₦airaland Forum

Sorry, for the records, you never really answered my question for me to rest my case

almondjoy:
I dey laff! Let go of which pride? Your above write up just proves to me that you are still a kid! You have a lot of growing up to do. Please next time we are discussing matters like this, Nigeria does not even come into the picture ok? Simply because your priorities are mixed up over there. In fact, you have no priorities over there. Please we are taklking of "the civilized" world not 20th world mentalities of "gossip relishing"!!!!

Well I am older than you for one

And two you have actually lost your roots and identity. Why when it sooths you, you claim fully Nigerian from Edo North and when it doesn't you are an American-Nigerian, please make up your mind and have an identity. Always trying to eat your cake and have it.

@Almondjoy

better put, "permettez-nous pas d'entrer dans les langues pour d'autres, mais vous avez sans doute trouvé votre match ici."

almondjoy:
It just means that it is more lucrative to drive a cab in NYC than to do so in Alabama! Please read between the lines! Your analysis of certain issues seriously leaves a whole lot to be desired! Bully? Is that the same thing as an assertive reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal woman--La femme Nakita?

For submission qualities, please take the next left--for you surely have missed your way!--Take your Bible with you too!

I can only wish you well!

Between the lines is empty, try reading between line #1 and line #2 below

Line #1




Line #2

Please what is between the lines

Why e be say anything when I talk dey pain you for body

I have only one question, if you can answer frankly then I will rest my case.
Is it possible for a graduate who has lost his job to let go of his pride and decide to do any thing to survive like drive a cab. Also because people in his immediate environment know that he is a graduate, decides to go to another state where he is not known. That way he keeps food on the table and does not give room to his neighbours to gossip about the turn of events and save face. (lets say at least in Nigeria)
If yes, that was the angle that I was coming from

"laisse pas entrent dans les langues pour d'autres. Vous avez sans doute trouvé votre match"

amsky:
oh my goodness!!!!!! the guy's 3rd leg looks like my 4yr old boy's own

poor woman.her in laws will demand their bride price back.

No sympathy for the man o, sex here was consensual if the story is true ( But the guy does not look like he is in a mess)

Shinatu:
Selfishness yields the same results all over the world no matter the method of expression

Please be elaborate so you are not misquoted, and we are all on the same page

michelin89:
Una still dey here dey discuss? Why not apply your rules to your family and see if they work?

Its worked for me thus far

michelin89:
Hypothesis formulated, move forward to experiment and conclusions!

ha ha ha very funny

almondjoy:
My friend, you should commend the man for finding worthy employment instead of suggesting the family "eats" maturity and watch ups and downs for entertainment. He fed his family did he not?
He is just "pouting" not arguing!

All hail the cab driver!
All hail the cab driver!!
All hail the cab driver!!!
Long live the cab drivers

Read well and understand me "I NO SAY WHY HIM DRIVE TAXI?, I CLAP FOR AM SEF" what I said is that he did not have to go to another state to do it. If he did that for his ego and pride, then that is a new problem on its own. If he stayed back to drive the cab, then those that would have been laughing were nit fit to be called adults, because it is only children that do not acknowledge that life is filled with ups and downs and that the only thing that is constant is change

I BEG WHICH BAD THING I TALK THERE Hope you were not a bully while you were younger

I am not a cannibal and I sure hope you are not hoping I will bite real deep

wetin be the arguement now, na me say make the truth dey bitter?

Shinatu:
Almondjoy joy is just being practical, she may be a bit aggressive but I think she chooses this method because that is the only way to get the message across to a male dominated world that thinks a man is man and head of a home whatever he does.

How did the male dominance start
You come with women liberation and womens rights movement, you preached the equality of a man and a woman, no problem. I saw a bus develop problems a couple of days ago at UNIPORT, the vehicle had a bad kick starter. To get the vehicle running again, the perssengers will have to push the bus. What I saw happen is that all the guys came out to do just that and no single lady made any attempt to come out of the bus to assist. Even if you do not want to assist do not increase the weight of the bus. You cannot always eat your cake and have it. When it sooths you you insist that you are a woman and want all the rights of the so called "weaker sex" and later when it doesn't, you insist on equality What a world

Shinatu:
To all the females on this thread who believe they can remain sweet and nice whether their husbands have jobs or not, please wait until it happens, endure for about 1year and come back to the thread to let us know how sweet and sexy you were!

If you are talking from experience, then we will listen, else your assertion still remains a hypothesis like the others. We all have our different capacities of withstanding stress. If you cannot do it does not mean that somebody else cannot.

Shinatu:
To all telling almondjoy that her suggestions are not practicable in Nigeria, what is not practicable about a man going to another town to drive a taxi to sustain his family?

Provide the taxi for the man to drive, na there we stop. Why should he go to another state to drive taxi Anyone not matured enough to know that life is full of ups and downs does not deserve to be called an adult.

Shinatu:
@Almondjoy

You may have to take it easy on these guys, these mode of thinking you are battling with has been passed from generations to generations. Some men sat under the village Iroko tree many years ago and in the process of playing draft and drinking palm wine, decided what women should do and what they cannot do (to protect their own ego and 'position') and it became tradition!

How come it is the same story the world over. There were no communications equipment for them to communicate in those days, or did they all agree to sit done at the iroko trees in all the continents of the world to decide the same thing

Congratulations, I am sure you guys will do great

almondjoy:
Why can't I give my daughters' hands in marriage to an agbero or block moulder? They chose to be with the agberos and I must respect their choices. I am not a "fussy" parent. BTW, American "bricklayers" make lots of money if I may enlighten you.

Welfare money or "unemployment" can still go a long way for cable and booze! That is whey we want your guys to work. So as not to use up all you unempoyment benefits before you are 65 years young!


You still get daddy? Please you guys should stop deceiving us on Nairaland!

In Port Harcourt, a bricklayer is paid between N2000 and N2500 a day depending on his negotiating power, while a helper is paid N800 to N1000 a day. This translates to arround $18 for the bricklayer a day and about $7 for the helper. They stay at certain junctions waiting for people building their houses to come and pick them. 22 days of the week is not often certain if I may enlighten you

In Nigeria there is no welfare package for the jobless in case you have forgoten, so beer and cable is out of the question

My dad is still hail and hearty, I am sure you are wondering how I got to where I am at this age Well it is a combination of hardwork, the ability to identify opportunities, using such opportunities and my trust in the Almighty . Everyone in my family is so proud of me

Why opposite sex. I am sure you are upto no good
Ladies borrow my legs and run

She had sex with one of her boyfriends in school How many does she have
She loves me and I love her too And she was able to tell you that she had sex with somebody in school. Am I still in the 16th century and not able to catch up with the jet age
Somebody help me I am lost

almondjoy:
Yes! Make them go find work! Queue up with the agberos and mould some bricks abi na blocks--make una belle come down small.

Will you give your daughters hand in marriage to an agbero or block moulder, say the truth and shame the devil

almondjoy:
And stop making excuses! Leave the house and don't ever come back without a job! We don't want to see their lazy behinds watching ESPN 7 days a week with unattractive, beer bellies!

That means that there is still money for cable bill and beer

almondjoy:
When the children are asked in school --what does your daddy do--- the only answer that can be given with any straight face is:

My daddy sleeps all day and all night like my pregnant mommy! ---True story!

Sometimes as children, we cannot tell who is really "expecting" in most Nigerian homes! Everybody get belle!

My daddy is a businessman, who does not have fixed work hours like those people made to work like a herd of bullocks

@Efuah

Was not talking to you specifically, but was talking to all posters on this thread. NO NEED FOR THE FIGHT

almondjoy:
May I let you know in advance that jobless heads of the household usually have the "weakest" of all kinds of erections!---because of low self esteem They become impotent within quickly when they are jobless.

Mine stays strong all year round because the power of a sexy man is in the ability to "provide" for his family without fail! But of course, you guys will settle for anything at these ages here on Nairaland---(23-30) in your lives since most of you have a hard time finding a husband! Perpetual students!

I hope your campaign on Nairaland works! Just be prepared to feed these men here on Nairaland for the rest of your natural lives. Most are perpetual students with no gainfull employment--so you ladies here will be in high demand!
I beg make una carry go jo! Helpers of Jobless heads of "the shoe box households"!

efuah:
Gosh, i didn't logout. . . . so av been online since
abi o. . . gat no time for a child's rants/seethe

I think we are all above this, somebody does not agree with your point of view on a particular subject does not make you guys enemies. Trying to muscle people down to agree with our point of view is actually a fruitless waste of energy.

Deepak Chopra said, while interviewing a famous writer Neil Donald Walsch said that " There are very few humans on this planet who have done more to expand our purposes, to enlarge our understanding, and to enrich our experience of our holy self"

Neil on the otherhand said in that interview that "there are 2 types of people on this planet, those that know and those that do not know."

[1] There are those who know, but don't know that they know
[2] There are those who do not know, but don't know that they do not know
[3] There are those who do not know, and they know that they do not know and are willing to learn
[4] There are those who do not know but think that they know
[5] There are those that know and know that they know

the people in no. 2 are like children, innocent and should be nurtured
the people in no. 3 try to teach them
the people in no. 4 are very dangerous and should be avoided
the people in no. 5 do not follow them, because if they know, they would not have you follow them. Listen to them carefully because they might remind you of something you already know because in the reminding there is the delicious moment of awareness.

almondjoy:
Sorry, I am not the "trust and obedient" type. Anything against a strong, aggressive American-Nigerian woman? I would have loved to show you how patient and accommodating I can be, but those are reserved for "bedroom duties" only. Too bad!

Is your dad American or have we lost you to civilization

almondjoy:
I think I was born with more balls than most men.

You have any to spare, have some guys overhere that are in dire need

@almondjoy

almondjoy:
This is not a moral or religious issue ok? And what has being "African" got to do with the price of oil in Saudi Arabia? If you want it to be all of these and more, that can only happen in your "compound" not mine!

You are ever so aggressive when you write. Sounds like you will be very impatient

almondjoy:
Can the jobless "heads of the households" in the house speak for themselves please and tell us their experiences so we can really understand what the real issues of an "extended unemployed" status is? I am not a self-appointed representative for the "oppressed women" who are burdened by inexcusable jobless men globally. But we can discuss this topic anyway without pride or prejudice.
Thank you for your contribution!

My point exactly

@almondjoy

Why are you getting your hackles up
I am staying back in Nigeria to salvage the country, I know it will be better some day, and those that have gone for greener pasture will come running back to reap what they did not sow
Can't even remember the last time I went to church those shylocks ain't getting rich on my tip. I actually read the bible on my own. Also read the Quaran too.
I have never lived on handouts or free lunches, because nothing is free even in FREETOWN

michelin89:
That is the problem. Nothing is free in this world. If you don't deserve it, you won't have anything.

We have had people who were born kings but that didn't stop their subjects from beheading them when they didn't do their duties right.

We have also had countries that are impoverished and for the last 30 years and more been ruled by 2 people or less. What a balanced world

spoilt:
Its very easy for an unemployed man to resign himself to fate and be discouraged.
When you are unemployed, your full time job should should be looking for a job. You should go out armed with resumes, pounding the streets looking for employment. You should also on the other hand be resourceful as to how to start a business or something. One year is too long not to make 10 kobo. children do need to be fed oh! .

un-easy lies the head that wears the crown
wey the money to start the business now. If the guy in question had it we would not all be involved in these arguments and this would not have been an issue

almondjoy:
Oh boy na wah for you oh! It looks like this unemployment thingy don show you pepper. It is not funny I say. Especially when you have children to feed. Children do not understand you lost your job. So please see where I am coming from. Do not make this whole thing seem like the man is the one who has it rough. Children do not care about excuses. They want to go to school and want to be fed period!

So what will you tell your children Mr. Dalby? I had a friend once whose husband lost his job for about 1 year on account of this IT contractor flash in the pan jobs. The poor man had 3 lovely daughters in private school. What did he do? He relocated temporarily to another state to drive "taxi"! A well read graduate here in America. With that, he put his wife through nursing school and kept his kids in private school for the next 3 years. His wife graduated and took over. He went to school and re-trained in another profession in less than 2 years while still driving this taxi oh!

Now they are smiling at each other! That is what I am talking about! YOU MUST LEARN TO FIND A WAY! I can only afford to respect such a man for the rest of my life! He made sure his family did not suffer and they worked together! Now that is what I call the "real HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD"!!!!

For the employment thing you mentioned, I work for the United Nations System in Nigeria, and before that had worked in 2 Oil companies based in Port Harcourt. I did my NYSC with one of the Oil firms above and was retained after my service year.

As for what to tell the children, you tell them the truth. They might not understand now but the beautiful thing about life is that they will someday. They will be able to see why papa was called the rolling stone

What we have been told above is the summary of the storey, and nothing about the internal wrangling following this state of in-equilibrium (resulting from the job loss). Anyway I gather that you are not residing in Nigeria thats why we have not been able to see eye to eye on the subject. Over there it is for you to decide to let pride go and humble your self and something will work out. Here no be whether or not to drive the taxi na wey the taxi to drive

I know of a guy we went to University together, he studied Chemical Engineering and has not gotten a job till date. Everytime I see him, he tells you he heard that there is an opening here and that was where he was going to or there was an interview in this company last week and so on and so forth. It is running to a decade and you are talking about six months. The luck though is that he is not married.

Maybe this might be appropriate at this time
KJV, Bible - Ec:9:11: I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

almondjoy:
I do not know what else to write to make you understand that after 6 months of unemployment, a man's jobless situation is inexcusable and pathetic. You watch enough of Nigerian movies to make you understand how children are made victims of parent's mis-planning. When you choose to be the head of the household, you have to live up to it. I really do not care what it takes. Because no man is going to turn me into a prostitute or work 200 hours a week to keep the house going.

There is so much melodrama in Nigerian movies, I actually watch them for comic relief.
I don't know howelse to explain it that the man is fully aware of his predicament, but could be incapacitated by circumstance. To conclude that this man is lazy and not doing anything about it amounts to labelling a dog a bad name, or better still removing the spec from someone else's eye and not seeing the log in you own. As humans, we have our strenghts and weaknesses, and it is the interplay of these two forces that results in our situation or circumstances.
Do you think that the man enjoys the wife's constant bickering, or the insults. Life now is a living hell, please don't make it any hotter. Support him in his hour of need, so he can support you and the family. Don't cast him out like most people would here have wished the father do to the prodigal son in the bible

almondjoy:
Tell your children who are supposed to be in school that "Katrina" was an act of God! I bet a 1-year old will ask you if "katrina" happened in all the other states in America too. What kind of example will you be setting for your children if you sit at home all day and claim unemployment till your benefits run out? Look, there is always something out there to do. You just have to go and find it. Like I replied Dalby, excuses, excuses and more excuses.

If you claim to be the head of the household like most of you beat your chests from morning to night, please live up to your name all year round till retirement please. Most women like me do not care how you choose to do it. As long as you are not using anybody's head for rituals or stealing money from the unsuspecting as 419 victims.

Please you men should stay employed always. Our job is to give you kids, while you "provide" for the family like your darling holy books preach to eternity!!!! We are only supposed to be "helpers" ok? Not "rocks of ages" or "vertebral columns"!!!

Haba! I beg case closed!

When I was young I always had the dream of being chauffeured in a stretch limo, and escort riders in front and behind the car. I would throw money from the window to people on the streets. Also wondered why my friends house (fathers house) was so large with a swimming pool and a lot of games that kids could play with.
I really did not understand, and no explanation that would have been given to me would answer these questions.
Thinking of it now, I was not the only child in the world then. If every child then had these same dreams, then who would be my driver, my escort riders or the receive the money I throw from my limo

efuah:
@Dalby. . . . so who was that man deceiving? did he get his present job by sitting in pubs/discussing politics / playing cards n being bought drinks

Discussing politics or whatever subject gives an insight into your level of education and you analytical skill and objectivity what better way to sell yourself being in that situation.

The guy was never card player. He ran into a old client of his former work place whom he always went out of the way to accelerate his financial transactions anytime he showed up at the bank. This client is the owner of the company he now works as GM. He started up there in the sales department and was able to get some juicy contracts for the firm. About 3 years down the road, the position of GM became vacant, and he was chosen over the operations manager to be GM.

More so at the pub you hear a lot of stories, even vacancies better than in the Tuesday / Thursday Guardian newspaper. A lot of companies don't advertise vacancies you know, it through a network of information that you hear these things. Out of sight is out of mind. When your friends constantly see you, they remember your problem and you burden becomes their burden.

[/quote]

luka:
and I can tell you there was not absolute peace in the house. Life gradually became difficult and my mum will sometimes react when there were some pecuniary issues at home.

But we all my siblings and mum still had respect for my dad and accorded him the respect he deserved as the head of the family. We sometimes despised him but he was still the head of the family, we sometimes disobeyed him but he was still the head of the family.

Equilibrium is the condition of a system in which competing influences are balanced. Everything is working together in harmony. When a party in the house especially the dad looses his job, that state of equilibrium is broken and all the competing influence (elements) and in the case of the house, dependants trying to adjust to the new state of in-equilibrium begin to move in an inharmonious manner (chaos). What was described in the case of study is not much different from the facts above, don't you think

[quote author=efuah link=topic=106200.msg1867341#msg1867341 date=1200732874]luka, nice one from u. . . . i guess u had and a rational man as a father. Some of these jobless men can be nuisance; if the wife comes home late, she's sleeping wt the boss, if she goes borrowing like u claim your mom did, she's disgracing him (the man being the head). . . if u try to advice him on where there's a vacancy, he will say u're ordering him around. . . what the heck! I have seen joblessness before, one of my big sis hubby had the same problem, but the guy was always out searching everywhere for a job. At the end of the day if there's no job found, we can't blame or complain that much cus we all saw how serious he was.

Much and little is relative to individuals your little complaints might have driven the guy round the bend you know. I actually new of a guy in this situation that lost his bank job. A previously lovely home to visit now became a daily battle ground. He confided in me that it got so bad that when the wife wanted to insult him, she would start from the top, his parents and every one in his family till it gets to his turn. Staying at home was out of the question, he left the house very early and returns about 11:00pm at night. He spent over 80% of this time in the pub, discussing politics and being bought beer by old friends who new his position. Could that be classified as searching for work

He normally got home about 11pm by which time the wife and kids would have slept. They even had to withdraw the kids from school since the wife was not working, and the landlord did not make things any easier at the expiration of his rent.

Today he is the General Manager of a company, the wife drives a jeep, he has built 2 houses that I know, the children now attend one of the best schools in PH, now its one big happy family. Like the 3 years of joblessness never even happened. I really do wonder

A man who doesn't go out now and then does not mean he has not set his network and is not searching for a job. What I see here is that he is not going out as often as the wife would want which is subjective and dependent on how stressed the wife is, considering the burden she's had to bear. We are all saying the same thing, I do not support laziness, but the wife can put this energy into giving him more support and encouragement to strive some more simple.

ell77:
@Dalby - you are speaking to me like I don't understand how hard it is to find a job. The issue is not him having a job but him not looking for one. When you have a family, you put them before yourself whether you are a man or woman. Okay, let the woman stop stressing herself too and decide to quit her job so she can sit at home with him. Then what?

A man who doesn't go out now and then does not mean he has not set his network and is not searching for a job. What I see hear is that he is not going out as often as the wife would want which is subjective and dependent on how stressed the wife is, considering the burden she's had to bear. We are all saying the same thing, I do not support laziness, but the wife can put this energy into giving him more support and encouragement to strive some more simple.

Luka na GOD go bless u, everything happens for a reason. There are no GAPS, its all part of the divine plan. In retrospect, even as frail humans we see it all