₦airaland Forum

Na hard to get them dey play

almondjoy:
Not rubbish like, "when will I see you again crap"! Awon Chris Brown and co. . .absolute taboo!

Una no go see again

I’m a Christian, devoted one but I still find myself doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve battled with this for along time but thank God I’ve been delivered.

God is faithful. I met my fiancé when I was neither hot nor cold as a Christian. He was not born again then, our relationship has lasted for about 6years but sometime around 2003 we parted ways then meet again in 2004 to start all over again. He became born again during the period of our separation.

In 2003 I gained admission to a school where I met a guy (a yr ahead of me in school), we started as friends, he usually help me with my assignments and we also read together. We discussed issues, our relationships, family and ambition. I told him about my ex-boyfriend and he did same but along the line one thing led to another after 9months of our friendship, even though the guy wanted something serious but I was not ready for any commitment but unexpectedly my ex-boyfriend came back. The fact is that I love my ex-boyfriend so much just that we needed a break to define what we want from each other. So, when he came back I accepted him and we started a new relationship, told him about my relationship with the guy in my school, he did same too and we promised to keep to each other.
Little did I know that I was in for trouble because the other guy won’t let me be then the unfortunate happened (***) again. My conscience won’t let me rest after what happened between me and my school guy , so I determined not to let such happen again, I told him I’m back with my boyfriend and want us to go our separate ways which he agreed after he realized that I was really determined to do away with him, then I blocked all means of reaching me, thank God he doesn’t know my house, decided to do something that makes me post this msg.

I rededicated my life to God this year and had a covenant with him to tell my fiancé the secret between me and my school guy because I don’t want to keep secret that will destroy my marriage. I have seen marriages that were broken because of past secrets. I told my fiancé everything that happened between me and the guy in my school, how I cheated on him. Even though I know the unexpected could happen but I still want to clear my conscience and fulfill that covenant, my fiancé call-off the relationship and vow never to have anything to do with me again ‘because I betrayed our love, he can’t trust me anymore, he has forgiven me but can’t forget it, so it’s better we part ways.

Well, I still call him everyday, we just talk but he has told me times without number that I should forget about him and move on. I really want to move on but I just can’t, I feel empty, can’t stop crying everyday. I can’t even tell my friends. I feel like I’ve lost everything. I have an exam to write in 3wks but can’t concentrate. I’ve developed migraine. I admitted my wrongdoing but please I need your advice on how to get over this.

Please I need your advice

Above are the facts.
Seen people posting comments based on sentiments and emotions, or not even reading the story to the end
I have read some people say that the guy was childish, and it got me thinking She confessed so she gets thumbs up for cheating
Somebody said that the guy actually needs time, I absolutely agree. Infidelity is a bitter pill to swallow. If you injure yourself, the wound heals but the scar remains, thats the situation here


@Poster

What is most important is to put this behind you and pass your exams so that this mistake will not be worse than the latter. I also agree that if he is yours, he will find his way back (earning back the trust will be an uphill task even if he does come back).

You did a honourable thing by telling him, some will say. But others might look at it that you were more or less trying to protect your future, marriage wise should you guys get married. Ther are no free lunches even in freetown.

I hope you guys work things out, all the best

You could get trapped in the past, and it will affect your present

Seun:
If you are married, it has to be your spouse. Especially your bank account. You don't want your "next of kin" brother taking all your money while your spouse is struggling to cater for your children. It has to be your spouse.

Seun you are very right, especially with the mentality over here, backed up by our cultural norms

Problem could be that their biological clock are not working together. Situations where the guy wants it, and at that time she says she is not in the mood. When a guy gets rejected too many times, he conditions himself not to ask anymore. They now have it only when she is in the mood. Ivan Pavlov theory of conditioning

ayomifull:
Hummm so if a man has financial difficulty he is worthless? How happy will you be if someone call your husband worthless for whatever reason? Thank God she is not reading this, she would sure feel miserable. Eni a forolo to ni toun baje, i pray yor husband never losses his job, he will suffer.

See you have not seen anything yet, just go and read the comments on the thread "is a jobless man still the head of the house" then you will know how most people reason in these kind of situations

A drowning man cannot save another drowning man
He must first save himself before extending a helping hand to another person. That being said, the man has been jobless for very long, which is a pointer to the fact that getting a job here is an uphill task. If she comes back to join him then the number of jobless people will have grown to 2. How do they plan to live up to their parental responsibilities

Your sister has to look for a way to convince him for her to stay where she is, and encourage him get a job, as a pre-condition for her return permanently. She can structure some form of leave where she works to visit the husband in Nigeria. If the man has been faithfull then it has really been a while

Problem could be that their biological clock are not working together. Situations where the guy wants it, and at that time she says she is not in the mood. When a girl gets rejected too many times, he conditions himself not to ask anymore. They now have it only when she is in the mood. Ivan Pavlov theory of conditioning

@Almondjoy

You always sound so sure of yourself. What might work for Mr. Almond might not work for other guys o

Just the question I was about to ask
The story needs more flesh

NL has been ok, been off and on actually depending on when I can spare the time, make my wing no leak

Men actually do fall in love, but most times reality and responsibilities later get the better of them

goofy:
hello cleofel,but i think guys breaks heart in most cases

I dont agree with you. Guys are blunt on like girls. If it isn't working out he says it.
A lot of girls are going out with more than one guy, if one finds out about the others and says the relationship will end, she tells people that the guy broke up with her

@efuah

Its like you are really in a hurry to get there

111,747 + 253 = 112,000

My all time favourite is

1. 24
2. Prison break
3. Rome

Right now I am so down with LOST

Bblak:
@Topic
Men fantacise about other men too._{Not gender restrictive at all}

You are not quite correct
For the women, it even shows when they meet each other, touching their hair, hands even the way they admire look at each other. I think that we have over 3 times more lesbians that gay folks.

almondjoy:
Settle what in private? Face me a face you apartments have no privacy. The woman did what she felt she had to do with her own level of understanding and defense mechanisms allowed within her reach. In other family set ups this is not how other women settle their affairs. Is it not the Governor of New York that is resigning with his wife standing by his side while they settle their wahala behind the scenes? Local peeps with local village means of solving problems. I say by the time I finish with him, he will see through his anus I swear! Quietly. . .no long talk. People will be asking if it is "JUJU"!

Iya Sikira and Pastor Koboko style different now so. . . . . .different strokes for different folks jo! Any local tout of a husband with enough shame to sneak out of one bedroom in the middle of the night can only comman the kind of wife that raises alarms in the middle of the night to alert neighbours about family matters.

The reason I say, never confront a male spouse in public. . . .his ego will blow up in your face. DEAL WITH HIM PRIVATELY. . . . .even people outside will know who is the boss without you uttering a single word in public! They will know you have done your job. Men like to flex their stupid egos for the world to see but if you get them behind closed doors. . . . you are a winner anyday. Who wants to give them that 5 minutes of fame to further humiliate me in public with his arrogance and stupidity? A Nigerian man for that matter?

Long hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Levels I say. . . . Levels!

That will only be possible if at this stage, he still gives a flying fig

All men are the same regardless of race colour or creed. The only difference na the environment and culture from where we operate

At least the man go carry the girl out of the country now, that should be consolation enough.

Any dog that says there is still a bigger bone in the bag go dey till all the bone for the bag go finish

Hey nairalanders, Wassup?

Well am trying to help my friend whose boyfriend i think is insecure bout something she loves so dearly. Her lovely and nice boyfriend who is out for his IT from school at his leaving to keep herself occupied she getting involved in playing volleyball. With so much joy she calls him and tells him about her new found love for volleyball, but he gets upset about it and complains that he doesn't like it because volleyball player jump a lot and she's a lady.

Really he doesn't like the whole jumping thing

. What do you think?

My guy dey think o see as e code am

When him go volley ball court ask am wetin him dey look

Your friend should understand with him, like you said it is a matter of insecurity. He really loves the girl, and probably would be someone that dots on her. Now he is not in school to guide her movement / associations, he is scared.
He has left her a sheep in the world where you have wolfs in sheep's clothing

Tell her to keep calling him, and reassuring him about her love for him also

almondjoy:
The babe? That is the easiest way for a wife to disgrace herself. The harlot will just insult you and tell you if you were doing your duties, and washing your arse properly. . .the man no go waka outside. Who wants more disgrace inside compound show? That kind of "agbero" neighbourhood fight is not want you want to get into I swear. Where people will gather and start looking at all 3 of you naked? I beg oooooooooooooooooh! My hand no dey that kind thing oh! Chei! I say I will definitely deal with the man. . .but at ma own sweet time. No sex for 6 months for starters. . . .standing house rule!

Make I see

I no dey see forgiveness anywhere here

All have sinned and fall short of the glory



I didn't say that

Is the man a god or what? Who does he think he is?

He is a man

coolgyrl:
check yourself, what are you doing now that you were not doing then!!!

she was saying NO initially, now she has said YES!!!

efuah:
before and after. . .

I know say you go talk

Frankly the guys that are unfaithful after marriage are those that have suffered some form of trauma from girls while dating before marriage. So he protects himself with this "all women are the same", and that justifies his actions.
On the average, girls work out on more relationships than the guys, before marriage. If that is true, it means a lot of guys are working around with such scars into marriage.

emiemi:
A lot of factors, i'd say but majorly indiscipline and selfishness. That bulls, t about the woman getting fat is just an excuse. What can a woman do when she becomes pregnant (no control over the hormones and tendency to eat more). Show me a man that is married and is still as ''shaped up'' as he was before he got married. A lot of men tend to develop 'belly' after marriage but d woman won't use that as excuse to go randy.
Contentment is the key to faithfulness in any relationship.

I think women are more faithfull to the relationship after marriage, while the guys are before marriage

@Poster

To be very frank with you, I do not think you really have anything to offer this girl
You encouraged her to leave, it was only then that you realised what she meant to you
You were with her for 8 years, you did not know what she was worth

LadyT:
these pointless relationships scare me. How can you date for 8, 10 years Unless you started when you were 10 years old!

Very possible, even if you guys start when she is 17. On the average here guys marry from age 30, while most ladies do same between age 25 and 30.

I think I will respect a guy that has been dating for 8 years, over one who feels that he should change them like every 6months within the 8 years span. _{was just thinking aloud}

@Tpia

Post on a thread is activity that is what is recorded on the statistics, what the records show is that it is only 2 hours of the day that you don't post, then I assume you are sleeping if you are not a burglar. Not logging off has nothing to do with anything, only shows in the cumulative hours you have been on nairaland, oldcomer

Just got home, very few of us can afford the little pleasures of life my friend. It adds to longevity

@Tpia

I just closed from work and I am going to the pub, a friend is having his birthday today, would have loved to stay and chat, but I cant. Will hook up when I get home.

take care