₦airaland Forum

ZIMDRILL:
you need to separate your issues, you havent spend a christmas together as family for a while and whenever he came back he is broke as ever

thats issue 1 & 2

1 always away during xmas
2 cames back broke

1st issue have you talked of what you feel about him always away during exmas, sometimes as people we fail to consider the person next to you wife/hubby

2nd issue its poor planning based on my experience, lets say you have been married for 10 yrs by the time you reach 6 years you have figured it out that poor planning over spending over just less than 5 days, then the rest of 25 days your are broke and the skols fees etc is waiting for you


Then your final issue, if it was your own mum/dad asking you to visit him/her would you ignore the request ?

thank you, I've tried to talk about it but no matter what I say I'm selfish.
Christms with my parents is amazing and fun but I'm want us to create our own traditions and experience. I don't want us to go to even my dads house

doitforyou:
Then he should go, his father might not make it to January and he will not forgive you if he decides to stay with you for Christmas.

Let him go be with his sick father, when he comes back, you guys can talk about your Christmas problem.

his dad has been sick for years and I know he will not die...
but what about me and his son, why do we have to be alone...

I'm tired of going to my father's house for Christmas, I want to kill my own chicken, I feel bad....

thank you all, I really do appreciate...to clear the air, his dad has been sick for years and he won't die but. we've never spent Christmas in our home, together and I want us together this year...
I want us to be together and it's not too much to ask and I know people will call me selfish but can't he go by 2nd.... I'm tired of being sad during the holiday....

MrBrownJay1:
invite his parents over....EOD!

dad is really really sick, can't travel the distance

we've been through a lot as a couple and I'm really tired of trying to get my point through but to no avail.my hubby wants to travel home to his parents because he got an invitation from his very sick dad to come over for Christmas (I was not invited, long story).I do not want him to go this season (after new year is okay) because I want us to spend Christmas together (me him and our sons) we've never spent Christmas together in our home.when he travels, he comes back flat broke and I'm left with the burden of our home for January.I feel he should not abandon his uber business this season.I want us to crossover together as a family.he is insisting and I'm not having it....

please am I wrong, because his mother and father are in their home, why can't he stay with us.travelling with him is not an option.

marcnelly:
Please are there good, cheap and comfortable hotels in badagry you can suggest? Going on a five day trip.

me too... I need to sort it out

they both should be Disqualified...

thatigboman:
been using dstv since u were in kindergarten.
Dstv dash me d explorer that I want to dash u because I have explorer already. Las las u will beg me for it, there is no shame in begging

Please I need the explorer oooo

This show is boring this year ooooooo...I'm tired already...

Recommended engine oil and atf for 2005 Honda EOD...

I just got it toks, do I need to change the atf and engine oil.

Etemma1:
First body

900k...Serious buyer

worldman2:
2005 model Mileage is 98k

700kkkk and what's the fault

phemmyakin:
Available car now and drive it

1.5

Niccoloimhotep:
you want to buy a tokunbo honda evil spirit for 1.5m because i tagged it distress right?

Continue

Lolssssssssssss... No vexxxx nauuuuu

It's, what's your last offer?

1.5m?

OROZ:
Still available

800k...very serious buyer

900k

How much?

Location?

Do you have custom papers?

ifyalways:
I think she married early. She sounds a tad too needy and clingy.
The husband might have just gotten tired of all the suffocating love and is trying to breathe.

@OP, get a life, a healthy life outside of your marriage and husband. You took the accusations too far. . .

Nigerian women often lose their individuality once they get married. Please hang out sometimes with your girlfriends, go on vacation alone or with the kids. Marriage is not a death sentence; don't suffocate youraelf or your spouse.

Yes, I married early too...
Made the same mistakes and now I know better..

Never lose your individuality in marriage, tòo much love can be suffocating...

Madam, make friends and have fun...

Don't report to anyone, ignore totally and hold on to God...

Build your life and tell your self what will be, will be...

Family helped me out Plus savings from my salary...

GboyegaD:
Don't argue that with him. Tell him you understand but you would appreciate you guys still go through it. Many atimes, we reject counseling because we do not know its importance and it will be nice he discovers it himself.

I don't know how else to convince him because I have tried every means possible I know...

Thank you so much for your show of concern and responses...

I appreciate it all both the good and harsh words...

I must not fail to add that I own a baby boutique and so my monthly income is a little bit higher...

I don't actually have a problem with the way the monthly expenses is been shared but I strongly believe it's unfair to me to pay the yearly rent too...

I appreciate the financial advice and I've made it mandatory to start saving for me and my child...

GboyegaD:
Why is he refusing counseling? I think it helps open up so much discussions and also, brings deeper understanding to underlying issues and thought processes.

I don't no why, he just said he does not believe in that and it will make no effect..

Assist23:
Nothing to understand, it is obvious from your responses, you ignore the practical advise and pick the ones that adds to drama. People have given practical financial advise you haven't acknowledged or responded

I have seen it all, I'm sorry I can't respond to everything...

I will definitely work on my finance...

Assist23:
If they are tired it should tell you something.

I am asking because his family bullied you and you are acting like you fell from the sky. I am sure your family suffer to advise you and you ignore them and return to drama

My dear you won't understand...

Assist23:
Op don't you have parents?

I do have parents, a lot has happened in about three years and they've intervened severally...

I guess they are just tired and I don't want to disturb them anymore...

Why do you ask please

sisisioge:
You are really very dulll...sorry. Let me break it down.

1. You were rude to him and his family.
2. He refused to forgive you despite your apology.
3. You separated from each other after he asked you to finally move out.
4. You did move out and he didn't care.
5. Then financial need came up and he wants you to pick the whole bill.
6. He even wants to move in with you without being financially committed with the excuse his family won't want you back.

You can't even be dullerrr darling. May God help us all.

Lolsssssss...

cococandy:
Maybe you can still get along with the mom. Don’t give up on that end yet. Since she apologized for her actions at that time, maybe there’s a window open somewhere for more getting along.

I'm scared to let her in anymore, I used to go back or call in to tell her certain issues but it always backfired...

When my husband left the house without informing me and was arrested without my knowledge...

I called to let her know that he did not return home and his numbers were not going through and I don't know where he is...

She turned it around on me, accusing me falsely, suspecting me of using her son and all that..
I can never forget that day because I almost ran mad with accusations and cried till I could cry no more...

When the truth prevailed, I was never apologized too...

I've never felt accepted...

I used to do everything just to be loved by his people and accepted but instead I felt castigated...

That is why I decided to stay on my own...

I've gone through a lot and made a lot of errors but one thing I know is that I've sacrificed so much to make this work...

Sorry for the long story, I'm just emotional right now...

cococandy:
Make a list of the monthly expenditure you make

Rent, food, healthcare, transportation, child’s needs, etc
on one side of a page, then your both incomes on another side of a page.

See where you’re both going wrong. You most likely will need to change some things to fit into your budget. Manage manage manage until you start making more money.

This will work if he’s willing to consider his income as part of the family income and work with you to make ends meet. If not, then he needs to take a hike. It’s either he’s a roommate or a husband. Even roommates do their part. Can’t work with anyone who doesn’t want to won’t with you. Don’t force it

We used to do that and everything was fine, no issues at all but he changed and started bringing in what he felt like.

Yesterday, I reminded him of back then that we should go back to that way but he said no way...
He has refused to let us budget but Im 100oercent open to him financially...

I've requested counseling and he rejected...

I can't talk to anybody about this...

I'm sincerely tired of all this...

cococandy:
Don’t accept that. If he wants to be with you guys, then he should be with you guys all the way.

when you’re the one carrying everything, you react out of proportion to simple things because of frustration. Thereby, painting yourself as the bad guy when there is underlying issue that needs to be resolved for the frustration to go away.

If he listens to his dad, maybe confide in the man. From your story earlier, he might be interested in things working out between you and his son. See if he can help

I've tried his dad but to no avail, he is more of the mothers son and then I don't see eye to eye with the mother...

Our then house rent is 200k and I do support back then but I moved to a smaller house of 100k and all...

I can't tell anyone because he will be more angry so I decided to bring it here for unbiased opinion and I'll send him the link.

cococandy:
Well then you should try to live more within your means until you know you can afford certain things. Like save up for the generator before buying it so that you won’t use all your salary at once to buy it. Rechargeable lamps can serve when the power is out until you can afford a generator.

Also since said he could not afford to pay for your trip, if I were you, I would have just stayed home to avoid embarrassment. You already know how he is with money.

Some problems are really avoidable.

That being said, you guys still need a family budget. Financially, it won’t work until you do.

Please explain more on a family budget...

Yes, I should have stayed away...