₦airaland Forum

@ OP! Seriously I thought I was the only one that noticed! Mine is on now for about two weeks. I don't even know what to do with the light no more. In an ironic way, I am very suspicious of this PHCN guys or whatever it is they are called these days.

Rocktation: It is a good thing that he's always been honest with them and there's nothing more to do really, than to continue being honest. But trust me, relationships need certain kinds of nurturing to last. A little fluffing of the truth every once in a while will not be a bad thing to do. He doesn't always have to be so blantant when he tells about his plans or lack of them thereof, or he's going to maintain his single status for a looooong period of time.

Everyone has got their own goals in life. While marriage may be the ultimate prize in a relationship for some, it isn't the same for others. So for the majority that take this as a priority, he would come across as selfish and as one who wants to just waste their time and seperate them from their goal...which they're infact entitled to.

Answering these questions should be done subtly. He should make them see that there's a need to get really acquainted with each other and that everything will fall in place with time. Give them hope...a reason to want to try. That shouldn't be too hard to do. Brutality will get him no where.

And of cos, the epiphany will eventually come someday, when he's gonna have his rude awakening as to why he's not ready and actually feel ready. So then, what is he gonna do? Walk into his farm and pluck himself a wife? No. Now is best to start working at having one.

Thanks Rockstation! I will prolly invite the guy to come read your contribution himself. Makes a load of sense.

Gabriel_sylar: One of the qualities of a REAL MAN IS OBJECTIVITY....women dont mind EVEN IF U TELL THEM TO BE A SECOND WIFE...BUT keeping a woman in USELESS STUPID unreasonable SUSPENCE is realli juvenile...SO PLS like u have been adviced by
TELL ur self...oops your FICTIONAL Jagged as.ss friend to TRULY GET LOSTTTTT!!!!!

Glad you got that out of your system. Got any more gibberish to spout?

omega25red: your friend needs to open his mouth from the start by letting these women know that he is not trying to be married soon.

Tell him to decide if (1) he just want to date casually or (2) if he is looking to date one person while waiting to see if she would be the one.

if he is about option 1 then he needs to quickly break it off with this new girl and not waste her time any longer.
if he goes with option 2 then he can tell the girl that he likes her, but he would like to take it slow to see where things go. It's only been a couple of months and they still need to really get to know each other. Just because you get some azz from a girl doesn't mean that you automatically have to start planning your future together

Thanks buddy. Will do

Mynd_44: Before I reply, the OP has to admit that he and his friend are the same person.

Dude, I would have said it was me if it were so. It's childish hiding behind third party pronouns.

Sijo01: Your friend, your friend......well tell your friend to get lost.

It is not compulsory to post. You don't have to be rude.

So a friend of mine has been having issues with what he termed ladies being quick to rush him into the marriage direction.
He broke up with an ex because 2 months after they met, the lady started talking about being with him forever and all that. My friend got spooked and told the lady that he was not interested in marriage and that it does not figure in his plans at all. Understandably, the lady took it the wrong way and they broke up.

Recently, he meets another girl and they have a mutual liking for each other. My friend told me he was slow to commit to a relationship for fear of the girl seeking marriage as an end. He said he informed the girl that he liked her and all that but that he does not want a relationship now but the girl was like they should give it a shot. Well, he tells me now that the girl just informed him yesterday that she would like to know where she fits in his plans and if she does, how she can help him achieve it rather than compete with them. I think this is a noble thought on the girl's part but my friend is having non of it because of his aversion to marriage.

Needless to say, my friend is a bit irritated because it seems to him like he can't just be in a relationship with a lady no more without their wanting it to be defined along marriage lines in the short run.

However, he needs to respond to this girl and wants the most diplomatic answer possible because (1)Marriage is not part of his plans for the foreseeable future and (2) He likes this girl and wants the best way to convey this message to her without hurting her so she can move on.

Thanks for your contributions

Hmmmm. Interesting arguments from both schools of thought (To be single or to be in a relationship). I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Some people have done well single and for them why change the winning formula? For others they have done well with their relationships being a huge positive factor and they dread the idea of ever being single again. Yet for some others they are going through personal hells either as single folks or hitched folks.

By the way most of the arguments from the singles camp were aptly captured in this song "Don't you trust me?" by Tupac Feat Dido

There must be better ways of generating traffic on this forum than indulging captions that encourage ethnic-baiting and tribal bashing. The caption of this thread is criminally misleading. Why not say "An Igbo group vows not to vote so so and so". That way the less discerning amongst us might be able to direct the bile accordingly.

As an Ibo person, I hurriedly clicked on the topic to find out when Ndigbo made this far-reaching declaration because I was at home all weekend and I wasn't invited for any such meeting.

Let's ease up on the e-tribalism and the ethnic flamethrowing on here. Am sure most of you are nice folks in real life so let's act consistent with our noble characters.

OP for me it's a no! Personally, I dislike PDAs and uniform outfit between dating folks is an extreme display of PDA in my books. I can understand if you guys were married.

Finally, can you truly say that you have not given her the impression that you would marry her by wearing uniform outfits to occasions with her? Marriage proposals must not necessarily be overt these days. To a dude, wearing same uniform with his babe may sound like a great idea at the time but the ladies have a way of reading a lot into gestures like these. After the asoebi wearing and you guys don't get hitched that would be facepalm and egg on the face territory. If you are my guy,rest assured I will rib you to death about it. My tuppence

mhsanni: sometyms pple hear wat dey wanna hear.....manytimes hv had to corrct pple am in Ahfad univ (wrongly pronounced Hafad) and not Havard.... despite d fact dat its in sudan.... sometyms wen names sound alike pple rada stick to d one dey r familiar wiv n u myt nt hv d chance correctn everyone.

You are bang on point! I keep trying to correct people that I went to Columbia not Colombia. One time I told this dude I went to Columbia. Later in a different setting people were talking about drug trafficking and all that and same dude said I should know all about that since I went to University of Colombia! I have never been so upset as I was that day.

Burrito: Massachusetts Institute of TECHNOLOGY has a business school, nothing abnormal about such.

Yea, just like LSE has a very fantastic law school despite being primarily a school of economics.

Oba bi Olorun kosi.

I saw this and liked the sound of it, so I found out the meaning-No King As God

What a sophist my Farouk is! Bit like a rap(p)ist saying "I had s$x with her I didn't rap(p)e her" or a murderer saying "I killed him I didn't murder him".

With each passing day am getting more disappointed in this man.

canuck: Arsenal is getting paid a boatload of money by Airtel to "monitor and select of fresh young, cheap, talented african footballers"?

Football is a sweet business with irrational sponsors pouring $$$ into it.

Kwesion: Die-Hard Gunners on NL, Would You Leave Your Network to Join Airtel Because of This Deal?

I am a die-hard Arsenal fan but I didn't change my bankers to bank with UBA either because of some deal they did with Arsenal years ago. They even came out with some fancy stuff like Gunners debit card but I wasn't swayed because UBA is a terrible bank (from my experience). I don't really see any serious minded person leaving his network to join another just cause his club happened to enter some kind of partnership with some other network

1025: arsenal fans will tell u that they are building a stadium and they bought podolski and giroud. if podolski is good with his 1000 caps, buyern and other german teams for don take am since. if he wants to play in epl, man u, man city and will show interest. before going for podolski, ur club did not see hulk? una no sabi cavani abi ur jersey no go fit ibrahimovic? coaches are judged by trophies not the number of stadium they built. why are we giving wenger the credit of stadium self? in arsenal, there boards of directors and positions like chairman and presidents so what happened to all these offices if wenger as a coach is responsible for stadium or are there things u guys are not telling us?

So you are knocking Arsenal for buying a striker (Podolski) which they felt they needed at the time instead of Hulk (a midfielder)? This just about sums up your knowledge of footie. Your argument that if Podolski was a class player all Europe top clubs would be queuing for him is fallacious. Pirlo is class but was a free agent last season! Clubs go for players they need not players they want to just stick on their benches. Do you know how many strikers competing at City? So much so that Ade had to go on loan for some game time last season. If City bought Podolski where will he fit in? Let's not even talk about the wage bill. Real Madrid is already maxed out in terms of strikers so where will he fit in? Chelsea is keeping faith with Torres and prolly feels they don't need an additional striker. When Henry went to Arsenal how many clubs were after him? When Fabregas went to Arsenal how many clubs were gunning for him. RVP is arguably the hottest attacker in Europe right now but how many clubs are really interested in him despite his having had a blinding se
ason? Answer: Most top clubs feel they don't need striking additions (so far). The economic situation in Europe is also affecting footie too. Very few clubs in Europe like Man City, United, Chelsea, Real and Barca shop at the high end. The rest shop at the lower reaches of transfer prices. The economic downturn is already affecting Real (sponsored by the Spanish govt) and Barca (who owe banks millions) Negredo and Llorente in Spain had fantastic seasons but how many "top" clubs are lining up for their signatures?

1025: uncle am not ur guy, u can address me as 1025 thank u. i know u have been following the progress in epl these days. any player that signs 5 years contract for 10 million has not class. podolski played in a relegated club in germany and that is where wenger picked him from. you need better money to buy a germany international that is hot. pls do not expect much from the guy. na small small clubs dey spend 10 million these days on players not top 4 teams. any player that costs 25 to 50 must have something in him. arsenal fans were more worried over the price of torres until the day torres shut barca up. big players like drogba, ramires, david luiz, brother mikel etc play big games.
can i ask u, what if arsenal was in finals with buyern with ur john terry, ivanovic,ramires and meirales all suspended, who would have played the game for u ppl talk-less of winning it? it is difficult to see players that have no quality that cost a lot of money.

So according to your logic Henderson of Liverpool (€25M) (I stand to be corrected) Carroll of Liverpool (€30M), David Bently of Spurs (€16M) are all quality players because of their price tags? Everyone knows that the market in football is highly overpriced. Footballers like any merchandise is always subject to bargains. Sometimes you get a basement deal that turn out fantastic and sometimes you get the pricy merchandise that turn out a dud. I disagree that the price tag of a player is directly proportional to his ability, quality or intrinsic worth. Sometimes it is sometimes it is not.

Your argument that Podolski, a German international, one of the first names on the German team sheet, the youngest capped player in Europe is cack because he played in a relegated club doesn't hold water. It is like saying that Lukaku is a better player to Podolski because he played for a team that won the UCL and the FA cup.

I don't care about whatever ethnic flame-throwing this letter has caused on this thread. What strikes me about this letter is the profundity of thought, the clarity of presentation and the erudition inherent in it. I am ill-equipped to go into the veracity or otherwise of the contents. Pa Awo observed every rule of grammar in the letter and his use of the paragraph is spot on. I once had an opportunity to read Zik's address to Ibo communities in the 50's and the same erudition was present. It is painful that after the passing of our founding fathers, non of our present politicians is worthy to even kiss their feet let alone unbuckle their sandals. Say what you will about Pa Awo, Pa Azikiwe, Chief Akintola, Michael Opara, Chief Ojukwu, Pa Enahoro and even the Sarduana, one common feature about these men is that though they mostly didn't see eye to eye, each was able to convey his position with as much clarity as conviction.

Our politicians should study the lives of these men and more, take notes and reform.

No day passes without me listening to the G.O.A.T that is Tupac. Dude got songs for all my moods. I feel sad I listen to So Many Tears, I miss my mum I listen to Dear Mama, when some girl acts like a real tool I listen to Do for Love with a dose of Keep Ya Head Up and Unconditional Love to remind me that not all girls act up. When I need to stay strong for my buds I listen to Never had a Friend Like me or You Aint Sheet without your homeboys, when I couldn't care less it is Me Against The World and when I want to reflect on my mortality I listen to If I die Tonight or Until The End of Time and so it goes.

tpia@:
things like this are what make it easier for the men to simply date outsiders, no doubt.


i dont know sha- i grew up listening to musicians like elemure ogunyemi [i think it is], orlando owo, obey, sunny ade, fuji, etc.

so, i dont know what its like socially for men who have these interests, and while i dont stock up on nollywood, i meet people all the time who do- including non nigerians.

personally, being local goes beyond things like that imo- attitude and behaviour are what should be the qualifying factors if i'm not mistaken.

Totally agree with the highlighted portion

Beync: I asked and he confirmed is a common practice so it's their culture, I don't know of other things that may be done upside down too.

Strange one that. Well, if it is something you can live with you can let it slide then.

afam4eva: Gbam

I'm still waiting to see a marreaige between a man who has lived in Isi-Ala-Ngwa all his life and a woman who calls Ikere-Ekiti home. It's only by the grace of God that such marraige will work. Most people that are into inter-tribal marraige are usually based in cosmopolitan settings and have a considerable amount of the other person's culture. Even that is not enough most times because you're not just marrying the person but the person's family as well. So, like you suggested, people should go for like minds in the most important facets. If you're an Nwa-Afor who prides yourself in Igbo culture and listen to mostly Igbo movies, don't go looking for a wife that's a stickler fore Yoruba movies because you guys might end up fighting oveer the TV remote. A word they say is enough foer the wise.

The highlighted part had me reeling with laughter but is very true. I have this Yoruba colleague that is as culturally inclined to Yoruba stuffs like I am to Ibo matters. He told me that he found it strange that I was usually the only one that fights his corner during arguments about Yoruba culture against the "sophisticated" Yoruba ladies in my office who deride him as "village Ekiti man". We find ourselves these days comparing notes on similar aspects of our cultures and the areas of divergence helping understand the other side better. I could identify with him because I have the same issue with the "sophisticated" Ibo ladies in my office who see me as anachronistic accusing me of wasting my education and calling me "importer"

Beync: Interesting replies, tanx. Let me give one issue dat gives me concern abt their culture. Instead of a man to live in his father's home their men lives in their maternal home. The man not have anything to do with his father's side. where I hail from it's abnormal, a man live in his father's home.

Beync, that may not be a culture thing but a peculiar case with his family. In my culture, there are cases where families are oppressed by the father's side and they seek refuge in their maternal homes. This is more so when the husband is late or is at loggerheads with the wife. Women in troubled marriages usually gravitate homewards and understandably so. Hence, kids from such homes almost always identify with their maternal homes. This may explain the reason why your man is living in his maternal home. I suggest you ask him questions along these lines and subtly of course. If you love this guy and are looking forward to spending the rest of your life with him, you have to ask the hard questions from the outset. You do not want any unpleasant surprises along the way because when it happens, you would accuse the man of non-disclosure and he will simply retort that you never asked.

afam4eva: You're on point.

I've noticed that most people who go into multi-cultural marraiges have had to forgo their tribal affiliation to some extent fort the relationship to survive. It's not everyone that marries some from another tribe that is liberal. That's why you notice that most of these people are not usually the very typical brand of people from their various ethnicities. I think the younger generation won't have a problem mixing with people from other tribes because unlike their parents, many of them are not culturally inclined. All they know is English and pidgin. All they listen to is Lagos urban music and not Oriental brother or KSA. So, technically, to them it won't even look as if they're doing something worth talking about.

Seconded Afam. Your observation that most people who go into multi-cultural marraiges have had to forgo their tribal affiliation to some extent for the relationship to survive also rings true even for people that marry within their ethnic groups. I have met people from various ethnic groups who have antipathy for their respective cultures and traditions. Assuming those people get married to someone with the same ethnicity who is culturally inclined, the latter may be forced to forgo their cultural affiliations for the sake of the marriage notwithstanding that he or she is ironically married to someone who share the same cultural heritage! Do you know that there are now generations of parents in this country who cannot speak their respective native languages and are raising kids only in the English language? For the sake of marital harmony, or at least for a good measure of it, persons who are culturally inclined should seek mates with similar views while those who are not so gung-ho about the whole culture business should also seek like minded mates.

Where persons who are at opposite ends of the spectrum (and are not ready to compromise) get married, best believe that you have to take your sit, kick back and watch the fireworks because it is going to get ugly.

@dayokanu & tpia: Thanks

Sometimes, love isn't just enough. I am a believer in limiting the potentials for conflict in relationships as much as possible. For instance, I am someone who is very much steeped in tradition and culture. When I play my high life songs and research indigenous cultures and belief systems, most of my female friends make derogatory remarks calling me "local", "old skool", "backward" etc. Needless to say, I won't be marrying a woman who has such dim views about my interests-love or no love. I want to raise kids that are well rounded-able to speak their native language flawlessly (they can pick up any other foreign language they like of course), understand the culture and traditions of their fathers while at the same time in sync with the times. It is difficult enough raising kids like that in the present climes, but a spouse that doesn't share the same aspiration would make it near impossible. This is a clearly avoidable potential flashpoint, but most people like to act all stoic like love is an antidote to all differences.

Always instructive to sit back and take notes.

"I am crazy and you know what? I don't give a f$$k" Tupac in Juice

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."-Taken

There are a lot of nice getaways in Nigeria but the awareness isn't there. A cousin of mine sent me flyers of many when she and her husband went to one of those. I would have posted pictures and names of the places but since this is weekend, I don't have access to my work PC where the info is. Will post the info on monday though. They are actually a number of tourism agencies around now. As per Whispering Pine, the place has undergone a massive upgrade o but the rooms are so expensive now. The cheapest is like 20k per night.

The one that really gets my goat is women trying to "test" your love for them by demanding attention during a game! Just some days ago I was chilling watching the Euros. It did't help that my favorite team, the Dutch were getting their backsides handed to them left right and centre when one of my friends called. Of course, I was answering her in monosyllables. Then she goes "it is like you are watching the match because that is what everyone [guys] seems to be doing" (Hello! So you knew and you called me! I thought to myself). Then she goes on "I really need attention now but it seems you prefer your football to me". I simply told her that if this was a test, then I was only too happy to score nought over nought abeg. If you want attention come after 90 minutes. Odiegwu!

PS: The pollster really thought the threat of thunder fire will put dudes off choosing the "no" option abi? You are having a laugh.

I don't usually comment on threads like this because they easily take the downward spiral to tribe-bashing and name-calling.

This is how I see it. I used to work in Diamond Bank and I noticed the preponderance of Ibos there. You have to be blind not to. However, the largest minority there was Yoruba and they aren't a quiet minority at all meaning that they are involved a lot in the decision making process of the bank. It was in Diamond Bank that I saw Ibo and Yoruba people get along so well it is unbelievable. My unit was a language class as the Ibo guys were always teaching the Yoruba guys Ibo and vice versa. The little Yoruba I know today I learnt in Diamond Bank.

One of my mates used to work in FCMB and the Diamond Bank situation is replicated there in that majority of the staff is Yoruba.

A number of factors go into the dominance of one ethnic group over another in institutions like banks in Nigeria.

First, ownership: The tribe of the controlling stakeholders in the bank almost always reflects their recruitment bent.

Second, strategy: Banks recruit from a particular ethnic group when they are trying to gain market share in those regions dominated by people from a particular ethnic group. For instance, while at Diamond Bank I noticed that majority of the branches in the West were peopled by Yoruba staff. Smart strategy because the trader in a Western state will want the assurance of seeing his people in a bank before he can deal with that bank. This holds true for every region of Nigeria. Do you think the barely literate Ibo, Yoruba, Hausa or Ijaw trader will want to go to a bank where the bank personnel will not be able to break down banking issues to him in his own language? Hence, most banks use this strategy to recruit.

Finally, there is the case of blatant tribalism and most banks are guilty of it in varying degrees. Personally, I don't think the tribalism factor is as bad as most people make it out to be. I want to work with a competent staff and I could not care less of the ethnic identity.

Hi Deenee, I would like to run some ideas by you. Could you send me your email addy. Thanks in advance