₦airaland Forum

damiso: Coogar has some great points but you an like to argue from the most extreme points of the spectrum.Haba parenting and career are incompatible haan haan now ,.I agree that the way stay at home mums are often demonised is a very very unfair generalisation BUT I still think it's up to both parents to decide what can work for the family.Some companies have good flexi work patterns,once the kids are in full time school you can opt to work part time thereby having the best of both worlds.To be honest though,even in the UK where parental laws are quite generous, it is still hard juggle to make family a priority esp in the early years.I am not playing victim or anything but i had issues at work cos i was seen as not 'social' enough. I.e pub crawls,team night outs,working out of station,child care cock ups etc.My daughter had been in AandE and my manager told me I cant let you go for another hour.Thank God my hubby was able to leave work but I told him khan my family comes first.How effective will I be when I know my child is ill in hospital.In my team, I was the only mother and even though based on my work ethic and experience on the job,it one way or the other was an issue.My manager could not just say Dami you are going to manchester on Monday.Heck I even did not get a role that I was qualified for cos they said my hours did not meet business needs(I resumed at 8 with a 30 min lunch so I could close at 4 or 3:45 as i picked up my daughter while hubby dropped her in the morning)so it was not like I was working part time sef.So yeah it is hard and it comes to a point where you wonder is it all worth it sef?But as Nashville has said its for a while,it gets a bit easier after that 0-5 stage.

that's the only bit i saw in your post

on a serious note, that some people can cope with the 2 does not mean it's compatible. you just told us now that it's hard & that's exactly what i am trying to highlight. if it's compatible, why is it hard to do? shouldn't it just be a stroll in the park?

like you have said, there are sacrifices to be made to fulfill the 2 roles effectively - missing a juicy job offer would have killed me. the antisocial aspect is even worse - one cannot engage in those team bonding activities and et cetera. is it really worth it, huh?

Nashville: Working and having dreams of achieving something or doing something tangible with your God given talent does not mean you are being exploited by capitalists. A women can be an entreprenuer or even gainfully employed without being exploited. I know several people (women inclusive) working in the Oil and Gas sector who get home as early as 5pm. They have a fulfilling career and can spend time with their kids.

you are talking about less than 1% of world's population. what about the chunky majority in the rat race to survive? why is the society getting shittier? why do we have more child abusers in the world. if one of the parents is doing close monitoring, wouldn't there be a reduction of child abuse?

You talk of women bringing in income with a computer. First of all, how reliable is internet connectivity in Nigeria? Secondly, how many such opportunities exist to run a functional business from home. I am not talking about people being slaves to their employers, I am just talking about women having a decent career or business and using their God given brains for themselves. This is not about consumerism as I see you want to argue on the extreme.

i doubt we can have it both ways.
we either let everyone work & ignore what our society becomes or have one parent stay at home & fix the ills of the society starting from now. if a woman wants to pursue her career then she has no business raising kids - she can adopt a full blown adult if she wishes and life will be easier for you & i.

Bros, if what you really want for your daughters is for them to be full time housewives, then stop wasting your money by sending them to school. Someone would marry them anyway and use them for homekeeping activities (cooking, cleaning and sexx)- they dont need any formal education or too much skill or brains for that.

it's a choice they will have to make themselves. i don't believe in dictatorship. the pros & cons of both sides will be laid out to them. let them make the choice - it's their prerogative.

The formative years are essential but after that, I am just wondering what the wife should be doing at home for 8 hours everyday looking at the sky for evermore. Maybe cooking and cleaning you will say, but seriously I do not want that for my wife or daughters. What if the children go to boarding school? How would you account for the wife's time or even when they get into Uni? Dont you think that is just a waste of brain cells?

i already stated the women can go back to full time employment as soon as the kids can stand on their own. yes, boarding school offers an excellent solution but i remember saying kids in their formative years. would you put your 2 year-old son in a boarding school?

Nashville: My simple advice is that if you want to avoid paying tax then don't work. How can you argue that, I would not work because I dont want to pay tax. Now for places like UK where the cost of a nanny/childcare may be more than the salary one parent brings home, may be it may be advisable for one parent to stay at home for a while but you cannot use that excuse forever. The kids will start going to school and then you just cant sit there and continue watching Comedy Central or Nollywood TV!

come on....don't pretend you don't know what i am talking about. i am saying the more one earns in the UK, the more taxes he pays so the incentive to even have the two working at the expense of quality time with the kids is non-existent.

however, the capitalists & the feminists have collectively demonised full housewives as lazy slobs or gold-diggers when we all know they contribute a lot in the society in grooming these kids into upstanding citizens. i'm speaking from the UK perspective so we might have differing opinions cos of how the system works here.

career women have gotten out of the home to compete with the men in various working industries & yet remain unhappy. capitalists stabbed them in the back by doubling the prices of everything making the net contribution of the career women 0%.....

add the cost of child care(something career women should be doing in the first place) & the fact that most kids are raised by strangers then you have a scenario that has increased the stress level of everyone. husbands are working even longer hours & still struggle to make ends meet unlike decades ago when most women were at home doing the needful & a man's income is enough to cater for all & sundry.

instead of these career women to swallow their pride & be apologetic toward their husband for the mess they have made of life, these feminists/career women try to convince their husbands that their unhappiness is because the husbands aren't doing enough & the mumu husband will enter another rat race of adding Ph.D, CCIE, MBA to the existing ACCA, M.Sc, B.Eng till you create a clusterfück of highly educated men doing menial jobs.

[quote author=tpia@]one of the parents can work part time if staying home is not advisable.[/quote]in the UK, this is not even advisable.
taxable income can go as high as 45% when both parents work while mid-range income earners get to pay only 22% tax. so you find out that working couple are not even better off but they would have sacrificed their time with the kids in chasing ghosts on the streets. on top of their loss, parts of their tax is used to buy a living for an irresponsible woman that got impregnated during binge-drinking or pay the abortion bills of women who don't want to keep the baby.

Nashville: Bros, people work to earn a living, to pay their bills and to also fulfill their potential. Now that is as important as almost anything else in life. The first few years after childbirth may be tough but once the children start going to school, nothing stops both parents from working. The kids normally come home around 4pm anyway because of school and its activities. So why should one parent (i guess the woman), just sit at home waiting for the kids to come back? How does she account for 8 hours everyday? Should she continue watching Africa Magic all day everyday? Is that what you want for your own daughters after sending them to Harvard Law, Business or Medical School? Seriously?

yes, that's the problem of today's society. instead of living to work, we now work to live. possessive individualism has taken over completely and become our main normative framework for evaluating social life.

consumerism furnishes us with a sense of identity and materialism has become the sole indicator of worthiness & success at the expense of humanism. from this paradigm, we can no longer know how to appreciate human relationships if no money is involved.

my daughters would have to choose which one suits them the most. be a slave of the exploitative capitalist world or be a woman that chooses her husband before a capitalist employer, family before company, children before career.

my daughters will decide whether to pursue their careers aggressively instead of being a woman who brings home happiness and not contribute to the stress quota, a woman who is attentive and soothes the man’s own stress, a woman who invest into bringing up family-oriented children instead of abandoning their upbringing to state functionaries and capitalist entrepreneurs.

What is the big deal if one parent comes back at 6pm and continues the family time with the kids, helping with homework etc. Is it the extra two hours they will spend with the nanny (4-6pm) that will completely ruin the kids lives? All the nanny does is probably prepare a meal and change their cloths anyway?

staying at home does not mean she puts her legs up doing nothing & memorising the EPG of all digital TV channels. there are many ways she can bring home some income with a laptop & a broadband internet service but the key is to be there for the children & spend quality/quantity time with them.

Parenting and career are perfectly compatible. I cant understand how they are not. And on connection between husband and wife, the two would always have to work on it, whether they are both working ot jobless. Do you think if both couple are jobless, they will be all lovey dovey?

no one is saying the couple should be jobless. all i am saying is one of them must sacrifice his/her career for the upbringing of the children & not abandon them for the state to take care of them. this is simply division of labour when the kids are in their formative years & need one of the parents to stay with them. when they grow older, changes could be applied!

dayokanu: Meaning Ifa - to - Oyinbo

When white people(Oyinbos) first came with their gadget people thought they were special gods

The Fatoyinbo name means Ifa is equal to Oyinbo, Or Ifa can equally perform the magic/miracle that Oyinbo does

Or Oyinbo is not superior to Ifa

i thought it was "fat oyinbo" - a morbidly obese caucasian.

Nashville: Coogar, please do not say they are incompatible, please dont say so, please, please!

but this is practical......
kids bond better when one of the parents is at home to oversee what they get up to before/after school. leaving them in the hands of total strangers who are being paid & then abuse kids is screwing up the society. no wonder the government is getting more invasive into families.

how can things work when both parties work around 40 hours per week? where's the time to spend the evening together? it will soon degenerate to a situation where both parties go home to just sleep with no talking, no intimacy, no bonding, etc before you know it, there's a disconnection with one's spouse & then infidelity is imminent.

[quote author=tpia@]Marriage and career are not incompatible.

Women just have to set realistic expectations for themselves and understand life is not a fairytale.

Men also should do the same.[/quote]of course, marriage & career are not incompatible - we know that much. what about parenting & career?

Olajumokeibk: Let me go straight to the points;
Cut down the heating and water usage as much as possible.
If you pour hot water into a bottle and wrap it up in a towel, it stays warm for a very long time.
Don't just throw away the water even if the water gets cold, Instead, use it to brush your teeth, wash your face and to do the laundry.
Don't use the water by having it run from the faucet, pour it in a bucket to use.
Instead of using the washer, hand washing saves on water and electricity.
Ah... Don't use the electric kettle to boil the water, boil it on the stove top.
Don't throw away the used water, but use it to flush Urine down the toilet.
Always unplug any electronics that aren't in use.
Electric kettles and Electric blankets, anything that gives off heat uses lots of electricity, resulting in high bills. Rice Cookers are only used to make rice but not to keep the rice warm.
Reduce the use of a boiler to heat the air, keep your coat on to keep warm.
Search the house to make sure that there is no drafty air blowing into the house.
Blocking those drafty spots will also be of huge help. So warm.
Keep good ventilation and fresh air as it is good for air to be in its natural state when sweaty.

how much would one save from following these draconian steps? aren't most utilities flat rate regardless of usage or not? abeg - write a better article on how to increase one's income.

Nashville: I will focus on the two areas we disagree. I agree professional woman meet more guys at work but what about stay at home mums. The idle mind they say is the devil's workshop. When anyone is idle, more stange thoughts start running through their minds. Secondly, any woman cheating knows that she MUST NOT get caught. So who has more opportunity to cheat. I woman who works 8 - 6pm + traffic time or a woman who is at home all day and can perfectly predict her husband's movement? Bros, the cheating thing is very dicey.

our foremothers did this & you can bet there's little or no infidelity back then than it is right now when women have been let out in the name of sëx equality.

a woman who has to meet more suitable potential partners at work is more likely to cheat. her work might even take her out of town intermittently for few days with male colleagues all bunking in the same hotel. the opportunity to cheat is endless for the career woman.

Marriage is not one size fits all. You should not be betting at all in marriage and so I am wondering why you say some women will be surer bets. You need to take a potential partner separately and measure his/her own merits or demerits. You cannot conclude that a sit at home wife will be a better mother or home keeper than a working woman. Each case is absolutely different.

surely, a woman who puts her husband & her children first before her career will be the better mother. she prepares them for school & she's there on time when the kids close. she monitors their homework, gives them lunch instead of leaving it in the hands of paid strangers who are potential child abusers.

furthermore, the career woman doesn't even know what her kids get up to in school. she spends less time with her kids & gives them pre-cooked food. the house is constantly filthy if she cannot afford an au pair and stress is inevitable when she has to combine work stress with domestic work. she's also less likely to raise family-oriented kids.

On quoting financial contribution to the house, I think there is no right number. Some young lady reading this thread may think that because her husband does not contribute 70% then he is not doing enough. Men should make a significant financial contribution to the home, but that number varies.

women still marry up though - they actually know men that earn lower income than them are more likely to be insecure and that's when the power struggle really starts. add that to the naturally-caustic tongue of african women that it's not hard to see why divorce rate in nigeria has suddenly skyrocketed.

Nashville: One thing for sure is that Coogar is serious. I agree with 60% of what he has said and disagree with the rest.

a disappointing 6/10?...that's the lowest i have scored in 10 years.

I agree that statistically speaking, professional women are less likely to want kids and more likely to get divorced. Isn't that very obvious? On the other hand, I do not agree that professional women are more likely to cheat, different reasons make women cheat. And for coogar to say men should avoid career women is completely wrong.

a woman that has more education than her partner is more likely to have a sëxual relationship outside her marriage.

employment has significantly aided infidelity over the past few years. the banking industry in nigeria is the first place to start....women spend more time with potential bedmates at work these days than they do with their partners at home....

Not all men are alike and not all women are alike. Some career women can manage a family, infact where I used to work, I had a female senior colleague who had four children and still worked really hard. It is possible. These issues should be discussed before marriage and agreed. Some men like me actually prefer career women - my wife cannot be a full housewife that does nothing. But other men may prefer a full housewife.

note i used more likely in my submission.
of course, there are plenty of career women who can multi-task but a stayathome mom that puts her family first before a capitalist employer is a surer bet. emphasis on surer.

On the issue of who the breadwinner should be - I also kinda agree with Coogar, it is better the man is the breadwinner. Even my mother in law always prays that I continue to be the breadwinner in my family. I think that was the original design, but it may not always be like that. But surely, the man has to make significant financial contribution to the house. I will say at least 50%.

contrary to what many people think or say - a woman is unhappy if she makes more than her husband. i am also sure a responsible man cannot be happy if he makes less earnings than the wife - none of the parties in marriage is happy with the woman making more so i don't even agree 50-50. more like men should contribute at least 70% while the women should fill in the rest.

ireneidiva: are you serious?

take your time & think about it....

bilms: Now, my curiosity is this: is there any conflict between marriage and civilisation? Is anyone thinking marriage is for "ambitionless" ladies or for ladies who have failed or cannot make a headway in their career or for "untush" ladies?

If this is what "westernisation" is doing to some people, I suppose too much of westernisation is bad afterall.
From my own view, marriage is for "good" people, it is one of the greatest achievements especially when you do it with the right person (you may disagree). Marriage, especially when you find the right partner helps you reach many of your goals. Marriage is not for the low lifes but for the responsible. Marriage doesn't necessarily have to come after we have done everything and find nothing else to do, it doesn't necessarily have to come after we have built mansions on oceans. Marriage is not something we should attribute to the unserious and turn to a term we adopt in ridiculing lazy people, never do wells or the unlettered or uncivilised. I see it as a success in itself, at least if not for anything, Islam tells me it completes half of my religion.

if the theories written by many social observers are to be believed, career women are more likely to have unstable marriages and should be avoided.

you can marry light/dark skin chic, marry a fat/slim chic, marry tall/short, marry caucasian/oriental or perhaps an alien but whatever you decide, do not marry a career woman.

professional women are more likely to get divorced, less likely to want kids and even when they do, they are more likely to be unhappy & stressed about them. they are even more likely to cheat while crossing from one continent to another to hold seminars.

even the hardline feminists are very very happy when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

ferhyntorlah: Please when did you get married? Plase don't ignore my questions; if you do, then I know!

come, do you work for MI-5?
why all these questions? the op has told you it's not me, i am telling you it's not me. some few others have told you it's not me & yet you are hell-bent to pin it on me. mind yourself o!!!

Donxavier: You sef give evidence it's not you narr. A lot of the evidences she's given points to you and when jaybee confirmed it and even her sef it just became harder to believe it isn't you. Even you sef you never suggest anything.....it's got to be you

i'm working on that, bro
there's a picture of me & my wife holding our baby in church. i will upload that in a minute.

Donxavier: pls let her do so fast oh, but until then it's you.

personally, i want her to keep silent till the thread reaches page 80. i am enjoying the different theories i am reading here.....how coogar is the maid in the kitchen & the chic is the boss with the whip.

why are nairalanders so easy to deceive? see as everyone is following one road without evidence......keep it going, this has been fun. hopefully, the OP would come out & mention the name of her nollywood actor boyfriend.

Popowaa: My aunt called me just a few minutes ago to tell me she travelled to the village for ten days and the husband saw it as an opportunity to screw her househelp.So they did the deed and after that i think the girl saw it as an opportunity to be successful so she demanded for a car but the man thougt she was a kid so decided to to compensate her with 30,000 naira to keep her mute.Looks like the girl was not pleased so she kept on blackmailing the man and he took it as a joke till she spilled the beans to my aunty.Now there is fire on the mountain.My aunty called to apologize and now we are like mum and daughter again.
The husband called me sensing the wife will definitely call me to explain himself.Wetin make i do?Na me put ur joystick for the girl thing inside?The funny thing he said was the girl seduced him and he wanted to tell the wife.Anyway i'm proud of myself and that i have my momsy back.

this your family has to be the horniest in nigeria. did you just say every girl that came to stay in that house got marked? wow!!!! let me contact chico ejiro to write a movie script about this.

would you like to feature in this movie?

jumzzy448: Coogar it's you joor. Congrats to babe n coogar. You both should come out and say the truth. So we can start planing our e aso ebi.
Congratssssss in advance.

let my wife catch you....
she's a traditional wrestler & she doesn't have an english name. her name is nnechiamaka.

Donxavier: Let him be deceiving himself

donxavier really thinks it's me - choiiiiii. see how you guys let the real culprit go away. una mess up o. look at what the OP described in the first page & tell me if there's any match at all with my persona here.

guy, you fall my hand.

alutacontinua: I still don't bliv it's coogar....coogar might not be a big fan of feminists but he doesn't curse women or call dem b*tches. Except someone intentionally steps on his toes. Nd i doubt he's in support of all men cheat either!


Just my thoughts.

I think the op is just messing with our head!

biko, tell them.

greatgod2012: @coogar, dont mind them all, they're just guessing, i know it's not you


@Dayokanu, i wish you happy married life, i pray that the good things a man who finds a wife gets shall not elude you.

don't mind the jokers....
i have been married since 08......what's my concern with elizabeth? we have so many lazy thinkers on this section. the answer is right there in front of them & yet they cannot see it. if by 8pm(BST), there's no clear winner then i will be forced to keep my bounty.

see you later, alligators!

GustavoFring: Its all jokes though....

Starboard is a cool dude...

But una don too rip on elampiro though...

elampiro has committed crimes equivalent to genocide here with his words. the least he deserves is getting ripped.

Donxavier: Are you sure these are some of the letters of the supposed moniker?

yes!
his real name plus his NL moniker.

think people!!!!
i will raise the stake by 7pm(BST) & give the code breaker $200.

alutacontinua: Ppple av mentioned faaaarrrrrrrr more ridiculous monikers here since yesterday, but this is the only moniker you have this particular reaction to!
Babes,

i trust madam aluta to crack da vinci code. biko, there's a vacancy for you @ the president villa in abuja as a secret service agent. should i forward your CV?