i'm laughing so hard right now.
that was really good.

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains, he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
His girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He rides his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight awhile ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table, and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.

When his girlfriend's father sees this, he backs away from the table and screams, "Okay, enough already, I'll do the fucking dishes!"

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.

The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".

"I am actually 47."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.

She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants.

Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"

The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

There was a bear and a rabbit.
Now Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

things money can make people do.
nice joke.

the granny wants to enjoy the spoils of war herself.
hahaha

@ mamba
that was really cool.

hey i was just wondering why a carrot is more orange than an orange.

its really not the best.i mean those lines are so cheap and over used. u'd probably have me walking in a jiffy.and pls don't ask if she wants to know your house esp when its just the first time u guys have met.

yo sam milla you're killing me here.
u're really good.
cheers.

things pple do for money.
lovely joke
l

i'm a little confused, is this a joke?
if it is pls explain it.

@ crazykid
the first joke really got me laughing.
good one

lovely jokes. got me real good.

nice one. very good joke

true true.
very funny joke.

the lawyer has definitely screwed that guy over but that's really their job isn't it?
funny joke though.

i also love the joke abt the gay convict.
cheers.

nice joke.
however it amazes me that most men seem to think marriage is a death sentence and willingly sign up.
i guess its because they can't live without it.
what do y'all think?

hahaha.
nice joke

hahahaha.
and he's supposed to be a president.

funny jokes. good job sam milla.
cheers

good one.

good joke hahaha.

this is a nice one but i guess its true. cheers.

i'm laughing my head off right now. very funny.

very funny and also true esp. the last one

i agree u guys should free these blondes but that was a really funny joke.

i'm laughing so hard right now.
good joke.

hahaha.
these children of nowadays.

very funny though i doubt it will work in naija.