₦airaland Forum

debosky: Ol boy these are weak excuses. If you know your wife is so vocal/determined, you find ways to bring her round, not ambushing her in a way that gets her back up. You look for ways to sweeten the move back, not antagonising her. What you definitely don't do is make it appear you are keeping secrets, especially when she's worried about red-eyed Lagos girls on rampage.

The sharp lag girls have even warned her here sef LOL
madam hold ur man or ...
Its not easy leaving a life you've been used to
Adaptability decreases the older u become

idnoble135: Are the females not also human beings? Am tired of this african mindset. Its barbaric!

I tire ooo

naijababe: you need pat the belle of chief with tobacco stained teeth according to coogar

But serious there are so many ngo jobs in naija esp in fct

debosky: No - you act like a man and discuss those issues - you don't go sneaking behind your wife's back like a timid little boy.



Because not everyone wants to 'shuttle' or live as a virtual single mum for months on end. Let's get serious here - how many of your senior broses don't have assistant madams keeping their beds warm in Naija?

And as for coping, I'm sure those living in face me I face you too are coping not so?

Relocating is a potentially life changing situation - it needs to be thought out and meet the family's needs, not just his ego. Nigeria might eventually be the best option, but it is not necessarily so.

He may have broached this issue before but madam no gree n not pursued further as there was no job
When the runz gel... he is now ready for the matter

Hence the wahala...

Relocation is tough though

Ok..am sure this issue will be revisited post nuptials...
Your feminism with your religion

#siddonlookmode

Ive read ur posts

I asked u a real q

If by age or experience or any other factor, ur man always has the better points, would you not feel resentful after a while

Daresh: Believe me if she was cheating, she would never ever make or receive such a call in front of you. Never

She may be using this fact as reverse psychology to fool him

The man may have gone behind her back because she may have not brooked any discussion on the issue for a while
So in his mind.. he went for broke
Either way she will not like it

Maybe he was even tired after 4 years
This may have been on since year 2


Ps .... ngo jobs are the easiest in naija
Dfid, usaid all have gigs here

coogar: nigeria is worse - many wives are just suffering and smiling. as long as they wear the "mrs" tag, it's good in the hood. the moment nigeria's divorce laws get near what we have in the west, you would see a drastic change!

Still goes to the core battle between the genders preordained from the garden of eden

Women will never willingly submit to rule by men

coogar: i will play the devil's advocate for one hour....

now to your question, the divorce rate is high in the west because there's a big incentive attached to any divorce for the women. if such laws are put in place in africa, the divorce rate in nigeria would get near 100%. it's even your wife herself that would set you up with a mistress so she can get 50% of your wealth....

It will not be so bad
Granted there is an innate power struggle between the sexes from time immemorial but it will not be as bad
All they do in the west is serial marriages

jidegirl12: Had that ^^ argument with hubby for a whole day and it nearly spoilt my vaca. 
 
I don't know! You'll need married white folks to do that research.

Thanks for the response but i really hope buka can answer too
If whites are the model of good marriages, their statistics will be better than our own
 
 
Feminism at its core is rebellion against the status quo// how can that gel with a religion that advocates forgiveness, kindness and humility
 
Funny to me....
 
The funniest thing is that these same feminism, after they got the empowerment, they just hustle for settlement up and down, leave their partners houses to be phocking around, kill babies up n down instead of closing their legs...
 
The matter tire me sef

Daresh: This man are you possessed? Why would u demand she deletes someone's number from her phone for no reason? Abi she cannot talk to another man? You Kiki timed the call. I see you are a jobless and insecure man ba? Rubbish

Hahaha.... welcome

TV01: Biolabee, you could be more insightful.

The "man" did not win the argument. His position was better - in fact hers was unworkable.

A true example here would be if both positions seemed of equal merit, who gets to make the call. Who submits? who exercises authority?

I'll give you an example; I once dated a girl and pointedly asked her "will you follow my lead". Her response was "if you make sense". You can see that was a "no" right? Red Carded instanta !


TV

Noted...

I asked her q where the man consistently has the better ideas or she has to resign due to childcare or no help policy

bukatyne: This is where your problem is...

It's not a win or lose situation, we are not in competition. It is choosing what is best for the both of us.

So we are not equal because he has a better idea than mine? I laugh in Spanish! Common sense and wisdom is extremely important in life. If a 2yr old gives me an idea that will better my life, I will grab it fast. If that makes her superior to me, fine

I don't want to go back and forth oga.

A husband being the head depends on what you both understand headship to mean.

Uruguay's Presido is the head.... he donates 90% of his salary to Charity
Nigerian's Presido is the head... He uses N1 billion for food allowance

It is all perception dear!

I typed won cos im in a hurry n typing on my small fone
Won is a bad choice of words....

Answer the rest of the q

SageNaruto: The juubi's eye is sort of both a rinnegan and a sharigan, cos it has d circular lines similar to d rinnegan but on those lines it also has d tomoe similar to d sharigan. I once read dat d sage's eyes were transformed 2 dat of d juubi's after he became its host. But Obito's eyes haven't changed, let's wait and see sha!!!!!

How do we know its not the eye of tobito (one rinne + one sharingan) that is showing on the juubi
Also the sage had rinne which was on the juubi already

Pls quote the source.. hope its not narutopedia....

AjanleKoko: Errbody seems to have a perfect, rich, Hollywood-styled marriage/family on NL.

This statement is like putting red before a bull,..

This cyberland has no-drama, no-issues,cooperative-hubby, 50/50 type marriage.. and that is the company line except for the real posters who come out with real issues facing each n everyone of us

bukatyne: Oga Tv,

In summary, what is your post about?

He is referring to the inherent contradiction between your religion and the concept of feminism

very good example.... so the man won the argument

Lets assume it goes on like that for two years... what next

how does that gel with your equality beliefs

Say you have to resign due to high costs of childcare as it occurs in the West or you DO NOT want a househelp

How is this feminism compatible with your religion that says there shall be a head in marriage

obowunmi: This woman has never met husband snatchers like Stella Damascus... my dear, hug your job in London.

The Stella Damascus of Nigeria await fresh meat like your husband.

i think tonto dikeh is more in the game now

coogar: he's the one more desperate to have left 40 million potential nigerian brides, a good job, his family, his network of friends, etc to start afresh in the UK. men don't move into a woman's house by default - it should be the other way round!!!

weirdly you have a point...

theres nothing wrong having toddlers who have residence already

LOL

Interesting comments

on the african male, if the western men are so perfect and share tasks 50/50, how come the divorce rate is so high

remember i asked you on the pro/con debate,.. if only one person's ideas are alway consistently more sound, will there not be resentment from the other party

bukatyne: I am a Christian first and it should reflect in my outlook to life. The fact I am equal to a man does not mean I should be rude or maltreat him. Before doing anything to someone, I try to put myself in the shoes of that person. Infact, knowing that we are equal has helped me a lot. I know that this person feels pain the way I do, would appreciate things like I would etc. Before, I do things to/for my fiancée, I try to imagine 'if it were the other way round, would he do this? handle the situation like this? etc.' and I try to emulate where I am lacking. I am not a person to counter one's views because they are not from me. If he brings an idea/suggestion and I have no differing opinion, the decision flies. If I do, we table it and discuss the pros and cons of each suggestion and pick the best for us. It might be his, it might be mine.

Submission as defined in the Bible has never ran counter to equality. It's submission as defined by man (African since Aluta feels that the African male understands submission differently). Do you know that all Christians are expected to submit to one another? Does it mean that all Christians are not equal?

coogar according to your logic where she has only 50 men to choose from and he had 40m women, she was the more desperate of the pair

coogar: you missed the point as usual.
the dude said a man's life ends once he's married and i replied if that was true, zuckerberg/gates should be wretched by now cos their wives should have ended their lives.....




more like it's desperation that forced the husband to marry a wife in london. he's got 40 million marriageable women to choose from in naija and yet he settled for the woman abroad to the extent of moving out there -

the woman in london has less than 200,000 nigerian men to choose from. by the time you strip it down to her preferences concerning height, employment status, educational background, etc, that number reduces to probably 50 to 100. my spider sense tells me the man abroad is far more desperate!



by the same token, if the hubby loved naija so much, why agree at all to relocate to london?



bwahahahaha - i am glad you now admit the hubby had no spinal cord!!!

You'd make a good script writer for this film
I can also see the woman.. the CRIER of Nollywood - Stella D

The guy will be Van Vickers

Tonto Dikeh is at home in Naija waiting to pounce if the london woman no give herself brain

Nashville: I blame the guy sef. He had his house, good career and was doing well. Why give that up just because you want to marry someone that wouldnt do the same for you. I was not there but I can tell you how it happened.

They met, fell in love, talked about marriage and where to settle. The wife starts pleading that she cannot live in Nigeria, she doesnt have friends, no contacts, she wont get a job, it will be tough for her etc. She pleads, crys and tells her husband how she does not want to lose him. She finally convinces him that based on his education and skills it will be easier for him to get a good job in London than for her to move back home. The guy due to love finally gives in and says that he will join her in London and London will be home.

Now the guy isnt making any progress after four years and you want to let him spend his life in misery. Now she is talking about some agreement somewhere when they both knew that was the only way to make the marriage work. Now the guy has no job, the marriage is clearly not working and she wants that to continue. Cant she sacrifice a few years as well to give her husband a chance in life? Hasnt he sacrificed enough? Some girls sha!

i am beginning to see some weird sense in your obscene logic

obowunmi: Isn't is desperation that forced her to marry a man from Nigeria? Why couldn't she find someone in London, or where ever she's located.


If she loved London so much, you choose someone from there and not try to derail another man's life


The man sef MUGU, MUMU small. He should have never married a heartless witch.

i have to give it to kulyie.. she keeps it real

i think buka is tryin to merge religion with her values of equality..

submission as defined in the bible at times run counter to equality FACT!

For your desire shall be to the man and he shall RULE over you... Na Bible talk am oooo

ish

debosky: The issue here is not whether 4 years is 'long enough'. What will he do if he loses the job in Nigeria and doesn't get one in 4 years - will he just up and move to Mongolia if there are jobs there?

The man must've been quite idealistic in the first place - who moves to another country in this day and age without some understanding of what circumstances will make you return to your home country?

If there is a decision to relocate, it must be made holistically, not solely based on the fact that he got a job in Nigeria. Peeps saying he has 'tried a lot' like he was forced to move - you think she isn't sacrificing as well? No be him wan marry woman?

How much do you think social workers earn sef? If you don't know, they aren't paid like investment bankers.

And this is the issue, it seems to have been not thought through wella..

He has seen thre light now so should he stay out because of an agreement that is causing pain for him

He has networks, roots and wants to be shuttling to london .. why is the lady against it

I know so many senior broses doing this... london near sef

Others get family for US n canada and are coping.. not ideal but coping

Choi... ur perspective is wow

But still have to say awww

History is always written by the conquerors

The romans conquered gaul and all who remembers them
The Europeans conquered the (red) Native A,ericans, they are holed in reservations
who remembers ovaranwem or kosoko or okonkwo, the british wrote them as rebels and riff raffs

Thats life

But nice perspective

[quote author=Efemena_xy]You're looking at it from one perspective. The American soldier's side of the story and you expect people to go "Awwww....touching!"

What about the story of the people on the opposing side? The Iraqis / Afghanistans / unfortunate civilians caught in the middle? Those that have lost family members leaving behind widows, orphans, and utterly destitute relatives with no hope of surviving?

You give us pictures of an American soldier getting the best health care and physio therapy. What about the others? Do they too not have a story to tell?[/quote]

Funny but tragically true

bellong: I read a funny analysis of the current Suarez situation on soccernet. Below is someone's comment.

"Wenger Knows he will never get Suarez, he is doing it just for us the fans to think the club is serious. Rooney will go to Chelsea, Higuain is almost at Napoli, Madrid will use the cash to push for Suarez. Wenger will end up with nothing. He will soon begin saying how he has quality in his squad, and how he has depth if all players are injury free. One week to deadline, he will bring in someone from France at a bargain. The season will start with low moral for both fans and players. A few losses and he will begin complaining of how other teams use money. Press will ask him about the claim of having money to spend. He will simply say he did not see the quality he was looking for and was not prepared to spend just for the sake of buying. Then we shall struggle for top 4 (Which I believe may be more difficult esp if Spurs and L'Pool get their acts together). I guarantee that this time we will not finish in the top 4. Wenger may be forced to resign, another coach comes in. Fans riots, wanting for Usmanov takeover, Kronke stands his ground. To silence fans, he will attempt to buy some players for the new compaign only that top class players will shun the club bse of instability and inability to challenge. Four years down the road, Arsenal has not qualified for Europe and languishing in Mid table. Kroenke sells his stake to Usmanove, the club begins to get back up slowly but with poor managerial abilities and poor squad, try 2 times and finaly in the third year get back to Europe via Europa".

dahmie2013: @OP, u're aren't biased @ all infact, u just told her d truth. She's being selfish or is she a learner? Doesn't she know wat marriage entails. Tell her, u can't have ur cake & eat it. She shud choose between her "passionate" job in the UK&her marriage. If not predators like moi are out dere looking 4 preys like her hubby 2 feed on! Tell her say naija babes no dey carry last!

goes to check profile....

Ujujoan: That's what worries me . . . he knew all these before agreeing to relocate.

I'll NEVER let my husband give up his job for an unknown for the sake of our marriage. I'll rather give up mine because like you said, it's easier for a woman to be out of work than for a man!

He should have thought of this before agreeing to those terms.

He should have known jobs weren't lying around it the UK waiting for him.

He should have known he'd have to compromise to an extent to get what he wants.

HE's changing the rules now after just 4 years and that's unfair IMO!

shoulda shoulda shoulda
seems u r blaming the man for his decisions
akin to blaming a lady for wearing tight skirts

chaircover: Cooger thats not quite true. 4 years is a long time to be out of work. I am surrounded by contractors in my field and I know how many have been/are out of work for long periods of time and I know how badly their marriages are affected. its not easy. its much easier for a woman to be out of work, but its a lot harder for a man. I have contractor friends who work in Saudi Arabia and Dubai and even Eastern Europe just to put food on their tables. Its is not easy. Gone are the days when you tell agencys not to call you if the cpmpany is paying less than £350 a day.

He wants to provide for his family and he is trying all means possible.

Practical context.. there are no jobs
And they say there is a double dip recession... more to come sef

Ujujoan: If I were the woman, I'll let him relocate . . alone!

And if I catch him cheating or slacking on his marital duties, then the marriage is over.

He can't have it both ways . . . he just cant!

I can so imagine you shaking your head vehemently
hahahaha

Now it makes more sense

Cos i know the easterners love thier roots...

It is well

Ujujoan: So an update . . .

I apologized for insisting on taking her. and he said, "yea u shd be sorry, look what you caused" . . . I was almost ready to abandon the apology at this point but I held myself.

Then he opened up, hmmmn the man has issues with extended family. I've always known that but I guess I never knew how deep.

A once very close family degenerated into a battle ground, all cos of envy and jealousy. Like us, they used to hold yearly family meetings, visit each other regularly and sew special aso ebi's for every event. Now they are just killing and sabotaging each other all round. Na wah oh . . .

I guess it's up to me to show him that my family can NEVER get that bad (I hope ). Can't be done overnight so for now I'll do what he wants and keep her away from the village. Don't want to give the poor man a heart attack!

As for my lil princess, she's excellent . . still on watch for internal injuries but I'm positive there's none. The rashes are gone and the insect bites are healed! She's back to her normal area scatter self !

Thanks again guys!

Mod412: Wrong, you misunderstood me, '1 more month' meaning the time left for us to sign a player during this transfer window.

oh... ok.. my bad then

But why do you think wenger is worried

we have sanogoal,... already
Unfortunately we dont meet utd in august

Another 8 2 thrashing would have loosened the purse strings