₦airaland Forum

Smellymouth:
Cc :: lalasticlala

come and do the needful...

Harbosede02:
Loll...i remember slapping my classmate dah used the born by mistake word on me

I hate that yab. but girls use it the most.

even this one... "AMERICAN DUSTING POWDER"

goldbim:
7' o'clock never reach you dey pursue elewa..your 4corner head like 2b book.Back then in my hood we used to call it *messing*. .how time flies!!.Maturity ti take over.

maturity don take over ooo... chai dose days

Idydarling:
I can relate to this very well

in falz voice* u r guilty as sharged

marshalcarter:
Fuel subsidy has formatted ma brain..WTF is op sayin Pls sum1 xplain

see a psychologist...

An extremely nosy friend does it. I stopped showing him when I see he can't help but scroll and scroll . What rubbish

its an involuntary act..

Tonydeeb:
I can relate to that, females do that allota... Just arrive, ask to see that vid she saw the other day, b4 you know it, she's seen every damn vidz and pix on the phone.
One even did it the day b4 yesterday, left in sub-annoyance coz she couldn't find a single pix of hers on the phone... ... Like I care!!!.

lol. she may be crushing

phabuloz:
Hahaha ur talking out of experience

hehehehehehe

yellowbeauty:
especially when you gat porn pix but claiming to be a church goer....#toobad

heheehehehehe

FP material mods

SANDOSKI:



*Op Na dis kind play I dey like.... Yab, Yab


[size=15pt]•I dash you handkerchief, you use em sew Abgada , two yards remain...

•I blow catarrh you head em, chest em, use ten Naira bread finish em

•You see two kuli kuli for bed, you shout say, Mama Mama come see two twins

•See your flat head like cabin biscuits

•Dey fattest man for una village siddon on top akara oil no comot



[/size]

omo dis gal you run street ooooooo

I remember dis 1
resemble Ur papa you no gree... resemble Ur mama u no gree.. watin u resemble? MALLAM slippers. hahahahaha laughing yab

SANDOSKI:



*Op Na dis kind play I dey like.... Yab, Yab


[size=15pt]•I dash you handkerchief, you use em sew Abgada , two yards remain...

•I blow catarrh you head em, chest em, use ten Naira bread finish em

•You see two kuli kuli for bed, you shout say, Mama Mama come see two twins

•See your flat head like cabin biscuits

•Dey fattest man for una village siddon on top akara oil no comot



[/size]

omo dis gal you run street ooooooo

I remember dis 1
resemble Ur papa you no gree... resemble Ur mama u no gree.. watin u resemble? "MALLAM slippers". hahahahaha laughing yab

you mess e no do paa, e no do poo, but e do MAMA NGOZI Na did kind tin I dey like those days... mess

Tobiee:
[email] I remember them daku, cray shii.

Here's one, the finest girl for your village na monkey dey toast am.

And see your black yansh like Devil bible.

Also, see your scatter scatter teeth like commando bullet.
MODIFIED:
You jump from two storey building na only your pata(pant) survive.

Your long prick like Abraham walking stick.

You shit_ here shit_ here shit_ here, you dey find the one wey you go marry.


You mess, all the fish carry bible dey go church.

Op, the stuff no dey pain me/us for ma side then. We go just dey find who sabi talk am pass. [/email]

guy I was a street champ in these yabbing oo.

your guy name Na akpu toaster these things kept us going. nostalgia

17 Childhood Insults You’ll
Only Remember If You Were
An Ajepako

---

this thread is dedicated to all Lagos brought up Ajepakoss like me...

1. “You mess, akpu fly gate.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/cry-boy-e1461145033801.jpg
It makes no sense, but it still used to pain.

2. “You mess, all the fishes in the water
say ‘are we safe?'”
The ajepako was strong with this one.

3. “You mess, harmattan catch eba.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/crying-red-e1443393927729.jpg
HOW, ABEG?

4. “You mess, 5 akara form voltron.”
Hian!
5. “You mess, Babangida repeat primary 1".
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/crying.png
primary 1.”
Why did we drag Babangida into it?

6. “2 kuli kuli attack your village,
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/crying-girl-e1443032724806.jpg
nobody escape.” I can't forget this one
The kuli kuli must have been a badass.

7. “The finest girl for your village, na
monkey dey toast am.”
Why did this even pain us?

8. “The strongest man for your village,
na hot eba kill am.”
This still makes no sense.

9. “The tallest man for your village dey
use ladder climb maggi.”
Why is he even climbing maggi? e mean say una village people No tall pass "house fly"

10. “The richest man for your village
dey use shovel drink garri.”

Wetin concern me?
11. “Your scatter scatter teeth like
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/1219-0-cry.jpg
James Bond bullet.”
Kai! This one used to pain.

12. “You shit here, shit here, shit here,
dey find the LCM.”
This one was just extra razz.

13. “You bombastic element.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/lil-fizz-crying.jpg
Still don’t know what this means, but it used
to pain.

14. “American dusting powder.”
Every primary school girl’s favourite insult.

15. “Born by mistake.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/MAIN-Kim-Kardashian-and-North-West-out-and-about-in-New-York-North-West-is-screaming-and-crying.jpg
Ouch!

16. “Water and garri make eba on your
wedding day.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/davido-sad-face-e1467110151996.jpg
The most annoying answer to “what?”

17. “Tear tear, patch patch, omo baba
shoemaker.” lol
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/sad22.jpg
When you hear this song, you know there is
hole somewhere.


lemme not say them all... OYA ADD YOURS
cc: lalasticlala

Let's be observing them in 3D... this country has a big problem. and that's our top leaders

FG dares Varsities: Conduct Post-UTME, face
sanctions

---

Orders refund of money for already conducted
exams

Abuja— Minister of Education, Malam Adamu
Adamu, yesterday, reiterated the Federal
Government’s ban on Post-Unified Tertiary
Matriculation Examination, Post-UTME, conducted
by tertiary institutions for admission into
universities and other higher schools of learning
in the country.
Adamu told journalists in Abuja that any
institution that violates the directive will be
punished by the Federal Government.
He said: “The ban is with immediate effect and
under no circumstance should any institution
violate the directive. Those who have already
advertised for the conduct of the Post-UTME
under any guise should stop the exercise
immediately.
https://d19lga30codh7.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/UTME-Candidates-at-Exam-Cen.jpg

“If any tertiary institution has already conducted
Post-UTME, such an exercise stands annulled and
money taken from candidates must be refunded
immediately.”
He said the emphasis had become necessary to
ensure that no stakeholder was left in doubt
about government’s position on the matter.
He said: “For the avoidance of doubt, any
educational institution, after secondary education,
is regarded as a tertiary institution. Therefore, all
tertiary institutions, by whatever name it is called,
after secondary education, must be subjected to
admission through JAMB.”
He added that universities were at liberty to expel
any student who failed to meet up with the
requirements for any degree enrolled for.
He said there was no empirical evidence to show
that since the inception of Post-UTME,
universities had been having better students,
adding that students were still being expelled
annually for low performance, even as they gained
admission through Post-UTME.
He said parents and guardians spend fortunes on
transportation, hotel accommodation, examination
fees and sundry costs, just for their wards to gain
admission into universities; while in some cases,
parents die in the process of travelling to secure
admission for their wards, a situation he
described as painful and avoidable.
Adamu directed the National Universities
Commission, NUC, and the appropriate
departments in the ministry to communicate this
directive to relevant agencies and institutions to
ensure strict compliance.

source: www.vanguardngr.com


what's Ur say?

The Unofficial Guide To Crossing Roads In Nigeria

---

1. “Look left, look right, look left again” does not work in Nigeria.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/nope-nah.gif

That rule is just for people abroad oh!

2. You still have to look both ways before crossing a one-way street.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/larry-king-look-left-right.gif

Or else one molue driver will just come and clear you.

3. If you don’t kneel down and beg each car to stop, you’ll just be waiting there like:
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/eternity-later.jpg
Get your ‘ejo o’ face ready.

4. If this isn’t you:
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/zebra-e1467035286638.jpg

Then zebra crossings are not your concern.

5. Because zebra crossings are nothing but Tom-Tom adverts to Nigerians.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/tom-tom-sweet.jpg

Don’t even risk it.

6. Run, even though the road is completely free.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/running.jpg

One trailer can just appear at any time.

7. Nigerian drivers accelerating to jam you like:
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/speeding.gif

They cannot see you crossing the road and let you be.

8. Just because one driver stops for you, doesn’t mean the others will.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/drive-kermit-e1462869100244.jpg

They will see one car stopping but won’t even try and slow down.

9. Pedestrian bridges are really just there for decoration.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/pedestrian-e1467036884123.jpg

Real Nigerians just run across the road.

10. When it rains, just expect Nigerians to splash water on you.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/splash-water.jpg
They will actually target the puddle and drive into it.

11. Nigerians are colour blind, so red light isn’t necessarily an opportunity to cross.
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/look-side.jpg

Still look well before chooking leg.

Add yours joooor...

bayaar:
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drop Ur number

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IMSU NASU AND SSANU SUSPEND IT'S 3MONTHS STRIKE

---

FROM THE OFFICE OF THE SUG DIRECTOR OF INFORMATION,IMSU COMR.CHIDI ONYEJI (ZANDERS)
IMO STATE UNIVERSITY NON-ACADEMIC STAFF OF UNIVERSITIES(NASU) AND SSANU SUSPEND IT'S THREE(3) MONTHS STRIKE.
The Non-academic Staff Union of Universities, (NASU) and SSANU imo state University, owerri, has s uspended the industrial action they embarked upon since 21st March 2016, calling on its members to resume work immediately. The announcement came after the emergency meeting held by the Non academic union on Tuesday 21st June 2016 to discuss recent developments concerning the strike. STAY INFORMED : Facebook: chidi onyeji Zanders Signed: Comr. Chidi onyeji (ZANDERS) IMSU director of information, SUG 07061890474 #share to all Imo stars#

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17 Phrases That Will Confuse You If You’re Not Nigerian

Let's go.. no time

---

1. “Show you pepper.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/face-aku.jpg
A Nigerianism for hot revenge, basically.

2. “Dress for me.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/beyonce-bruhh.jpg
A Nigerianism that really just means ‘move or shift’.

3. “Hear the smell.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/confuse-man-e1460022059226.jpg
Bruh, how do you “hear” smell?

4. “I’m coming.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/kim-bye.jpg
It’s extra confusing because they say it while they are leaving.

5. “How market?”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/giphy-5.gif
A Nigerianism for “how’s life?”

6. “Lying on me.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/lie.jpg
They actually mean lie ‘against’ me.

7. “Siddon there.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/beyfeat.png
They really mean “don’t dull yourself”.

8. “Dey your lane.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/stay-in-your-lane-e1466163924855.jpg
A Nigerianism for ‘mind your business’.

9. “Shine your eye.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/segun-arinze-.jpg
A Nigerianism for ‘don’t be naive’.

10. “Fall my hand.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/fall-my-hand.jpg
A Nigerianism for ‘let me down’.

11. “Before nko?”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/can-we-talk-already-_62.gif
A Nigerianism for ‘what did you expect?’

12. “If I hear.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/if-i-hear-e1442917678425.png
They actually mean it’s impossible.

13. “If you like, don’t…”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/mother-look.jpg
It may sound like a suggestion, but it’s not.
They mean you better do it.

14. “It’s not your fault.”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/judgin-you.gif
Don’t fall for it. They mean it’s actually your
fault.

15. “Is it fair?”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/is-it-fair-e1466165719872.png
A rhetorical Nigerianism for ‘it’s not fair’.

16. “How far?”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/binoculars.jpg
It’s not a measure of distance, it’s a Nigerianism for ‘how are you?’

17. “Who sent you message?”
https://zikoko.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/shrug.jpg
A Nigerianism for ‘nobody asked you to do that’.

ADD YOURS...