₦airaland Forum

KateSpade: how did u even become involved with him? You knew the age difference

I was just minding my own business when he came to me on the job and asked me out. I did my own research and found out what i was looking for. I confronted him and he told me about his past.

Rayz94: lol... y u guys answering her....a nigerian who moved to the state at the age of 13 nd who also attended high sch there....would never write like this "He now explained that if he never married me that he was going to find another Nigerian woman to marry." She is obviously playing pranks.

How am i playing pranks. What woman in her right mind would stand for susch nonsense. You called my bluff the typical Akata way and then had the nerve to sign a prenup. I don't remember any of the weddings i've been to where prenups were signed. That's just an American thing. I don't know if Yorubas do it but the last time i checked we Igbos do not. My parents sure as heck didn't and they were married years ago.

If i offended anyone from the yoruba tribe i do apologise. i made my statement because i don't understand yoruba culture for one. The one time i tried to get to know a yoruba guy i wasn't accepted for being Igbo. I was taught that Yorubas have more in Common with black Americans. I don't look down on any tribe. Just saying it as i was thought and based on my life experiences. I know here in the USA. many high crimes have been committed by Yorubas. I have to explain this to my black americans friends that we have different tribes in Nigeria. The Redeem is a Yoruba church and this black american man ex of mine has attended a couple of their services. He said he would tell all his friends to attend the Redeem Church to find an African wife since they are all divorced. I hope he goes to all the Chapters. I know we share the same skin color but the culture is not the same and never will be. We have no need to adopt to their cultureless hiphop mentality. This man has attended an igbo event and sees the difference. I can't marry him. There are thousands of others who want a 64yr old man for marriage i am very sure of. I am quite unsure how Yorubas really feel about black americans. I truly dislike the ghetto ones even though i went to school with them. I am proud to call myself a Nigerian and tell them to go back to picking cotton where their ancestors came from and deal with whitey because they are good for nothing so fas as i am concerned.

I am a Nigerian American. Born in Nigeria to igbo parents moved here at the age of 13. I have attended high school and college and currently in the workforce. I left the state of Ohio to move to NJ to be closer to my family. while in Ohio i go involved with an older black american man. First of all he is 34yrs older than me. I wont say he wasn't nice to me because he was but he insisted on marrying me even with the large age difference between us. He now explained that if he never married me that he was going to find another Nigerian woman to marry. Meanwhile this was the man saying that all his money went toward me throughout our relationship. This man has been married and has grown up children residing in the state of Texas. I refused to marry him and refused to sign a prenujp. He did give me some gifts but i told him that my culture does not allow me to marry men who is my fathers age and really we do not mix with black americans as you guys are just that Americans and will never go to Africa with us. I told him he can try the other tribes and see how things work as Nigeria alone is very diverse but this is what i know of Igbo culture and the huge age difference is a problem in my culture. I don't Know if Yorubas do sign prenups when they marry. I don't have a ton of friends at this point. I went to college with some but after graduation i lost contact with a lot of poeple. I just want to know if there are any igbo men out there in Philadelphia, NJ or NYC. I am back in the market and i am getting older and looking to settle down with. the right person. If you have a wife back in Nigeria please de not respond. I am very educated and hold a good job. Thanks and have a wonderful evening you all. I hope i do not sound desperate or anything. Unfortunately i do not work in the healthcare sector. Hope it's not a problem for those who want to marry a nurse or someone in the medical field. Thanks.

You guys can't believe this. I lived in Indiana briefly and believe me i saw some Nigerians there. Actually i met a good amount of Nigerians and it wasn't a good experience. I know a few live in Arizona and some live in Boston. I have come to NE Ohio too and i was told i can show where the Nigerians are at. I said listen, I know where they are and i will locate them myself when i am ready. Right now i kinda prefer to just do my own thang. My family was living in some part of Pennsylvania and there was a very little Nigerian presence but nonetheless, i have peace of mind until i relocated to Indiana and encountered those blabber mouths and womanizers over there. I know some live in Yonkers, NY and some counties North of NYC. Some live in Wisconsin too. I have no doubt Nigerians live in Hawaii. Just sick and tired of everyone who knows a Nigerian wanting to introduce me to all of them. I mind my own business and need not know every God damn Nigerian out there.

I guess to add insult to injury at this time. I am coming to find out my mother also lied on my birth certificate. I never really paid attention to what was told to me as a child or even bothered to look at the details of my birth certificate but my biological father is not on there and has never played a part in my life. when i am at my mother's house and the calls come in from Nigeria, she expects me to talk to him when i could give a rat's behind what that man has to say to me. I really hate her now and wish she had never given birth to me or concocted these lies to make herself look good and to supposedly prevent me from pain or whatever the hell for my sake. No matter what happens in my present relationship, i will be sure to tell the truth to all my children and i will not lie on my child's birth certificate even if i wasn't married when they were born.

I apologize for not utilizing my writing skills to the best of my ability here. I hope you can make the best of this situation. I just turned 28 in September. I guess i am not that far from the big 30.

Hello Everyone, hope you are all doing well in your respectful endeavors be it your job or your family and whatever else is out there. I am a Nigerian girl specifically Ibo who was relocated to the states at a fairly young teenage age. I was raised by a single mother, in other words there was never a male figure around the house. According to my understanding as a child, i was told to tell people that my father was dead mainly because my mother did everything for me and my siblings. My biological father came around but i used to call him Uncle. At the age of 10 "Uncle" said to me you need to stop calling me that because i am your daddy. I said well Uncle if you really are my daddy then why are you not married to my mommy. How come i have mommy's marriage name and not your last name. Fast forward a couple of years later, mom relocates my sister and myself to the states and her reason was that Nigeria's education system was falling apart and that time Nigeria was corrupt and under military rule. I have finished my high school and college education and currently in the workforce. Let's just say everytime i have tried to have a boyfriend my mother has been the demise of the relationship. She destroyed my African American boyfriend even though he loved me to death and everyone said we would get married after graduation. I dated a Greek guy because we lived in a rural area in PA. He was scared of my mom too because she criticized him too. Now i am in love with a much older American guy who treats me like Gold. He even went as far as buying a ring and proposing to me on one knee and asking me to be the mother of his children. I have met his mother and a few family members who live in the area. I do romantic things like look nice for my boyfriend and wear sexy lingerie for him. On one occasion she being my mother said i am a prostitute because my boyfriend is older than me and treats me to nice hotels. The only difference is that he promises that he would marry me. This same woman has been threatening me with when i move back to Nigeria it will be too late to call me for advice because i will be in another part of the world and too far to reach. I reminded her that "you" being my mother had abandoned me for 4 consecutive years between the ages of  9 and 13 with my biological father and his wife who i was subjected to call mommy as well even though she wasn't my mother. she also dumped me with a 2nd cousin to be my care taker as in shuffle me back and forth to boarding school, pay tuition and offer me a place to sleep and eat until i headed back to my all girls boarding school. I said the reason these things are fflaringup now is because your cousin's wife made sure i slept on bare cold floors and i wasn't properly fed. she also made sure to make me carry several loads of water on my head and made me travel several miles on foot to get this water. This same woman would tell me do you want to finish the food in my house or do you want my children to die when i told her i was hungry. I said mom you sent money to this man and his wife and supposedly the money was meant for my upkeep. I said you were even aware of how evil this woman was to me because when you would return from your trips to lLondonfor your so called PHD programs, the neighbors informed you of the things she did to me. This couple is now in the states, i will not disclose the state they reside in for privacy purposes. she said i accused her of being a mother, i said i am just saying that when the time comes for me to have a family, i will never leave them with 2nd cousins or extended family and go to London or Canada and send money for their upkeep. She said that the woman is evil and comes from a part of Nigeria where the women are beautiful and are known to be down right evil. I said look, that's all fine by me. My thing is that i don't intend on going back to Nigeria or having any contact with my biological father or your extended cousins who live in different parts of the country. Even as teenagers, my own sister had hurt me emotionally telling me that i am a bastard child and that i need to go back to Nigeria to find who my birth father really is. Right now i live in a different state and my sister has a 5yr old son. i am moving into a new apartment and starting a brand new life with my fiance. I told my mother i wish her the best of luck when and if she chooses to return to Nigeria. I also said when you do come into the states for visits to please not contact me and reserve your own hotels, rental car and what not because i will not be available to pick you up and my husband and i will not open our house up for you to stay for long terms. My mother constantly tells me that my sister is the only sister i have and that she would never kick me out if i needed a place to stay. I said you need to take that nonsense back because i can count on how many occasions my so called sister has thrown my stuff on the street and threatened to call the cops on me just because times were tough. I said she has forgotten when i made a whole lot of money and when her son was born and i made house calls to deliver them diapers on a weekly basis. i said she was also forgotten that i used to travel 2hrs from Bethlehem, PA to Nutley, NJ burning gas and putting myself at risk just to get to her and my nephew when the US Economy wasn't so bad. I said i understand you want to see your daughters get along but i am the place in my life that i know what i want. I will not be bullied or bossed around by my own sister because it is convenient to be that older sister when it's convenient. My relationship is flourishing and i am happy where i am, my relationship isn't like my sister's. The man that i am with is not a reflection of the man my sister was with and  the father of her son. I guess i am writing here because i want people to share my pain and see if i am in my right mind to feel the way i do and if i am being unreasonable for minding my own business and keeping my family members at a distance at this point in my life.

well, Nigerians are everywhere really. The trick is where does a Nigerian find a job? That will decided where that Nigerian will settle,  Someone said Nigerians are like roaches but no i think they are more like salt or sand,  I also saw a movie that shows how Nigerians do everything to go to European countries. According to the movie, every second, every minute, every hour there is a Nigerian trying to leave the country. Nigeria has a population of a 150million so what does that tell you about the country,

Girl you will be just fine. you live and you learn from your experiences. we've all had our share of bad men and they have all had their share of bad women. Just be patient, find meaning to your life besides spending it with a man. Pray, pray and pray and live a holy life. God will bless you with a good man but remember no man is perfect. what you see is what you get in the end.

well i think it depends on what you define as older. I am 25 and i would date a guy who is 21 which is 4yrs older than me. if things work out hey while the hell not take it to the next level. I find that guys in their 40s seem to love women my age. I connect with them more emotionally but they tend to look like my daddy with their big ole pot bellies and gray hairs. why is that? hehehe

No need to start a fight people. we are here to love each other. Thank God for the intelligent men on this board. i almost gave up hope that men still have some intelligence but there are still some that do have it. Thanks for speaking the truth. we need to stop putting each other down. Make me feel proud to be a Nigerian. i swear after stuff like this, i want to dissasociate myself with Nigerians but i can't blame a whole group of people for one person's ignorance.

living in Nigeria i remember my mother employed househelps because she was a single parent raising 3 kids. being a working mother as well she wasn't always there to take care of us so the house help did some of the chores, cooked and watched us until she came home. she stopped employing househlep as soon as i the youngest turned 10years old because she felt i was old enough to do the chores and my other siblings were old enough to watch me. now i know my uncle had 3 children at a point and employed his wife's cousin as househelp. My uncle can be classified as rich by Nigerian standards. his wife's cousin came from the village. They paid for her to go to school and in turn she gave them her services. the only problem i had is the way my uncle's wife treated her. this girl worked so hard but i can't remember a day that went by that she wasn't beaten for something that didn't even warrant the beating. she didn't even have good clothes and she was fed food that had been in refrigerator for days and gone bad. i mean i hated this woman for the way she treated this girl. in this situation what was the girl to do? i know she didnt' want to go back to the village but the conditions that she lived in were unbearable. i mean she even slept on the floor and when the woman of the house beat her, i swear she was beating a drum and not a human being. if she dared to do something like that in this country i know her behind would be in jail for years. the last time i heard the girl was done with school and went back home. i was so happy that she finally got out of that terrible condition. so it depends on how you look at it. i just don't think people should treat others like trash just because they are househelps. they are human beings too that just aren't as rich and need help from the more privileged people.

Me personally male or female if you live a rough life, sleep around and don't keep your business to yourself i would label you LovePeddler or slut. i have met guys who feel that telling me they've been with so many women will impress me. as a matter of fact it's a major turn off to me because you can be with one woman or just a few woman and still the get the experience you need. you don't need to be spreading your seeds like wildfire because there are so many things to worry about. if you end up getting an std, i wonder if it will be really worth it in the end. same goes for the ladies too, the same thing can happen to you. i am not partial when it comes to that. a LovePeddler is a LovePeddler whether male or female.  

Vostel and Disney we think alike girls. i love you girls already and i don't even know who you are.

i don't even know where to begin addressing this issue. i have been in the USA for a very long time i haven't been back to Nigeria since. since i have been here, i have been exposed to a lot of white people and African americans. not by choice but my mother's job tends to take me to these sorts of places. when i started dating, i dated mostly african americans because this is what was accessible to me. i have met some Nigerians and other African men but the relationships always ended in such a bad way. i am a very open minded person and believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. the last Nigerian that i went on a date on, was too aggressive and basically tried to sleep with me on the first date. now if this is what Nigerian men want then i don't blame them for going to other women for sex. not saying that there's anything wrong with having sex with your significant other but at least use your common sense sometime. as i said i do not limit myself when it comes to who i date. of course i have dated mostly black men but i have dated Latinos and currently white. yes i know this is a hard thing for Nigerians to accept but why the hell should i sit there and classify myself as a "lonely Nigerian" just so that i can make people around me happy. if Nigerian men are in demand and have a choice of who they want to date, then i suggest the so called Nigerian ladies stop waiting for prince Nigeria to come and rescue them. face the facts, this is the USA  and there are so many ethnicities that you might not even end up with someone of the same culture as yourself. i would love to Marry a Nigerian but if at my age i haven't had a good relationship with one and i barely even get to see them, i don't know if that will happen. i would like to read other thoughts on this topic.

Hey i said the same thing earlier about this thread. i can attest to that because when i was in a relationship and i was in love, i was very happy and there was lots of love making involved. this is when i was my thinnest, not that i was fat but everyone around me thought something was wrong because i lost about 20pounds that i didn't need just from so much love making and being around the one i loved so much.

i like the latinos too but some of them are just too short for me. i can't have a man shorter than me. Being that i'm only average height you see how short they really can be. then again must be my ex who caused that attraction for latinos. he was akata but a light skinned one that everyone thought was puerto rican or dominican. he had some height on him though so he still beat them on that one.

lol ur crazy, the only thing that really heals blackspots is time and patience as i stated above. creams only help speed up the process.

As a matter of fact i haven't met any men like that and i am not joking either. i guess i haven't dated too many men. so i'll be waiting for my man in the mail.