where is everyone

some??

THINGS WOMEN DON'T KNOW - BUT MEN DO.

1. There are two types of men. Those who cheat and those who lie about it. Choose one


2. Men have sexual thoughts about every woman they meet (except their mothers & blood sisters only).

3. A man is incapable of saying 'no' to $ex (So watch your best friends carefully)

4. A man can reach his org@sm in 30 seconds if he wants to. Consider every second that he lasts longer than a minute is a bonus

5. If a man has not introduced you to any of his friends /family a month into the relationship, you are not his girlfriend. You are the 'other'
woman. (Now you know!!!

6. If a man has not brought up the subject of marriage six months into the relationship, it ain't happening - . Ever never?

7. Educated, enlightened career women, some advice. If you do not cook for him, do his laundry or f*ck him every day, someone else is. (Can you handle the truth?)

8. Oral $ex stopped being an optional extra in lovemaking at 23h59, December 31, 1999. In the 21st century, if you're not going down on him, someone else is (Don't shoot the messenger he is only doing his job)

9. There are two types of men; those who openly Admit to playing with their wee-wees and those who lie about it.



NOW - THINGS MEN DON'T KNOW - BUT WOMEN DO.

1. The myth about size is NO myth at all. There really is such a thing as 'too small'.

2. At some point during the relationship, she will slip up' and have a one-night stand. With someone you know.
(Deal with it)


3. For every ten 'org@sms' she has with you, Eight belong in the just to make him stop or feel better category.(The truth shall set you free)

4. She has seen one bigger than yours before.
(Get over it)

5. She may be your queen but she's someone else's booty call.

6. If she sleeps with an ex while she's going Out with you, she doesn't believe its cheating.
Technically speaking - its old dick.

7. If you are a cheapskate and only ever take Her out to Nando's or KFC, someone else takes her to Piatto. One way or the other, she's going to Piatto.

8. The fact that you drive a BMW X5 impresses Her only the first two times you take her for a spin. Talking about your car all the time is boring after a week. The guy in point number 2 on this list? He drives a '98 Citi Golf. Enough said

@stillwater


you called me a rat?

me rat?

i have being cheated before

i daresay if i would be honest i have outdone people myself

from bullying my sister out of her share of sweets or kuli kuli

to sharing monies dashed us in the ratio of 50,25, 25 amongst me and the siblings

from being beaten outta of rice on vising day

to be robbed at gun point by armed robbers who proceeded to kill people around

the occasional confra boy in school who attempted it, realized too late that some peeps

cant be crossed, and if crossed certain prices have to be paid

with this belief i started living the life of the just

the non cheater and the non cheat

i basked in the world of this rule

it stopped me from being a fraudster,the yahoo boy

even though , i could have made my first millions as early as 2002

but this all came down last night. . . . haba

talk about conspiracy,freaking daylight robbery

open eye ogboju in front of over 40,000 people

and 2billion people watching via different mediums

i am going to go look for a babalawo, i hear they are more potent

than the juju man, i wan to she epe lo referee yen lori

if i had a gun, that guy would be riddled now

mine wont be a cold calculated kill, but a crime of passion

a crime of intense rage ,every sprout of blood from his conniving body

wont satiate my rage , no it wont, i would go for his family then his friends

drown his dogs

burn his birds alive

shatter his car

club his cat to death

and still i wont have measured up on the revenge scale

the bastard has set me back by another year

yes UEFA we know this is all a conspiracy

we know . . . .you thieving bastards !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

am sooo scared

quaking in my boots

dont come close to me ko, dont come close to me ni

well since no one is saying anything

i picked this up from somewhere

i sure do hope it sparks the war i crave. . . .



Women : Just read the first half!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That's okay,
because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.
















The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour

epi- - - - - -its official you are one silly madam

but you dint quite get the story right, we wont just have told her off

no, nay nary. . .we would have done much worse

ok i am not greeting anyone today

on second thoughts

good morning smuf

good morning tubabie

good morning epi

good morning toyosi



the usual suspects have turned up missing

collectively they conspired to be absent

an action i find very contemptible,vexing

aggravating riling and disrespectful

thus before i do that which my mind wants

i.e declare a fatwa on all ya heads better

come and write something , no matter how silly

it is , i am tired of carrying on a monologue here.

ps:for those hoping to see my face

wa i ri egun lo san

translated:you cant view the masquerade in the afternoon

200 meters ahead see cars grinding to a halt

hard braking was required by me,banked left

what i saw ,my heart cut,stopped,dropped

i saw the belly of a bike,turned upside down

in the middle of the expressway. . .green fluid running across

the tarmac. . .and a motionless rider,still faced down,awkward position

the 400cc was down. . . .the rider was down

the culprit. . .the guy who broke formation, benard my mechanic

my tax came to action , we called FRSC they came we picked him,

straight to the hospital.helmet saved his life. . .

gist from people riding behind him. . .dude runs into a slowing trailer at 170km/hr

sat keeping vigil at the hospital from 12noon till 9pm,he breathes, he talks and he is hungry

i am mad, but i am calm. . if he and when he walks away my wrath shall befall him

for now. . . .he has to live and he has to walk. . . .

i saw what carelessness and over confidence can do to a person

and i intend not to be caught in the deceitful web ever





if you are planning on telling me to stop riding . . .save your breath




behold my blackbird. . .just before the ride

the aborted ijebu trip

so i aquired the blackbird

she needed fine tuning and like a wild horse she needed to be tamed

like the cowboy riding her, i had to be prepared for anything she throws at me

a week today she started living with me ,i have had frustrating moments with her

and i had seen her potential turn to kinetic at blurring speeds. . .third mainland

even though as of that time i had wande and nachana pass me at a more alarming speed

but i was determined yet. . .she can make 320km and i was bent on atleast seeing the scenery at such speeds

that would make me part of the elite few. . . . .


date :saturday

time:11am

location:mobil roundabout toll gate

destination:ijebu mushin for a party and back

population:11(one hayabusa, 750 gsxr,2 R1's ,thundercat,400cc honda,honda vfr,kawasaki zx6 and the honda blackbird)


we roll out, sparkling colors of our women and our armour

before we get to berger, cruising speed 140km, darting in and out of cars, buses and trailers

it was a dream, riding in formation ,passing astonished faces trying to catch a glimpse of us through our visors

i hear a loud racket behind me. . .the next person to me isnt posed to be riding this close to me

i did i quick check around couldn't find him. . . .he was aligned to my blind spot. . .he was gaining on me

i decided to maintain my course and see what plays out. . .a few seconds later voooooooo. . .he went by me

at like 170km, shook my head behind my visor. . .this guy has broken formation. .and he cant learn

thus free styling he went chasing after the bigger cats that his cat would never catch in this life time or the next if they

let them all be. . .

very soon, maintaining that speed or going beyond it, they all left my vision. . .they were at least 1 kilometer out

i had two riders behind me also holding the formation tight, darting in and out of the me lee of vehicles making their way out of lagos


suddenly. . . . . .

hi vespa

hi ka9

hi tgurl

hi kill

hi sino

hi epi

cc tubabie

bcc toyosi


i sincerely apologize for my absence

i have being beaten black and blue

its my fault you know, the direct

consequence of having two loves

in my life,two big black women

who dont suffer fools atall, and who equally

require my attention,feisty the both of them

and i dont want to let either go, co-exist they would have to learn

thus just like a novice playing with explosives, i was bound to get burnt

and burnt i did, my ankle hurts right now. . . . . . .but i am sadly non the wiser

and i dont intend to be. . . . .

my beautiful lady who i am very much in love with

and my beautiful blackbird, who i have always being in love with

and like a man tuned towards polygamy i have to coax them to co-exist

but me thinks after what i am going to write next the lady in question

would make damn sure they dont. . . . . . .

Reasons for Mad Cow Disease

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow Disease.

The lady reporter: Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?

The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?

The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed) : Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?

The Farmer: And , Madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day?

The lady reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?

The Farmer: (getting closer to the reporter) I am getting to the point, madam, Just imagine, if I was playing with your breast twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?

firestar- - - - -a political rant huh?

vespa- - -you dont want to get me started

i have decided not to trade words

with you,rather i would pound you

to a pulp till my knuckles bleed

till, our blood mixes, your skull

is naught but scattered fragments

from which i would strike the match

to light up my cigarette a puff of smoke

to the departed before i walk away from your carcass

SCUM of the society?

me?

ok. . . . .

but it would be real nice when you eventually decide

to wake up from that dream of yours

and stop being delusional

alo, story, itan

all that one na english

he don wake the wicked queen

he don wake the daughter of the dark(abeg una no get nepa for una end?)

say he wan drink blood, vampire no be zobo we dey talk here ooo


sorry there is trivial ,terror and sheer terror

you madam are noting but trivial

i bring sheer terror making parents hold unto their children whilst praying to their gods

make even the hardest soldiers drop their rifles and cower in fear

everything bows eventually under the force of fire

and i am the blaze man, you and your twin's situation with me can best be surmised in yoruba

eti po to

you just had to do it dint you?

the massacre of the twins

their they stand

naughty twins,blu and jinx

silly twins,pesty twins. . .two peas in one pod

drag one by the foot

the other by the hair

take them to a very dark alley

tied them up by a pole, poured jello and rice crumbs on them

gag them mouths so loud screams wont be heard

more ingredients are needed, . . . . . .blindfold them

pour more jello,lean under one of the ducts. .

listening. . . . . . .yeah i can hear them

i sense them they can smell the food. . .

i grab, reach stretch yeah got one burly

with wicked sized teeth. . .this should do for the mo

, pour more jello el rice crumbs on the erring twins

the big smelly rat i drop in one of their blouse(leave you to figure which)

i walk away. . . .

muffled screams,make me feel high. . .tiny patters of rats racing towards

their victims i hear. . . .

i have erased them twins. . .

good riddance i say

madam you dont come into my thread and laugh it isnt allowed

The European Union Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.



As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).




1. In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but typewriters kan have one less letter.




2. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.




3. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.




4. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".




5. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.




Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas,

i know i am being goaded

yet i allow it get to me

why cant i just sit and let everything she says slide?

why do i try to even raise to bait all the time?

everything seems hollow now,am just going through the motions now

or maybe somewhere within i am just resigned to whatever would happen ,happen

frankly i am tired of my self woven loop. . .

am tired of trying to open the curtain to my being

i am tired of not knowing what is,

i am tired of throwing the rulebook out

i am tired of the overly independent my gender has to be in control talk

i am tired of been a subject of my own imagination

i am tired of feeling the need to settle down

i am tired of being unsure

i am tired

this is my plan

if you want same dreams with me

then live the dreams with me ,your choice ,not me convincing

their are accepted terms which are non negotiable

wanna peep into my soul ,come draw the curtains

i am not holding it open waiting hoping, frankly my hand hurts

i will cut my nose to spite my mouth on this

i am who i am. . . .even men deserve some to

mind games i wont play. . . .

i am not even going to argue the merits of this with her,if you feel slighted

shoot me. . . . . . . . . . .i am not a nice person, i am self serving,i am an angry person

i am insatiable , i am hurt , i am mad , i am craving i am in love

but i would never wear my heart in my sleeves

never ever again. . . . .




love sucks. . . . .


back to original plan

father 2 kids from two different women

pay them and keep my kids

romance is too much drama




i would cut anyone who so much as suggests otherwise

it is confimed now

you have zero, zilch ,no,none,kosi respect atall

you waltz into my thread, announce your birthday with style

yet common cake we no chop,where you dey sef?

me i must get my cake oo


and with respect to that your bobo

if he doesnt show up

send his address and two bars of choco- - - - - -late in tow

we would correct his erring ways

prolly tattoo your birthday date on his fore head

where he would never forget it

just walked through the graveyard again

the world's silent hour i spent prodding

the insanities within my sub section

correcting all leaving no stone unturned

the super hero of our consumer service

the mini god of the night,prying into

people's personals with a professional calm

a moment here and there to laugh

at the weirdness of certain people

the sun is rising now from its shy domain

and as like a vampire my power recedes with the every westward night

but unlike the night i would not keep running from my sworn foe

i will walk in it,head high,blurry speeds till i reach the confines of my house

a place where i can reconstrcut the night again,windows drawn ,blindfolds on

as i proceed into the world of peace oblivion called sleep . . . . . . . . . . .






gah working the night shift makes me go loooney

@KAY


@vespa

you mum is part of the

movement

conspiracy

and the enslavement

of men

a woman scorned is like a man scorned

they can just shout cry and cursing, in some cases stalk you

noting you cant handle


thus go into the world and scorn

you have my permission

@mojstar

i would leave coherent response for my next rant but right now

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo





mehn. . . .my house was Bahamas, paris and those fun holiday spots next to what you just described now

hell i only use to see that in the yoruba movies


omo you are bred from the stock

kudos

no. . . . i am bigger than a police commissioner

i am the blazeman. . . . . . . . . .

and yeah i got your back

because i am a man . . . . . . .


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with
a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an
option. I will win.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _______
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop
the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a
couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.
You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _______
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same
thing.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it
back together.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _______
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a
whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator, .(applies to engineers mainly).
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _______
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have
to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about
her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is
okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother, too.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _______
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't, and if you
are feeling amorous afterwards, .then I will certainly at least
remember the name and recommend it to others.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _____
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will
share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,
the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the
rest, like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering
what to do. This has been a public service message for women to better
understand men

@mojest

mehn Bleep the size

the rage does the damage

you need to look in and find your true potential for rage

sit down mediate by the still waters, legs crossed arms folded

and the tired sun settling in for the night in the horizon it would come to you

we are all super heroes here, we express rage constructively and make it happen

go read the first 3 pages of the book again , and you would get a guide to how to Bleep a person up

size irrespective, so dont look down on ur slim pettie. . . .Cynthia rotrock was small bu kicked mad butt

so madam moji esther you can kick ASK. . . . .i believe in you, we believe in you

go boil water , walk past her and just give her a bath, if that doesnt do it for you a gallon of deeply fired oil

should sizzle the skin just right, as soon as you are done assuming your arent in jail by then lemmie know the reactions

for i admit you would bask in your new earned respect.

if you want to rant ,rant dont talk