.

NITEL:
Should be sold at N1 (one naira only) and we should beg whoever buys it to assume some of the liabilities abeg. This portal is used to siphon billions of dollars every year with zero input back into the economy.

NEPA
Tricky to dismantle, but split them, sack all the current people in the electricity de-regulation board, bring aboard people who can think logically (no need for previous experience in power), sell off chunks of the organisation to them (transmission, generation, switching), use geographical location if necessary to sell multiple units to same company, stand back and see us rise up and approach 50% utility power in a short while

NNPC

Anybody been to NNPC towers at Abuja or go to their myriad offices nationwide, now tell me one single value added thing ANY of the divisions do? No need to sell this one, just dismantle, leave a section of DPR and NAPIMS behind to run the regulatory arm and investment arm of things

NLC
Make membership of all trade unions absolutely voluntary, scrap the NLC as is and let me start from scratch, this is the most corrupt organisation in the whole country and probably the world, worse than the police, customs and immigration combined, the root of most of our problems.

if you work in any of the orgs above don't panic, you will do much better in a post world

of the apocalypse, .

NEPA (you can call it PHCN if you like)
NITEL
NNPC
NLC

The traditional four horsemen of the apocalypse are death, war, conquest & famine, but these four guys above are not doing badly, they are the portals through which we leak all our resources and a constant way of draining the country and keeping us permanently in the dark ages while others move on.

NITEL:
Should be sold at N1 (one naira only) and we should beg whoever buys it to assume some of the liabilities abeg. This portal is used to siphon billions of dollars every year with zero input back into the economy.

NEPA
Tricky to dismantle, but split them, sack all the current people in the electricity de-regulation board, bring aboard people who can think logically (no need for previous experience in power), sell off chunks of the organisation to them (transmission, generation, switching), use geographical location if necessary to sell multiple units to same company, stand back and see us rise up and approach 50% utility power in a short while

NNPC

Anybody been to NNPC towers at Abuja or go to their myriad offices nationwide, now tell me one single value added thing ANY of the divisions do? No need to sell this one, just dismantle, leave a section of DPR and NAPIMS behind to run the regulatory arm and investment arm of things

NLC
Make membership of all trade unions absolutely voluntary, scrap the NLC as is and let me start from scratch, this is the most corrupt organisation in the whole country and probably the world, worse than the police, customs and immigration combined, the root of most of our problems.

if you work in any of the orgs above don't panic, you will do much better in a post world






ps:i dint write this

kay9

you are indeed a goat

lol

silly. . . . . . . . .

wasnt ranting about prostitutes

it was an attempt at a joke,

bet you dint catch it

naughty girl

vesc----??


quick question

i need an honest answer

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

FEMALE PRECOITIAL AGREEMENT:

I, the undersigned, agree that:

1. In the highly unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after
you've drunkenly rolled on top of me, as is entirely normal and in
accordance with the natural order of things, and pumped away for two minutes, I
shall politely fake one. It'll be a really good act too, with me
saying stuff like "Oh, you're so good, you're the best" and howling like a
cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.

2. Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like
those ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow
tie and a pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even
look at you in a way that suggests they are all "funny".

3. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship
is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your
football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific
equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.
To demonstrate my understanding of this principle, I will prepare your
favourite meal or, in the event of not being able to cook, take you
out for a few pints at my cost.

4. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will
tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and
that have discovered, contrary to popular belief, that size does matter.

5. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

6. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love", I will
not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will
I let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Under no circumstances will
I attempt to start a conversation as you are dropping off to sleep.

7. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname. Any
references to this hallowed appendage will be prefaced with words such as
"mighty", "huge" or "the thunderstick".

8. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy.

Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

9. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and
inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies.
Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they
have to stay. I understand that video footage of such incidents is an
indispensable part of the experience and in the event that you do
not already possess one, I will acquire a video camera for you at the
earliest opportunity.

10. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends
or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet.
And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you
have "ruined me for other men".

11. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games,
barbecues and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of
women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate
them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron, the Hoover and
the washing machine, of course.

Signed ____________ _________ _________ ______

Date ____________ ________

@oriyomi1


i will not spare you

you come into my thread

to make an ass of yourself, its because of airheads like you

i left and dont frequent sections like romance ,sexuality etc

and you deem it fit to bring me into disrespect by coming here

even the fact being your second post wont spare you

abeg where you come from sef?

you certainty dont have a head, oriyomi ko eseyomi ni

yep them folks knew that head of yours malfunctions thus the name

i assume thats your name right?

i advice you to try and go upgrade to orimipe cos this oriyomi thingy aint doing you good

btw: your email address sucks
cant you come up with something a lil more original?

sisikill

what was it you wrote in the smallest of prints

i got vision 20/20 and i still cant read those

me thinks someone is acting the coward

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but,

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates Parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has anyone else noticed this?

It gets worse, .

next year,

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong

bring em all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am not a man's man

if i cant take em all

got you back dawg

i dont have a gun

have got guns,

gimmie your specs

or you would rather i select one for you

based on your fingers,height,favored side/arm

and damage you want to create

massive waste products, a clean hole,bullet lodged in,splattered walls

slow death? the pick is yours dawg

ready to ride towards the sun before banking west towards you

but, you have to guarantee very acceptable after slaughter ooo

i mean lovely ladies with big backsides and intimidating chest

if you can supply ama ride over now

kill em

lets kill em all

rose?

wetin i wan take am do?

only one kind of prick is allowed

and it isnt that one attached to roses

nah. . . . . .

brandy though, a lil brandy or vodka on her skin

to get it a tingling,mop it up with very wet red tongue

hands painting imaginary pictures across her waist line

pole coming erect with every deliberate movement

wanting to get into the action that would come to it at the end of the day

nah no roses, windows left open, lets give the ever prying neighbour an eye full

seen crank2? this lovely wheel barrow movement that looks nice and probably works nice

would be attempted. . . . the only roses to be seen would be that in her mind

but stars, loads and loads of exploding stars

the shooting stars,

the crawling stars

the dancing stars

the fighting stars

the fiery stars

all this stars she shall see,


who wants roses when you can have stars

@MojiEsther

thanks. . . . . would have loved to say it all comes from me

but then that would be a lie, too arrogant to like the blazeman

the jokes were culled and re-doctored by myself

all rants are written by alter ego ariblaze



@sisi


they should get me a woman

well me likey

one who would shag me from dusk till dawn

wear a silky tank top with nipples jaunting

pouty lips and sensual skin

enviable boobs

a hole in the roof then the bed we would burn

my whole house has to rank of sweat n sex

you all know how sex smells huh?

with the musky smell of cigarette

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

a perfect holiday that would be

so sisikill which woman are you people sending forth?



btw. that rant is acceptable

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his
hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could
dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he
would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate
the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was
that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it
if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Springbok." Then he
felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was
right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their
car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said,

"Kalahari Lion Shot with a .416 rifle.
He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time
against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of
his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the
mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, I
know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and
not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and
put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly
announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."