₦airaland Forum

I am very surprised at some of the comments being made here. Obviously many people did not follow the case and is basing it on racial sentiments. GZ was the neighborhood watchman. His neighborhood has been riddled with burglary. Two weeks before the incidence, two black teens were arrested. Its sad that no one really listened to the 911 call. If you had, you wont be saying all this(not the edited one by ABC that they withdrew and are currently being sued for). In the call, he reported that he has seen a boy on a hoodie acting suspiciously, stopping to check out houses (which is odd because it was raining). The 911 operator asked if the suspect was white, black or Hispanic. He said "he looks black". He was asked to stay there and he responded "This f******g punks always get away" Then he said "he is running" and the door was heard slamming. The 911 reporter asked if he was following him. He said yes. they said "we don't need you to do that" (that's not an order from the police. He has the right to follow. Its his job).
Wonderfully enough, Martin's wonderful girlfriend testified that Martin was already close to his father's fiancé house. why did he not go in? Why was he found almost 180 degrees away? and when he referred to Zimmerman (who is Hispanic,not white) as a "weird ass cracker", why is that not viewed as racist? The media only showed 12 year old pictures of him, not the 17 year man who looked thuggish with tattoos and gold teeth. They didn't allow evidence that Martin was currently in suspension from school for hitting a bus driver, that a few weeks before he was found with stolen jewelry. They disallowed the text from his cousin asking Martin to teach him how to fight. They failed to mention that the mother said in her initial interview that he was such a problem child that she had to send him to live with his father. All this was disallowed in court because he was a minor, which is understandable, but repressed by the media to what end? Because they wanted to portray the boy as an innocent kid and not a possible thug that he may or may not have been. Cos his record would show reasonable doubt.

Then the controversial 'help help' recording, which was taken by the neighbor who saw someone wearing red (Zimmerman) being beaten under and called 911. His testimony was never controverted or punctured in any way. GZ had even told the police that he had called for help before the existence of the tape was even known. Then Martin parents tried to claim that he was the one calling. Yet earlier Martin's father had told the police that it was not his son's voice. when he was cross-examined on that fact, he said that the police mis-interpreted him. You don't have to take my word for it. The whole trial is on Youtube for your viewing. the evidence are all online. Read them all and then decide, but not by listening to propaganda.

People saying that he chose to get out of his car. It was his job too. This is an Hispanic that has no racial prejudice history. For heaven's sake, the guy is brown. His papers identifies him as Hispanic since he was born. don't know when he became a white man. He was beaten up. His head has lacerations and his nose was swollen. Martin had no injury on him except d gun shot wound and a laceration to his knuckle. Self defence is not a crime. And hopefully will never be.

There was so many things wrong with the case. The police didn't see a crime and let him go until some people started a very false propaganda that I initially believed and supported to get him arrested. I was bitterly disappointed when the evidence started surfacing. Obama even had a federal team investigate Zimmerman for racial crimes and he was found not guilty. He did not just go and shoot a black kid walking. He shot a black man beating him up. How is he supposed to know if he was 17 or 18. Martin was way taller than him. As for his MMA history, the instructor testified that he was "horrible" and he had told him he only did it to stay fit and hopefully one day learn how to do it. Having some MMA training doesn't mean you cant be beaten in a surprise attack. There was no need to fight at all. If Zimmerman wanted to do James Bond, he wont bother calling 911. He would just trail the kid on his own, but he didn't do that.

You don't have to take my word for it. The internet is your friend. The trial was televised. Long and tedious hours to watch, but fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.do your own research. His acquittal is beyond right

[quote author=ewet]Its only here you find this issue of discripancy in the appropriate ramadan commencement dates.

The arabs who are the progentors of islam have their own calender called the Hijri-arabic or hijra-english. This calender is diff from the gregorian calender which we have adopted here in naija.

The gregorian calender is the usual 12 months january to december which we are used to. The hijri on the other hand is based on the lunar trajectory which is similar to the chinese calender. The hijri is also a 12 month calender which commences with the month of muharram as the fist month and ends with Dhu al-hijja as the 12th month.
The hijri calender also consist of btw 354 to 355 days similar to the western gregorian calender. We are presenly in the 1434 AH according to the hijri and this year commenced on exactly the 14th of november 2012 and we are in the 9th month which is the month of fasting called Ramadan.


The month of rmadan is the 9th month of the hijri and the month set aside for the annual fasting in islam. There is no controversy whtsoever. [b]If you shuld go to saudi-arabia today,every1 commences fasting today 9th of july 2012 which is the 1st day in the month of ramadan.[/[/b]quote]


That is untrue. I am in the middle east and we are starting tomorrow on the 10th.

Source

Why is no one asking the important questions? Should the fundraiser not be shut down now that they have exceeded the amount? Not everyone reads Linda Ikeji. People that are unaware of this development are stil sending money to the account. The massive publicity he used to send the message out should also be used to tell people that the figure has been reached. I can only guess that the money has exceeded 20 million right now. Is OJB going to give the rest to other people in the same condition or does he have the right to pocket it?? Where is the accountability? Those are questions that we ought to be asking right now.

Hello everyday. Happy Sunday. Now a bit of good news. Read yesterday on Yahoo that a man who started an exercise regime, developed an illness called Rhabdomyolysis (the ‘R’ is silent….I think). His muscle fibers deteriorated to the point that his urine turned to Coca-Cola (his words, not mine). I am totally going to ignore the fact that this was P90X Insanity, which as the name implies, is arguably the toughest regiment out there, and the guy who had not exercised in years jumped into the rigorous program that his body obviously wasn’t ready for. I am going to ignore all that and say ‘EXERCISING MAKES YOU SICK’

Husband- Are you not working out today?

Me- What? Are you kidding? Don’t you know that doing exercise now gives you Rhabdomyolysis? eh hen!!! That’s your plan abi. You want me to fall sick and die so that you can marry another wife (breaks down crying)

Husband (confused)- huh?

Ok, the above scenario has not happened yet, but I intend to use in the nearest future

www.herapereira.com

No source or Newspaper link given for this news. Just a colourful sign of PUNCH. Its getting harder to know what news to trust.

Entertainment Blogs had Always annoyed me because most times I had already read the news on Nairaland or on Yahoo. AtleasT they should take time to edit the words. I have even seen blogs with the same headings as Linda Ikeji. No originality. Then I stumbled upon blogs like tls. which has some of the best fictions I have ever read and gistdotcom which is so entertaining and original that I believe there is hope for blogging in Nigeria. They encouraged me to start a blog too(which is so 100 percent original). I would love to read a blog on photography taken in unique locations in different parts of the country, but I don't think it would ever be popular as "two headed baby born in Lagos" or "Rita Dominic's outfit. Hot or Not?" So when the Nigerian audience is ready for more authentic contents, the proliferation will end. Until then, we are stuck with that hot or not garbage.

Fhemmmy: How would i measure the her successfully dealt with other couples with similar problems . . .

She will have records, won't she? Will you measure the number of times your doctor has done an operation before you allow him do it on you?

First, the article said Head scarf, not Purdah. so it was not covering her face. Secondly, I cannot believe how many 'Christians' are justifying this. So because some misguided Muslims have committed heinous crimes, its ok for it to happen to innocents?? Its like saying a Catholic man rapes a boy and it not being a big deal because of the rape scandal that happened in the Catholic church a few years back. What is wrong is wrong. WE should never justify evil. Ever. How many Muslims come and justify Boko Haram killings? How many Muslims have died in the hands of the Boko Haram? Its sad that some people want to demonize Islam, when all they are doing is showing how impure their hearts are. Sad indeed.

Fhemmmy: I see where you are coming from, but experience in book when it comes to psychology and medicine are not same . . . A counselor that is yet to marry has nothing to offer me than what she has read in a book, and again, most of the books are written for a different culture than ours . . .
What will he/she tells me to do if i am facing a rough marriage? he/she is yet to experience one

what if the counselor has successfully dealt with other couples with similar problems like yours?

Thanks for all the comments. Just one observation. I read earlier that when someone wrote that unless the counselor has been married successfully for many years, he will not be willing to go to one. I beg to differ. It is like saying unless a doctor has delivered hundreds of babies, he cannot deliver mine. Counselors are specially trained. They don't need to have 20 years experience in marriage before they can give marital advice. All they need is the skill and experience from dealing with other couples in similar situations, not their private lives. My two cents

biolabee: you try,,, for a self acclaimed novice.. you have been superb!

However I will put a small curve ball and I'd like you to answer these questions

1.If the man is sezzually attracted to his mistress and is being loyal to his wife because of the kids.. what next?
2. can a woman really let go of the hurt
3. Can the man really keep out as this is deep and not just the normal poke and run...
4. Is your advice not contrary to the westen model which does not tolerate a cheating male

1. Sexual Attraction fades. Its the emotional attraction that one should fear
2. Women are strong o. Our mothers put up with a lot of BS and are still around, so Yes.
3. He can, if he really wants to save his marriage. besides the other lady is getting married and not just sitting there forming the other woman. There is hope.
4. Is that really the Western model. Because what I have seen from their marriage counselors is that they try to heal the hurt caused by cheating. They advice the couple to fix their marriage all the time. Unfortunately, most marriage there, like ours is slowly becoming, is very fickle and without substance and break with the slightest crack. No one wants to work on their marriage anymore

bukatyne: This one don pass counseling na.

However look at it this way: if it was the wife that was the wrong party and you tried this counseling, do you think the hubby would listen to you?

There is nothing like getting it right before marriage.

See now, one mgbeke girl did traditional wedding without knowing the hubby's age. She is now asking NL what to do. What should we do? force him to talk? What will she do if he don't tell him age? Divorce him? There is really nothing she can do or we can advice other than P and E or I and E.


It's well.

How e pass counseling? Babe, people change. People hide their worst sides when dating. What do you do? People say that there are always signs but sometimes there is not. Imagine you are dating a guy. You have seen him get angry once or twice with his friends, which is normal. After all we are human. Every one gets angry. Now you are married, you discover that when he is angry with you, he breaks things. He twists your arm and screams the building down. This you didn't know because he never did any physical actions towards his friends that he was angry with. so what do you do?

The typical African mentality is that if the husband offends, forgive. If the wife offends, send her packing. Sadly, it is we women and our mothers that encourage this sort of reasoning, so who is to blame? As for the age thing, e no hard na. Check his driver's license. abi birth certificate or any other document that the bros has

I remember reading the story. Now if I was a marriage counsellor which I am not, I would deal with the couple seperately. I would first hold sessions with the man. Try and find out what is attracting him to the other woman. Is it the sex? Is it that she is very easy to confide in? Does she have certain attributes that his wife lacks? There must be some hold that binds them together and when the hold is discovered, then breaking it would be doable. Does he genuinely want to stay with his wife or is he holding on for the kids? That answer would determine what step to take, cos love can be rekindled, if the counselor understands the couple and puts them through the right series of test. As for the wife, the trust has been broken. Is the love still the same? Is it possible that she is hard to share things with? Does she make him constantly feel guilty for his past deed. Is she staying cos she wants to make it work or because she has to. Did she miss the signs? Was it an affair turned to love? Women tend to focus more on kids then the hubby. Maybe she neglected him emotionally. After getting to the very root, i will then have joint couple sessions, where I would have the couple genuinely speak their minds without repercussion. For a marriage to heal, both parties must make d effort. The husband needs to break off all contact for real and start romancing the wife like when they were dating. The lady needs to forget or act like she has forgotten the affair and act like a young couple in love. This is not fool proof and I don't even know d first course for marriage counselling classes. Na just sense I dey use answer.

nikkykay: The issue is do our couples practice the kinda love dey practice in the western world?
No matter how westernised we try to be, we still have the culture thing flowing in our blood.
A white man can still forgive his wife for committing adultery after going thru counseling but Africa/ Nigerian Man is NO
Do we have d issue of submission in d white couples' marriage? NO but it is a must in Nigerian marriage
So if marriage counseling is working for them there it may not work in Nigeria
IMO.

Is love determined by culture now? I don't understand the part of the sort of love they practice is different from ours. Isn't the idea of submission from the bible and the quoran? These 'white' people are Christians. They have submission rules too. They may apply it differently from us, but they have it. Are you saying that running to family, pastors or imams or turning to the Holy books for solutions to marital problems that probably did not exist in the time they were made, are the only way forward? A lot of things we adopted from the white people are working. Why not marriage counseling?
And there are Nigerian men who forgive their wives' adultery. Few, but there are. Just as there are white women that would never forgive their husband's adultery, but a Nigerian woman is expected to.

For the past three days, I have been conversing with a reader of my blog who has been having some serious marital issues. Like I have told her and everyone, I am NOT qualified in the slightest to give professional advice on ANYTHING. (Newly Married myself and still trying to balance my innate feminist nature of “I will never be controlled’ to becoming a submissive African wife. It is a daily struggle). I guess my reader just wanted someone to talk to, that was a stranger.

This is one of the problems in Nigeria (amongst many). Couples don’t have anywhere to turn when they are facing crisis. True, some turn to their parents or siblings, but in more cases than not, it makes the situation worse. A Scenario- A man goes to complain to his mother about the character of his wife. Even if the mother is one of the sensible ones and does not take sides, there is always going to be that resentment from the wife’s end that so you went to report me to your mother and vice versa, so It is a No-Win situation. I believe that the saying “The wife is the one that makes or breaks a home” is a tremendous and unfair burden placed on married women. It irks me that a failure of a marriage is on the woman because they are magically expected to do whatever it takes to make a marriage work, even if it involves loosing herself in the process. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? What is the man’s role in making sure that a marriage does not fail? I remembered a married friend once said “A husband’s role is to provide. A wife’s role is everything else"
Then there is the saying “Do not bring a third-party into your marriage’. While it is true in many situations, there are issues that couples cannot figure out themselves. Sometimes, confiding in a third-party would be helpful. Some people confide in their pastors or their imams. My major problem with these set of people is that they usually give the spouse(usually the wife) the P and the E solution. PRAY AND ENDURE. That’s it. A wife is expected to pray that things get better and endure it till it does. Now, I have no problems with prayers, but just like no amount of prayers would help you pass an exam that you didn’t prepare for. No amount of prayers will help you rescue a marriage that You don’t work on. It is simple logic. I know women who stay in unhappy marriages hoping that they would one day change their husbands. My personal belief. You CAN’T change people. People change themselves. You either accept a person, warts and all or you don’t. That’s my own opinion. As for the enduring, why do people assume that women have an unending tank of enduring capacity. Why do people think that it is better for a woman to stay in an unhappy loveless marriage than try to make herself happy? I am no advocate for divorce, but I don’t think enduring helps anyone except making the woman a shadow of her former self. Likewise the man, why would a man want to stay in a marriage when the lights are fading? Most times, both parties want to work out their issues, but they don’t know where to turn. That’s where a marriage counselor comes in.

Marriage Counseling is not a new concept and emerged in Germany in the 1920s. Now most mosques and churches hold marriage counseling classes before a marriage, but after it is done, most revert to the P and E solution (I stand to be corrected). Sometimes, it is good to have a stranger specially trained in marital issues to come save the day. Sometimes, it is good to have someone to vent to, that would not take sides, tell you to endure or tell you that the anger you feel towards your spouse is a sin. Sadly, we have very few to none in Nigeria. There are a lot of divorce cases pending down in the High Court (with the most flimsy reasons) that may have been averted if there was some form of marriage counselors. (I say ‘May’ because there are a lot of marriage counselors in The U.S and their divorce rates are still high, so it is not fool-proof). But I believe that it is something we sorely lack and would be more useful in helping couples work out their issues, than family meetings and P and E solution!

This is simply my opinion. I would love to hear from my readers their views on the issue. Am I wrong in my views about the impact of the Pastors and the Imams? can family help instead of counselors? or should couples learn to fix themselves by themselves all the time? Drop a Line. www.herapereira.com

shadrach77: This is funny. If the Jang faction is not the authentic version, why are they suing it? Suing it indicates they (Amaechi and co) are acknowledging that the Jang faction is the authentic faction. I'm a man and somebody says I'm a woman. Why should I sue the person who says I'm not a woman if I know for sure that I'm a man

olodo

[quote author=autumn.flower]how is this girl anymore nigerian than the UK "terrorist"?[/quote]God bless you. You just spoke my mind. The girl has probably never even been to Nigeria. We only like to claim good things.

@Mustay, it is not meant to be literal. it is a song/poem I grew up with

Child's conversation with Allah
Child- who shall I give my love to? respect and honour to? Who should I rever the most after you?

Allah- your mother
Child- who next?
Allah- your mother
Child- who next?
Allah- Your mother.................... And then your father.

Enuff said

As one of the biggest up to date fans of Bollywood, I consider myself somewhat of an authority. While I love the movies to death, bollywood rips off from everything. Its so sad to see that there is nothing original. Google any huge movie and it was "inspired" by something. Hitch- Salman Khan's partner. Wedding planner- Kahin pyar na ho jaaye. E.T- Koi mil gaye. Reservior dogs- kaante, unfaithful- Murder. I can list over 50. That's how bad they are Even the almighty over rated three idiots is a remake of a tamil movie. Their songs(some of us) are stolen from the middle east, that was d worst for me cos I do love the songs. Finally, they have been sued over d movie "my cousin vinny", hopefully, this would deter them from it. HollywOod has more original ideas even though sequels seem to be d in thing now and Trust bollywood, not to be far behind. Every successful movie has a sequel or even is a trilogy now. After the initial 3 hours, its ridiculous. Dhoom, housefull, race, munna bhai, shootout in lokondwala, once upon a time in mumbai, dabbang. Still love Bollywood more, but its on a personal love not because I think they are the better industry. Glossier with exotic locations and over d top stunTs, no doubt but lacking in originality

As one of the biggest up to date fans of Bollywood, I consider myself somewhat of an authority. While I love the movies to death, bollywood rips off from everything. Its so sad to see that there is nothing original. Google any huge movie and it was "inspired" by something. Hitch- Salman Khan's partner. Wedding planner- Kahin pyar na ho jaaye. E.T- Koi mil gaye. Reservior dogs- kaante, unfaithful- Murder. I can list over 50. That's how bad they are Even the almighty over rated three idiots is a remake of a tamil movie. Their songs(some of us) are stolen from the middle east, that was d worst for me cos I do love the songs. Finally, they have been sued over d movie "my cousin vinny", hopefully, this would deter them from it. HollywOod has more original ideas even though sequels seem to be d in thing now and Trust bollywood, not to be far behind. Every successful movie has a sequel or even is a trilogy now. After the initial 3 hours, its ridiculous. Dhoom, housefull, race, munna bhai, shootout in lokondwala, once upon a time in mumbai, dabbang. Still love Bollywood more, but its on a personal love not because I think they are the better industry. Glossier with exotic locations and over d top stunTs, no doubt but lacking in originality

[quote author=~Sissy~]At the end of the day, it is still a choice. A conscious choice.[/quote]is it really a conscious choice? You hear everyday in the media how skinny is attractive, how over weight people will never get anyone that would want to be with them. After a while, the person starts to believe it. The person starts to want to be the ideal image of society. that's why some people become anoxeric. So is it really a conscious choice. Not everyone is born with super human self confidence. Some people believe that they don't measure up because they are not what society expects and end up trying to be that way. Doesn't any fault lie with the society. Suggesting that pregnant woman should be covering up their fat is indirectly saying that there is something wrong with them. Its hard enough being pregnant and seeing you lose control of your body, but for some company to suggest that it is something to be ashamed of, is the problem. My opinion

I came across this article on Yahoo that made me angry. It turns out that Cozy Belly is selling some new pregnancy shape wear for pregnant women. This is not some gear like Belly Band that helps pregnant woman who need the abdominal support to reduce back pain. No No….In Cozy Belly’s own words

“For pregnant women who want to gain a little extra control over the shape of their body, we offer pregnancy shapewear. If you want to cover up some of those extra pounds, for instance, we offer stomach shapers and slimming body suits.”

Are you Kidding me? Women are ALREADY subjected to a stereotype perfect body image and now the ONE time that they can let go and be free, the ONE time that they can eat whatever they like (within reason, baby safety first. no one should gain too much during pregnancy), you are trying to tell them to be self-conscious of their body. You are trying to tell them that the extra pounds that they gained which is a natural part of being pregnant is unsightly and should be hidden under spanxs, body magic, body shapers, whatever!!! What is wrong with this world? It is bad enough that women feel the need to look perfect in dresses they wear on a daily basis by using tightening undergarments (I will not lie. I do have two), but to ask pregnant women to do same is ridiculous. To even suggest that any pregnant woman would need to ‘cover up some of those extra pounds’ is the most annoying thing I have read this month (and I read a lot of annoying things)

This is nothing new. Old cemeteries are full of the graves of young women who died in childbirth during the 1800s after having worn constricting corsets their whole lives, actually changing the shapes of their ribs for vanity’s sake. You’d think we would have learned…


Then, doctors objected to its health risks, religious leaders objected to the display of the exaggerated female shape, and feminists claimed the corset as a real and symbolic imprisonment of women. In terms of health concerns, lots of illnesses were attributed to the corset (tuberculosis, liver disease, even cancer) (I think that part is exaggerated), but most definitely a corset prevented proper muscle development. Why do you think the women back then were so frail? They even had ‘fainting rooms’.


Pregnant women do not need any restricting garments. They don’t.The baby certainly doesn’t need it. A pregnant woman should be glowing and revelling at the joy on bringing in new life, and not worrying that the new life has made her gain a few pounds. The vanity can begin AFTER the baby is born. The woman can wear all the body shapers they want, nobody cares. But put your baby into consideration. Unless you have back issues or your doctor recommends some form of support, you DON’t need to be worrying about how you look when pregnant. Make a plan to get your old body back AFTER the baby is born if it bothers you so much, but whilst you are pregnant, put the baby first. Being pregnant is not an excuse to over eat, but it is that one time that you don’t have to suck in your stomach to ‘look good’. It is that one time that you can enjoy being you. Relax. Carrying a baby the size of a watermelon is hard enough without wearing body shapers.

Leave Pregnant Women Alone!!!!


www.herapereira.com

yellowpawpaw: What is wrong with d father?

He is a Yoruba elder. Yorubas are big on respect o. I guess he is offended that he called his son-in-law to apologise and ask for his son's in law. And he got blown off. Thats enough to piss off the father in-law.

kidsam: Please can someone explain how a door slamming on your face can give you a black eye. If it was a broken nose, i can understand.

hmmmm..new twist........You think a bad eye is completely impossible? My friend once walked into a wall and had a swollen eye for weeks.........I don't know sha

aanumama: reason i said it's a tough one, i don't blame them for storming the house especially when i have one like that in my family too( it took courage)

telling them to find better things to do is just a joke!

ahaaa. ok.my bad

Nashville: Not being harsh but all you can see here is a parenting problem. She also said the parents and eldest brother begged the two thugs but they wouldn't listen. It shows you the kind of thugs they are, and the kind of training they have.

See a likely scenario

Sister walks in..

Brother . "Ha Kenny, how ..............what Happened to your face? who did this to you?

Sister (crying) ...My husband....but....

Brother- What? Wale did this? What Nonsense? How dare he beat my sister? So he married you to turn to punching bag abi? Why can't he fight men? I am going to show him today how to fight a man.

Sister- No brother, it was an accident.....

Brother, What dirty Accident? A black eye accident abi? I cannot believe that you are defending him, IS it until he kills you like that banker that your eye will clear. I will show him that beating my only sister will never be tolerated.

Father- Calm............

Brother- Don't tell me to calm down. Look at your daughter. See her face. Less than a year he is already beating her.

Sister- he didnt be....

Brother- STOP DEFENDING HIM. Just Stop. Did you magically injure yourself. I dont want to hear a word from you. Nobody should tell me anything. I am going to give Wole something to beat since he likes beating women

Brothers storm out.

Isn't this a likely scenario?

Ouch @Nashville, thats harsh. They are after all only human.

aanumama: this is a tough one, she caused everything.
i don't blame the brothers for beating up the husband neither would i blame the husband for locking them up!
women! we just have some kind of raw material that wouldn't let sleeping dogs lie.

she should talk to her mother to try and settle it(guess she is the only one that can do so) the brothers too should find better things to do instead of storming their in-law home.

In one breath, you say you don't blame the brothers and in the next you say, they should find better things to do. which is it? Bo. Babe. If you see your newly wedded sister with a black eye, you go storm the house. Maybe not fight, but you go storm. Too many stories of spouses being killed, not to react to violence. Which brother would believe that the black eye was unintentional?

Another awesome blog from the most awesome blogger ever. Hera Pereira. Awesome. This was sent by one of her readers.

Hello Mrs Hera Pereira,

Good morning. Stumbled upon your blog. I like the relationship advice you give. I am a newly married lady and I am having a crisis. Recently, my husband and I had a fight. I said some things. He said some things. He walked out of the room because he was really angry and I know he is not really a confrontational kind of guy. I followed him yelling as he went to the guest room. He slammed the door on my face. It was not intentional but it did give me a black eye. I made the mistake of going to my parent’s house and my elder brothers saw it. I have three brothers and I am the only girl. I am sort of a miracle baby and they really dote on me. Two of them stormed over to my place, without hearing what happened and despite pleadings from my parents, the eldest brother and myself. They really roughed up my husband and caused a huge scene. The police were called in and my brothers were arrested. The following morning, My father had called my husband to apologize and asked that he give the permission for their bail. My husband was obviously still furious and refused. Two hours later, he had calmed down and called my father back. He apologised for being rude earlier and said he was on his way to secure their bail. However, he had deeply offended my dad. My dad is an elderly yoruba man and respect is a big deal to him. And he never forgets.

That was a month ago. The dust has settled, but everything is ruined. My brothers wanted me to get a divorce. I refused. Why would they ask that of me? So, they are not speaking to me again. My dad didn’t speak of the incident, neither has he asked me to get a divorce, but he does not speak to or speak of my husband………not in my presence anyways. My mother and my eldest brother is the only one who has any sort of relationship with us, though it is strained. My husband, as far he is concerned, has apologised to the only family member that needed apologising, which was my dad. Everyone else, he doesn’t feel he owes them anything.

I don’t know what to do. I am so close to my family. This is so hard. Please advise.

Kehinde


Hello Kehinde. Thank you for reading. Let me start by saying that am completely COMPLETELY unqualified to give relationship advice. In fact, anyone that thinks I can AND listens to me, is going to live a long single life. So, I don’t give advice. What I do, or think I do, is analyse a situation from all angles and profer my own take on it. You may not like it, but you didn’t write to me because you wanted me to hold your hand, right?

Now to the matter at hand, I really don’t see any party at fault here except You darling. Every other person acted in the way that would be expected of them. You, on the other hand, lit up the firestorm. You were having an argument. Normal, expected. Arguments are essential part of marriages. However, he walked away. He could have kept yelling or he could have hit you in anger but he walked away. Do you know the amount of willpower it takes to walk away when you are furious. (trust me, I get furious all the time. I only walk away when the other party is bigger than me). YOU went after him. You say the door slam was not intentional, yet YOU went to your parent’s house. What did you think was going to happen? They are your family. Of course they are going to go over there and try to kick his ass. Hell, I am a girl and If I thought a guy touched my sisters, there are only two things involved, prison for him or prison for me for killing him. So you cannot fault your brothers.

As for your dad, yeah I get that he felt disrespected by his son-in-law. Who wouldn’t? Your husband knows what to do. Gather elderly people, buy some wine and kola (wrong tribe? ok……….. wine and kola is for asking for bride’s hand? dammit! Sorry, one of the many voices in my head)…. buy whatever your dad likes. Appease him. Stoke his ego….Rub his head or belly…..Old guys like that. Whatever he has to do, let him do. Apology over the phone would not cut it.

As for your brothers, it is not a big deal. You say you guys are close. They would come around eventually. They acted out, out of love for you and that love would not die just because of a disagreement. I can never understand when siblings who grew up together would grow to hate each other so much that they won’t speak for years. Don’t let that happen. Call them. Text them. Don’t grow cold on them because they are angry. They are family. There is nothing more important than family. Nothing. So keep them all, your husband, your siblings and your folks. It is a lot of work, but you are the thread that brought them together in the first place. You are the thread that would keep them together. One day, you all may look back on this and laugh…………….Ok, maybe you may not all laugh, but a cordial relationship can be established.

Nairalanders, join in the discourse.
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