₦airaland Forum

Mindfulness:
The day men will only sleep with women they can marry is the day Jesus returns. Keep waiting.

farihafaheemah:
Obviously the initiaall that was in the air about musa battered his first wife was true. He has been dating this calaba girl since. How can u divorce last month and marry another one a month later. Musa law of karma is awiting u. And the calabar lady Nemesis is near...

doublewisdom:
I don't see this marriage lasting.

eleojo23:
Some ladies dey try sha.

How is she comfortable getting married to a man who just divorced his wife with whom he has two kids?

Money really works wonders.

But has it occurred to her that nothing stops this guy from divorcing her too and getting married to another wife after one month also?

Mindfulness:
I don't know what you are talking about. I am female. And as a female, I can tell you this much, you have no control over men and who they sleep with. All you can control is yourself so instead of playing the victim card, make sure you do not get pregnant before you and the potential father both want it or else deal with the consequences, which may be quite unpleasant.

And I will add that a woman who does not want to be pregnant will not get pregnant. It is really easy to avoid unwanted pregnancies. We live in the 21st century.

Mindfulness:
Correction. Unprotected s.ex leads to pregnancy.



He can suggest whatever he wants. The decision is for the woman to make. But if she decided not to protect herself while having pre-material se.x, she (as you said) will be the one to carry the pregnancy and the man can marry or not marry her but she has herself to blame for the consequences that will follow.




Of course, I would. Why not? He did not want a child but now that I am here, he takes responsibility. That's the right thing to do.



So because some people hate cooking, they shouldn't eat?

Mindfulness:
No, I haven't. It is perfectly understandable that a man will resent a woman who he thinks tried to trap him with a pregnancy. And it is perfectly understandable that he will not reject his own child even though many men do even reject the child.



Any man who falls into a woman's trap is on his own too.



The love for a child is separate from the love for the mother / father.



Not true. Many women have friends with benefits relationships.



Because that's what most of them are. the child is innocent.



The woman is not a victim unless she was forced to have s.ex with the man. Close your legs or use contraceptives. Simples!

Mindfulness:
What is your point?

A man must love a woman because she has a child for him?

tunde82seidat:
That was exactly what I told a friend that had issues wt his parents recently. I advised him to just manage them d way dey are n not let those words get to him as they will never accept their wrongs .Never! My mum never said that 'sorry'word.Afi suuru .

Mindfulness:
In other words, do not sleep with men who have no honor.

DanXplore:
Exactly. They never do! They will say they are correcting you for your good and brag about their years of experience quoting 'what a parent can see sitting, a child cannot see even if on a tree'. This dictum is true though, but it is only applicabe to like 10% of Naija dads and moms

tunde82seidat:
Hmmm I find this post very educative.I m also a victim n it crushed my self esteem which m trying to build up again.My Dad was not always arnd but I had it wt my mum who constantly bullied n compared me to our neibours daughter then ( that she was smarter,more intelligent n so on)funny enough ,I found mysef in same lesson class wt d girl n was surprised I was even better off .what about d beatings,open embarrassment on the school field n so many others I can't bring myself to mention. i remembered telling my friends in high school DAT I was not sure my Mom birth me!I even told her I was going to run away ,she once said she does not believe in me! So I made sure to pick a higher institution v far away from home n was always in school during holidays.it was terrible.I remembered d first time I heard my boyfriend's conversation with his mum then where she said she loved him ,I was shocked never knew such could come from a mother to a child.Anyway I told her all of ds after I graduated n started working .she said wanted us to be better n will not talk again o lol!Right now I just want myvself esteem back ,I don't mind paying for this

Emerald557:
SOLUTION please.

smithsydny:
u can imagine how bad it can be.. People that did the whole ish has left. Innocent people will now face it. This is guys date there cousin or so wirh out even knowing your related..

MrBrownJay1:
It makes a whole difference.... Brighter future, peace of mind, having a loving/happy home, less stress, educated children etc



Pls give women credit and stop insulting them all (our mothers included). This woman is a liability, she is NO good to any man/family/children, and i dont know where you live, but it is very easy to find a respectful, trustworthy, responsible, clean, hardworking homely woman.... and if she is a tiger in the bedroom, then it's a bonus.

Yes there will always be disagreements in any union, some are resolvable, and others are the breaking point of NO return. This lady crossed the line, just like if she had cheated etc. Putting your vanity above your children's education while husband is struggling to make ends meet is madness. Not all marriage are successful, because many marry for the wrong reasons (due to religious/social/family pressure) and sadly, divorce is the only way out.

Emerald557:
The signs weren't there at all.... We had a distant relationship, throughout courtship I visited him like 3 times and they were short visit... So I just couldn't see all this bad side of him

scarletkinq:
society when will it ever leave ones neck[thinking out loud]

MrBrownJay1:
That is a great solution but it doesn't fix the issue at hand, it only reimburse the father, and sweep the main problem under the rug. The main problem here is the obvious selfish careless destructive nature of this woman, and that CAN'T/WON'T be fixed... So this man has NO choice be to get rid of this evil woman, and ask his own mother for help (at least we know she cares for her grandchild), until he can find a better solution.

Benekruku:



The husband is due for a second wife!

He should be vying for Rosaline Meurer by now.

https://loudestgist.com/wiki/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Rosaline-Meurer-instagram.jpg haba.you're already wishing them evil in their marriage. Smh

tensazangetsu20:
As for me, my own dad can go to hell. Once I get enough money am convincing my mom to get a divorce and am disowning him and his part of the family. Very useless hopeless people.

Objectives:
While the OP has made a lot of sense, i'd like to point out something that's maybe peculiar to a few, perhaps more..

You see, many grow up to love one parent more, and that's a function of how well they showed up for their kids and tried to infuse as much joy, guidance and comfort as humanly possible,

In my case, We are more attached to Father , He's everywhere in our lives, he wants to know what's up and how he can help, He's not perfect, But he's done a really good job as a parent. Sadly, it's not quite the same with Mom.


It's like this, We know she gave birth to us, but the connection that a human being feels towards his mother has never been there,

She's always prioritised other people over 'Us' and we grew up watching this happen, it's like she never gave a damn about our future, that bad!

She nags, complains, and puts no effort to see that the house is a home, when she's away, there's a lot of peace.

We've all grown up with 'bad memories' of how tough it was living in a house where the very woman who brought us to life was the source of our pain, depression and unhappiness as kids.

As adults, we are responsible for our own happiness, and we 've over the years developed thick skin over her actions, Even then, it's occasionally painful to watch her further destroy what could have been a very beautiful home.

She never believes she's Wrong, You cannot hold a decent productive conversation with her to help her see how much she's neglecting the family...

..it's completely pointless, she'd end up interpreting it wrongly as always and try to make you or any other person who's not on the same page with her, the bad one(s)

Back then, as a student (Boarding School and University) going home was worse than staying back in school, not because there was no comfort, but comfort without peace of mind and the joy of belonging to a home is insignificant,

It was difficult having friends around because of her constant complaining and quarreling,

There's just no guarantee that you'd go home and leave with fun holiday memories; she'd always find a way to make your stay at home miserable

A father can provide, show up for the kids, make them happy, but when his wife, your supposed mother, is doing the exact opposite, you will grow up with a lot of sadness and confusion, especially when she goes out of her way to do for other people, what she never does for you and your siblings,

Every time I look at her and wish she could see the pain in our eyes and make a turn for good, Perhaps some things are just meant to be, and however much we hope and push for Change, it's never going to come.

Yet, we wish he had ended up with a wiser woman, Or that She was a better Mother, but life is life, and the picture wont always be perfect.

I do not think that any of us till this day, understand what it means to have a Mother (Here I speak of the love, care, sacrifice, and natural affection that exists between a Mother and her Children)

Even then, She's still our Mother and we try to love, respect and treat her right always, even as she ages. But We are closer to him, we love HIM more, Always will.


Fathers will every now and then try to love and care for the Kids, But I think it's arguably different with Mothers, perhaps it's something with nature, it's quite unique for Mothers because they are like the nut in the middle that holds the family together,

They have this intimate bond with both the Man and the Kids, and what they make of that bond is what beautifies or destroys a home.

scarletkinq:
This wedding of a thing must it be crowded all da time why not something like family and friend not up to 100 persons

DanXplore:
Generally, Africans love power. They love to be feared and to feel in control. Check out how an ordinary private in the army behaves towards civilians. Parents love to feel in control. Try not greeting an elder by mistake and you will see how they will finish you as though you denied them their statutory privilege . African Dads love to be feared and honoured to a fault. while they want their children to fear them, they also want their children [boys especially] to get close to them from around their 20s. They dont know you cannot eat your cake and have it.

The solution is implicit in the golden rule. Do to others what you would want them to do to you. Class, strata, age notwithstanding

DanXplore:
Yes, it is better she says on the job if other alternatives do not seem forthcoming. She jst has to find a way to deal with the issue at hand and not let her boss get into her head. My prayer is that they transfer thr boss out tho

DanXplore:
kaiiii. That's not kool. That's very unprofessional of the boss. Such words are sharper than razor blade, it will cut deep into her soul if she does not develop recalcitrance to negative feedback. I would have suggested she resigned but one does not have the luxury of selecting jobs in Nigeria where only a handful are available. Let her confide in someone in the human resource department or/and visit a therapist. I was in a similar situation a few years ago when i was working under a hurrible boss in one of the big fours. It wasnt easy!

DanXplore:
Wowww@bolded. That is the saddest thing i have heard this month. I believe you've gotten over everything though.

MrBrownJay1:
@prognose
Sadly, whether divorce is free or not, this woman has NO place in this man's home (as his "partner". She is an enemy of progress, useless, and since she can't even care for her kids properly, he best get rid of this liability.

Send the wife away to NEVER return, send kids to grandparents until this man can get back on his feet, or ask mum to come stay with him until he sorts himself out. Anything but staying with the demon. if you think that a slap can reset such brainless women then you best think again... Later, if she stays, That child will get the wrath of that woman, as she will blame the kid for A) the beating she receive due to kid's education and B) the 190k hair she CANNOT get any longer, thus having to look like the gorilla that she is.