₦airaland Forum

No way was she 300kg. Even those morbidly obese people that we see in documentaries are not 300kg- 700 pounds. Haba Op, modify

tbaba1234: I am looking for an Office space in Ikeja for a charity organization.

Post picture, location, contact and expected rent.

Thanks.

Tell us more about the charity

In English, stop being Human. tsk!

stillwater: It's better we address both males and the females here. Nigeria is still a patriarchal society and taking off some responsibility from the men won't work. The men are still the deciding element on how they want their families to be run. Even if a woman decides on not having kids what can stop the man from going out to repopulate the earth again with another woman? So both should be accorded same responsibility on the number of kids they should have.

The issue of over-breeding has a lot to do with illiteracy. The people that really need to hear this likely wouldn't be logged in on an internet forum. So institutions where we have a large congregation of all types of people like the church should to be used to inform the public.

While I agree over breeding lies more with illiterate people, there are a lot of literates that believe that as long as they can procreate, they will. I had a friend once tell me that She won't stop having kids. what if she had just 3 kids and something happened to them and they all die? She would be left childless. According to her, it is best to have 5 to 6 kids to be safe. Can't really blame her. She lost 4 of her siblings at different points in time.

Nigeria.............a country impossible to satisfy.

honey86: True talk, but they will not listen. Our gateman has more kids than my parents, can you imagine that?.

My sister. I tire o. Like a friend said. 'Life is so hard for the poor man, his only comfort is sex with his wife' which is ironic because when they have more kids than they can afford, Life becomes harder.

Hello everyone. Hera again. Sharing with you some of the best article from her blog....

Yesterday, I was having an argument with an old friend (we have the same argument once a week and three things have been made clear. We enjoy the argument; We are NEVER going to agree and We both think we are right). The argument stems from his logic that the white man is still holding down the black man and is the cause for the high rate of unemployment, crime and all that. I am of the view that black people should stop blaming everything on the white man and take responsibility for their own shit (Like I said, we are NEVER going to agree)

This issue got me thinking about people who fail to take responsibility of their own actions and push it on others. Last week, I came across this video. To view the video, go to www.herapereira.com

For those who can’t view the video, It is about a lady, Angel Adams who has fifteen children. YES. FIFTEEN! Now the father of ten of the kids was sent to jail. She got kicked out of their apartment and had to move to a motel with twelve of the kids. Of course, Social Services were trying to help and a News Crew decided to cover her experience. It would have been a run of the mill story but during the interview, she said “Someone needs to be held accountable for all these children. Someone needs to pay for my kids.



Now this is not a race attack because any idiot can act like this. It is simply irresponsibility. Why should anyone have to pay for YOUR kids? When you were doing this deed that led to their being born, you never informed anyone [i]“Yo. Incase I get pregnant after this unprotected sex I am having, you are responsible….yo”. [/i]Well, she did eventually get a 6 room apartment from the government and what do you know? She is pregnant again!!! The audacity of the woman is amazing yet strangely it is not that uncommon in Nigeria.

There are a lot of Nigerian women with more babies than they can afford. In our grandfathers’ days, they had 4 to 5 wives and over 20 children, but they managed to train them all….most of them did. Now you see poor women who can barely feed themselves having 6 or more children. I recall an article in the Newspapers once. A commercial driver and his petty trader wife had 5 children and lived in a one bedroom flat. She got pregnant again and this time, she had quadruplets. That’s right. Four extra kids to add to the Five already. Now she was calling on the government for assistance. The reporter asked her why she decided to get pregnant after 5 children. She responded in pidgin “You know sey pikin na gift from God. Im say make we go forth and multiply” (Children are gifts from God. God said that we should go forth and Multiply)



A child is a gift from God. So is Rain, but when we go out, we still have to use our umbrella (Line stolen from the Movie “Fighting Temptation”, but you have to agree that it is very apt). Children are expensive gifts. Very expensive gifts. And just like you don’t buy an expensive gift when you can’t afford it, why have a kid if you cannot afford one. Birth control and protection is so easy and accessible right now. I acknowledge that mistakes do happen and one can get pregnant despite their best efforts at control, but when you get pregnant, one…..twice……thrice. At this point you are just insulting the word ‘mistake’



God said Go forth and Multiply. That was over 3,000 thousand years old, when the earth had like one million people. Now we have over seven Billion. Billion!!! I think there has been enough multiplying. The animals in the forests that have been torn down to make more room for us certainly thinks so. Please stop multiplying.

So single mothers or married mothers alike, It takes two to tango, no doubt but the responsibility lies more on you. No matter how much you like babies, never forget the baby would grow from that cute adorable doll to a child with needs and wants, a child you would have to feed, clothe and educate. The Economy is rough. Good schools get more expensive as the day goes by. Plan your kids and have the number that you are sure you can provide for comfortably, rather than having a lot of children and watch them struggle with hand me downs. Educate yourself on birth control. Stop BREEDING.

For more articles, be sure to stop by www.herapereira.com

She woke up that monday morning with a feeling of excitement and precipitation. Her cousin has finally come through for her. She had a job interview after two years of searching. She knew with her grades, she was an absolute shoo-in for the job, but she wanted to make an impression with her looks. She spent a long time on her makeup, making sure it was perfect.
She got to the interview on time. It started 50 minutes later than it ought to. She was eventually ushered in. The interview panel consisted of one man and two women . As soon as she stepped into the room, she noticed that the panel did a double take. The man held back a smile while the two ladies pursed their lips. She didn’t think anything of it and the interview went relatively smoothly.

A month had passed by and she had not heard anything from the company. She contacted her cousin who got her the interview and asked if he could find out why there was no call back. Later that evening, her cousin contacted her and informed that the panel liked her resume, but were extremely put off by her looks. He said that they thought her makeup was clownish and didn’t represent the kind of staff they were looking for. She was completely perplexed.

Now every girl loves a bit of makeup on. There are some girls that are so good at it that they could use a lot of products and still look as though they put minimal makeup. There are others who are better off natural and just a little makeup looks loud on them. There are some…..many girls who should never wear blush….NEVER. The key is finding out what works for your face. Back in school, I used black lipstick all the time. Now Present day Me cannot fathom the reason why School day me thought black lipsticks were cool………What the hell was I thinking? I still cringe anytime I come across any of my old pictures……(shudder).

Some girls don’t get that you cannot wear the same makeup that you would wear to a nightclub, to an interview or even during the day. A few years back, a girl and I used to commute to the office with the same bus transit( BRT). She always have the most outlandish eyeshadow and deep red lipstick with shiny lip gloss. She was a very pretty girl, so I always wondered why she needed so much. For me, it didn’t enhance her features, it diminished them. After a while, we became buddies. One day, we were discussing makeup and I remember asking her what she would do differently in her makeup if she were going to the club. She looked perplexed and responded ‘Nothing’. Go figure.
Now, I am no expert on makeup. (I am no expert on anything), but I believe less is always more. Look at the American celebs. They have a ton of makeup on (Google celebs without makeup and be amazed), but they manage to make it look effortless and not caked on. Our skin colour allows us to get away with different shades of eyeshadow but It should not be abused. Learn to dress for a occasion. Funerals, job interviews, workplace…………visit to your mother-in-law……..heavy makeup is a no no. Clubs, parties, weddings……..you can pack it on. Just don’t look like these ladies.

For more. Visit www.herapereira.com

Sorry, I don't know If I am posting this on the right forum. But I am not sure where it ought to be. Please Indulge me.

This is my story.

Growing up,I was always uncomfortable with people with disabilities. I would surreptitiously stare at them and turn away quickly when they caught me staring. I always wondered how tough their life was (make no mistake, it is a tough life). I cannot forget two encounters with people with disabilities. they changed my life forever and made me respect and appreciate them.

First encounter
2006- In my final year at the university, I was transferred to a new dorm. My next door neighbours included the cutest girl who used leg braces and crutches. Everyone treated her like an egg, so I did too. I felt so nervous around her because I was not sure how to address her. I always wanted to ask whether she was born that way or acquired it through an accident but I Knew asking was out-of-place (in English, none of my business). One evening, I walked to the gate leading into my dorm(which was a good 10 minutes walk) to order some ‘Meshai’(bread and egg prepared in a special way) and there she was. She had been dropped off by a male colleague because males were not allowed into the hostel after seven p.m. We struck up a conversation and for the first time, I began to see her not as that crippled girl next door whom everyone doted on, but a free-spirited girl with a mind of her own.
After our orders were done, we began to walk back. It was at a very slow place because I had to walk beside her. I got so bored that I blurted out without thinking “We would reach the hostel faster if I were to carry you”. Shit! I was so angry with myself for saying that and I was sure I had offended her. I turned to look at her and on her face was this big grin. She outstretched her hands. I then asked ‘For real?’. She let out a hearty laugh and said ‘Before?’. Me and My big mouth then carried her (once upon a time I used to be quite strong(feels like a lifetime ago) all the way to the hostel. It felt really nice.

That was the beginning of our friendship. I treated her like any normal girl and she really appreciated it. I remember yelling across the hall for her to come to my room. She would yell back that she doesn’t have her legs(that’s what she called her braces) on, that I should come over. I would respond, ‘Naaaa! I called first’ She would eventually come complaining that I was mean, and I did not sympathize with her conditions. I would point to my robust cheeks or big belly and say we all had conditions. People were astounded at how lightly I took her disability, but I realised she didn’t want to be treated like an egg. I never saw her again after school. I miss her.

The second encounter came 5 years later in 2011, during my Masters program in the University of Lagos. It was examination day and I had a paper for 12 p.m. I left my home at 8 a.m to beat the traffic and to get some last-minute reading done. There I was, trying to board a bus when I spot a man on crutches. That would not have been a big deal but I realised he was also blind. I wondered where this blind crippled man could be going all on his own without any helper. It seemed suicidal. All the bus conductors were yelling out their stops and when he heard his stop, he approached them and they just told him no. I struggled within myself on the right step to take. I had exams in 4 hours. I needed to revise. Still undecided, I approached him and asked where he was going. He mentioned a disability facilities at Yaba(I can’t recall if it is for eyes or for legs). I enquired why he didn’t take a taxi. He said he could not afford a taxi. I had some extra money on me, but it won’t be enough for a taxi either. I then asked what on earth would he be travelling alone when he can’t see. He smiled and said there was no one to take him and he couldn’t miss his appointment. Since his route was somewhat the same as mine, I decided to take him as far as I could.

Now, We needed to take 2 buses to get to the point where our paths would end. The first bus would take us from the point of entry to a place called Oyinbo, which was roughly 25 minutes without traffic. (There is always traffic, I estimated an hour). However, not a single bus agreed to take us. They would slow down for me and as soon as they saw me approaching with the man, the conductor would either hit the top of his vehicle signaling to the driver to move on or he would just say No. I was getting frustrated after 5 buses rejected us. Then I decided to split the journey. We would take a smaller bus to a bus park (named Mile 2) which would, in a sane place that is not Lagos, take 5 minutes. There, we would get empty buses heading to Oyinbo.He would have ample time to board the empty buses, without the conductors rushing him. We eventually got a smaller bus to stop for us. The conductor seemed very reluctant to take us, until I told him I would pay him extra. He suddenly became nice and helped the man into the vehicle.

8.53 a.m We got to the larger park at Mile 2 and there were several large buses all lined up waiting. To my dismay and frustration, they were refusing to allow him in. Some looked furious when they said no. Others looked sad and regretful, but they all still said No. At this point, I began to wonder at the incredible wickedness of the human heart. One would think I was travelling with a leprosy patient or a gorilla. At a point, I got angry. It was 9.25a.m. I was sweating profusely. Did I mention I was angry? I went to look for a police officer. I explained the situation to him. He nodded and followed me back and ordered one of the buses to take us. I was beyond upset that we needed to get a police officer for people to do the right thing.

10.45a.m After over an hour in traffic in what should have been a 20 minute drive, we finally got to Oyinbo. At this point, I decided I was going to put him in a taxi with the money I had left(since we were now closer to his destination) and get one of my colleagues to loan me money to get back home. Unfortunately, we were in the part of the park where taxis are not allowed to operate. Just commercial motorcycles and rickshaws. And again they were being difficult or charging really exorbitant rates. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I solicited the help of some of the local women selling their wares. They were beyond amazed that I was doing all this for a stranger and all chipped in to help us. One gave him a seat while we were negotiating and another gave me a sachet of water.(God bless them)
Finally we got a motorcyclist who asked for triple the cost to take him there. He was cheaper than the others, so I gave him the money. At this stage, I was ready to leave but for some reason, I could not trust the motorcyclist. So I decided at the spur of the moment to ensure that he delivered the man to the right destination. I went with them in another motorcycle. He got there safely. He was so thankful and grateful but at that moment, my mind was on my exams. I was running extremely late. I didn’t ask for his details and he didn’t ask for mine. I never saw him again……I never even asked him his name…..(Yes I made it to the exam with less than 10 minutes to spare and no time for revision, except the little I had done during the traffic. I got a B in that paper, so God looks after his children)

Many people are very uncomfortable around disabled people. For some, it is difficult to know how to relate to them. Do you treat them the way you treat normal people? For others, it is guilt related. I am normal and I am feeling so bad about my life, how would he(the disabled) be coping?. Others just feel helpless that they wish they could do something for them. Whatever the reason, we feel uncomfortable around them. I am no expert on dealing with people with disabilities because like normal people, their reactions at your approach would differ. But It is my opinion that they appreciate a little normalcy just like the rest of us.

Visit www.herapereira.com for more great posts.

Dear Hera,
This is my story. Well…..Not exactly my story, but my sister’s. She spends too much on her boyfriend. Way too much. It’s not as if she is very rich(she is just ok) and our parents are just average. This is a guy that we are not sure will end up marrying her. I have asked her several times why she does that. She responded that he spends on her too. Now I know he spends on her but not to the extent that she does him. She spent close to 300 thousand naira on his birthday and he did not spend up to 100 thousand on her own birthday. I don’t think it is right. She is the girl. Before you know it now, he will dump her for someone else after all she has done. Please address the issue. Will direct her to your blog to read your response. Thanks

Monica


Dear Monica, I am sorry. I am about to disappoint you. You may not like it(scratch that, you won’t like it). I don’t want to (yeah I do), but I one hundred percent disagree with your stance. I will gladly tell you why in a bit.

Women have come a long way from the days when we were not allowed to vote. The fight for equality has given our generation more rights than ever(Though personally, I think fighting for equality is complete bollocks. Men are Men. Women are Women. They cannot be treated the same. If it were so, men would be allowed to have maternity or is it paternity leave and women in heavy lifting jobs would be required to lift the same weight as men. I think the term ‘equality’ should be replaced with ‘equity’, that is, fair treatment to both sexes taking into consideration their unique features. (you go fear lawyer)

The more I understand women, the more I realise that (I am not generalizing all women,so please don’t send me an email accusing me of women hating) we don’t really want equality or even equity. For example, We want to be allowed to work and earn a living just like our husbands, but we don’t really expect that we should have to contribute to the running of the household when he can afford it. Likewise girls in a relationship, they expect that their boyfriends should buy them the latest bags, shoes, watches , Iphone, Galaxy tab, and the likes, while they gift the boyfriend with boxers and singlets. Girls. GUYS LIKE SHINY THINGS TOOO!!!.

If they are going to spend hard-earned cash in getting you gifts, then it should not be a freaking problem getting them stuffs too. Monica, if the case was reversed and the guy was the one spending 300k on your sister, you won’t blink an eye. It is sad that some of us girls have been conditioned with the ‘take take take’ mentality. This scenario you painted is not a case of a guy being a leech or just taking advantage of your sister. This is probably a guy who doesn’t earn as much as your sister does. I may be wrong but the dude IS spending on her even though she is spending more. She is NOT complaining. And he doesn’t have to marry her because he spends on her. Likewise girls don’t have to marry a guy because he spends on them (I can see you girls breathing a sigh of relief……thank God, I don’t have to marry that fat Alhaji…..STOP TAKING. Awoof dey turn Belle.)

Sorry, Monica. I am sure this is not the response you were expecting. But I have to be honest. We cannot say we want equality or equity and still be expected to be taken care of. It does not work that way anymore. It just doesn’t. Any party, be it girl or guy who wants to spend on their significant other and is not being forced, cajoled or manipulated into doing so, should be allowed to. I hope you would still bring your sister to re……(dodges dagger)….never mind.

My two Kobo(Last time, I wrote my two cents, people kept asking me for their cut. Kobo is practically worthless. so HA!!)

Drop a line. Let us have your views.

Have a story to tell, then email the op at herapereira@yahoo.com. Don't forget to visit www.herapereira.com if you enjoy this post.

biolabee: OP.. I believe the above quoted is hera's own response to morticia and kole's story

What is your own experience

Op is Hera. lol

taryour: @ op,I don't know how many mother in laws you have meet and lived with o to make you conclude most of them are diabolical,or are you just judging from stories and movies Do you know how many mothers are in Nigeria

Well my sweet mother in law(may God continually bless her and keep her for us all) isn't diabolical,neither is my own mother to her daughter in law and neither will I be diabolical to my future daughter in laws.
You are a woman too,do you intend to be diabolical to your daughter in law(s)

Did you read the post at all

Hello everyone, Hera here, So a reader of my blog sent me this story. We shall call her Morticia. This is her story


"Kole and I met during the National Youth Service. It was love at first sight...for me at least. After two years of dating, he took me home to his mother. I was nervous as expected but I never envisioned that the day would go so badly. She came to the door with a big smile on her face which faded very quickly as soon as she saw me. My heart skipped a beat and started to race. Does this woman know me from somewhere? Have I offended her unknowingly in the past? After we were seated, out of the blue, she asked me how old I was. I told her and she asked me to stop lying. Then all the red flags went up. The next hour, although awkward, went without incident. At one point, I was addressing Kole and inadvertently called him by my pet name for him 'Koolio'. She flared up and yelled at me to address her son by his proper name. I was beyond stunned. Kole came to my defense and said I was his future wife and I can address him however I wanted. She looked at me with pure hatred and I said I was the reason why her only son was talking back to her. She went into the room and didn't come out until we left

That was the beginning of the end. Despite numerous trips made by Kole, she just refused to accept me. The reason she gave people who asked, was that she had cooked food for me and I had looked at the food with disdain. For the life of me, I cannot remember that, but I called her immediately to apologise. I told her I was just a child. If I offended her, she should forgive me. She yelled and cursed and told me to get out of her son's life. At the point, Kole asked me not to interact with her anymore. It made me sad that I was planning a wedding and my mother in law was doing her best to sabotage it by calling her relations and spreading malicious tales about me. Even her husband could not call her to order. One day, she called her son and told him that I would never be able to give birth to a child, that she had a dream that I was barren. My fiance and I decided then to try for a baby before the wedding. So on my wedding day, I was 4 months pregnant and my mother in law still didn't come for the wedding. She is yet to see her only grandson. I have asked my husband severally to allow mediators made up of elder relations, to try to settle the matter, but my husband feels so betrayed that he has cut her off. I am so sad'

My response
Morticia, Morticia, Morticia. I am not trying to trivialize your pain, but from a movie point of view, you are so freaking lucky. Now in foreign movies, the bad mother in law is typically one that uses funny wise cracks to taunt or insult her in-law. The typical mother in law portrayed in our movies is diabolical and super evil. She is not just going to insult you with words,No No No..... she is going to insult your entire family tree dating back to the Kunta Kinte days. She is going to pour water on you...hot..cold....stinky....she is not picky. She is going to bring in another wife for your son. She is going to order you out of your home. She is going to initiate a fight and turn around to make it seem like you started it so as to get your husband mad at you. She is going to visit native doctors to turn her son's mind away from you. She is going to visit native doctors to try to kill you and your babies or she tries to do it herself because she is a witch. That is the typical movie mother in-law.


Aside from movies, we hear stories of horrid mothers in-law which made us believe that the movies must be true. Now these movies and horror tales made a lot of Nigerian girls, myself included extremely wary of mothers in-law. Some girls do wish their mothers in-law dead before marriage. I find that extreme but I do understand their mindset. I, on the other hand, have an awesome mother in law(Only seen her once since I got married a year ago, making her even more awesome, but seriously she is so cool and laidback). I have friends who are closer to their mother in law than their own mother as well as friends who completely shun theirs. There is no saying what kind of woman would end up being your in law, but I do think that the diabolical mother inlaw stance is a tad bit exaggerated. It is stereotypical to assume that most mothers in law are diabolical. We girls are going to mothers in law eventually. That would mean that majority of us girls would be diabolical mothers in law one day, which is fallacious.

So Share your tale. Do you think most Nigerian mothers in law are diabolical or is it just a small percent made to seem larger due to the stereotyping?

www.herapereira.com

My good friend Tokunbo sent me a material last night about her 2 bosom friends who are currently married to each other. She was instrumental in their meeting and they have been married for 5 years. Presently, it seems that they are going through a very rough patch and have both separately complained to her

For this purpose of this writeup, we will call them Ekaette and Akpos

“Ekaette’s complaint:
Ever since we got married, we don’t do anything anymore. No more outing or vacation, no more romantic surprises. Complains about money all the time but still finds money to get himself nice things. We have gotten to the stage of our marriage where everything is just routine. I believe he is so used to having me around that he just take me for granted. He doesn’t see me so I no longer bother to do the makeup I used to do anymore. What is the point?

Akpos’ complaint:
Ever since we got married, my wife doesn’t take good care of herself. She doesn’t get her hair done. Her nails are so plain. When we were dating, she is a knock out. A bombshell. A diva. All my friends were jealous. I was so proud to show her off. Now she just has 2 kids and she is looking like a village woman. I am not attracted to that. My mum had 6 kids and she still looked good for my dad. Why do women like to think ‘I am married, I no longer have to look good’ simply because Nigerian men are unlikely to divorce them for that? In other countries, the situation would be much different.

I will try to address from the both angles. First Ekaette….

So Ekaette believes that akpos is currently experiencing what is referred to as “see finish’ (a Nigerian slang indicating that there is no longer any mystery or excitement about a person or thing and as a result, the need to treat the person in a special way is no longer necessary). In other quarters, it is known as the seven year inch (though reports have shown that it is now three years six months…..getting shorter…chei!)

I am no marriage expert. Marriage is a tough tough business. It is inevitable that after a while living together, couples tend to take each other for granted. It is an age long issue. My grouse is that why does it still happen? It makes no sense. You know that see finish is likely to cause problem in your marriage and make the other party resentful. The resentment doesn’t begin over night. It grows over a long period of time. You watch the movies. Yet both parties do nothing until it reaches an unbearable stage? Why?……… Maybe I am just looking at it from a simplistic point of view and lack of marital experience, but you put effort in your exams to get a A. So consciously putting effort in spicing up your marriage should be a no brainer. Right? Yeah, life can be so overwhelming. There is no marriage that doesn’t suffer. But that is no excuse for treating your wife as a piece of furniture and vice versa. Ladies, you want to be wined and dined as you were when you were dating, I get that. But realise this.(in my Judge Judy’s voice) Not Gonna Happen!!!! (I love judge Judy). Things change after marriage. It sucks but it happens. The key is finding time to wine and dine atleast one in a while.

Now Akpos
Every woman knows that being married and having kids is no excuse to let yourself go. We may allow it happen, but we know it is no excuse. Yeah it is not easy to juggle the home, the husband, a job and kids but we have to do it. No one said marriage was fun and if they did, they lied to you(sorry)


When you let yourself go and u start dressing matronly in the house…..tying wrappers as many Nigerian women tend to do (why, I don’t get. I hate wrappers), do you honestly expect that he would want to take you out. Yeah, it is freaking stressful being a wife and mother but I think God engineered us to be able to multi-task. Is it unfair? Yes. Are too much expected from women? Yep. Do you have a choice? Nope.
This is a generation of extreme superficiality. Look at the Kardashians, Toddlers and Tiaras and the high rate of plastic surgery. Now I am not saying that you have to go to the extreme, but do your little bit. We are girls. We like to look good and your husband expects you to look good. It is stressful finding out time to take care of yourself, but always make out the time for you. The beauty of living in Nigeria which I miss greatly here is the ability to dump your kid off with your mother or your mother in-law and just have time to just chill. Make time for you. Forgo that saturday wedding and relax. Lie to those sunday visitors that you are not at home and relax. Cut whatever corner you need to and just RELAX.

When you find time to relax, you won’t feel frazzled. You would be in the mood to dress up again. When you feel good, you would want to look good. And when you look good, you definitely feel good.

Like I stated. I am no marriage expert, I can’t even pretend to be. I know it is easy to dole out advice and marriage are sometimes much more complicated than my simplistic solutions, but I believe Ekaette and Akpos’ situation is very salvageable. What do you guys think?


For more, visit my blog www.herapereira.com Thank you

[quote author=numerical_guy]Why conduct a survey only for you to turn around and give us your own personal opinion. If you interviewed more than 25 people and then gave us only 3 of the samples that are aligned with your own opinion, that your survey na ORIGINAL WASH![/quote]If you took out time to read, you would see I did a survey, gave my opinion (which i am entitled to do) and then ASKED the readers to give their opinion. You can give an opinion(which you are entitled to do) if you disagree. It is not that hard to understand Sir. I asked if I am being too judgmental and seeing the glass half full. If you think that I am, kindly say so.

pleep: I definitly agree that the only purpose of your survey, and your post, was to support a view you already had.

And for the record it not true.

While yes, nice guys, like the guy in the video, will stay nice no matter what happens to them. The story is completely different with guys like me.

I know if my current Gf, "broke my heart" or w/e especially if its by cheating, i would become a cold hard player for the rest of my college career. If its fun enough ill do it for the rest of my life... until im old and rich enough to fly in an 18 year old virgin from Kaduna

Like I had already stated. Before commencing this, I was of a 50 50 mindset that heart break do turn some guys sour and others just use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. But after consulting, i realize that it is like saying because your dad flogged you with ur belt and scarred you, you are going to flog your kids with belts and scar them. So heartbreak is just a wash. Again only 25 guys i asked and it is my opinion at the end of the day

pleep: Ladies you have to realize that the experiene of romance is completely different for men and for women.

You stated that women experience more heartbreaks then men, first of all that is not true, and secondly there are plenty of female players out there, even more than the males. What we call a "gold-digger" is essentially female player and from what i have heard such women are everywhere in Nigeria.

As for so called nice guys, ladies dont realize how much bitterness they are causing to build up in these men. Keep in mind that because society expect men to approach women, every male has infinetly more negative experiences with the opposite gender than the other way around. Most of them are small like getting rejected at the club etc.. but they build up and cause these men to generalize. Most "nice guys' i know have been getting absolutely shitted on since high school.

But thankfully for the ladies, most of these men will never change their behavior. Nice guy is in thier blood, and they have a low self esteem that gets worse with every rejection.... lol

But if such a man gets money..... phwam all bets are off and the biggest meanest jerk is unleased onto womankind.

I deliberately didn't ask any woman so that I would get only unbiased views o. Na only guys I ask

daduke2k: The most annoying thing about NL posters is that u will see a very long post and u will stay go ahead to quote it even when when u are dropping few lines still. Stop am ooo.
@op, that was a very long one but in answer to that lemme start with this;
If someone steps on ur toes and kEeps going, another thrEe persons does the same and keeps walking, vex no go catch u make u retaliate? U will even step on hundred peoples toes just to get the hang of it until someone holds u back and gets u to apologize. Relate that to ur post and see what I mean.

LMAO. I get where you are going, but imagine if those 100 people whose toes you have stepped their toes decide to go and step on 100 people as well. Now 10,000 people have had their toes stepped and decide to retaliate. It could go on and on.............sho get?

[quote author=numerical_guy]Your "research" seems to me like a poor attempt to justify your own personal opinion on the issue, if not why else would you decide to pick only three of more than 25 samples. Hence, the integrity of your "research" is suspect, abi na WASH!
Most girls hate to admit that heart breaks are the biggest reason why players are born.[/quote]First of all, my initial opinion was that it was a bit of both. Like I said I did interview 25,not 1,000 guys and I stated that there were a few dissenters but even the dissenters agreed that it was a 50 50 scenario. No one said It was true all the time. Again, It is my opinion at the end of the day

Yesterday I came across a video on YouTube and It made me profoundly angry, sad and disturbed.
It is Divorce Court. A woman left her husband with whom she had never had a problem, because he was being “Too nice”. That when he says “I love you” she is always waiting for him to hit her or something. That he says I love you too much. When the Judge said How much? She said twice a week……..

The Judge kept pushing her to find out why on earth she was leaving him and She came up with “He made her gain weight.” That he was such a good cook and was always cooking for her anytime she asked. He didn’t just make a sandwich. He always went all out to cook for her and hence he is the reason why she is fat. Did I mention that she had three kids for other men before she married him and he was raising them financially. I guessed the saddest part is that despite all this, he said at the end. “I wish the Judge had sentenced you to life with me’………….sob…………(the sob is me, not the husband. Grown ass men don’t sob. Something only gets into their eyes)

First of all, I have to mention that this ‘woman’ is not a representation of women folk, though I have to admit that we are the most confused specie in knowing what we want (Strong but Sensitive, Tough but sweet and all the other BS that romance novels have deceived us with). This lady was clearly used to being in abusive relationships and couldn’t handle it when a truly decent guy wants to be with her. It is saddening because millions of women are looking for this kind of guy.(My husband cannot find anything in the Kitchen even when he decides to cook which has been…….twice in the last year…………so I end up hovering around him while he cooks)

Despite how digusted I am by this lady, a comment on this video is the crux of today’s article. The commenter said that and I quote “this is how ‘playas’ are born.That no guy ever becomes one (a playa) without being disappointed by a woman” Realllllyyyy. Let’s analyse? Shall we?

So who is a playa? I googled Urban Dictionary to find out its definition of a playa.

Playa-
known love offender, known also as a notorious heart breaker, one who engages in flirtatious, seductive and/or scandalous liaisons of little to no meaning and/or feeling, with the opposite sex.

Sounds like an absolutely horrid person right? So I wondered If truly one(or two or a thousand) heart breaks could turn an absolutely nice guy into this. Is it true in any or all circumstances? Even in some stupid Love movies, the Romeo always starts off as a womanizing jerk and later we find out that the reason for that is because of some heartbreak he suffered earlier. As I always do, I conducted a survey with over 25 male friends (some single, some married) to find out their opinions whether the assertion that ‘Behind every playa lies a broken heart was true or was a Wash’ ( A wash is a slang meaning A Line to deceive). The overwhelming consensus (aside a few dissenters here and there) was WASHHHH!!!!!

You have got to love guys. They are brutally honest even about themselves
Now I cannot list all the views, but I am going to just put three that I believe were the most poignant

OmoOba Yusuf- A playa is a playa by choice. Heart break doesn’t produce playas. A lot of guys have been heartbroken but still respect women and are committed to their new relationship. Girls suffer more heart break than boys. Are they now “playa-resses”

Okechukwu – No such thing. It is such a title given to a guy that preys on weak girls. Because No one can successfully be a “playa’ without making mistakes. So simply the woman chooses to ignore them. If a woman were to dump a guy’s ass when she knows he is cheating, there would be no such thing as playas. No guy is that smooth. The girls just ignore the signs.

Henry- Wash! Every guy has a natural proclivity to bed several women, it just takes a combination of discipline(rooted in moral or religious consideration), financial wherewithal, fear of STDs to curb such natural inclination. (Way too many Big words Henry(We lawyers like to overcomplicate issues with big words). In Translation, Everyone can be a “playa’, But they CHOOSE not to. (See how much easier it sounds when I say it. Ha Ha)

So by now you have probably figured out whose side I am on. I personally believe it is a BLOODY WASH. Let’s face it. Over 90 percent of people have had their heart-broken by one person or the other. If the entire 90 percent decide to become “playas’, who is left to be played? I have always been a staunch believer of “He slaps you, Slap him back’ not “He slaps you, you go to his house, slap his mother, father and nephew and on your way out, slap the neighbour and the old lady walking by as well” That is exactly what guys who give the excuse of previous heartbreaks as a reason for becoming playas, do. They hurt people who are not responsible for their hurt. It’s like an Aids carrier who decided to sleep around with the intention of infecting others. It is wrong. It is sick. Being a playa is nothing to be proud of.

That being said, ladies also have a hand in this. Ladies seem to have an attraction for bad boys….rebels. It’s sad that some perfectly nice guys believe that they have to fit the bad boy image to get the girls that they like. You see girls crying over guys who constantly cheat on them and yet put guys who would treat them like a queen in the friend zone. Do we have a problem? Definitely….. It applies to both sexes, though mostly to women. Treat people right. It’s not that hard. You CANNOT change people. People choose to change themselves. Playas choose to be Playas. Nobody made that change for them. That is it. It is not complicated.

P.S If your heart were to truly break, You would be dead. Who invented the word anyway?

My dear readers alike, Am I being too judgemental and only seeing the glass half full?
Drop a line, let’s converse.
Do you enjoy my posts? If you do,visit www.herapereira.com to read more. Thank You

dasparrow: @Post

I once had a yoruba friend of mine. As the years went by, she wanted me to learn how to speak yoruba. Mind you, I was not born in Nigeria and the few years I spent in Nigeria were spent in non-yoruba speaking states. My ethnicity is equally non yoruba. So, I found it weird that she would want me to learn yoruba and this is in the USA by the way. To cut a long story short, we are no longer friends (for a different reason though) and I have learnt in real life to generally keep Nigerians at arms length because I found out the hard way that the average Nigerian bred cannot see past one's tribe/ethnic affiliation.

I cannot disagree with you that the average Nigerian places way too much emphasis on tribe/ethnic affiliation, but they may not have bad intentions. Like My yoruba friend who read this article explained. Yoruba is such an awesome language that they cannot understand why any one won't want to learn it

Ngozi “You know we Igbo girls we too like money”
Morenike “LOL”
Next day………….
[i]Morenike “You know you Igbo girls una too like money”
Ngozi “Are you mad? How dare you say that about us? You Bigot!!!!
Morenike “eh…eh…Huh?”

[/i]Sound familiar? No? How about this then?

Jackie Chan “whaz up my nigga”
Black Bartender “What did you just say?”
Jackie Chan (slowly) “Whaz up my nigga”
Bartender grabs Jackie and attempts to strangle him. Other man tries to break his hand and generally the men in the bar try to kick his ass.

If you are white or any other race that is not black, you know by now that calling a black man a nigga is a big NO NO. In fact even calling your white friend a nigga is a big NO NO.
Yet blacks call themselves Nigga all the time and any white person who says it, is termed a racist. Tupac best defined the distinction between the two.

NIGGER- a black man with a slavery chain around his neck.

NIGGA- a black man with a gold chain on his neck.


Earlier on, I found it extremely hypocritical (I still do in some ways) Like how can you tell if the white guy is saying ‘Nigger’ or Nigga’( I wonder how many people actually know that the word “Negro’ means black in Spanish, Portuguese and Italian.)Don’t they sound the same?

Black guy: Hey cracker.

White guy: You can’t call me cracker, that’s racist. Now if you change 2 letters and call me a cracka, it’s all good.

Black guy: That doesn’t make any sense.

White guy: See how stupid it sounds when you guys do it.


If you believe that the word negro has been tainted by slavery and find it derogatory, do NOT call each other that(it sounds pretty simple but apparently its harder than it seems). Did you know that the term “Black” was deemed offensive before the 1960s, that was why the term Negro came into being? (You can read that up on Negro). As I grew older and reality set in(I do hate reality but I hate growing older even more) I realise a LOT of us are guilty of this in one way or the other. Let’s look at some examples.

1. Girls calling each other bitches but are ready to leave a stiletto on a guy’s head when he calls them that.


2. I have a friend who hails all his friends “Ode (fool), how far?”. However, let a stranger or an acquaintance greet him in the same way and all hell breaks loose

3. Me personally I hate when people insult my University except you went there yourself. Yeah, I know the school was crap most of the time, but its MY crap and the crap of all the other students that went there, not yours. It ain’t your business. (Strangely, I am not offended when people tag Edo girls as prostitutes, same as some whites don’t care if they are called cracker. If only we could brush all slurs aside)

4. Rodney Dangerfield, Woody Allen and John Steward makes fun of Jewish people all the time. You make fun of them. You are labelled Anti semitic.

5. You calling your brother or cousin a loser but if a third-party were to call them same, you are ready to beat them to death with a toothbrush.

The list is endless. I know it is double standard to think that it is ok for you to say something and not ok for me to do the same, but we all do it. We are Human. One of the beauty of being Human is our irrationality(imagine a world where we all applied common sense (which is strangely not so common) all the time). So I realise it is hypocritical to get so mad at black people doing the same when we all do it in varying degrees. (Not that i don’t mind being hypocritical, but only when money is involved..)

In conclusion, the mindset of many people is simply put -it is ONLY ok when I say it, but when you say it, it’s NOT okay. Simple? Yes. Fair? No. Caring if it is fair? Nope.


For more amazing and original articles, visit my blog at http://herapereira.

lol

Dear Hera Pereira,
You don’t know me but I read your blog. The story about the Most Exclusive Club Poo really got to me. I am 32 years old and unmarried. All my besties (5 of them) are married. Some have kids and others are expecting. Just found out last week that they had a reunion of sorts last week and I wasn’t invited, even though we all stay in lagos and have no issues. I felt really hurt. It’s really hard being over 30 and not married. Everyone assumes you messed up your chances. I was in a relationship for 9 years and he left to marry someone younger. Since then, I haven’t gotten anyone that I want to be married to. My parents are making my life a living hell and so are my relations. I have become the brunt of jokes at family gatherings. My two younger sisters got married at 23 and 26. They are supposed to be there for me, but are even worse, calling me ‘old cargo’ and telling me to ‘go and marry’. They claim they are only joking. I am a good person and I know my husband will come, but it is so so so hard living each day. Please could you write an article to address this? Thank you

Felicia (not real name)


I became very sad reading this mail because I have friends in the same boat. Now I cannot personally relate with the feeling as I had gotten married at 25, but I do understand a bit of the pressure foisted on girls. So, I decided to do some research by asking some people on the view at the topic. I got interesting and diverse feedbacks.

It quickly became obvious that majority of my contributors believed the girl must have messed up somewhere. They believed that it is always the girl’s fault and gave a list of likely scenarios.
1. Some guy were serious about them, but because the guy wasn’t buoyant, he was kicked to the curb;
2. They were wayward when younger and now are calling foul when 30 creeps up on them
3. There is obviously something wrong with their characters because no “good’ girl would be single at 30
4. They were too caught up with their careers
5. They are plain ugly. (This was from a slowpoke)

Some believed that some guys are just asses and time wasters and that is one of the major reasons. Some girls are so stupid in love that they allow guys string them along until they have reached an age where the guys considers them too old and leaves.

Surprisingly enough,almost no one felt that perhaps they were just not ready at that time. I personally believe that every girl has a phase when they are not ready to settle down. They want to live a little before moving from one master (father) to another master (husband). (yeah it is Africa! Men are still the freaking bosses, I don’t like it but I admit that it is a man’s world). I experienced my phase back in Law School. My sister is currently experiencing her phase. Of course, the phase should not last for too long, but for some girls, it does.

Having considered the reasons why some girls hit 30 unmarried, we are going to address the pressure. Every Nigerian girl approaching a certain age gets what I call “THE TALK”. This is where your mother calls you into her room and starts asking you about your boyfriend, his intentions and when you are going to settle down. I had THE TALK at 24, which I always felt was very unfair because………….ummm….I was 24. THE TALK can be extremely uncomfortable for most girls especially as you are probably not even dating. When you hit 30, the talk becomes more and more frequent. Soon the father, aunties and any general amebo get into THE TALK. Society takes great pride in shaming single girls that are over 30. It is very sad.

At this point, some girls become very desperate. they end up settling with any one or becoming 2nd wives. One of my contributors (he is 36) says he would never marry a girl above 30 because first of all, his mother would never approve; she must be of bad character of sorts and he always smells the desperation in the ones he meets …”Like a hungry dog in a chicken pen”. I then asked him what if he meets her in the church or mosque. He exclaimed that was even worse. Such a person is either highly pretentious just to get a husband or has really done some really bad things with her life before running to God. His advise – they marry a widower, or become a 2nd wife or just concentrate on their careers and have kids. I can’t blame him much. He is a product of society.

I can only imagine how hard it is for girls to hit 30 and be unmarried, but come on people! Is it better to be married at 22 and divorced by 30? Is it better to be married at 22 and be unable to have kids until you are 30 and above? Is it better? No it is not. Life doesn’t always run smoothly. I cannot disagree that it is sometimes the lady’s fault but sometimes it isn’t. Everyone wants to have a family at the end of the day. It is not easy being the one that is subject to all the gossips because you are not married. Men do not grow on trees. Marriage is a serious business and many women do NOT want to settle and why should they. You that is pressurizing them to marry, would you come and live in their house? No, you won’t. Now I do understand that parents want the best for their kids, but making the girl feel inferior because she isn’t married is not what she needs.

As for the friends, My previous article says it all. Grow up. Treat your friends well. Set her up on dates with serious minded people if you truly care. Yes, you might know that she is to blame for not seizing the opportunities, but that was not why you become friends with her in the first place, is it? (except you don’t trust your hubby around her…food for thought)

So if you are over 30 and unmarried, take a chill pill. It’s very hard. but do not settle. It makes no sense to be married at 32 and divorced at 35. Men can sense the desperation. It is very off-putting. You might be worried about your biological clock, but Hally Berry just became pregnant again at 46, so you will be good.
And those in their 20s, don’t waste your youth. We are women. God gave us the ability to multi-task. Work on your career and work on building relationship with good guys. Don’t be blinded by love o. You can spot time wasters. shake them off and move on with your life. If the guy who is good for you isn’t where you need him to be, there is nothing wrong in helping him in whatever way you can. And those who spend their youths on a wayward path,(my experience has always been that the ‘runs’ girls marry first, so if you don’t know when to quit like the others and settle down……that you deserve whatever you get)

So drop a line, do you think that single shaming is a big problem in Nigeria in particular or is a trend around the world? how do we put an end to it?

To read more on the Most Exclusive Club poo and other great articles, visit http://herapereira.

“So you don’t speak yoruba?” She asks incredulously
“No.” I respond
“Why?”
“Because I am not yoruba”
“But every one speaks yoruba”
“No, Everyone speaks English”
The above conversation is something I have heard my whole adult life and it is really starting to get on my nerves. Let me back track.
Yoruba happens to be one of the three major ethnic groups in my country(We have 250). I happen to belong to one of the other 250. Now I grew up in Lagos, which is technically a yoruba state, but is the commercial hub of Nigeria, so every tribe lives there and EVERYONE speaks a form of English be it pidgin or otherwise. My High School was owned by an Igbo man and frankly everyone spoke English. My worst subject was Yoruba (we had to undertake at least one language course and there were two options-Yoruba and Igbo, soo..emmm…yea). Suffice to say, I always had Ds..(I think I had one C once). Long story short, I skipped it in the final exams (As it turns it, it wasn’t so important, and it didn’t spoil my perfect GPA)
So I go off to the University and there it started. Now my university was in my homestate (not a yoruba state) and being private and expensive, it was open to any tribe who can afford it. Fortunately or unfortunately, I happen to have 3 yoruba roommates, who couldn’t believe that I didn’t know the language. Their shock was always so amusing. I would ask them, why do I have to learn it? They would be like, you live in Lagos. I respond….EVERYONE lives in Lagos. They would insist that I have to learn it because people would insult me in Yoruba if I didn’t. (I will come back to this point later). I always diffuse the situation, promising to learn it one day. This went on and on for 5 years.
Now, in my opinion, this isn’t a trait that other tribes adopt because I spent one year in the north(before Boko haram). Many people don’t even speak English but they don’t really care. I found the northerners very accommodating. Then my favourite lines were “Ba hausa’ (No hausa).They would smile and try to explain whatever needs explaining in fleeting english. So I adopted the same for the Yorubas in my life saying “Mi o gbo Yoruba” (I don’t understand Yoruba). Their response is either but you are speaking it now. or the usual ‘Why’. Why WHY WHY……I am really tired of being asked why I do not understand a language that is neither my mother tongue or the official language of my country.

And like a glutton for punishment, I got married……………to a yoruba man. (Yeah, face palm). Fortunately, he is cool with it and is amused by my attempts to speak it. His parents are cool as well and we communicate with wonderful English, but people won’t just leave me ALONE!!!!

In our Bahrain women society, there are majorly yoruba women. Now there is just I and other lady who are also married to yoruba men and are not yoruba. So when we are hassled about it, she says she intends to learn. I say the truth, I am not interested in learning. They always seem shocked that I am not willing to learn. One would think that my abrupt answer is enough to make them leave me alone, but nooooooooo.
So last night, the issue came up once again. I said I won’t learn a language because people EXPECT me to. I will learn it because I WANT to and because I want my kids to know their father’s language. Aside from that, there is no amount of harassment that would bully me in learning. Again she respond. “You have to learn it now, its your husband’s language and you would know when people are insulting you”. My response. “People can insult you in any language…. igbo,yoruba, greek, french, italian… Are you going to learn all the languages so you would ‘know’? Why would I care if someone insults me in something I don’t understand? How does that affect me?” Her response “Aisha is a lawyer.She likes to argue’. (WOW, on a topic I didn’t bring up. what a real mature response) Was I offended by that? Yea I was a little,but it was not worth it

Now I want to know. Why do yorubas always give the reason of being insulted in their language as a reason to learn it? Are they saying that they are very insulting, because that is not a compliment to them and definitely not a good reason for anyone to want to learn the language.Now I know a number of non yoruba girls married to yorubas who have learnt the language. Kudos to them. I also know those who haven’t. As long as the people who matter do not complain (and if they do, that’s another topic for another day), it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. As long as I can communicate with everyone, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And if you choose to insult me in a language that I don’t understand, then that’s NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
Sorry, I know this is a rant, but I am QUITE fed up.
So drop a line. Am I being overly dramatic?

For more great articles, visit http://herapereira.

Hello Hera, Well done. Oya address this issue. Why are Nigerian girls so greedy eh? They expect a boyfriend to pay their school fees; their stupid brazilian hair, their fake nails, their clown makeup? Why? Girls that don’t know who Gucci is, expects a boy to get them Gucci bags. Wetin dey worry una? (LMAO). I invited a girl that I was asking out to see a movie with me at Ozone Cinema and she came with two of her friends. Then she asked me to pay for them and not to disgrace her. Like WTF? I am not even your boyfriend yet, if I become one, it means I will be feeding your whole dorm na. The trend is really bad and I think it’s just Nigerian girls because I am presently in London and the girls here are independent and take care of their own bills. Now I am not saying that a guy cannot provide for his girlfriend if he wishes to, but it’s not his job. Nigerian girls dey over do. LET THEM KNOW OOOO!!!!!

KELVIN

Yes Sir! Kelvin. E dey pain you abi? lol. I will let them know. We shall address the issue.

Now, as a girl, I agree that Nigerian girls have really begun to over do it. It seems like a boyfriend has to provide for his girl’s wants no matter how outrageous. I have never really understood the mindset of both parties but upon further survey and analysis, I have come to realize that both party blame the other for the trend. Below are 4 girls and 3 guys who gave me the viewpoint of the issue. (presentation is mine)

Girl one Stella – Philippians 1:6. He who starts a good work must finish it (at least this is how she quoted it). A guy approaches a girl with promises of heaven and earth when he is wooing her. He takes her out, spoils her with gifts and all. And now that he has gotten her, he wants to stop. Lie Lie!. He shall finish what he started. He will give her that heaven and earth. This is the impression he gave in the beginning. he cannot, after she has agreed to date him, rescind on the verbal agreement. He should park well.

Girl two- Carol- My friend’s boyfriend is taking care of all her needs (or so she says). When do I have to be spending my own money taking care of myself when I have a boyfriend as well? Is he any different from the other guy? My friend is flaunting all the things her guy bought for her and see me here carrying last. Hell No! I should be able to talk my own too.

Girl three- Lara- Guys are just dogs. They are never faithful. You give them your heart, food and your body and they will still cheat on you with every passing girl. So at the end of the day when he leaves me for a newer model, what do I have to show for it? nothing. zilch. Na, while we are still together, he must provide for me. Abi isn’t it services I am providing.

Girl Four – Ngozi- Guys too dey complain. If a girl is self-sufficient, they will say this one won’t listen to them. Their ego kicks in and they dump the girl. If a girl is demanding from them, they complain that the girl wants to finish their cash. Bo. Their wahala is too much. They should make up their minds.

GUYS

Guy one- Afolabi- Nigerian girls are greedy and materialistic. End of story. All they see is how their friends who are probably runs girls(Nigerian slang for student call girls), are displaying designer wears and they want to feel among, and then they start harassing their boyfriends to dole out hard-earned cash on them. e easy. they should go and do what their friends are doing and leave guys and their money alone jo.

Guy two-Chucks- Girls seem to have forgotten what a boyfriend is. He is someone who you are attracted to and/or love. He is not your bank or your chauffeur. he is not the one to pay for your friends. Yeah, he can get you things but it’s not his job to do so.

Guy three- Joshua- Its the fault of all these stupid pot-bellied old men. They lure our girls with cash and then the girls are accustomed to the lifestyle and expect their boyfriends to foot the bill. Na wash?

Hmmmm……. so these are the opinions of some Nigerian girls and guys. Now everyone made some ‘good’ points. I am going to reserve my view on the issue and throw it out there to my readers. Let’s debate the issue.
If you are a Nigerian, what do you think is the genesis of this trend? Who is to blame.

.
For more humourous relatable articles peppered with common sense. Visit http://herapereira.

A lot of blogs here doing the same entertainment gists. hmmmm.............There is room for all, I suppose

Hi, Name is Aisha. Nickname Hera after the goddess in Greek Mythology and also because i am bad-a**. Surname Pereira. (hence HERA PEREIRA. fancy right )Now my blog stands out from the crowd. With quirky, original and relatable articles (not found ANYWHERE ELSE) delving from love, marriage,body image to racist dogs, moral lions and zombies........my goal is to make you smile and think(Or you could just smile. thinking is for newspapers). There is something in it for everyone.

Give it a try. If you are not entertained, MB back guaranteed. http://herapereira.com/

Thank u

A few months back, I was at a Max shop in Manama with some Nigerian ladies. We were looking at some baby clothes and out of the blue, one lady says ‘Shey you know you are fat’. Raising my eyebrow,I responded “NOO!! Really??’ and she nodded “really”. (I really hate it when people don’t get sarcasm). I found this quite offensive, not because it wasn’t true…………..technically, but it was ill-timed and tactless.
There are a million and one articles and commercials about overweight people. Every Tom, Akpos and Harry have one or the other magic weight loss formula out there, promising quick results. Reality shows like Biggest loser,Extreme make over-weight loss, super size vs super skinny all focus on this. While I cannot undermine the usefulness of eating right and getting healthy, the article is more about fat shaming.
Lets face it. We don’t like fat people.(Using the word fat for morbidly obese people). Yeah, they are funny to look at, but when we see an obese person, the first thing that goes on in our heads is “damn, why would she let herself get this way?’. Some cases of obesity are hereditary, most are lack of willpower and exercise. However the word “fat” is being brandished around for those even slightly overweight. Like my awesome self. I never did consider myself fat growing up. I felt fit, i felt agile. i could do most things even skinny people can’t do. But I was told I was fat. then I was 165 pounds. So i decided to do something about it. Enter in the fad diets, the drugs, the energy drinks. I yoyo-ed myself to a whooping 198 pounds. Was I heavier, yes? Could I still move like a champ ……definitely (in my mind atleast). I had built more bulk and had the most annoying belly and back fat to deal with. One thing I took away from my yoyo diet experience was my love for exercise. (from Zumba,taebo, hip hops abs, belly dancing, walking…..still hate to run and i hate Pilates).

Now I find the word fat offensive. Yeah you probably have an eyebrow raised like why? Fat is fat. A lot of political correctness BS right? Yea, it may be a political correctness BS, but many people do find it offensive. Most people know that they are fat, they DON’T need you to spell it out for them. Employ some tact when dealing with over weight people. Don’t go telling them that they are fat, they need to lose weight. They know that. Except you are family, close friend, a professional doctor or dietician, please shut up. Thank u.
Now the terms I prefer are plus size (thank u Tyra Banks for introducing me to that word), obese or morbidly obese. Even overweight sounds less offensive in my opinion.Yeah i could feel some of the readers rolling their eyes. Plus size….. fat….kini difference. this is the difference.

So to all my plus size ladies, love your body no matter the shape. If you are not happy with it, do something ABOUT it, but please educate yourself before embarking. Even if you are happy with it, never forget the health risks involved.

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I think its unfair to single out Geneveive when other ladies wore similar stuffs too. Why didnt Funke make it to the worst dressed list then, or the other lady, whoever she is.

In the interview that the husband granted in a party 2 or 3 years ago, he said that he hates media attention and he hates having his picture taken; that the celebrity is his wife. Even in her reality show, he yelled at d cameraman for trying to include him. Let's try do our homework before assuming she is ashamed of him. Haba!