₦airaland Forum

Evening nairalanders.....

I have been having difficulties pushing some thoughts away from my head because I truly feel for this young lady....

Do we sacrifice our happiness, rare people that gives us joy and makes us whole just for the sake of family's tradition or decision??...I mean, is it right?? What if we never meet such persons again?

Below is the screenshots of the little chats I had with the lady.....It started with a question....."NAME THOSE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR EX"

Laughs...The ladies are so much enjoying this thread,, I can only imagine.

Gcpc:
Yes, if my experience can help any young lady out there, here is my take on it. This will be a long a$$ post (sorry). Forgive my syntax, English is not my first langage. So only for those interested:

IMO I made 3 major mistakes:

1- I waited too long to enter the dating scene. I thought I had to compartmentalize : finish school, get a job, than find a man. I kept pushing away suitors, probably good ones in my 20s because I didn't want any distraction from getting that big flashy degree I wanted. The truth is finding a good match is like anything else. it takes practice. you need to date, to get out there, fall in love, get your heart broken, learn how to act in a relationship, kiss a few frogs in order to find that special person. I'm not talking about sleeping around but dating.
I did not, so when I started a relationship I was clueless and awkward at an age I was not supposed to be. Plus, those college years are your best shot at finding Mr. right. You have a very good social network and the dating pool is endless. Most of my GF met their husbands in college

2- I thought being a successful career women with money, being smart, modest and reserved would land me tones of good suitors.Turns out I was wrong. Most of my GF who made "good" marriages are unemployed, dropped out of college or have low profile jobs. They are very good looking and are very feminine in their demeanor. Most of them are happily married with lot of kids. Me on the other hand, once I left college, I realized most men my age were in relationships. I was working so I didn't have much time to socialize and meet new people. The guys I met were afraid of me because of my job and the kind of money I was making. I guess they thought I had to be bossy or not submissive enough or too much to deal with...

3- I lingered in bad relationships even when I knew deep down it wasn't working.I would tell myself that "everyone has flows" and accept behaviors that I should not have accepted. I thought I would eventually change the guy (how silly right ?). Finally I allowed men to string me along.
I've been in 3 relationships.

The first one was a guy I was so much in love with. He was out of college and unemployed when we started dating. I knew from the get go that he had at least one other woman in is life. I let people convinced me that I could not find any really single guy and that the rule of the game was to get with a guy, be the best girlfriend and get chosen. So for 3 years I waited for him to choose me. I helped him financially until he got a government job and he made me believe he was about to propose. Then one day I got confronted in his house while he was out; the girl tracked us to make sure I was there alone, came and told me she was pregnant for him. I was devastated. I left and he tried to win me back, to apologized etc. He told me she was not pregnant . I was about to cave when HE ghosted me, out of the blue... I later found out that this girl and I were both side chicks. He married his long time girlfriend and had a baby with her. Mind you I was a 100% blindsided. He introduced me to his entire family. His sisters would call me "wifey"; I thought I was the "main girl" and I was OK with that. No woman should never be OK with being 1 among many.

I was still recovering from this mess when a friend set me up for a blind date. I told him I wanted to meet a christian guy with strong religious values. We hit it off at the first date. He was a bit older and mature. he seemed too good to be true. I had this little voice inside me telling me to get out. I didn't listen to my own instinct. He was so pushy and moving so fast that within 6 months we were engaged, getting married in the next month and moving in together. I moved in after our parents met and his family gave mine the traditional dowry. One day my computer just crashed; I had to borrow his. That's when I found out he had multiple accounts set in gay dating sites. I confronted him, he denied but I called of the engagement off and moved out

All this time I was friend with my baby's father. We met at an alumni reunion. We attended the same business school but not the same years.
At the time he hit on me, I told him I had someone so we became "friends". after my breakup. I was a mess and he was there for me. I was not interested in him, not attracted at all but he kept pursuing me for so long that eventually, I convinced myself that he had to be genuinely into me to be that persistent. My GF told me that sometimes you fall in love while dating so I decided to give it a shot. It was terrible. We kept fighting and arguing for everything; I knew I had to break up but I was scared to be alone and I was 33 by the time I realized it was never going to work. I wanted children so I thought it was too late for me to start over with someone new. I thought I would have to settle for this half baked relationship so I decided to cave to all his demands and be the woman he wanted so we could take it to the next level. he kept promising to do just that. He was stringing me along. eventually he told me we should start trying for a baby and that we would get married afterward. Now I know he said that just as another way of stringing me because I found out that I had fertility issues. So he probably thought I would never get pregnant anyway. So when I did he was mad, pressured me to get an abortion and finally left me when I refused.
He went Mia during my pregnancy and until the baby was 6 month. I had to take him to court before he came to see the baby and put his name on her birth certificate. It took 6 more months for him to start paying child support.
He sees her once a month and every time he comes, he tries to sleep with me. I finally told him that if he wanted us back together he had to make it right this time. He had to go to my parents and make it official.
He said he's not ready for that and told me 2 days ago he would not be arround much in the coming weeks...


So now here I am, in the sunken place, trying to get out of my pity party.

That was quite intriguing, though devastating....Earlier I thought you were just like some girls that were pompous and disrespectful outta ignorance while younger, I realized you were just unfortunate in life after reading this....It doesn't mean you will remain unlucky forever,, I believe in a better tomorrow and it has always been favoring me till date....I don't know if you are a religious person, buh I am, I will first suggest you table the matter before your Creator.....Judging by your explanation concerning the father of your child, he is by no means "A REAL MAN," don't commit your future into his hands outta being desperate or you risk being miserable and regretful the rest of your life..... If I can be able to picture myself with someone I love to the moon and back,, with a child that isn't mine, I soundly and strongly believe someone nice will come to you....Forget abou the hurtful events of the past and look forward to a better tomorrow,, for darkness and sadness endures for the night,, joy and the sun comes in the morning....Best of luck dear.

Once had a 2go friend like that,, believe you me,, you have to let go totally.

CULTURE??.......Bro,, culture is one of the reason we have broken marriages today,, culture is the reason many of us is finding it difficult reaching out for happiness,, culture is one of the major reasons we lost our hard-earned happiness.....Screw culture......Change is constant should also be applied to culture seriously...Respect is reciprocal,, We can greet people we are older than before they do,, it exhibits a sense of maturity for those that truly understands life.

nikkypearl:
Dear Daddy Charley boy, Na your own mumu don do abeg!

Him de mumu?

Gcpc:
Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a 2.5 yo girl and I'm about to turn 39.
My baby's father is out of the picture. He bailed on me while pregnant and only came back after 2 years and me taking him to court.
Now he wants to "take things where we left them" but my understanding and gut feeling is he just wants free passes with me.

I made so many mistakes with my dating life that I find myself in this horrible position of being a single mother about to hit the big 4.


I have a great job, a career, enough money to be comfortable, a wonderful child, family and friends but I still feel lonely and depressed at times.
I never envisioned this life for myself and never imagined never marrying.

I've been working on myself, working out, finding new hobbies, building up my self confidence but I don't know how in the world I would or could find a man.

Is there any chance someone like me could find a decent man to share my life with ?

Our young girls should learn from your plight...Lalas made good points.

managermahmud:
So yesterday, my girlfriend (fiancee) that we've been together for about 3 months now, told me that she wants the relationship to be more interesting by me hurting her. She said she deliberately offends me atimes so I'll be mad at her but I'll conceal it and wave it off.


This girl scores over 80% of the requirement I seek from a lady. Most of all, she is loyal and submissive. So for that reason alone, I try as much as I can not to hurt her deliberately. For about 3 months we've been together, we've never had a serious misunderstanding not to talk of quarreling.

So guys have you experienced this before? If yes how did you manage it?
Thanks.

You can go to a brothel with a video camera and send the details to her...Goodluck.

She no lie sha..

femi4:
That's the definition of hypocrite. Hypocrites are unrepentant cos they believe they wrong no one by preaching what they don't do

Your thought.

To most men, it's good food,, to most women good sex.....REASON: There is an igbo adage that says "Nri bu nwoke[food is man]",, a man can take extreme measures just to release a fluid and it's all over, then sometimes he regrets going through all the stress just to cum......While ladies can live and die for good, mind-blowing and nerve-wrecking sex.

No comment,, buh I have to read comments...

lefulefu:
Could be is by the way u dress in ur pics or d way u pose. Forget about ur thick bear bear. There are guys with thick bushy Moses beards and iron muscles looking like hulk but then they are still gay as they come. If u fond of wearing pink skinny trousers then u have to change d trousers... If u dey like to pout ur mouth in ur pics then u have to stop pouting. Such behaviour fit mislead d gay clan that u belong to their fold.

Posting from experience??

Tripleanthony:
do you believe me now?

Yeah man.

The way she is so excited abou the pregnancy whilst not yet married is telling me she might have been barren before now...Happy for her though.

She had the courage to stand in front of such a crowd and pass a message, while you sit at home in front of your phone and shade....Idiocy at its apogee...SMH

Picture of the Linda and proof of her story or Iwon'tbilivit.

Pentools:
I can't overflog the fact that miracle is going thinner by the day what is really wrong and money never finish oo! I'm so concerned about a brother.

Negodu nwanne m' nwoke bu zi so isi...

HAHAHAHAHA

lefulefu:
really?... Make d man go marry a nympho. He will turn to letter 'I' after a month...peace of mind or no peace of mind.

Laughs....Better days ahead sha

lefulefu:
if the wife no sabi cook nko? there are men even when dem don marry dem go still dey visit mama put for their mornin and afternoon meals. And in the evenings dem go buy takeaway from GT. Na d ones wey marry women dat are wizards in cooking na dose ones body dey shine oo.

LOL....The chefchi types....Buh seriously broh,, I have come to a realization that constant sex without worries is the major thing that pumps a slim nigga into a fatty just months after marriage.....

I stand to be corrected sha...

Happy birthday nigga,, more grace to your Grace account...Pap something legit.

It goes a long way to tell you of the wonderful and enormous advantages of fvcking without worries[pregnancy, std's, broken condoms, etc]
,, coupled with nice meals


...Why won't you be more handsome than when you're single?

OfficialDad:
Brow, I'm suggesting that too. She's only trying to help, and i appreciate her for that.

I shouldn't be telling you the demerits of abortion....Don't go there.

BrainnewsRadio:
Beckham is also gay.

Seriously?

shammy0609:
U can invite her over and buy abortion drugs....thats much safer....tell her to use it and give her money for other painkillers....stay with her all thru if she doesn't feel pain or very distressed....she lied about being pregnant...thats if its yours and btw...u dont check for pregnancies that early...it takes up to 3 weeks or so
And if u re convinced the baby is not urs....just chill and do a DNA test...but since she doesn't want the baby in her way....well just go ahead with the first plan cos u wouldn't even see the baby at all to confirm if he is urs or nor

would you?

How could you be human enough to suggest abortion drugs and put her health/womb at risk?....Na wa tu you o.

OfficialDad:
I'm telling the truth, there is nothing to hide. She did a blood test and the result was negative before we broke up. I refused to send her away so that i won't present myself as inhuman or heartless. But i planned to take a long vacation.

Save yourself from incoming disaster ASAP!

Why did Beckham kiss him??