₦airaland Forum

You don’t have problem with domestic violence because the perpetrator is a “solid” individual ? What makes him solid?

But you have a problem with someone practicing their native religion as a recourse?

Iamblessed85:
It’s not in my place to comment because Jarus is a solid individual. However, for me, it’s not even the DV per se. We all know that was wrong and most likely a mistake. It’s her diabolic activity that is more worrisome. She most likely would have been into it for a while now. Would you live with such a person?

How come you’re condemning the DV but turning a blind eye to a potential ritualist?

shaybebaby:
Noodles + mixed vegetables & Chicken stir fry in black bean sauce.

This is so right up my alley!

Looks so good

dominique:
It's how low most of you men rate women. yet you believe you deserve unconditional love respect and loyalty from them. It's comments like this that I no longer care about this paternity fraud of a thing, make una continue to raise bastards dey go. Lord knows that's what you lot deserve

I’ve been saying it. I don’t waste my breath anymore trying to judge another woman. Encouraging her to be great to these types of men who won’t hesitate to show her pepper by the looks of the kinds of things they say and support. Everyone pls do what benefits you. The men decided that’s how life should be

Proserpina:
Thank you

Honestly sometimes I wonder if these men don't see implications of their opinions.

It's one of the reasons I don't pity some of them when women show them shege

Even the good ones will surprise you with some kind of opinion they’ll share. You’ll be like this 😧😮.

Absolutely well said.

Proserpina:
I will respond to this because I believe you are on of the few people with balance view on this forum. Lol I don't "chook" mouth in family matter but at the same time there's a need to correct this notion.

The only dishonesty here is you neglecting the effect of taking up a second wife on a woman. And you expect a woman to be just fine with it because religion permits it. I have a question. Do you do or accept everything your religion dictates? Do you flitter out what you think is not right and acceptable while you stick with what you seem doable? Do you renounce Christianity and switch to other religion? If you don't live 100% a Christian but still maintain the religion while do you think a Muslim woman who can't live 100% a Muslim should renounce her religion? Hypocrisy much? This is me assuming you are a Christian because of your name.

Point 2. Let's say you go into partnership with a very good friend of yours to start a business on a 40-60 profit sharing percentage. After 14 years of sacrifice and labour and the business is finally paying off your friend decided bring in another partner who will invest little to nothing but share your 40% profit with you.Note your friend brings in this new partner not for financial/ business contributions but for personal reasons. How would you genuinely feel? Accept it without making any fuss? To make this more relatable, Partnership= Marriage, A good friend of yours = Jarius , Business= Home/Family , New partner= Second wife. I hope you understand why women don't easily accept second wives even if they had been told before they were born.

According to some account online, J's first wife had been there for him when he had nothing. He mentioned a case of selling her gold to celebrate a festival or something. That shows how much this woman loves and sacrifice for her husband, are you saying she shouldn't have gone that far and held some of her love, support and kindness since she's aware a new wife would join later so she won't get hurt? . Maybe y'all don't see the implications of what you type here. Here's your logic. "As a Muslim woman don't be 100% devoted to your husband because he is not for you alone" .

I see both J and wife are very advanced in age. They are from the time where genuine love and companionship exist instead of them to cherish that, they want a 22 year old faargin to ruin what they have. Lol Their choice really... I don't care. My problem is , don't downplay a woman's feelings and emotions because you believe a religion gives you the permission to be selfish. She's right to object and hurt. If you want to exercise your Islamic right do it when you had nothing so you all can build together. That's my grouse.

Period!

descarado:
Women allow that. Wonder why. When you allow society to rule your life. When your man thi is that the only value you have is incubation,house manager and sex.
What the hell.

Women value yourselves.

I love our Women outside the shores of Nigeria. They are very selfish.
Any small thing, you will hear, "me time".
They are learning and adjusting well.
After carrying the family for head like gala, na second wife you go get or your things thrown out like they are garbage.
Some will build house on the husbands name and still get thrown out.

Benin? 😬

Hmm. Okay

islamics:
For instance, if a wife is a victim of DV, she can file for divorce. To convince the judge, she would show proof that she is a victim. If the husband apologized and she still want in, fine. If she insist on the divorce, the judge can dissolve the union. No be the man marry himself, na Imam sign the marriage, so the Imam, based on some rule can also dissolve the union.

The convincing is not like a lobbying thing, na to show proof/workings for your case.

The rule is enforceable if all parties involve from the husband to the wife to the judge would be fair; no bias.

That some pple who should enforce it are doing otherwise doesn't change what the rule is. If a wife feels, the husband is infringing on her rights and can't bear with it, and she want divorce, na to prove her case to the judge.

Or for instance, despite the facts that some men just pronounce divorce anyhow doesn't change the facts that there are rules/guide to follow in going about it which some don't follow.

Maybe you are not familiar with women asking for divorce in your community, I have seen it both where the husband obliged willingly and where the husband doesn't obliged willingly but would have to due to Imam/judge intervention.

CHoccolaTE:
Yes you're right but I don't like being fair in my judgment of men because I dislike them and their evil ways.

I don’t blame you.

They drew the first blood. Nothing women can do or say to men will even slightly make up for all the things they did and keep doing to us. I feel like even they know it too. at least the ones who can be fair minded know it.

Ensa777:
Did the koran put into factor the feelings of the woman.If it was right,why do a lot of them react negatively to such news?She was born into this religion and it's all she knows,if she decides to leave it you and I know that secret death awaits her.
Let's be objective here.

They know she can’t easily leave. They say that as a way to shut any dissenters up. But truly they know and they don’t care. It’s a disingenuous attempt at offering the women options/choices. when those choices in mild cases could result in some women being ostracized or in worse cases injury or death.

To be fair everyone’s personal men in their families and circle of friends are awesome. Even if they are absolute monsters to outside people. It’s only when things go wrong then hindsight becomes 20:20.


As a rule of thumb, how a man treats a woman who he has nothing to gain from is usually a good way to tell what type of man he is.

CHoccolaTE:
then they start assuming that men in real life are like their fairy tale men.

So sorry for your loss

absoluteSuccess:
I've lost my first child trying to play to the church and the society, I never recover from the loss. I never play to expectations again.

Realistically, how often is the wife able to convince the MALE judge/imam to grant her a divorce if her husband doesn’t want to be a party to it?

I know some things sound good on paper. But if you really look around you and see the types of humans that exist and how they apply their biases, then you should be able to decipher that some rules are just made to satisfy all righteousness. In reality the people who made those rules know it’s rarely enforceable.

Especially when those who would be responsible for enforcing it are those who’d benefit from doing otherwise.

islamics:
Women can also file for divorce in Islam
though it is disliked. But she can file for divorce if the husband is not meeting his responsibilities and fulfilling her rights and she can't bear with him.
If the husband doesn't accept, then if the wife is able to convince the judge/Imam, the marriage can be dissolved. That the women are silent doesn't mean they don't know their right. Some might be naive while some are trying to keep up with the husband.

I remember the Nairaland tsunami.

Good times

NoToPile:
Oga Jarus is one person I respect sha, Very intelligent man, I remember the story of how he met this his Ilorin Fulani wife, the toasting and all and used to speak so highly of her. That thread should still still be around if it wasn't swallowed by the Nairaland Tsunami.What now happened? how did it degenerate to this and the incoming 2nd wife feels comfortable with all this drama?


As much as their religion allows 4 wives, the matter no suppose reach violence level na to the extent of beating. The wife too knows it's their way, they should have resolved the matter na.

Though most Muslim women will never want to share their man lailai those who accept just do so out of religion. I have moslem family members too and we know how it rolls.

Hopefully they get out of this one sha. This one DSVA is on their case.

1Sharon:
Bars 🤣

Mustard on da beat 🕺

1Sharon:
Exactly. A religion by men, of men, for men.

and the church said amen

TheSuperX:
I guess that's her greatest fear, but she should have known better because she's a Muslim and she knows herself that Islam permits polygamy.

Christianity also makes light of slavery in some texts. Does that make it okay?

1Sharon:
Before you start and say she should just divorce him, in Islam, the man has the ultimate say on divorce. How convenient huh?

Extremely convenient. As with all the other religious laws they hide behind to be heinous human beings. God just casually signed off on them being absolute jerks because they’re his favorites. Women just don’t count 🫠

shaybebaby:
One can dream.

I think the tide will turn soon as the world is more connected therefore these younger generation are more aware of what goes on outside their immediate environment.

Amen.

That’s why the role of internet social justice warriors is very important. Don’t let anyone say otherwise 😉

The govt are the same men who want 5 wives and 10 concubines. They’ll never prioritize anything that’s not solely geared towards getting them more personal wealth and access to more women.

Thoroughly and utterly rotten to the core.

shaybebaby:
This where government has a part to play. To provide that social net to support women when they make this decision.

Free early years childcare and education..at least that would render the men powerless if they think they can withhold money for school fees as a weapon of control.

The woman can go out to hustle in that case whilst the kids are at school.

Enforce the notion of marital property, that way all these " send her packing" ish would be DOA.

I mean dude already has 3 kids and would probably have more with the new squeeze. In this era where world population is already 8 billion with ever diminishing resources to support the human race.

God, if I were to ever rule that country, there would be stiff financial penalties that would disincentivise these reckless inhumane actions.

That’s why they’re so hateful towards anyone with a feminist mindset.

Because it teaches women to value themselves outside of their roles as wives and moms. To see that they are worthy regardless of a man’s opinion of them. Stuff like that makes it so that such women understand that a good marriage is great but being single is better than a terrible marriage.

Imagine if most women are okay with leaving bad husbands. The whole reality for these men would shift.
That’s why they hate it so much

CHoccolaTE:
Women in Nigeria have stupid and unrealistic expectations in marriage while the men have selfish and self centered expectations.

I can't understand why it's so hard for the average Nigerian man to have sympathy for their women and why it's also hard for the mumu women to stop valuing marriage so much and stop placing the men on pedestals and simply realize that their men hate them.

I don't even pity the jarus or whatever he calls himself. Let him cook, I don't pity selfish self centered men at all. Disregarding the feelings and emotional wellbeing of his wife of 14 years just because he has made money and so wants to taste a newer, younger woman.
If a woman divorces her poor husband after she becomes rich she would be called all sorts of names even though she is well within her rights to leave the marriage whenever she feels like. I don't pity him. Serves him right.

I have low IQ for agreeing with you on this exact part of your post?

This forum is wild.
I can’t make this up

TheChameleon:
Yeah. It's beyond your IQ level so you wouldn't understand.

Told you exactly what would happen.

This woman with a black eye will curse " everyone who wants to ruin her marriage".

I don't care if you like it or not. That's the bitter truth.

TheChameleon:
She wouldn't. I can bet anything.

Read what the foolish simp was offering. I wouldn't ever offer her shiit. Would do exactly what I said.

She can't ever get it elsewhere and she knows it deep down.

You're wasting your time, if you say what you said to her, i can bet she will respond with violence and call you a hater or a vulture - those trying to ruin her precious marriage . High value men always get away with a lot, even murder. Ask the Kennedys.

The rest of your post is balderdash IMO but I think you might be right about the boldended

You merely repeated everything I already responded to. No new information. so see my earlier reply as it still applies.

Thanks

Gerrard59:
There is so much freedom in today's world for any woman that does not like Islam to leave the religion. In Nigeria, this means moving from Kano to Lagos or Cross River. Cut-off communication if need be.



That is the business of Muslims and not anyone else. If the women want the religion to be reformed the way they want, they should do so. That is how it was with other religions, notably Christianity. But Christians trying to dictate to Islamists how to run their religion does not sit right with me. Alternatively, they should not marry Muslim men. Again, so much freedom. They have the right to choose. In South Korea, women are deliberately refusing to marry men because of what they claim to be toxic misogyny from Korean men. That is how you revolt and demand for change. No one forced Korean women to do what they did. Not China, the US or Japan. Korean women did what they are doing. If Muslim women are tired of Islam, they should seek reformation. However, as long as they marry Muslim men, they MUST accept the fact that these men have the undeniable right to marry up to four wives. The religion is explicitly clear that a man who can take care of his wives should go ahead. You don't have to like Islam or Muslims, but it is clearly stated. So, you must respect its rules.

Rules are rules. Don't change the goalpost in the middle of the game.



The options available are:
- Remain single
- Reform the religion the way you want.
- Convert from Islam
- Marry a non-Muslim

You have the right to choose, not to dictate.

What if she divorces him first?

One can only stipulate though. We don’t really know what any of them are going to do

I wish my Nigerian sisters would get more comfortable with divorce. They would be spared A lot of the BS they tolerate

TheChameleon:
5. If na me, I will marry not just 2nd, I will marry 3rd and 4th. [b]Make sure I cut you out of the Will. I NEVER tolerate betrayal. I can even divorce you on my death bed. .

I think what’s dishonest is people saying “oh if you don’t like it don’t marry a Muslims or leave the religion”. Let us BFFR for a moment please.

Like it’s so easy to leave a religion that all your family, friends and support system practice. Like women aren’t killed for dishonoring their families by leaving a religion.

Oh are we also going to act like some of them aren’t married off early enough (even if at a legal age ) but still too early that they haven’t grown into their full adulthood hence are unable to do any of these daunting things like leaving or defying their parents and everything/everyone they’ve known their whole lives?

What you guys are saying is that you’re perfectly okay maltreating your partners because you all have created a religion that makes it permissible to do so. How convenient. And if they don’t like it, they can leave. All the while running a social system that makes sure they’re trapped.

Well if they the women like it, I love it for them. But something tells me they don’t. Because I see enough of them on their private TikTok accounts consoling each other when their husbands go out to marry again.

I always side eye anyone who’s okay with unfair practices simply because a religion tells them they can.

And that’s all I’m going to say on this matter before I end up crying more than the bereaved

Gerrard59:
Yes. It is permissible in Islam. Any woman who marries a Muslim MUST accept it. It is Islamic. You don't like it?

- Convert to a different religion
- Marry a non-Muslim.

The dishonesty in this matter is nauseating. A Muslim man has the right to marry FOUR WIVES. What is wrong with that?

Has to be . Cos nothing else makes sense

shaybebaby:
I think it's a case of trying ruin for another something they wish desperately for themselves.

Particularly as Ms J's threads seems to generate a lot of traffic. I mean there are literally hundreds of similar posts littering this site, so if soliciting for online help is something they truly abhor, then they should be giving same energy on those threads.

But they don't, which means they are capable of walking by when they see such.

Sadly, it's the same mentality they display in their relationships "if I can't have what you have, then I'm going to ruin it for you"

Also, they hate it when we do not conform to the narrative they have created in their heads about us. They know you are better than they are, that what you do is not trying to prove a point to anyone, you are just doing your thing. and your thing continues to remain good, no matter how they wish otherwise.

And that makes them mad! BIG MAD!!!!!

I must commend your ability to weave women’s use of their vaginas into every topic. It’s art

jeromestarks:
If you know the toy , you should be married by now. If you did not disvirgin your wife, you're cheat!

Ask your wife if she would allow her son or her brother marry a woman fvcked severely by another man. She will definitely say NO.

So why should you be the one to keep a used property? Why should you be the one to be cheated?
Do you deserve the best too?


Never marry a woman you did not disvirgin because she will definitely fvck her ex the moment he shows up to her on Facebook or in the market and she will pin his children on you to train them with your sweat and hard-earned money.

Do not suffer for another man's pleasure. Once she's not a virgin, fvck her and let her go. Don't marry her. I repeat, DON'T NOT MARRY HER.

You want to pay bride price, sponsor wedding ceremony and take care of in-laws just to have a woman who was fvcked in her best state (virgin) by another man with just two eggs and INDOMIE?

BE WISE.

@shaybebaby

Gosh I was in the middle of typing a post and I think the MOD deleted the thread. Oh well.

Had to get it off my chest. About my helping Ms J.


I’ve never met a weirder group of people so hung up on what another person chooses to do with their money than those people. It’s one thing to think that OP is entitled and doesn’t deserve help. That’s definitely understandable.

But to be so vitriolic about someone else’s expense towards that lady confuses me. It was palpable angst

I was sensing so many heavy and bitter emotions behind those kinds of posts and I’m wondering what’s biting these people?”

People really believe it’s their right to marry other spouses even though the person they are currently married to is unhappy about it?

Hmm

descarado:
Hello, your majesty, I salute

I was a good gal too.
Didn't disturb my parents, I swear

If only we can ask them 🤭